How to Overcome Social Anxiety Jordan Peterson

[Music]

let’s say you’re socially anxious

okay so what happens when you’re

socially anxious

you go to a party your heart’s beating

why the party is a monster

why because it’s judging you and it’s

judging you it’s putting you low down

the dominance hierarchy because that’s

what a negative judgment is

and that interferes with your sexual

success

and that means that you’re being harshly

evaluated by nature itself right so you

are

confronting that the dragon of chaos

when you go into the

social situation and so what do you do

you’re like this

right you hunch over and that’s low

dominance i’m no threat it’s like

well that’s not going to get you very

far you know but that’s a logical thing

to do in in the

in the face of a tyrant so i’m no threat

you know you look at the king and you’re

dead

i’m no threat i’m hunched over and then

what’s happening internally

how what are people thinking about me

what are people thinking about me

am i looking stupid am i looking foolish

geez i’m awkward i hate being here man

i’m sweating too much

it’s all internalized right it’s all

self-focused the the the eye isn’t work

the eye isn’t working what do you tell

people

stop don’t stop thinking about yourself

because you can’t it’s like don’t think

of a white elephant

white elephant white elephant white

elephant you can’t tell someone to stop

thinking about something because they

get caught in a loop what you do with

socially anxious people is you say

look at other people look at them

right why because if you look at them

you can tell what they’re thinking

and then you you unless you’re unless

you’re terribly socialized and some

people

are some people have no social skills

and so the reason they can’t go to a

party is because they don’t even know

how to introduce themselves like they’re

just

no one ever taught them how to behave

and so they’re really good

candidates for behavior therapy because

you walk them through the process of

how you actually manifest the procedures

that are associated with social

acceptability

but most people aren’t like that they

have the ability

so if they’re really introverted and

high in neuroticism they can usually

talk quite well to someone one-on-one

why because they look at them well if i

look at you

it’s another thing to do if you’re ever

speaking to a group of people never

speak to the group of people that

doesn’t exist

you talk to individuals and then they

reflect

for you the entire group because they’re

all entrained

if you look at one person they broadcast

to you what everyone’s thinking and you

know how to talk to one person

so it’s easy so as soon as you

focus on the person not you you

push your attention outward use your eye

you push your attention outward and you

start watching well then all your

automatic mechanisms kick in

and you stop being awkward because if

we’re talking and i’m looking here

i don’t know what you’re going to do

next and i’m going to put disjunctions

into the like they’re like bad chords in

the melody of our

of our conversation and the reason is

i’m not paying attention

so that’s why the eye is the thing at

the top of the pyramid it’s like

the thing that enables you to win the

set of all possible dominance

hierarchies is the i

pay attention pay attention that’s the

critical issue

that’s why the egyptians worshipped

horus that’s why horus was the thing

that rescued osiris from the

from the depths it’s the capacity to pay

attention what do you pay attention to

most

what your right hemisphere signals as

anomalous it attracts your attention

it’s like this isn’t going quite right

i’m not looking at that wrong

that’s what you look at that’s what you

look at what’s not going right because

that’s

see that’s the terrible monster that

might eat you but it’s also the place

you get

all the information so that’s why it’s

useful to have discussions with your

enemies

because they will tell you things you do

not know and that’s such a great thing

because if you don’t know them

well you’re not very smart are you you

know there may be a time when you go

somewhere

that’s the thing you need to know and

maybe your enemy will tell you why

you’re such a fool

you know and a bunch of other things

that aren’t true too

but even one thing that’s accurate it’s

like yeah thanks very much man maybe

i’ll do some work on that and i won’t

have to carry that

forward so and then that’s part of the

reason again why the terrible predator

it’s always the terrible predator that

has the gold it’s like it’s the person

who delivers the message you do not want

to hear

so it’s rough it’s rough but it doesn’t

matter

life is rough

you