20 Minutes for the NEXT 20 Years of Your LIFE Oprah Winfrey

practicing gratitude it is my single

most important life practice i’d have to

say and i know with thanksgiving coming

many people think about being thankful

there’s lots to talk about

thanksgiving and blessings but

that’s kind of like going to church on

just christmas and easter it counts but

it’s not consistent because for me

gratitude is something that

is necessary and should be practiced

every day because making space for

appreciating what you have

opens you up for a happier more

fulfilled existence i guarantee while

ensuring that those blessings just keep

flowing this is the truth it’s a law

what you focus on in your life expands

so focusing on what you’re grateful for

increases positive vibrations and

feelings of joy just one good feeling

builds on another good feeling and

another and if you actively appreciate

all that you have in life no matter how

small it is what you

notice is that you end up having more

and when you hone in on what you don’t

have you never have enough so being

grateful i’ve learned allows us to fill

in the cracks and crevices between what

we desire and what we already have with

positivity so we can pave the way for

grace

to show up

and lead to an even better life so how

do you make gratitude a habit for me

the first thing i do in the morning is i

read some sort of spiritual

enlightenment that allows me to start

the day with a positive frame of mind

that will only help usher in even more

positive energy and for me that is the

daily word which is christian based or

the book of psalms also christian mark

nepo’s book of awakening is just

spiritual no religion with a daily

meditation

and rumi or mary oliver there’s

something called bowl of sake that i

love too it’s a spiritual sufi teachings

that you can download for free into your

inbox but the greatest thing that i’ve

ever done

is having a gratitude journal so i

started one over 20 years ago and every

day for years now i write down five

things that i am grateful for i believe

you gotta write them down because there

is power power power in the written word

and it can be anything big or small some

days those things will come easy

you know a chat with a close friend or

taking a walk in the chris fall air

having a loved one cook you at dinner or

bring you a

cup of tea some days it might be

difficult to even think of anything

and that’s completely normal and when

things don’t easily come to mind

go back to your breath

because if you breathe in you ought to

be grateful

know that you have that and simply

opening your eyes in the morning and

having that breath is a gift

but every day i consistently write down

five things that i’m grateful for

sometimes it’s more than five but if i

can’t get to five i just go breath

breath breath

gratitude is a posture of your heart

a choice and a privilege so i hope that

you’ll make the choice to initiate a

daily gratitude practice if you haven’t

already i’ve been saying it for years

because this i know for sure sure

appreciating noting the delights that

show up in your life

will ensure more goodness is coming your

way

after here like nobody has ever

experienced i believe that the best

thing we can collectively do is to take

care of our individual cells now i know

that might sound

oversimplified and even selfish to some

people but this is what i know for sure

that you have to feed yourself with love

and loving thoughts in order to show up

more fortified and complete

to give other people your love we hear

about self-care so much these days but

what does it really mean well for me

it’s about engaging in practices that

fill you up in every way that means

eating foods that are both enjoyable and

nourishing giving your body the gift of

some form of movement every day

and surrounding yourself with people

whose energy uplifts you this is so

important

also creating space in your day or at

least just give yourself at least a

minimum of five minutes of stillness

that alone time is so crucial when you

can distance yourself from the voices of

the world

so you can hear your own voice loud and

clear that’s why

i have dedicated sundays as my time for

recalibration and renewal

so sometimes it’s just a simple walk in

nature

or

just sitting out in the backyard

all of it that alone time helps me

re-center refuel me for whatever the

coming week is and however that shows up

for you that’s what you need to do for

you i love how glennon doyle put it in

her book love warrior she said i have

met myself

and i’m going to care for her fiercely

so i know we have to be reminded as

women people to continuously make

ourselves a priority because when you

truly value yourself the world reflects

that worth back to you nobody needs to

be reminded of the importance of

self-care though more than mothers

so we all know that back in normal times

before there was a pandemic moms had so

much on their plates

managing the needs of children and

spouses and households and in-laws and

that’s why i have so much respect for

people who do it well

and now the pandemic has taken its toll

from juggling increased child care

demands to mental health ramifications

to economic strain from the more than

you know five million jobs of women were

lost since february of 2020.

so we know mothers are carrying a heavy

load on their shoulders

and that’s just another indication that

self-focus

on yourself is so important

is there someone you need to forgive

it’s one of the most difficult

principles of life to practice but it

can also be one of the most rewarding

it’s one of the grandest gifts you can

give to yourself

you forgive

and you become relieved of the heavy

burden

of resentment that you’ve been carrying

that’s weighing you down you become

lighter literally and things in your

life begin to fall into place

so as someone who has experienced abuse

during childhood i know very well

that the struggle to forgive the people

in your life who have hurt you

is is real and it’s painful

but know this it’s not about condoning

whatever it is that person did to

mistreat you

it is about allowing what they did to

affect how you live your life now

dr joel jampolsky put it to me this way

years ago on the oprah show is a big aha

aha moment that i’ve accepted now as

spiritual law when he said forgiveness

is giving up the hope that the past

could have been any different i repeat

that forgiveness is giving up the hope

that what would a quarter could have

should have happened

in fact

it did not happen it’s accepting the

reality of what did happen

and moving on

this truth has been fundamental in

allowing me to live my best life it was

transformative you have to come to the

realization that what might have been

is not what is

easy to hear i know

and harder to do

you gotta sit with the hurt

feel it

it’s uncomfortable

but when you can rise up and just really

meet that pain face to face and then let

it flow through you

only then can you let it go and step out

of the hurt of your history into the

possibility of the present

i’ve carried this lesson from iyanla

vanzant with me for some time i remember

years ago on the show she said you can

accept or reject the way you are treated

by other people but until you heal the

wounds of your past you will continue to

bleed you can bandage the bleeding with

food with alcohol with drugs with work

with cigarettes with sex she said but

eventually

it’s gonna ooze through and stain your

life

you must find the strength to open up

the wounds

stick your hands inside pull out the

core of the pain that is holding you in

your past the memories and make peace

with them so here’s the formula accept

what has happened forgive others

forgive yourself accept the now

that is the recipe to begin healing and

give up the hope that the past could

have been anything other than what it

actually was

whatever happened

helped to make you you

my hope is that you find the courage to

relinquish all your grudges because

what i do know for sure is that on the

other side of forgiveness

is

freedom the freedom to live the life for

which you were intended and the one you

actually deserve

[Music]

there are so many feelings that we’ve

all experienced over the past year and a

half

as a collective

so we’re all in it together i know we’ve

heard that before a lot of people don’t

believe it but we’re in it together

feeling the same things whether we agree

on what we’re feeling or not and one of

the abiding feelings i know

is the sense of uncertainty not knowing

for sure what is next so

our lives have been shaken up and

shifted to say the least which has made

a lot of us uncertain of what is on the

horizon when will we go back to the

office full time what is that going to

require be how long will we be wearing

masks how long will we be fighting about

masks when will all of this be over and

it it really is completely natural to

not have all of the answers so one thing

i do know for sure is that we all have

to let go

of

knowing

of having complete control

and being able to ready ourselves to

navigate waves of change as they come

but how do we do that

anxiety comes when we live in the

unpredictable nuances of the future all

the what-ifs you know i remember when i

was on trial back in 1998 we’re

disparaging a burger and had to sit in a

courtroom for six weeks in amarillo

thank you very much

and in the beginning of that trial i had

so much anxiety

learning to stay focused on just that

day and not the multiple days ahead is

what actually kept me sane

so i think we all must practice becoming

more comfortable stepping into the

unknown and when those uncertain

overwhelmed

feelings creep in you need to make an

effort to stay in the present moment and

just be still

and breathe and say to yourself i am

here now and right now everything is

okay all is well i’ll be well

and there’s nothing i cannot handle so

take some time to be quiet enough to

listen to your internal gps your truer

self and let the clamor of the world

dissipate listen to the whispers as i

like to say and then let that guide you

sometimes just the fear of uncertainty

can stop us from taking the next step

toward a breakthrough but we cannot let

uncertainty

just fester and morph then into doubt

doubt that your fortitude that your

determination that your values won’t

have your back as you navigate whatever

is coming next now they’ve been there

for you in the past they’re there for

you now and they will be by your side as

time goes on so look at where you’ve

come from how far you’ve journeyed to

get to the you that you are now

and you’re still adapting evolving to an

ever better

version of yourself hopefully that’s

what we’re all trying to do

who you are

and what you believe in can remain

steadfast and rooted enough to take on

uncertainty

there is so

much going on in the world right now

mass mandates are changing all over the

country as vaccination rates are

going up travel is coming back a return

to working in the office may be in the

foreseeable future for a lot of you and

as we look to this next chapter after

such a long and challenging stretch i

think it’s time for us all to think

about refreshing ourselves in a way that

allows us to keep what matters most turn

over what we’re ready to let go of and

make room for the new

in our world

in our lives so i don’t know about you

all but i am forever changed by all of

these months away from the bustle of the

world and i will forever more

carefully choose what has to have my

attention and what does not because i’ve

learned a lot of things do not so when

we hit that little refresh button on our

computers or phones it updates

everything so quickly and just like that

so simple sometimes it’s even automated

so there’s not even any think of it

thinking about it

a refresh though in real life

as we know takes effort it takes time

takes patience so be kind to yourself

during these days check in be still

until you can hear and feel the answers

you need for moving forward

and always feel blessed

that we survived a pandemic

and we have another chance

to get things right

in our daily lives

and i would say

that the best way to begin to figure out

who

you are really meant to be

is to ask the universe

god that question

god how can i be used in service to

myself first and how can i then use that

service to serve the world

use your life to serve the world and you

will find that it also serves you

one of the biggest mistakes people make

is thinking that they have to get paid a

lot of money or even get paid at all for

their calling

you are here to honor your calling

whether you’re paid for it or not if you

can get paid for it that makes life

exponentially better

but if you are not paid for it that is

also really just fine

because honoring the calling feeds

everything else you do in your life

letting go of energy that’s clouding

your vision and holding you back it’s a

life practice that i learned long ago

that has freed me

so many ways it’s a fact that holding

grudges against somebody who’s done you

wrong

or

replaying revisiting hurtful situations

in your head over and over only weighs

you down and prevents you from being who

you’re meant to be

right now because you’re still

energetically holding on to the past the

energy that you put into constantly

rewinding to the resentment why did they

do that why did they say that to me i

didn’t deserve to be treated that way

all of that only keeps you stuck

it will never change what happened you

gotta press stop

and reject the urge to keep replaying so

that you can then fast forward into the

now for yourself you know

a lot of people think

that holding on to things that

disempowered them

is going to somehow magically turn it

around

as i said in my message a couple weeks

ago about forgiveness

you have to release the notion give up

the hope that the past could have been

any different and you also must release

the idea that people would do what you

might do in any given instance this is a

big one i had to learn and relearn

before i actually got it expecting

people to do what you would do in a

situation only leads to your

disappointment not theirs they’re going

on with their life so let people be who

they are and either you accept it or you

don’t

not doing that keeps you stuck in a

circumstance that actually costs you

time costs you energy and i can

guarantee that oftentimes the person on

the other side of the bitterness you’re

holding on to they’re not even thinking

about you

in fact they probably have just moved on

they certainly aren’t obsessing the way

you are think of it like letting go of

any bad habit that just doesn’t serve

your well-being not an easy task

taking the road to a more enlightened

healthy existence never is so

this is what i want to ask you to ask

yourself

why

am i holding on to this

how is this serving me

and really think about the answer

maybe it makes you feel validated maybe

it makes you feel righteous

or maybe

taking on the pain is your way of

recognizing the injustice so that even

though it won’t be made right

it can at least not be forgotten

then i ask you

again ask yourself

do you want to be right

or do you want peace

this was huge for me the unfortunate

fact is that having both may not be

possible

and also you may never get your moment

of righteousness so why wait for it

choose peace

what i know for sure

is that in this world time is a moving

on and it’s our most valuable commodity

you can never get it back

so staying in that loop playing it over

and over in your head of hurt only

amplifies your pain let it go exhale

make room in your heart for something

that is uplifting

surround yourself with people who want

the best for you you have the ability to

shift the dna of your spirit and control

how you perceive life so why not lighten

your load and let it go

[Music]

knowing when you know better you do

better we’re ready to move on to what i

think is another powerful lesson that i

started to get when i was a really young

girl having been raised by my

grandmother and then at six years old

being separated from my grandmother

being moved to milwaukee and suddenly in

a foreign environment for myself i

remember walking into that new space and

recognizing that

in many ways i was alone which is a

terrible feeling if you’re six years old

but i have always had the

deep understanding for myself

that if anything was going to move

forward in my life that i was going to

have to be responsible for making that

happen

and

i know that to be true now and can

articulate it as you

are responsible

for your

life and if you’re sitting around

waiting on somebody to save you to fix

you to even help you

you are wasting your time because only

you

have the power to take responsibility to

move your life forward and the sooner

you get that the sooner your life gets

into gear this is what i know from doing

25 years and thousands and thousands of

interviews on the oprah show

it does not matter where you come from

i have seen people come out of the

desert walk across the desert being born

in the most dire circumstances doesn’t

matter what your mama did whether she

did or had a phd or no d

what matters is now this moment and your

willingness to see this moment for what

it is accept it

forgive the past take responsibility

and move forward

[Music]

[Music]

you