Learn English Ellen Degeneres No Matter what I know who I am with BIG Subtitles

oh boy thank you so much uh thank you so

much that uh Thank You president Cowen

mrs. president Cowen uh distinguished

guests on distinguished guests you know

who you are honored faculty and creepy

Spanish teacher so and thank you to all

the graduating class of 2009 I realize

most of you are hung over and have

splitting headaches and haven’t slept

since Fat Tuesday but you can’t graduate

til I finish - listen up when I was

asked to make the commencement speech I

immediately said yes then I went to look

up what commencement meant

which would have been easy if I had a

dictionary but most of the books in our

house or Porsches and they’re all

written in Australian so I had to break

the word down myself to find out the

meaning commencement common and cement

common cement you commonly see cement on

sidewalks sidewalks have cracks and if

you step on a crack you break your

mother’s back so there’s that but I’m

honored that you’ve asked me here to

speak at your common cement

I thought that you had to be a famous

alumnus alumina aluminum lemon you had

to graduate from the school and I didn’t

go to college here and as I don’t know

if president Cowan knows I didn’t go to

college at all any college and I’m not

saying you wasted your time or money but

look at me I’m a huge celebrity

[Applause]

although I did graduate from the school

of hard knocks our mascot was the

knockers

I spent a lot of time here growing up my

mom worked at Newcomb and I would go

there every time I needed to steal

something out of her purse but why am I

here today clearly not to steal you’re

too far away and I’d never get away with

it

I’m here because of you because I can’t

think of a more tenacious more

courageous graduate of graduating class

I mean look at you all wearing your

robes usually when you’re wearing a robe

at 10:00 in the morning it means you’ve

given up

I’m here because I love New Orleans I

was born and raised here I spent my

formative years here and like you while

I was living here I only did laundry six

times when I finished school I was

completely lost and by school I mean

middle school but I went ahead and

finished high school anyway and I I

really I had no ambition I didn’t know

what I wanted to do I did everything

from i shucked oysters I was a hostess I

was a bartender I was a waitress I

painted houses I sold vacuum cleaners I

had no idea and I thought I’d just

finally settle on some job and I would

make enough money to pay my rent maybe

have basic cable maybe not I didn’t

really have a plan my point is that by

the time I was your age I really thought

I knew who I was but I had no idea like

for example when I was your age I was

dating men

so what I’m saying is when you’re older

most of you will be gay anybody running

this stuff down parents

[Laughter]

anyway I had no idea what I wanted to do

with my life and the way I ended up on

this path was from a very tragic event I

was uh maybe 19 and my girlfriend at the

time was killed in a car accident and I

passed the accident and I didn’t know it

was her and I kept going and I found out

shortly after that it was her and I was

living in a basement apartment I had no

money I had no heat nowhere I had a

mattress on the floor and the apartment

was infested with fleas and I was soul

searching I was like why is she suddenly

gone and there are fleas here I don’t

understand there must be a purpose and

wouldn’t it be so convenient if we could

just pick up the phone and call God and

ask these questions and I started

writing and what poured out of me was an

imaginary conversation with God which

was one-sided

and I finished writing it and I looked

at it and I said to myself and I hadn’t

even been doing stand-up ever there was

no Club in town I said I’m gonna do this

on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

at the time he was the king and I’m

gonna be the first woman in the history

of the show to be called over to sit

down and several years later I was the

first woman in the history of the show

and only woman in history that showed to

sit down because of that phone

conversation with God that I wrote and I

started this path of stand-up and it was

successful and it was great but it was

hard because I was trying to please

everybody and I had this secret that I

was keeping that I was gay and I thought

if people found out they wouldn’t like

me they wouldn’t laugh at me

then my career turned into I got my own

sitcom and that was very successful

another level of success and I thought

what if they find out I’m gay then

they’ll never watch and this was a long

time ago you probably this was when we

just had white presidents but anyway

this was back

many years ago and I finally decided

that I was living with so much shame and

so much fear that I just couldn’t live

that way anymore and I decided to come

out and make it creative and my

character would come out at the same

time and it wasn’t to make a political

statement it wasn’t to do anything other

than to free myself up from this

heaviness that I was carrying around and

I just wanted to be honest and I thought

what’s the worst that can happen I can

lose my career I did I lost my career I

got the show was cancelled after six

years without even telling me I read it

in the paper the phone didn’t ring for

three years I had no offers nobody

wanted to touch me at all and yet I was

getting letters from kids that almost

committed suicide but didn’t because of

what I did and I realized that I had a

purpose and it wasn’t just about me and

it wasn’t about celebrity but I felt

like I was being punished and it was a

bad time I was angry I was sad and then

I was offered a talk show and the people

that offered me the talk show tried to

sell it and most stations didn’t want to

pick it up most people didn’t want to

buy it because they thought nobody would

watch me and really when I look back on

it I wouldn’t change a thing I mean it

was so importantly for me to lose

everything because I found up what what

the most important thing is is to be

true to yourself and ultimately that’s

that’s what’s gotten me to this place I

don’t live in fear I’m free I have no

secrets and I know I’ll always be okay

because no matter what I Know Who I am

so in conclusion when I was younger I

thought success was something different

I thought when I grow up I want to be

famous I want to be a star I want to be

in movies when I grow up I want to see

the world drive nice cars I want to have

groupies

to quote the Pussycat Dolls how many

people thought it was boobies by the way

it’s not it’s groupies but my idea

success is different today and as you

grow you’ll realize definition of

success changes for many of you today’s

success is being able to hold down 20

shots of tequila for me the most

important thing in your life is to live

your life with integrity and not to give

in to peer pressure to try to be

something that you’re not to live your

life as an honest and compassionate

person to contribute in some way so to

conclude my conclusion follow your

passion stay true to yourself never

follow someone else’s path unless you’re

in the woods and your loss and you see a

path and by all means you should follow

that don’t give advice it’ll come back

and bite you and they ask don’t take

anyone’s advice so my advice to you is

to be true to yourself and everything

will be fine and I know that a lot of

you are concerned about your future but

there’s no need to worry the economy is

booming the job market is wide open

the planet is just fine it’s gonna be

great you’ve already survived a

hurricane what else can happen to you

and as I mentioned before some of the

most devastating things that happen he

will teach you the most and now you know

the right what the right questions to

ask for your first job interview like is

it above sea level

so to conclude my conclusion that I’ve

previously concluded in the common

cement speech I guess what I’m trying to

say is life is like one big Mardi Gras

but instead of showing your boobs show

people your brain and if they like what

they see you’ll have more beads than you

know what to do with and you’ll be drunk

most of the time so the katrina class of

2009 i say congratulations and if you

don’t remember a thing i said today

remember this you’re gonna be okay dum

doo doo doom doom just dance

[Applause]