5 RULES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE Simon Sinek

i have five little rules that you can

follow as you

find your spark and bring your spark to

life

[Music]

the first is to go after the things that

you want

let me tell you a story so a friend of

mine and i

we went for a run in central park the

roadrunners organization

uh on the weekends they host races

and it’s very common at the end of the

race they’ll have a sponsor who will

give away

something apples or bagels or something

and on this particular day when we got

to the end of the run

there were some free bagels and they had

picnic tables set up and on one side was

a group of volunteers

on the table were boxes of bagels and on

the other side was a long

line of runners waiting to get their

free bagel

so i said to my friend let’s let’s get a

bagel and he looked at me and said ah

the line’s too long

and i said free bagel

and he said i don’t want to wait in line

and i was like free bagel

and he says nah let’s it’s too long and

that’s when i realized

that there’s two ways to see the world

some people

see the thing that they want and some

people see the thing

that prevents them from getting the

thing that they want

i could only see the bagels he could

only see the line

and so i walked up to the line

i leaned in between two people

put my hand in the box and pulled out

two bagels

and no one got mad at me because the

rule is

you can go after whatever you want you

just cannot deny

anyone else to go after whatever they

want

now i had to sacrifice choice i didn’t

get to choose which bagel i got i got

whatever i pulled out

but i didn’t have to wait in line so the

point is is you don’t have to wait in

line

you don’t have to do it the way

everybody else has done it you can do it

your way

you can break the rules you just can’t

get in the way of somebody else getting

what they want

that’s rule number one rule number two

[Music]

in the 18th century

there was something that spread across

europe and eventually made its way to

america

puerto fever also known as the black

death of child bed basically what was

happening

is women were giving birth and

they would die within 48 hours after

giving birth

this black death of childbirth was the

ravage of europe

and it got worse and worse and worse

over the course

of over a century in some hospitals

it was as high as 70 of women who gave

birth

who would die as a result of giving

birth but this was the renaissance

this was the time of empirical data and

science and we had thrown away things

like tradition and mysticism

these were men of science these were

doctors and these doctors and men of

science

wanted to study and try and find the

reason

for this black death of child bed and so

they got to work

studying and they would study the

corpses

of the of the women who had died and in

the morning they would conduct autopsies

and then in the afternoon they would go

and deliver babies and finish their

rounds

and it wasn’t until somewhere in the

mid-1800s

that dr oliver wendell holmes father of

supreme court justice

oliver wendell holmes realized that all

of these doctors were conducting

autopsies in the morning

weren’t washing their hands before they

delivered babies

in the afternoon and he pointed it out

and said guys

you’re the problem and they ignored him

and called him crazy for 30 years

until finally somebody realized that if

they simply washed their hands

it would go away and that’s exactly what

happened

when they started sterilizing their

instruments and washing their hands

the black death of childbed disappeared

my point is the lesson here is sometimes

you’re the problem you can take all the

credit in the world for the things that

you do right

as long as you also take responsibility

for the things you do wrong it must be a

balanced equation

you don’t get it one way and not the

other you get to take credit

when you also take accountability that’s

lesson two

lesson three take care of each other

the united states navy seals are perhaps

the most

elite warriors in the world

and one of the seals was

asked who makes it through the selection

process

who is able to become a seal

and his answer was i can’t tell you the

kind of person

that becomes a seal i can’t tell you the

kind of person that makes it through

buds

but i can tell you the kind of people

who don’t become seals

he says the guys that show up with huge

bulging muscles

covered in tattoos who want to prove to

the world how tough they are

none of them make it through he said the

preening leaders who like to delegate

all their responsibility

and never do anything themselves none of

them

make it through he said the star college

athletes

who’ve never really been tested to the

core of their being

none of them make it through he says

some of the guys that make it through

are skinny

and scrawny he said some of the guys

that make it through

you will see them shivering out of fear

he says however all the guys that make

it through

when they find themselves physically

spent

emotionally spent when they have nothing

left to give physically or emotionally

somehow some way they are able to find

the energy to dig down deep inside

themselves

to find the energy to help the guy next

to them

they become seals he said you want to be

an elite warrior

it’s not about how tough you are it’s

not about how smart you are

it’s not about how fast you are if you

want to be an elite warrior

you better get really really good at

helping the person to the left of you

and helping the person to the right of

you because that’s

how people advance in the world the

world is too dangerous and the world is

too difficult for you to think that you

can do these things alone

if you find your spark i commend you now

who you gonna ask for help

and when are you gonna accept help when

it’s offered

learn that skill learn by practicing

helping each other it’ll be the single

most valuable thing you ever learn in

your entire

life to accept help when it’s offered

and to ask for it when you know that you

can’t do it

the amazing thing is when you learn to

ask for help you’ll discover

that there are people all around you

who’ve always wanted to help you

they just didn’t think you needed it

because you kept pretending that you had

everything under control

and the minute you say i don’t know what

i’m doing

i’m stuck i’m scared i don’t think i can

do this

you will find that lots of people who

love you will rush in

and take care of you but that’ll only

happen if you learn to take care of them

first

lesson four

nelson mandela is a particularly special

case study

in the leadership world because he is

universally regarded

as a great leader you can take other

personalities and

depending on the nation you go to we

have different opinions about other

personalities

but nelson mandela across the world is

universally regarded

as a great leader he was actually the

son

of a tribal chief and he was asked one

day

how did you learn to be a great leader

and he responded

that he would go with his father to

tribal meetings and he remembers two

things

when his father would meet with other

elders one

they would always sit in a circle

and two his father was always

the last to speak you will be told your

whole life that you need to learn to

listen

i would say that you need to learn to be

the last to speak

i see it in board rooms every day of the

week even people who consider themselves

good leaders who may actually be decent

leaders will walk into a room and say

here’s the problem here’s what i think

but i’m interested in your opinion let’s

go around the room

it’s too late the skill to hold your

opinions to yourself until everyone has

spoken

does two things one it gives everybody

else the feeling

that they have been heard it gives gives

everyone else the ability to

feel that they have contributed and

two you get the benefit of hearing what

everybody else has to think before you

render your opinion

the skill is really to keep your

opinions to yourself

if you agree with somebody don’t nod yes

if you disagree with somebody don’t not

know

simply sit there take it all in and the

only thing you’re allowed to do is

ask questions so that you can understand

what they mean and why they have the

opinion that they have

you must understand from where they are

speaking

why they have the opinion they have not

just what they are

saying and at the end you will get your

turn

it sounds easy it’s not

practice being the last to speak that’s

what nelson mandela did number five

my favorite one of all true story

there was a former under secretary of

defense

who’s invited to give a speech at a

large conference about a thousand people

and he was standing on the stage with

his cup of coffee

and a styrofoam cup giving his prepared

remarks with his powerpoint behind him

and he took a sip of his coffee and he

smiled and he looked down at the coffee

and then he went off script and he said

you know last year

i spoke at this exact same conference

last year i was still the undersecretary

and when i spoke here last year they

flew me here business class

and when i arrived at the airport there

was somebody waiting for me to take me

to my hotel

and they took me to my hotel and they

had already checked me in and they just

took me up to my room

and the next morning i came downstairs

and there was someone waiting in the

lobby to greet me

and they drove me to this here same

venue they took me through the back

entrance and took me into the green room

and handed me a

cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup

he says i’m no longer the under

secretary i flew here coach

i took a taxi to my hotel and i checked

myself in

when i came down the lobby this morning

i took another taxi

to this venue i came in the front door

and

found my way backstage and when i ask

someone do you have any coffee

he pointed to the coffee machine in the

corner and i poured myself a cup of

coffee

into this here styrofoam cup

he says the lesson is the ceramic cup

was never

meant for me it was meant for the

position i

held i deserve a styrofoam cup

remember this as you gain fame

as you gain fortune as you gain position

and seniority

people will treat you better they will

hold doors open for you

they will get you a cup of tea and

coffee without you even asking

they will call you sir and ma’am and

they will give you stuff

none of that stuff is meant for you that

stuff is meant for the position you hold

it is meant for the level that you have

achieved of leader

or success or whatever you want to call

it but you will

always deserve a styrofoam cup

remember that remember that lesson of

humility

and gratitude you can accept all the

free stuff you can accept all the perks

absolutely you can enjoy them but just

be grateful for them

and know that they’re not for you