Learn English Ali G We all come from the same place with BIG subtitles
booyakasha professor G in the outside
big shout going out to the Harvard
massive I’ve done a cap to H cuz Harvard
is a place in it
you see I ain’t no ignoramus things are
apple and orange don’t start with the
capital letter unless there is a start
for sentence but some few brain boxes
probably no doubt already in it my name
be Ali G and me represent the UK you
okay wherever for those of you who
didn’t study geography the UK is a place
over hundred miles away from me the
capital fit is anyone now not you
geography square
yes it’s Liverpool clever and quite flat
if you don’t mind me saying first of all
as gotta say that as a bit nervous
speaking to so many of you at least me
would be if I wasn’t totally mashed
normally the only public speaking that
me does is to twelve people and it’s
well easy when we have to say is my name
in the words not guilty
check it me agreed to speak here today
because we wanted to talk to the
brightest minds of our generation to see
what makes Harvard soul special and also
because they agreed to pay for me
flyover in a hotel room sorry to bring
this up now but when you was told that
your hotel bill is being paid for you
naturally assume that that includes
essential extras like breakfast and
special-interest pay-per-view movies in
it imagine my surprise when this morning
I was given a bill four hundred and
sixty four dollars me was actually
trying to save Harvard money by by under
24 hour [ __ ] fest packages at $19.99 on
his 99
young and time back to a burglar truly
backdoor burglar free campus confessions
Asian fever shaving bar so that’s wise
cold mountain that was a mistake
backdoor burglar for about 490 bucks
I mean come off it some of it was even
research for this sure one of the
cheerleaders in Ivy League amateurs was
wearing a Harvard sweatshirt in fact
hello darling respect
I expect you need a cushion to sit down
on I she’s an artist
anyways I digest it is a well big honor
to be ox tear today to think that so
many great people has been educated
there like Lyndon Baines Johnson Oh as
he missed none JFK also President George
Clinton was here in error thing and also
the one before him you know and William
Tell is he one of your lot probably and
some block before but most importantly
that really fit honey from Star Wars
if you is out there mid love till
Natalie Mia staying at the Best Western
Hotel he’s got a really nice room
although since this morning
they Massport parental lock on the TV as
miss sandy today looking at all of you
on your first day of university me think
methinks food things make enough for you
wisdom experience but most importantly a
full 22 ounces of the finest Moroccan
chronic well that is if the X lakhs
works
to be honest to be honest I usually go
at 11:00 in the morning but nothing
there in fact we’d appreciate it if one
of the medical students here wouldn’t
mind taking a look don’t worry it’s
clean as a whistle you could eat your
lunch of it in fact we Julie has I know
you don’t want that kind of thing does
you respect
Amy now you is the most cleverest ER
students in America some of you is
probably boolean accounting you know one
two three four I could go on easy others
of you will be brilliant in English I
have memorized the entire alphabet a to
X and even be able to spell words like a
Potamus credible is also well clever me
was so brainy that we finished my
education six years before any of you at
the age of 15 even the teachers admitted
that there was nothing else that them
could teach me you students you as come
here from every corner of the u.s. from
the rainforests of Arizona to the
deserts of Alaska some of you is
probably never even seen a black man
before hello
[Applause]
there is all types of people here and
it’s fantastic to see that Alfred is
finally letting so many women a lot of
you is probably feminists or as we call
them in England lasers I agree with you
relationships should be brought into
this the 20th century you women out
there shouldn’t have to do the cooking
and the cleaning when you come home from
work you should do it before you leave
in the morning you know also you women
should only have to do off the housework
it’s only fair that your mom should do
the other often but more importantly
it’s wicked they know that young women
and men gets to learn so many amazing
subjects some of you here will have been
studying medicine that knowledge comes
with a lot of responsibilities
remember doctors is well powerful people
you can give laugh you can cure disease
and you can ask to see a woman without
getting slapped for those of you study
in history you probably learn enough
about the presidents like who was
Jefferson and what did Lincoln give
America apart from the town [ __ ]
some of you is the best legal students
in the country you would know without
even having to think about it how to get
someone off a charge of possession and
if any of you do then room 204 Great
Western Best Western in it just do me a
favor put your ear to the door and don’t
come in if your hears me shouting
Natalie player for me lightsaber it was
well app used brought your grandparents
in it let’s talk about the finances of
food acknowledged that’s been dropped on
you the last few years it costs thirty
eight thousand dollars a year to go to
Harvard
now I don’t know how you lot has earned
that apart from you and you is earn
every penny but most of you has got that
cash from your parents oh you father’s
out there you is made some choices with
that money you could have bought a
top-of-the-range Lexus but instead you
chose to invest in your kids future is
you mental if you has got other kids me
obviously don’t make the same mistake
again in it does you realize how many
honey’s you can get with four legs
hello sweetness my son’s got Harvard the
green what kids or a low darling want to
check out the DVD player in the back I
oh what’s that
Oh switch lever
not inappropriate not inappropriate that
was in the balance that one so students
give it up to your parents give me out
for them respect them all right enough
enough all right
chill out let’s talk about the future
your future
a lot of you is probably worried about
employment unfortunately most of you
will end up getting jobs especially now
you has got the burden of a degree you
is the elite you’ll be tomorrow’s
captains of industry sitting in front of
me is probably the next Bill Gates
Donald Trump and even Ronald McDonald
and even if you can’t be Ronald himself
most of you is probably McDonald’s team
leader material by the way if any of you
ever gets to do business with Sir Ronald
a word of advice don’t mention the size
of his feet him is well sensitive about
it
we made they’ve actually met even him
said that even though he may seem like
he’s always smiling there’s a sadness in
their eyes just cause of them fee all
the money in the world science still
can’t do nothing maybe that’s something
that some of you MIT nerds can think
about in it you lot will become powerful
people can change the future and you
need to because the world at the moment
is totally a blank blank blank blank up
you know the word I’m I’ve been told
ain’t allowed to say you know you know
you know the rude world
you definitely know
with the whole team anyhow you has got
to think about the problems in the world
cuz you’ve gotta sort them out in it
look at the environment in a hundred
years time there won’t be no more
rainforests the ice caps will have
melted actually that’s in hundred years
time so we ain’t gonna be around and so
don’t worry about that one but there’s
other things look at the state of family
today girls is having sex at younger
ages there’s an increase in absentee
father’s and more and more people is
having affairs but we shouldn’t just
concentrate on the good things
believing in something is easy is easy
doing something about it is hard actions
speak louder than birds us who got great
potential to become great Americans and
remember America is the greatest this
country in the whole world apart from
Jamaica and Holland
oh yeah and Thailand because you got
water girls you know and probably some
others but you was definitely in the top
20 you people is the future you has the
chance to change the world to actually
improve the lives of people to change to
change the life of the poor or you could
go a Wall Street and earn millions get
plasma screen chinchilla coat a series
of meaningless relationships with
gold-digging women will do things in
return for bling don’t waste the
opportunity that God has given you I’ll
see you in Wall Street let’s wrap this
up now because we can feel something
moving down below really regretting
taking your grandparents now so what is
I open to take away with me from this
time in Harvard new friends different
ways of thinking about the world and as
many laptops as we made Davers managed
to Nick from your dorms where you has
been sitting here listen to me strolling
but I has got ideals too just like the
great civil rights leader Martin Luther
Vandross
I has got a dream of little black girls
and little white girls playing with each
other let’s make it happen
by the way Kofi Annan speech is pretty
much like this tomorrow M is gonna have
to come up with all new material I look
out and I see thousands of people with
different hopes but it’s important never
to forget where you come from because
black white brown or Pakistani we all
comes from the same place the punani
jobless big up yourself Princeton keep
it real with that
[Applause]