It happened in a boat Learn English through story level 3

chapter one

health problems

there were four of us

george

william samuel harris

myself

my friends call me jay

and montmorency

we were sitting in my room and were

smoking and talking about our bad health

we were all feeling very ill

and we were unhappy about it

harris said he felt dizzy sometimes

george felt dizzy too

my big problem was my liver

i knew i had a bad liver i had read

about all the symptoms of liver disease

in a book

i had every symptom that was written

every time i read about an illness i

realized that i have it

one day i had a little health problem

i went to the british museum library to

read about it

after some time

i began reading about another illness

i don’t remember the name now

but it was something terrible

i knew i had that terrible illness too

i began reading the book from the letter

a to the letter z

i had the symptoms of all the diseases

in the book

except for one

i didn’t have housemaid’s knee

this made me a bit unhappy

why didn’t i have housemate’s knee too

with all the diseases i had

i knew my life was short

i tried to examine myself

i tried to feel my heart

i tried to look at my tongue

when i had walked into the library i had

been a happy healthy man

when i left it

i was a very ill man

i went to see my doctor

he is an old friend

whenever i think i am ill

he examines me and says i’m fine

a doctor really must have practice

this time i thought he will get more

practice with me than with a thousand

normal patients

after all

normal patients have only one or two

diseases each

well what’s wrong with you he asked

i said

if i tell you what is wrong with me you

will die before i finish

life is too short

i’ll tell you what is not wrong with me

i don’t have housemaid’s knee

but i have everything else

i told him about what i had read at the

library

he looked at me carefully he listened to

my heart

and looked at my tongue

after that he wrote a prescription and

gave it to me

i put it in my pocket and went out

i didn’t read the prescription

i took it to the chemists and gave it to

him

he read it and gave it back to me

he said

i don’t have the things on the

prescription

but you’re a chemist aren’t you i asked

he said

you’re right sir i’m a chemist i don’t

have a shop and a hotel

i read the prescription

it said

every six hours one pound of good fresh

meat

one pint of beer

every morning

one ten mile walk

go to bed no later than eleven o’clock

each night

and don’t read books about things you

don’t understand

i followed the doctor’s prescription

it saved my life

i now feel rather well

except for my liver problem

the main symptom of liver disease is

a general feeling of sleepiness and no

interest in working

i have suffered from this illness ever

since i was a boy

medical science was not advanced in

those days

doctors did not know that i had liver

illness

they thought i was lazy

people called me a lazy little devil

and said go and do your work

they did not know i was ill with liver

disease

instead of giving me liver pills they

gave me blows on the head

those blows were good for me because

after each blow i went to do my work

that old remedy worked better than a box

of modern pills

that evening

george william harris and i sat in my

room

we described our illnesses

i explained to george and william harris

how i felt in the morning

william harris told us how he felt when

he went to bed

then george stood up and told us how he

felt at night

george always thinks he is ill

but there is really nothing wrong with

him

at that moment mrs poppets the

housekeeper served our dinner

we were not hungry

we had some meat

onions and cake

we had no interest in food

we began talking about our illnesses

again

we all knew that our illnesses were

caused by too much work

we need a rest said harris a rest and a

change george added

our minds are tired from too much work

we must rest our minds let’s go to the

countryside i said we’ll find a nice

quiet place with no people

harris said oh how boring

in the country everyone goes to bed at

eight o’clock

you can’t even find a newspaper

if you want to rest and to change then

the best place is the sea

what a terrible idea i said

a sea trip gives you seasickness

who wants a whole week of seasickness

you leave on monday and you’re feeling

well

on tuesday

you feel worse

then on wednesday you’re really sick

on thursday and friday you’re almost

dead

on saturday you can finally drink a few

teaspoons of tea

on sunday you can walk again and eat

some food

then on monday you’re happy because it’s

time to get off the ship

george said

let’s go up the river

we’ll have fresh air and quiet on the

river

the hard work on the boat will make us

hungry so we’ll enjoy our food we’ll be

so tired at the end of the day that

we’ll sleep well

harris said

you don’t have any trouble sleeping

george

there are only 24 hours in the day

and you sleep most of that time

if you sleep anymore you’re dead

however i like your idea of a holiday on

the river thames

i liked it too

george was surprised that we both liked

his idea

the only one who didn’t like the idea

was montmorency

my fox terrier

he looked at us with his big eyes

you like the idea but i don’t

his face said

on the river there’s nothing for me to

do

i don’t like looking at the trees

i certainly don’t smoke

if i see a rat

you won’t stop the boat so i can run

after it

when i’m asleep you’ll probably rock the

boat and i’ll fall into the river

the whole idea is stupid

we were three to one

so we decided to go on the river trip

chapter 2

planning the trip

we looked at the maps and we discussed

plans

we decided to start from kingston the

following saturday

paris you and i will go to get the boat

at kingston i said

then we’ll take it up the river to

chertsey where we’ll meet george

george works in the city until the

afternoon

george goes to sleep at a bank from ten

o’clock to four o’clock monday to friday

except on saturdays

on saturdays they wake him up at two

o’clock and put him outside the door

the next problem was where to sleep at

night

george and i didn’t want to sleep in

inns

we wanted to camp out in the middle of

nature

how beautiful we said

sleeping in the country under the stars

by the river

i can imagine it all i said

there is a golden sunset the river is

moving along quietly

the forest is full of trees and birds

the grass around us is green and little

flowers grow here and there

soon it is dark

we row our boat into a quiet corner on

the river

we put up our tent and cook a simple

healthy meal

we all sit around a warm fire and eat

our

meal look up and see the moon and the

stars

then we sit in silence

how wonderful this is

we go to bed and then we dream under the

stars

we dream that the world is young again

as we all sat there dreaming harris said

what happens if it rains

there is nothing poetic about harris

he’s not romantic at all

if harris ever has tears in his eyes

he is eating raw onions

if you stand by the sea with harris and

say

listen to the sounds of the sea can you

hear spirits singing sad songs the songs

of those who died in these waters

he will take you by the arm and say

i understand my friend

you’re not feeling well

now

come with me

i know a place around the corner here

where you can get some good whiskey

you’ll feel better soon

harris always knows where you can find a

good whiskey

harris was right about camping out when

it rains

it’s not nice at all

just imagine

it is evening

you are all wet

there is water in the boat and all your

things are wet

you find a place on the riverbank

you get out of the boat

and pull out the tent

now two of you try to put it up

the tent is wet and very heavy

it is raining hard

the wind is blowing

the wet tent flies about

it falls on your head and makes you

angry

it is difficult to put up attending good

weather

it is impossible to do so in wet weather

the other man is of no help at all

he is a complete fool

the wind continues to blow and the rain

continues to fall you look at the other

man and say

what are you doing with your side of the

tent what are you doing he answers

don’t pull on your side you shout i

didn’t pull you called he shouts

you’re doing everything wrong you shout

what

he shouts i can’t hear you

you don’t know how to put up a tent

we’ll never put up this tent you say

at this point the third man has pulled

the boat out of the water he is

completely wet he wants to know why the

tent isn’t up yet

everyone is wet and angry

harris was right camping out in rainy

weather is not a good idea

we decided to camp out in good weather

and to sleep in an inn or a hotel in bad

weather

montmorency agreed with this decision

he likes inns and hotels

montmorency doesn’t like the quiet life

he prefers noise and confusion

he looks like a good well-behaved dog

but he’s not

when you look at montmorency you see an

angel from paradise in the form of a

small fox terrier

you think he is a sweet

gentle little dog

when old ladies and gentlemen look at

him

tears come to their eyes

when he killed 12 chickens and i paid

for them i changed my opinion of

montmorency

in one year he had

114 street fights with other dogs

an angry woman brought me her dead cat

and called me a murderer

montmorency loves to join the worst dogs

he then takes them around town to fight

other dogs

this is his idea of a happy life

chapter 3

packing

the following evening we met again to

discuss our plans

harris said

now we must decide what to take with us

you get a piece of paper jay

and you get pencil george

i’ll write the list

harris is always like this

he tells everyone what to do

and he does nothing

my old uncle podger was just like harris

when uncle podger did a job

everybody in the house helped

one day uncle podger bought a picture

aunt pogger asked

where can we put this picture

leave it to me don’t worry about it i’ll

do it all uncle podger said

he sent one of the girls to buy the

nails

then he sent one of the boys to tell her

the size of the nails

he sent bill to get the hammer and he

sent tom to get the ruler

now get me a kitchen chair jim

i need two people to hold the chair

maria come here and hold the light

tom come here and give me the nail

he finally had the nail in his hand

but it fell on the floor

everyone looked everywhere for the nail

when someone finally found it

uncle podger lost the hammer where’s the

hammer where did i put the hammer help

me find the hammer

when we found the hammer he lost the

place on the wall to put the picture

so each one of us climbed up on the

chair to look for the place

each one thought it was a different

place

when uncle podger climbed up on the

chair he fell on the piano

aunt bodger was very angry

she said the next time you put a picture

on the wall please tell me i’ll go and

spend a week with my mother

uncle podger tried again and again at

midnight the picture was on the wall

however

it was not straight

the wall was dirty

everyone was tired and unhappy

uncle podger looked at the picture and

said it was such an easy job

i told harris

you get the paper and pencil

george will write the list

and i’ll do the work

the first list was too long

we threw it away

we started another list

in order to travel to the north part of

the river thames we need a small boat

george said

with a small boat we can carry only

necessary things

we won’t take a heavy tent we can put a

canvas cover over the boat at night

it’ll be like a little house warm and

comfortable

we made a list of all the clothes we

needed

george said he knew everything about the

right clothes for a trip

we discovered later that this wasn’t

true

we talked about food next

george said let’s continue with

breakfast

for breakfast we’ll need a frying pan

that’s quite difficult to eat harris

said smiling

stop being stupid harris i said

let’s continue said george

we’ll need tea

sugar eggs bacon bread butter and jam

for lunch we can take biscuits cold meat

and fruit but no cheese the smell of

cheese is too strong after a day or two

everything will smell of cheese

for dinner we can take meat pies fruit

pies tomatoes and green vegetables

this good food will keep us healthy

george said

we didn’t take wine or beer because they

both make you sleep

george continued we’ll also need a

teapot a pan and a camping stove we

don’t want a paraffin oil stove oh no

not a paraffin oil stove i said we once

took a paraffin oil stove it was

horrible the smell of paraffin oil was

everywhere

the river smelled of paraffin

the wind smelled of paraffin

even the sunset smelled of paraffin when

we visited the town of marlow it smelled

of paraffin too

even the church of marlow smelled of

paraffin

the countryside for miles around smelled

of paraffin

we decided never to take a paraffin oil

stove again

the next day we bought everything we

needed

we met in the evening to pack our

suitcases we got a large suitcase for

the clothes and two large hampers for

the food and utensils

i am very good at packing

packing is one of those things that i do

best

i’ll organize the packing i said to

george and harris

they agreed

george sat in the armchair and harris

put his feet up on the table

this was not what i had intended

i wanted to organize the packing

not do it

i wanted george and harris to do all the

work

however i didn’t say anything

i started packing the clothes

it took a long time

but i finally finished

i sat on the big suitcase to close it

george and harris watched me aren’t you

putting the boots in asked harris

i’d forgotten them

why didn’t you tell me before i said

harris said nothing

george

laughed i was furious

i opened the suitcase again and packed

the boots

then an awful idea came to me

did i pack my toothbrush

i started looking for it

i took everything out of the suitcase

i found george’s toothbrush

i found harris’s toothbrush

but i didn’t find

mine in the end

i found it inside a boot

i packed everything again

when i finished george asked me

is the soap in the suitcase

i don’t care about the soap i answered

i sat on the big suitcase again to close

it

then i remembered that my cigarettes

were in the suitcase

i opened it again

and finally closed it at 10 50 pm

there was still the two hampers to pack

harris and george decided to pack them

i sat down to watch

chapter 4

ready for the trip

there were dishes cups bottles pans

tomatoes cakes and many other things to

pack in the hampers

as soon as george and harris started

packing they broke a cup

and this was just the beginning

george is the worst packer in the world

when george dies

harris will be the worst packer in the

world

they walked on things and broke them

harris put a big jar of jam on top of a

tomato and crushed it

george stepped on a big packet of butter

and harris sat on it

soon there was butter everywhere

they packed the pies in the hamper then

they put heavy things on top of them the

pies were crushed

just like the tomato

in the middle of all this there was

montmorency of course

he put his leg in the sugar and soon

there was sugar everywhere

he ran away with the teaspoons

he pretended that the lemons were rats

and killed three of them

this was montmorency’s idea of fun

at one in the morning the packing was

finished

we were ready for bed

george said

what time shall i wake you up

harris said seven o’clock

i said six o’clock

wait wake us up at half past six george

we said

it was mrs poppets who woke me up the

next morning

do you know that it’s nearly nine

o’clock

what

i shouted as i jumped out of bed

i woke up harrison george we began to

get ready and we remembered that we had

packed our toothbrushes

so we went to get them out of the

suitcase

this was not an easy job

at last

we were ready to eat breakfast

while we at breakfast george read the

newspaper

he told us about the people killed on

the river

and about the bad weather report

george went to work

and harris and i finished our breakfast

that morning montmorency invited two of

his friends to the house

they fought most of the time

when we were finally ready we carried

our luggage to the road

we waited 20 minutes for a taxi

taxis usually come every three minutes

a crowd of people was watching us

they looked at us at montmorency and at

mont morris’s friends

they looked at all our luggage

a big suitcase a small bag

two big hampers

some pans some umbrellas

five coats

and raincoats

waterloo station we took the 1105 train

to kingston

at kingston our boat was waiting for us

below the bridge

harris and i put our luggage in it

we got on the boat happily but

montmorency was worried

harris took the oars and we started our

two-week trip on the river thames

harris was wearing a red and orange

blazer

it was a beautiful sunny day

we were enjoying the first moments of

our holiday

when we passed hampton court palace

harris asked have you ever visited the

maze here

he said he had gone into the maze once

to show a friend

he studied a map of the maze before

going in

he knew it was very easy to get out

again

harris said to his friend

we’ll go in and walk around for ten

minutes

then we’ll come out and have lunch

it’s very easy

take the first turn to the right each

time

in the maze they met some people who had

been there for 45 minutes

they wanted to get out because they were

lost

harris said

follow me i’m going out in 10 minutes

the people thanked him and started

following him

other people began following harris too

some of them were worried and afraid

he continued turning to the right

but he was still in the maze

harris got lost

the people were angry with him they all

started calling for help

a young keeper heard them and came to

help but

he got lost too

finally the old keeper came back from

lunch

he let the people out

everyone was tired and

angry harris said

let’s ask george to try the maze on our

return trip

not a bad idea i said

when we passed molsy lock we were the

only boat in the big lock usually the

lock is a very busy place

on sundays there are boats everywhere

people like the river and the sun

it’s such a beautiful picture the river

the trees the flowers and the people in

their colorful clothes

at hampton harris wanted to stop the

boat and have a look at the church

i don’t like visiting churches

but harris loves it

i came on the trip only because i wanted

to visit hampton church you know

i love churches

church yards and tombs

the idea of not seeing hampton church

with mrs thomas’s tomb makes me angry

who is mrs thomas i asked i don’t know

but she has a strange tomb i said we

must be at shepparton at five o’clock to

meet george

harris said george

why can’t george be here to do some work

why doesn’t he help us with this heavy

boat

what does he do at the bank

he sits behind a piece of glass all day

and does nothing

i work why doesn’t he work

i’m going to have a drink there are no

pubs near here the nearest pub is far

away i said

what

we’ll all die of thirst no pubs if

you’re thirsty we have water in the boat

i said water

water makes people ill he said

however i am very thirsty and i must

drink something

so he took the bottle and drank some

water

chapter five

first day on the boat

we stopped at kempton park and had lunch

under the trees

good food always calms harris

we reached sunbury lock at half past

three

we then went to walton which is a

historical town

julius caesar stayed there with his

soldiers

queen elizabeth stayed there too

you can never escape from that woman she

was everywhere

next we came to haliford and shepparton

there is a tomb in the shepparton

churchyard with a poem on it

i was afraid harris wanted to stop and

visit it

i saw him looking at the church as we

passed near it so i moved the boat

suddenly and harris’s cap fell into the

water

he pulled it out and was angry with me

fortunately he was worried about his wet

cap

and forgot about the church

as we came to way bridge the first thing

we saw was a colored blazer

when we got closer we saw that george

was inside the blazer

montmorency started barking furiously

harris and i shouted loudly george

george

george waved his cap and

the shouted keeper ran out because he

thought someone had fallen into the

water

when he saw that no one was in the water

he returned to his work

now that george was on the boat

we decided to make him work

he didn’t want to work of course

i had a bad day at the bank george said

harris who is a little cruel said now

you’re going to have a bad day on the

river

a change is good for you it’s healthy

come on get out of the boat and tow

george didn’t know what to say

after a moment he said

it’s better if i stay here and prepare

tea it’s very difficult to prepare tea

and you look tired

we didn’t answer

we gave him the rope

he started walking

and pulling the boat

i remember that george once saw a young

couple who were walking on the side of

the river

they were pulling a rope behind them and

they were talking

they didn’t notice that there was no

boat at the end of the rope

they had probably had a boat at the end

of the rope when they started

but they had lost it

when george saw this he took the rope

out of the water then he tied it to his

own boat

so the young couple towed george and his

three fat friends up to marlow

when they looked back

they saw that they were towing a boat

that was not theirs

the young man was surprised and angry

the young lady said oh henry where is

aunt mary

no one knew what happened to aunt mary

the most exciting thing is to let girls

tow your boat

you always need three girls

two of them hold the rope the third one

runs around and laughs all the time

when they are finally ready to pull

they start running

they pull the boat too fast

and they are soon tired

they sit down on the grass to rest and

laugh

while they rest your boat goes out into

the middle of the river

oh look they say the boat’s gone to the

middle of the river

they laugh

up and start pulling it again

then one of them decides to stop because

she needs her hat

then another wants her red shawl

now one of them needs a comb for her

hair

the other wants her handkerchief

this goes on for most of the afternoon

it is never boring when three girls tow

a boat

george towed us to penton hook

we stopped there and decided to spend

the night on the boat

we found a pretty place

we tied our boat to a big tree

we were all hungry and we wanted to eat

however george said

no let’s put the canvas cover on the

boat first it’ll only take a few minutes

it looked simple

but it wasn’t

there were five metal rods

you put them into special holes on the

side of the boat

i didn’t think this was dangerous work

but it was

i’m surprised that we are still alive to

tell the story

first of all the metal rods did not go

into their holes

we jumped on them

kicked them and pushed them

when the rods were in their holes

we tried to put the canvas cover on the

boat

george took one part of the cover

he tied it at the front of the boat

harris stood in the middle to help

george with the cover

george did his job well

but harris was completely confused

after 10 minutes of hard work

harris was inside the cover

he was fighting to get out

he

accidentally knocked george over

now george was inside the cover too

they fought with the cover

i heard some very bad words

i thought the job must be very difficult

i didn’t understand what was happening

george and harris had told montmorency

and me to stand at the back of the boat

we did exactly that

we waited quietly

we saw the cover moving violently but we

thought this was the correct method

after a long time

we heard george shout we can’t breathe

under here why don’t you help us you

idiot

when someone calls for help i always

answer

i went to help them

poor harris

his face was almost black

chapter six

harris makes scrambled eggs

as soon as the cover was in place we

started to prepare supper

we wanted some hot water to make tea

we put the tea kettle on the stove

we pretended that we were not interested

in the water

we wanted the water to think that we did

not care about it

we began to prepare supper

this was the only way to make the water

boil on a boat

if the water knows you are waiting for

it

it will never get hot

you must not look at it

it’s a good idea to shout

i don’t want any tea do you george

george shouts back

oh no i don’t like tea i’ll have milk

and you harris tea is terrible i never

drink it i’ll have lemonade

this makes the water very angry

at this point the water will boil

[Music]

we really wanted that supper

we needed that supper

for 35 minutes nobody spoke

we just ate

and at

finally we all had full stomachs and we

were happy

a full stomach makes you feel kind and

generous

we sat and smiled at each other

we smiled at montmorency too we started

smoking our pipes

and began to talk

we went to bed at ten o’clock

i didn’t sleep well

i wasn’t comfortable in the boat

i woke up at six o’clock the next

morning and george did too

there was no reason to wake up so early

we were on holiday

why did we wake up so early

it never happens to us when we’re

working

we decided to wake up harris

this was hard work

we used an oar to help us

harris moved a bit and said

i’ll be downstairs in a minute

get my best boots ready please

we tried again with a boat hook

harris sat up suddenly and montmorency

fell off the bed

we pulled up the canvas cover and all

four of us looked out at the river

we were very cold

we had planned to go swimming

but the water looked so cold and wet

well who’s going swimming first asked

harris

no one wanted to be first

george decided to get dressed

montmorency barked with horror at the

idea

harris went to look for his trousers

i decided to go to the riverbank

and throw some water on myself

i held on to the branch of a tree as i

moved to the water

it was very cold and i decided not to

wet myself

i wanted to go back to the boat

but suddenly the branch of the tree

broke

i fell into the river along with my

towel

i also drank about a bottle of thames

water good heavens

oh the j is in the water harris said

how’s the water

george asked

it’s lovely

i answered why don’t you come in

nobody wanted to try the water

when i got back to the boat i was very

cold

i wanted to put on my shirt

but it fell into the river

this made me angry

george started laughing

[Laughter]

i don’t see anything to laugh at

i said

george laughed even more

[Laughter]

i never saw a man laugh so much

[Laughter]

i was cold

and furious

i was trying to get my shirt out of the

river

george was laughing louder and louder

stop laughing you stupid idiot i shouted

when i finally pulled the shirt out of

the river

i saw that it wasn’t mine

it was george’s shirt

i started laughing too

i laughed so much

that i dropped the shirt into the river

again

aren’t you gonna get it out said george

who continued laughing

i didn’t answer him for a while because

i was laughing so much at last i said

it isn’t my shirt

it’s yours

i never saw a man’s face change so

quickly

what he shouted you donkey why can’t you

be careful with things why don’t you go

and get dressed on the riverbank people

like you don’t know how to live on a

boat i tried to tell him how funny it

was but he didn’t understand george is a

little slow at understanding a joke

sometimes

harris said i’m cooking scrambled eggs

for breakfast this morning

once people try my scrambled eggs they

always want them

he was quite famous for his scrambled

eggs

george and i got the stove and the

frying pan ready

then we looked for the eggs that weren’t

broken

we found only six of them

now you can start we said

breaking the eggs was difficult for

harris

the eggs got on his trousers and went up

his arms

he put six eggs into the frying pan

then he sat down by the stove

and mixed them with a fork

george and i saw that it was difficult

work

harris often burnt his fingers

then he danced around the stove

he waved his hands in the air and

shouted

george and i thought that this was an

important part of his cooking method

we didn’t know what scrambled eggs were

we thought they were some sort of red

indian food and

to cook them correctly it was necessary

to do special dances with magic words

montmorency went to put his nose over

the frying pan once and burned himself

he too began dancing around and barking

it was interesting and exciting to watch

this show

george and i were sorry when it was

finished

when the scrambled eggs were ready

there was very little to

eat six eggs had gone into the pan

but uh all that came out was a teaspoon

full of burnt eggs

the problem is the frying pan harris

said i need another type of pan and

another stove

we decided not to try scrambled eggs

again

until harris had the right pan and stove

chapter 7

the laughing tin

when we finished breakfast the sun was

up and it was a warm morning

i sat on the riverbank near runnymede

i thought about king john who signed the

magna carta at runnymede in 1215

what a great moment in english history

i imagined the scene

george came over and said

when you finish resting and dreaming

please help me wash the dishes and other

things

i cleaned the frying pan with some grass

and with george’s wet shirt

later on we went to magna carta island

we saw the stone where the magna carta

was signed

in this area king henry viii met with

his sweetheart anne boleyn

i am certain that king henry viii met

with amblin in several other places too

we continued slowly up the river and

stopped for lunch near monkey island

we had cold meat for lunch

where’s the mustard i asked the mustard

harris said

we had forgotten to bring the mustard

at that moment we all wanted mustard

more than anything in the world

how boring life is without mustard said

george

we ate our cold meat in silence

we thought about the happy days of

childhood when there was lots of mustard

on the table

the adult world can be a cruel place

all three of us loved tinned fruit

george brought out a tin of pineapple

this was perfect to make us forget the

mustard

we felt that life was smiling at us

again look at the picture on the tin

said harris

ah

i can’t wait i said

i’m dreaming about the sweet juice

george said

harris got a spoon ready

then we looked for the tin opener

we took everything out of the two

hampers

we took everything out of the bag

we looked in every corner of the boat

there was no tin opener

harris tried to open the tin with a

little knife and he cut himself

george tried to open it with a pair of

scissors

the scissors flew up and almost cut his

eye

i tried to open it with a piece of metal

i did something wrong

because i fell into the river

the tin flew away and broke a teacup

then we all got angry

i started hitting the tin with a piece

of wood

harris hit the tin and so did george

we changed its shape we made it square

we made it round then we made it flat

but we still couldn’t open it

the tin

looked at us and seemed to be laughing

it was ugly and it frightened us

i threw it in the river

then we rode away and didn’t stop until

we reached maidenhead

it was evening

and a strong wind started blowing

the wind was behind us and we put up the

sail quickly

the wind blew

and the boat flew up the river

i was steering the boat

and george and harris were enjoying the

trip

[Music]

sailing is exciting

it’s almost like flying

you feel that you are part of nature

we were alone and we flew along the

river

far in the distance we saw a small

fishing boat

there were three fishermen in it

the sun was going down

and there was a red light on the water

the river seemed magic

it was like a dream

we felt that we were sailing into a

strange land

we did not sail into a strange land

we sailed straight into the fishing boat

with the three old fishermen

at first we didn’t know what was

happening

but when we heard the bad words that

came from the other boat

we knew we were near people

we also knew that those people were not

happy

the three old fishermen fell off their

seats

there were fish all over them

they slowly tried to get up

as they did this

they cursed us

they didn’t curse us with common curses

they used long

special curses

they also cursed our parents

families

friends

neighbors

pets and jobs

these curses were for the present and

the future

harris stood up and said

be thankful for a bit of excitement in

your lives

your lives must be so boring just

sitting and fishing all day

my friends and i are very unhappy to

hear men of your age use such bad words

the three old men did not agree with

harris

i’ll steer the boat now jay said george

an intelligent man like you must do

better things

leave the steering to me before we all

drown

chapter eight

montmorency meets a cat

at marlow we left our boat by the bridge

we spent the night at the crown hotel

the next morning we went swimming before

breakfast

on the way back montmorency met a cat

montmorency and i don’t agree on cats

i like cats

montmorency doesn’t

when i meet a cat i stop and say hello

i pet it gently the cat is happy and i

am too

when montmorency meets a cat

the whole street knows about it

a lot of bad words fly through the air

as soon as montmorency saw the cat he

barked with happiness

the cat was walking slowly across the

street

montmorency ran after the cat

but the cat didn’t run

he didn’t understand that his life was

in danger

this cat was big and black

it had half a tail

half a nose

and only one ear

it was a clever street cat

but morency is a courageous dog

but the cold eyes of that cat terrified

him

the cat stopped in the middle of the

road and looked at monmorency

neither spoke

but the conversation was probably like

this

yes

you want me

can i do anything for you

no no thanks

if you really want something please tell

me

oh no not at all

don’t disturb yourself

i’m afraid i made a mistake i thought i

knew you

sorry i disturbed you not at all it’s a

pleasure

are you sure you don’t want anything now

no thanks

nothing at all thanks uh very kind of

you good morning good morning

the cat got up and walked away

montmorency came back and followed us

quietly he was silent all day long

to this day if you say the word cats to

montmorency he’ll stop walking

then he’ll look up at you as if to say

please don’t

after this

we did our shopping returned to the boat

and continued our trip up the river

at hamilton lock we discovered that we

had no water

we went to the lock keeper to ask for

some

george spoke for us

with a friendly smile he asked may we

have some water please uh certainly said

the old lock keeper take as much as you

want and leave the rest thank you very

much said george looking around where is

the water

it’s where it always is said the lock

keeper it’s behind you

george turned around and looked

i don’t see it what where are your eyes

the lock keeper said

he took george’s arm and turned him

round

oh

george said

but we can’t drink the river

no but you can drink some of it said the

lock keeper i’ve drunk river water for

the past 15 years

well sir i don’t think you look very

healthy after drinking all that river

water

but thank you anyway george said

we left the lock keepers place and we

found some water at another house

we towed the boat past henley and

stopped near wargrave for lunch

we were sitting in a green field near

the river

harris was cutting a meat pie

george and i were waiting with our

dishes i need a spoon said harris

the hamper was behind us

george and i both turned around to get a

spoon

in five seconds we had the spoon

when we turned back

harris and the meat pie were gone

disappeared

it was a wide open field

there were no trees nearby

harris did not fall into the river

because the river was far from us

george and i looked all around

then we looked at each other

has he gone up to heaven i asked

angels don’t take meat pies to heaven

george said

you’re right i agreed

then there’s been an earthquake george

said i’m sorry had the meat pie with him

sadly we looked at the place where

harris and the meat pie were sitting

then

with horror we saw harris’s head

only his head

it was in the grass

his face was red and furious

george was the first to speak

say something are you dead or alive

where is your body oh don’t be an idiot

harris shouted i think you made this

happen

you told me to sit there it’s your

stupid joke

here take the pie

harris didn’t know it but he was sitting

next to a big hole

the long grass covered it

he fell into the deep hole without

knowing anything

at first he thought that it was the end

of the world

harris still thinks that george and i

planned it all

chapter nine

fighting swans

after lunch a gentle wind pushed us up

the river past wargrave and ship lake

we got out of the boat at sunning and

walked around the village

sunning is a lovely village

everything is clean and beautiful

each house is covered with roses

we decided to return to one of the ship

lake islands to spend the night

george said let’s have a special supper

tonight let’s make an irish stew we can

put everything into one big pan

what a wonderful idea harris and i said

i’ll get the wood and make a fire

george said you two can peel the

potatoes

this was a very big job

we were happy and excited

but when we peeled our first potato we

understood that this was not exciting it

was hard work

the first potato we peeled looks like a

pea

george looked at it and said

no no no there’s no potato left do it

like this we worked hard for half an

hour but we peeled only four potatoes

we refused to continue

well just put the potatoes in without

peeling them

let’s add some carrots and other

vegetables

look in the hampers and take out all the

pieces of old food

we’ll put them in the stew

you can put anything in a stew

we found half a pork pie

a tin of fish and a few broken eggs

we added these to the stew

montmorency watched us carefully and

then left

after a while he returned with a dead

rat in his mouth

he wanted to add something to the stew

too

we discussed it first

harris said it’s all right to add the

dead rat it will be mixed with the other

things a stew needs many ingredients

george said well i don’t want to try

anything new maybe next time

i’m sorry montmorency

harris said if you never try anything

new you never discover things it’s men

like you george who slowed down the

progress of our world

george didn’t listen to harris

the stew was a great success

it was delicious

excellent in every way

we all really enjoyed it

after the irish stew

george and i decided to go to henley for

an evening walk

harris wanted to stay on the boat and

drink a whiskey

when we returned to the boat

harris was sad and confused

what happened to you harris swans he

said

we had left the boat near a swan’s nest

when george and i were in henley mrs

swann came back to the nest

she started to shout at harris

harris frightened her away

she went to get her husband

mr swan

harris had a terrible fight with these

two swans

harris finally won the fight

however

half an hour later

mr and mrs swan returned with 18 other

swans

there was a horrible fight

the swans attacked harris and tried to

pull him off the boat

they wanted to drown harris and

montmorency

harris fought with courage for four

hours

in the end

he killed them all

then they slowly swam away to die

how many swans were there george asked

32 said harris who was sleepy

but you said 18 before george said no i

didn’t i said 12. do you think i can’t

count

we never discovered the truth about the

swans

we asked harris about it the next

morning

he said what swans he thought that

george and i were dreaming

that night harris had trouble sleeping

he woke me up about twelve times during

the night

he was looking for his clothes

george woke up too

why’d you need your trousers it’s the

middle of the night george said

later harris was looking for his shoes

then he asked for his socks and his

umbrella

we woke up late the next morning

we had a small breakfast and we were

ready to go we agreed that we would row

the boat and not tow it

harris said

george you and jake and ro i’ll steer

i didn’t like this idea and i said

no harris you and george rowe so that i

can rest

i was doing too much work on this trip

i always think that i work too much

it’s not because i don’t like work i

love it

i find it very interesting i can sit and

look at it for hours

you can’t give me too much work

i like collecting it

my office is full of it

i’m very careful with my work too

some of the work in my office has been

there for years

it is in perfect condition

it isn’t dirty or anything

that’s because i take good care of it

harris said on this boat i’m the only

one who works

george said

you do nothing but eat and sleep harris

i’m the only one who works

you and jay are very lazy people

harris laughed

[Laughter]

and said

george work

have you ever seen george work

i agreed with harris

george never worked

how do you know if i work harris you’re

always sleeping except at meal times

have you ever seen harris awake accept

at meal times george asked me i agreed

with george

harris worked very little on the boat oh

please i do more work than oj harris

said well it’s difficult to do less work

than old j george added oj thinks he’s a

passenger and doesn’t need to work

harris said

after this discussion i said to harris

you and george row the boat up to

reading

at reading

i’ll tow it

chapter 10

three men out of a boat

we reached reading at about 11 o’clock

the river here is very dirty so we moved

on to strategy

we stayed at stratley for two days

we took our clothes to a laundry woman

we had tried to wash them in the river

as george told us

the river was so dirty that our clothes

collected all the dirt from the water

the river became cleaner

but our clothes became dirtier

the laundry woman was very surprised to

see such dirty clothes

she looked at them and said

this will cost you three times the usual

price

we agreed and paid her

the river near stratley and goring is

excellent for fishing

it is full of different types of fish

some people sit and fish there all day

however

they never catch any fish

the local fisherman’s guide book doesn’t

say anything about catching fish

it only says that the place is a good

fishing area

and it is

you can see many fish swim past

but you can’t catch them

when you go for a walk by the river

you can see hundreds of fish

they come and stand half out of the

water

their mouths are open for bread

if you go swimming they come to look at

you and disturb you

you cannot catch them however

we passed by wallingford and dorchester

both are ancient british towns

in the days of the roman empire the

romans camped here and built

fortifications

we spent the night at clifton hamden

which is a pretty village

we finally arrived at oxford and spent

two excellent days there

oxford is a beautiful town with its old

university

oxford is also full of dogs

montmorency was very happy

he had 11 dog fights on the first day

and 14 on the second day

he probably thought he was in heaven

we left oxford on the third day to

return home to london

when we left oxford it was raining

the rain continued without stopping

when it’s sunny

the river is a dream

but when it’s rainy

the river is brown and unfriendly

it rained all day

at first

we pretended to enjoy it

well

this is a nice change too much sunshine

is boring

nature is beautiful even when it rains i

said

yes harris said it’s good to see the

river in all kinds of weather

the rain is good for you

i can’t understand people who are afraid

of a little rain

harris and i sang songs and we were

quite happy

george did not agree

he stayed under the umbrella

we put up the canvas cover before lunch

we left a little opening to see where we

were going

we continued our trip for another nine

miles

we stopped for the night at day’s lock

we did not have a happy evening

the rain never stopped

supper was not good

we were really tired of cold meat

we dreamt about our favorite foods

harris talked about fish cooked in a

special sauce

harris gave his cold meat to montmorency

he looked at it and turned his head he

seemed insulted by harris’s offer

he went to sit at the other side of the

boat

alone

george said please don’t talk about good

food until i finish this cold meat

we played cards after supper

after that we had some hot water and

whiskey

george told us about a man he knew

this man had slept on the river in a wet

boat like ours

he got very ill and died 10 days later

of course we began talking about other

illnesses

after a while harris said

i’ve got an awful headache

it must be the rain

well

i’ve got a bad backache i said

to make us feel happier george sang to

us

that made harris and i cry

and it made montmorency howl

there was nothing else to do so we went

to bed

we didn’t sleep well at all

we were awake at five o’clock the next

morning

our second rainy day was the same as the

first

it rained all day

we moved slowly along the river

we agreed to continue our trip

even if it killed us

it’s only two more days harris said

we’re young and healthy maybe we’ll be

all right

we talked about our evening with this

weather we can have dinner and take a

walk in the rain or we can have dinner

and spend an hour in a pub i said that’s

not very exciting said george it’s much

more interesting to go to the alhambra

theater in london said harris

and then have supper at that little

french restaurant i added

but we have decided to stay and die on

this boat said

however

there’s a train that leaves pangborn

after five o’clock against the london

time to eat something and then go to the

theater

everyone was silent

we didn’t say one word

we looked at one another

then we got out the big bag and got our

clothes ready

twenty minutes later three men and a dog

were going to the railway station

we lied to the boatman at pangborn

we didn’t have the courage to tell him

the truth

we were running away from the rain

we asked him to take care of the boat

until the next morning

if something happens

we’ll write to you we said telling him a

big lie

we reached paddington station at seven

o’clock we went directly to the

restaurant and had a small meal

montmorency stayed at the restaurant

while we went to the theater

we’ll return at half past ten for the

dog and for a good supper i told the

restaurant owner

the man at the ticket office of the

theater said

oh you’re the famous acrobats from the

himalaya mountains you’re late for the

performance please use the side door

we explained to him that we were not

acrobats

he understood and sold us three tickets

our clothes probably looked a bit old

and strange

at the alambra theater

everyone looked at our clothes and

smiled

some people laughed

after the theater

we went back to the restaurant

we enjoyed our delicious supper

after 10 days of eating cold meat we

were thankful for this supper

we had it without speaking

then we sat back and felt happy and kind

paris

who was sitting next to the window

pulled back the curtain

he looked at the wet street

it was rainy and dark

the wind was blowing

a few people walked past under their

umbrellas

harris took his glass and said

well we had a good trip

and i say thank you to old father thames

but

i think we were right to come back when

we did

here’s to three men well out of a boat

montmorency stood on his back legs in

front of the window

he looked at the wet night

and gave a short bark of agreement

you