English Speech Jane Lynch Plans are for wusses

you ladies are about to receive a piece

of paper that proves to the world you

are now fit to join the ranks of an

elite and tremendously powerful group of

game-changing women the Smith class of

2012

Smith women have transformed cuisine

spearheaded social movements created

great literature and in the case of my

friend Piper class of 92 even gone to

prison but damn it when a Smith he goes

to prison she writes a clever and

compelling book about it just know the

fact that you sit here in a chair

assigned to you with your bright shiny

faces looking gorgeous and your caps and

gowns just know you’re welcome you’ve

actually done far more than I was able

to accomplish back on my college

graduation day back in 1982 as a young

person I was a victim of overwhelming

angst and free-floating anxiety I spent

a great deal of my time running around

like a chicken with its head cut off

this ongoing frenzy caused me to send in

my graduation registration without a

stamp or a return address after my four

mostly unfocused years as a solid C

student at Illinois State University

thank you go big red in the aptly named

Normal Illinois I sat where you now sit

hoping to God my name would be called

and I would receive my diploma I

realized my postal boo boo just as the

envelope left my hand and dropped into

the mailbox and instead of figuring out

a way to remedy this I did what I have

always done when I lacked forethought

and impulse control I crossed my fingers

and I hoped for the best

with my entire family out there in the

audience wearing a cap and gown that I

swiped when no one was looking

sitting in a chair that I was sharing

with my good friend Jeannie Mahoney I

held my breath and prayed to hear my

name they finished with the elves and

were on to the m’s when my heart sank as

Jeannie took her diploma from our Dean

she whispered in his ear that my name

had been left out gratefully he called

mine after hers of course he didn’t have

a diploma for me but he did shake my

hand and my parents sitting way back had

where were none the wiser now I know

that none of you would have been so

scattered and focused leading up to this

day because you are the Smith College

class of 2012 you are exceptional women

if you were not an exceptional woman you

would not be here today I feel I know

quite a bit about the Smith women

because I married one I know from living

with Laura class of 91 and loving Laura

class of 91 that the experience of

attending this fabulous College is

simply transformative your lives will

take on different paths but you will

always be smythies you are women of

Smith you are fiercely independent

you are wickedly smart trail blazing

blazing overconfident and shockingly

entitled like I told you I live with one

of you

I have no doubt you will continue this

legacy and you will change the world

ladies and we need you too now more than

ever but in this moment young ladies and

ADA Comstock on this most auspicious of

days I want you to take a breath and

reflect don’t blow through this day even

if you’re overwhelmed with the family or

maybe you’re just a little bit drunk

take a breath you have successfully

completed a journey at an exceptional

institution of learning and attention

must be paid I’ll tell you if I could do

so much of my life over I would have

taken more moments like this to breathe

I would have spent more time focusing on

what was right in front of me instead of

recoiling from what is because it didn’t

look or feel exactly as I imagined it I

wouldn’t have been forever trying to

look around the corner to see what’s

next what’s next I’d have taken in the

beauty of this moment and greeted

everything in my life with a big yes and

which leads me to what I’d like to talk

to you about today and today is all

about you

but just a little bit about me I was

born a red-faced screamin malcontents

with sparkling blue eyes and chubby

cheeks along with this extra helping of

angst

I felt alien in a world and in my own

body as I was sure I should have been a

cowboy I spent most of my youth deeply

disappointed so much of the time because

nothing ever looked or felt the way I

imagined it should I wanted to ride my

bike and have my shirt off all summer

I wanted to play Little League baseball

I didn’t want to wear a dress or curl my

hair and I was only happy with a clear

blue sky so you can imagine I’m thrilled

today but I lived in Illinois where

winter goes until May and spring usually

skips us altogether and if a day loomed

cloudy as it usually did in Illinois my

poor mother would fear my lashing out at

the weather for having led

me down I took everything so personally

and I lived my life this way for about

27 years until my life stepped in with a

huge lesson that I was just aware enough

to notice now at the time I fancied

myself a serious actress sketch comedy

was not at all on my radar in fact it

was a bit beneath me and out of left

field

I was hired for the second city and for

those of you who don’t know the second

city is a Chicago institution yes the

improvisational breeding ground where

the likes of Tina Fey Amy Poehler Rachel

Dratch any of our Dallas along with some

guys you might recognize it’s where they

got their start so there I was a very

tightly wound young woman obsessed with

process and rules fresh out of grad

school I was a classically trained

pain-in-the-ass frankly engaging in

improvisation the creative equivalent of

jumping off a cliff an art where there

are no rules save one and that rule is

called yes and yes and is a vital and

only rule of improvisation it simply

never deny your fellow actor you should

be willing and able to accept whatever

he throws at you use that as your

jumping point and then you heighten or

explore it as we like to call it for

instance if I say to you stick them up

and you say well that’s not a gun that

gun that’s your finger then we have

nowhere to go I or if I say what a

beautiful day it is today and you say no

it’s not we’re in the middle of winter

and snowing we have nowhere to go from

there what if I were to say to you

come my darling let’s go to bed and you

say you’re not my wife and put your

pants back on

now where do we go what do I do with

that

the scene is dead in the water and I’m

literally caught with my pants down well

in order for our scene to go forward we

affirm what the other is saying which is

the yes part of our equation and of

course then we take it and we build it

that’s the end part of the equation in

other words in order for our lives to go

forward in order to engage fully in life

we need to be willing and able to accept

what is right in front of us whatever it

is the good the bag the thrilling the

heartbreaking every emotion occurrence

event person place or thing and you will

experience them all that’s the yes that

I’m talking about and the acceptance and

the embrace of it with all your heart

doing something with it that is the and

you accept influence and then you exert

influence you can’t make a cloudy day a

sunny day but you can’t embrace it and

decide it’s gonna be a good day after

all I learned through contrast I had one

of my first significant experiences of

no but when I was a freshman in high

school I auditioned for and was cast as

the king in a one-act version of the of

the princess and the pea story called

the ugly duckling this also began a

lifelong pattern a pattern of mine being

cast in roles originally intended for

men I’d known I wanted to be an actress

right out of the chute so I was beside

myself with excitement at the audition I

got huge laughs at the first rehearsal I

didn’t get the laughs I didn’t get the

love and I quit devastated and so

confused I had no idea what I had just

done my 14 year old self had no idea how

to process it I had walked up to that

which I had ate to do for as long as I

could remember and I don’t think I go

too far when I say I came face to face

with my destiny and I walked away from

it and you know why because it didn’t

feel like I imagined it should have felt

I didn’t get the response ie the big

laugh ie the big love like I expected

there was now a real possibility of

failure and I quit I was at this time

unaware of the concept of yes and

feeling the fear and doing it anyway now

as you travel through life in these many

years ahead I guarantee you that you

will come upon countless times in which

the last thing you’re gonna want to say

is yes and you will experience loss

heartache the death of a loved one

you’ll probably have to say goodbye to a

lover you’ll experience rejection maybe

even have to deal with a bad diagnosis

you’ll age and the trick isn’t to avoid

these times or pretend they’re not

happening you can’t but you’ll need to

do is step up to them courageously and

embrace them allow these experiences to

permeate your being and you weave them

into the fabric of your life they will

not only strengthen you

but soften you and you will open your

heart to compassion you will not be

powerless in this either if you embrace

what’s happening instead of denying it

you can make it your own if life gives

you lemons grab it by the horns and

drive and yes I just mixed three

metaphors remember I was a sieve student

as a younger person full of that anxiety

and fear in desperate pursuit of the

keys to the kingdom let me tell you what

I did right after I walked away from the

ugly duckling my freshman year in high

school I would never let that fear take

me over again at least in the acting

department not that I would never feel

fear again I just plowed through it I

grabbed at almost every opportunity

maybe some I should have left at the

wayside now this is not to suggest that

you should say yes and to every

opportunity presented to you and now I

know what you’re thinking Jane what

about doing porno to which I say I am as

surprised as you I was never offered the

opportunity but what I have said yes to

that what if life gives us an

opportunity to rob a bank or a way to

cheat on our taxes or say it offers us

several hours in a row of life with the

kardashians hours that we can never get

back to this I say you can always trust

that when you’re coming from your

highest self and from your heart you’ll

know when to say yes and or when to

engage in the awesome power of no way

now this yes end way of life may not be

the most natural thing for you Smith

College class of 2012 you are highly

educated you are so schooled in critical

thinking it almost hurts to look at you

the point of your education is to get

you to poke holes in theories to

question to be loath to accept anything

at face value yes and may not roll

trippingly off your tongue and into your

life your job is to honestly discern for

yourself

if you’re saying no to an opportunity

out of fear or you’re simply exercising

good judgment now for me the hardest

thing to get past was my need to plan

and you might you might understand this

I thought I had to have a plan or a

strategy to get where I wanted to go

from my earliest moments I knew I wanted

to be a performer and actress I had an

driving anxiety filled ambition and

growing up in this concrete jungle of a

suburb just south of Chicago I had no

idea how to get there just show me the

road map I would beg her just please

somebody drop down from the heavens take

my hand and show me the way I was ripe

for a cult so I took to rules and

regulations and parameters and in an

effort to feel safe while I waited for

that clear plan of action I would at

least have the illusion of certainty in

what has always felt to me to be an

unsafe unpredictable and ever-changing

world well it turns out that I just had

to be willing to take chances look at

what’s right in front of me and greet

everything with a big yes and and of

course then putting my heart into

everything I do my counsel to you women

of Smith College let life surprise you

don’t have a plan plans are for wusses

you know if my life went according to my

plan I would never have the life I have

today now you’re obviously very good

planners you wouldn’t be here so stop it

stop it now don’t deprive yourself of

the exciting journey your life can be

when you relinquish the need to have

goals and a blueprint they don’t have

goals

I guess I’m assuming you’re all of you

are as terrified as I was of life so you

know that when you feel sick to your

stomach it’s a good thing it’s signals

opportunity for big growth ahead

something’s coming something’s good so

don’t ignore the nausea step up to it

now at one point in my life I had had a

lean financial year I was in a bunch of

sketch comedy shows and performing it’s

a hard-knock life from Annie and my

pantyhose had lost its charm

I was stuck creatively and

professionally and I was in my late 30s

terrified that the parade had passed me

by the thought of writing a show by

myself and for myself began to bubble up

to the surface of my consciousness and

it made me very sick to my stomach so

with the big yes and and hutzpah I

didn’t even know I had I created

something where there had once been

nothing and this was for the very first

time in my life on my own nickel I

rented a theater for eight consecutive

Wednesdays

I wrote monologues for characters I had

accessed from the deepest recesses of my

psyche and I created a one-hour romp

which I performed literally stinking of

fear and at moments terrified and others

simply elated I was never more proud of

myself and it blew wide opened the doors

of my self-confidence I emerged in my

humble opinion an artist and a changed

woman

I was now one poised for and deserving

of the next level and I met Christopher

guest’s shortly thereafter I was cast in

best-in-show thank you I was 40 years

old but I was finally in the game and I

never could have planned this other

momentous occasions where my dreams were

about to come true and I wanted nothing

more than to flee the scene being

offered the opportunity to host the

Emmys being asked to host us at ernet

live being asked to give the

commencement speech at Smith College

when my insight screamed no I somehow

got my mouth to say yes and now as you

know life is not all about work and the

scariest places to say yes and are also

the most rewarding relationship whoever

you choose ladies your husband your wife

your partner will make you see more

about yourself than any navel-gazing in

solitude could ever reveal and if the

process isn’t completely horrifying and

frustrating then you’re just not doing

it right

this will be your most vulnerable place

I put it off until I was almost 50 your

partner will inevitably see your soft

underbelly shocking behavior you only

read about will start to become your own

your demon will rise up righteously to

destroy your relationship and the guise

of saving yourself from really seeing

yourself and your partner will say to

you with all the tenderness that

situation allows what

[Laughter]

you want to break up with yourself don’t

be afraid of this horrible version of

yourself face it embrace it coddle it

right at a poem maybe it just needs a

hug

shine the light of day on this part of

you unclaimed and unacknowledged it’s

got the power and its darkest forces

will have you enslaved accept its

influence mine it for its gold yep

sometimes saying yes and is going to

take everything you’ve got but the

payoff trusting in love it’s just

incredible the day after I met my wife I

met my daughter and I don’t really like

kids I’m a dog person

I couldn’t have designed a better kid

for me though she’s witty she’s wise

beyond her eight years she has a huge

heart and such patience with the

frailties of human nature that I don’t

mean to make her sound like the Dalai

Lama but she is exceptional exceptional

at one day you will meet your child you

may give birth to her you may adopt her

she may just wander over or maybe she’ll

follow you home and we do meet them

because they’re born who they are we

don’t make them we welcome them nothing

like knowing they’re watching you will

make you want to be your best self

Hayden was seven when I met her she’s

ten now and eight years we hope to be

dropping her off right here

[Applause]

children also remind us that life is

constantly changing and moving ever

forward it is true it does not stop I

really came to know this as when I

turned 40 years old I am a late bloomer

folks the big 400 was much anticipated

for me I resolved to have a party for

myself and actually mark it celebrate it

say yes and to it so then I turned 40

year old 40 years old one day and you

know what happened I turned 41 and then

you know what happened I turned 42 and

it just kept going on like that the

number just kept going up I was like

wait wait somebody pressed the pause

button I just got used to being 40 and

the time goes faster as you get older

and the world keeps changing so my

advice to you live in the moment stay

fluid roll with those changes life is

just one big extended improvisation

embrace the ever-changing and

ever-evolving world with the best rule

I’ve ever found yes and accept the world

for what it is and at the same time make

it your own and I especially want you to

make it your own you are a particular

variety of person MS Smithee you have

spent the last four years in an

environment that has encouraged you not

just to be yourself but to be your best

self your strongest self you will have

many opportunities to embrace what the

world has for you and I can’t wait to

see the ways in which you say and

remember that Swift that Smith women

entitlement that I spoke of earlier I’m

counting on yours to ferociously guard

the women’s healthcare rights our

sisters one for us years ago

[Applause]

I know you women of Smith will greet

that fight with a big yes and and anyone

who tries to take them away from you

with a big no way in conclusion I know

you’ll never get your experience here

because you are a part of an incredible

legacy I’ll be at a party with my wife

and she’ll be meeting one person after

another and if by chance she happens to

fajn upon a fellow smithy both their

eyes light up

they already share a profound connection

they both had a unique and extraordinary

experience and today I become a smithy

[Applause]

that same piece of paper that my wife

and all of you toiled for years to get I

get for a handshake and I am so proud to

be one of you enjoy this day and thank

you so much

[Applause]

[Applause]

you