The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County Audiobook Learn English Through Story

the celebrated jumping frog of calaveras

county

by mark twain

in compliance with the request of a

friend of mine

who wrote me from the east i called on

good-natured

garrulous old simon wheeler and inquired

after my friend’s friend

leonidas w smiley as requested to do

and i here on to append the result

i have a lurking suspicion that leonidas

w

smiley is a myth and that my friend

never knew

such a personage and that he only

conjectured that if i asked old wheeler

about him

it would remind him of his infamous jim

smiley

and he would go to work and bore me to

death with some exasperating

reminiscence of him

as long and as tedious as it should be

useless to me

if that was the design it succeeded

i found simon wheeler dozen comfortably

by the ballroom stove of the dilapidated

tavern in the decayed mining camp of

angels

and i noticed that he was fat and

bald-headed and had an expression of

winning gentleness and simplicity upon

his tranquil countenance

he roused up and gave me good day

i told him a friend had commissioned me

to make some inquiries about a cherished

companion of his boyhood

named leonidas w smiley

reverend leonidas w smiley a young

minister of the gospel

who he had heard was at one time a

resident of angel’s camp

i added that if mr wheeler could tell me

anything about this reverend the

leonidas w

smiley i would feel under many

obligations to him

simon wheeler backed me into a corner

and blockaded me there with his chair

and then sat down and reeled off the

monotonous

narrative which follows this paragraph

he never smiled he never frowned

he never changed his voice from the

gentle flowing key

to which he tuned his initial sentence

he never betrayed

the slightest suspicion of enthusiasm

but all through the interminable

narrative

there ran a vein of impressive

earnestness and sincerity

which showed me plainly that so far from

his imagining that there was anything

ridiculous or funny about his story

he regarded it as a really important

matter

and admired its two heroes as men of

transcendent genius in finesse

i let him go on in his own way and never

interrupted him once

reverend leonidas w

hmm reverend

well there was a feller here once by the

name of jim smiley

in the winter of 49 or maybe it was the

spring of 50

i don’t recollect exactly somehow though

what makes me think it was one or the

other is because i remember the big

flume

weren’t finished when he came to the

camp but anyway

he was the curiousest man about always

betting on anything that turned up you

ever see

if he could get anybody to bed on the

other side

and if he couldn’t he’d change sides

anyway that suited the other man would

suit him

anyway just so he got a bet he was

satisfied

but still he was lucky uncommon lucky

he most always come out winner he was

always ready and laying for a chance

there couldn’t be no sultry thing

mentioned but that feller’d offered a

bet on it

and take any side you please as i was

just telling you

if there was a horse race you’d find him

flush or you’d find him

busted at the end of it if there was a

dog fight

he’d bet on it if there was a cat fight

he’d bet on it

if there was a chicken fight he’d bet on

it why if there was two birds sitting on

a fence he would bet you which one would

fly first

or if there was a camp meeting he would

be there regular to bet on parson walker

which he judged to be the best exhorter

about here

and he was too and a good man

if he even sees a straddle bug start to

go anywheres

he would bet you how long it would take

him to get to

to wherever he was going to and if you

took him up

he would follow that straddle bug to

mexico but what he would find out where

he was bound for and how long he was on

the road

lots of the boys here has seen that

smile and can tell you about him

why it never made no difference to him

he’d bid on anything

the dangest feller

parson walker’s wife laid very sick once

for a good while and it seemed as if

they weren’t gonna save her

but one morning he come in and smiley up

and asked him how she was

and he said she was considerable better

thank the lord for his infinite mercy

and coming on so smart that with the

blessings of providence she’d get well

yet

and smiley before he thought says i’ll

risk two and a half she don’t anyway

this year smiley had a mare the boys

called her the 15 minute nag

but that was only in fun you know

because of course

she was faster than that and he used to

win money on that horse

for all she was so slow and always had

the asthma

or the distemper of consumption or

something of that kind

they used to give her 2 or 300 yards

start

and then pass her underway but always at

the end of the race she’d get

excited and desperate like

and come coverton and straddling up and

scattering her legs around limber

sometimes in the air and sometimes out

to one side amongst the fences

and kicking up more dust and raising

more racket with her cough and sneezing

and blowing her nose

and always fetched up at the stand just

about a neck ahead

as near as you could cipher it down

and he had a little small bullpup that

to look at him you’d think you weren’t

worth a cent but to sit around and look

ornery and lay for a chance to steal

something

but as soon as money was up on him he

was a different dog

his under jaw began to stick out like

the faux castle of a steamboat

and his teeth would uncover and shine

like the furnaces

and a dog might tackle him and bully rag

him and bite him and throw him over his

shoulder two

or three times and andrew jackson

which was the name of the pup andrew

jackson would never let on but what he

was satisfied

and hadn’t expected nothing else and the

bets being doubled and doubled on the

other side all the time till the money

was all up

then all of a sudden he would grab that

other dog just by the

his head and legs and freeze to it not

shy you understand

but only just grip and hang on till they

throwed up the sponge

if it was a year smiley always come out

winter on that pup

till he harnessed a dog once that didn’t

have no hind legs because they had been

sawed off in a circular saw

and when the thing had gone along far

enough

the money was all up he come to make a

snatch for his pet holt

you see in a minute how he’d been

imposed on and how the other dog had him

in the door

so to speak and he appeared surprised

and then looked

sort of discouraged like didn’t try no

more to win the fight

and so he got shucked out bad he gave

smiley a look

as much as to say his heart was broke

and it was his fault for putting up a

dog that had no hind legs for him to

take hold of

which was his main dependence in a fight

and then he limped off a piece and

laid down and died it was a good pup

was that andrew jackson and would have

made a name for himself

he’d lived the stuff was in him and he

had genius

i know it because he had no

opportunities to speak of and it don’t

stand to reason that a dog can make such

a fight

as he could under them circumstances if

he had

no talent it always makes me feel sorry

when i think of that last fight of his

and the way it turned out well this year

smiley had

rat terriers and chicken and tom

cats and all them kind of things

tell you couldn’t rest and you couldn’t

fetch nothing for him up to bed on but

he’d match you

he catched a frog one day and took him

home and said he’d cow later to educate

him

and so he never done nothing for three

months but set in his backyard and

learned that frog to jump

and you bet he did learn him too you’d

give him a little

punch behind and the next minute you’d

see that frog whirling in the air like a

donut

see him turn one somerset maybe a couple

if he got a good start

and come down flat-footed and all right

like a cat

he got him up so in the manner of

catching flies and kept him in practice

so constant that he’d nail a fly every

time his furs he could see him

smiley said all the frog wanted was

education and he could do most anything

and i believe him well i’ve seen him set

daniel webster down here on this floor

damn webster was the name of this frog

and seeing how it flies daniel flies

and quicker and you could wink he’d

spring up and snake fly off from the

counter there and flop down on the floor

again as solid as a gaba mud

and fall to scratch in the side of his

head with his hind foot as

indifferent as if he hadn’t no idea he’d

been doing any more than any frog might

do

you never see a frog so modest and

straightforward as he was

for all he was so gifted and when it

come to fair and square jumping on a

dead level

he could get over more ground at one

straddle than any animal of his breed

you ever see

jumping on a dead level was his strong

suit you understand

when it came to that smiley would handy

up money on him as long as he had a red

smiley was monstrous proud of his frog

and well he might be

fellers that had traveled and been

everywheres all said he laid over any

frog that ever they see

well smiley kept the little beast in a

little lattice box and

he used to fetch him downtown sometimes

and lay for a bet

one day a fella a stranger in the camp

he was

come across him with his box and says

what might be that you got in the box

and smiley says sorta indifferent like

it might be a parrot or it might be a

canary

maybe but it ain’t it’s only just a frog

and the feller took it and looked at it

careful and turned around this way and

that says

so tis well what’s he good for

well smiley says easy and careless

he’s good enough for one thing last to

judge

he can out-jump any frog in calaveras

county

the feller took the box again and took

another long particular look

and give it back to smiley and says very

deliberate

well he says i don’t see no pants about

that frog that’s better than any other

frog

maybe you don’t smiley says

maybe you understand frogs and maybe you

don’t understand them

maybe you’ve had experience and maybe

you ain’t only an amateur

as it were anyways i got my opinions and

i’ll risk forty dollars that he can out

jump any frog in calaveras county

and the feller studied a minute and then

says

kind or sad like well

i’m only a stranger here and i ain’t got

no frog

but if i had a frog i’d bet you

and then smiley says that’s all right

that’s all right

if you’ll hold my box a minute i’ll go

and get you a frog

and so the fella took the box and put up

his forty dollars along with smiley’s

and

sat down to wait so we sat there a good

while thinking and thinking to himself

and

then he got the frog out and pried his

mouth open took a teaspoon

and filled him full of quail shot filled

and pretty near up to his chin and set

him on the floor

smiley he went to the swamp and slopped

around in the mud for a long time and

finally he catched a frog and fetched

him in

and give him to this feller and says

now if you’re ready set him alongside of

daniel with his four paws just even with

daniels

and i’ll give the word then he says

one two three get

and him and the fella touched up the

frogs from behind and the new frog

hopped off lively

but daniel gave a heaven hissed up his

shoulders

so like a frenchman but it warn’t no use

he couldn’t budge he was planted as

solid as a church

and he couldn’t no more stir than if he

was anchored out

smiley was a good deal surprised he was

disgusted too

he didn’t have no idea what the matter

was of course

the fellow took the money and started

away and when he was going out at the

door he sort of

jerked his thumb over his shoulders so

what danlin says again very deliberate

well he says i don’t see no

pants about that frog that’s any better

than any other frog

smiley he stood scratching his head and

looking down at daniel a long time

and at last says i do wonder what in the

nation that frog throwed off for

i wonder if there ain’t something to

matter with him he appears to look

mighty baggy somehow

and he catch daniel up by the nape of

his neck and hefted him and says

i blame my cats if you don’t weigh five

pounds

turned him upside down and he belch out

a double handful of shot

then you see how it was and he was the

maddest man

he set the frog down and took after that

feller but he never catched him

and here simon wheeler heard his name

called from the front yard

and got up to see what was wanted and

turning to me as he moved away he said

just sit where you are stranger and rest

easy i ain’t gonna be gone a second

but by your leave i did not think that a

continuation of the history of the

enterprising vagabond jim smiley

would be likely to afford me much

information concerning

the reverend leonidas w smiley

and so i started away

at the door i met the sociable wheeler

returning

and he button-holed me and re-commenced

well this year smiley had a yeller

one-eyed cow that didn’t have no tail

only just a short stump like a banana

and

however lacking both time and

inclination

i did not wait to hear about the

afflicted cow

but took my leave end of the celebrated

jumping frog of calaveras county