Learn English Abby Wambach The 4 Rules to get the GOLD with BIG subtitles

how is it going

[Applause]

greetings to president by Lok Provost

Dean Barnard faculty trustees and the

other honorees Catherine Johnson Anna

Quindlen and Risa and to each of the 619

badass women of the Barnard graduating

class 2018 congratulations you guys

congratulations

doesn’t it feel like the second you

figure anything out in life it ends and

you’re forced to start all over again

experts call these times of life

transitions

I call them terrifying I went through a

terrifying transition recently when I

retired from soccer and the world tries

to distract us from our fear during

these transitions by creating fancy

ceremonies for us this is your fancy

ceremony mine was the ESPYs a nationally

televised sports awards show I had to

get dressed up for that

just like you got dressed up for this

but they they sent me a really expensive

fancy stylist doesn’t look like you guys

got one sorry about that

so it went like this

ESPN called and told me they were gonna

honor me with their inaugural icon award

I was humbled of course to be regarded

as an icon did I mention that I’m an

icon

I received my award along with two other

incredible athletes basketballs Kobe

Bryant and footballs Peyton Manning we

all stood on stage together and watch

the highlights of our careers with the

cameras rolling and the fans cheering

and then looked around but I had a

moment of extreme aw I felt so grateful

to be there included in the company of

Kobe and Payton I had a momentary

feeling of having arrived like we women

had finally made it then the applause

ended and it was time for the three of

us to exit stage left and as I watched

those men walk off the stage it dawned

on me that the three of us were stepping

into very different futures each of us

Kobe Payton and I we made the same

sacrifices we shed the same amount of

blood sweat and tears we’d left it all

on the field for decades with the same

ferocity talent and commitment but our

retirements wouldn’t be the same at all

because Kobe and Payton walked away from

their careers was something I didn’t

have enormous bank accounts

because of that they had something else

I didn’t have freedom their hustling

days were over and mine were just

beginning

later that night back in my hotel room I

laid in bed and thought this isn’t just

about me and this isn’t just about

soccer we talk a lot about the pay gap

we talk about how we overall us women

earn 80 cents for every dollar paid to

men black women in America earned 63

cents while Latinas earned 54 cents for

every dollar paid to white men what we

need to talk more about is the aggregate

and compounding effects the pay gap on

women’s lives

overtime the pay gap means women are

able to invest less and save less so

they have to work longer when we talk

about what the pay gap costs us let’s be

clear it costs us our very lives

and it means that I’d spent most of my

time during my career the same way I’d

spent my time on that sv stage just

feeling grateful grateful to be one of

the only women to have a seat at the

table I was so grateful to receive any

respect at all for myself that I often

missed opportunities to demand equality

for all of us but as you know women of

Barnard

change is here women are learning that

we can be grateful for what we have and

also demand what we deserve like all

little girls I was taught to be grateful

I was taught to keep my head down stay

on the path and get my job done

I was freaking Little Red Riding Hood

you know the fairy tale it’s just one

iteration of the warning stories girls

are told the world over Little Red

Riding Hood heads off to the woods and

is given strict instructions stay on the

path

don’t talk to anybody keep your head

down hidden underneath your Handmaid’s

Tale cape and she does at first but then

she dares to get a little curious and

she ventures off the path that’s of

course when she encounters the big bad

wolf and all hell breaks loose the

message is clear don’t be curious don’t

make trouble don’t say too much or bad

things will happen I stayed on the path

out of fear not of being eaten by a wolf

but of being cut being benched losing my

paycheck if I could go back and tell my

younger self one thing it would be this

Abby you were never Little Red Riding

Hood

you were always

the wolf so when I was entrusted with

the honor of speaking here today I

decided that the most important thing

for me to say to you is this Barnard

women class of 2018 we are the Wolves in

1995 around the year of your birth

wolves

yes weird wolves were reintroduced into

Yellowstone National Park after being

absent for 70 years in those years the

number of deer had skyrocketed because

they were unchallenged alone at the top

of the food chain they grazed the way

and reduced the vegetation so much that

the river banks were eroding once the

Wolves arrived they thinned out the deer

through hunting but more significantly

their presence changed the behavior of

the deer wisely the deer started

avoiding the valleys and the vegetation

in those places regenerated trees

quintupled in just six years

birds and beavers started moving in the

river dams the beavers built provided

habitats for otters and ducks and fish

the animal ecosystem regenerated but

that wasn’t all the rivers actually

changed as well the plant regeneration

stabilized the river banks so they

stopped collapsing the river steadied

all because of the Wolves presence see

what happened here the Wolves who were

feared as a as a threat to this system

turned out to be its salvation

Barnard women are you all picking up

what I’m laying down here

women are feared as a threat to our

system and we will also be our salvation

our landscape is overrun with archaic

ways of thinking about women about

people of color about the other about

the rich and the poor about the powerful

and the powerless these ways of thinking

are destroying us we are the ones we’ve

been waiting for

we will not Little Red Riding Hood our

way through life we will unite our pack

storm the valley together and change the

whole bloody system throughout my life

my pack has been my team teams need a

unifying structure and the best way to

create one collective heartbeat is to

establish rules for your team to live by

it doesn’t matter what specific page

you’re all on just as long as you’re on

the same one here are four rules I’ve

used to unite my pack and lead them to

gold rule 1 make failure your fuel

here’s something the best athletes

understand but seems like a harder

concept for non athletes to grasp not

athletes don’t know what to do with the

gift of failure so they hide it pretend

it never happened

reject it outright they end up wasting

it listen failure is not something to be

ashamed of it’s something to be powered

by failure is the highest octane fuel

your life can run on you’ve got to learn

to make failure your fuel when I was on

the youth national team only dreaming of

playing alongside me ham you’ll know her

good I had the opportunity to visit the

national team’s locker room the thing

that struck me most wasn’t my heroes

grass stain cleats or their names and

numbers hanging above their lockers it

was a picture it was a picture that

someone had taped next to the door so

that it would be the last thing every

player saw before she headed out to the

training pitch you might guess it was a

picture of their last big win or of them

standing on the podium accepting gold

medals but it wasn’t it was a picture of

their longtime rival the Norwegian

national team celebrating after having

just beaten the USA in the 1995 World

Cup in that locker room I learned that

in order to become my very best on the

pitch and off I need to spend my life

letting the feelings and lessons of

failure transform into my power failure

is fuel fuel is power women listen to me

we must embrace failure as our fuel

instead of accepting it as our

destruction as Michelle Obama’s recently

said I wish that girls could fail as

well as men do and be okay because let

me tell you watching men fail up it’s

frustrating it’s frustrating to see men

blow it and win we hold ourselves to

these crazy crazy standards Wolfpack

fail up blow it and win rule number two

lead from the bench imagine this you

scored more goals than any human being

on the planet female or male you

co-captain and lead Teen USA in almost

every category for the past decade and

you and your coach sit down and decide

together that you won’t be a starter in

your last World Cup for Team USA so that

sucked

you’ll feel benched sometimes - you’ll

be passed over for the promotion taken

off the project you might even be

finding yourself holding a baby instead

of a Brik briefcase watching your

colleagues get ahead here’s what’s

important you’re allowed to be

disappointed when it feels like life’s

benched you what you aren’t allowed to

do is miss your opportunity to lead from

the bench during that last World Cup my

teammates told me that my presence my

support my vocal and relentless belief

in them from the bench is what gave them

the confidence they needed to win us

that championship if you’re not a leader

on the bench then don’t call yourself a

leader on the field

you’re either a leader everywhere or

nowhere

and by the way the fiercest leading I’ve

ever seen has been done between mother

and child parenting is no bench it just

might be the big game Wolfpack

wherever you’re put lead from there rule

number three champion each other during

every 90 minutes soccer match there are

a few magical moments when the ball

actually hits the back of the net and a

goal is scored when this happens it

means that everything has come together

perfectly a perfect pass the perfectly

time run every player in the right place

at exactly the right time all of this

culminating in a moment in which one

player scores the goal what happens next

on the field is what transforms a bunch

of individual women into a team

teammates from all over the field rushed

towards the goal scorer

it appears that we’re celebrating her

but what we’re really celebrating is

every player every coach every practice

every sprint every doubt and even every

failure that this one single goal

represents you will not always be the

goal scorer and when you’re not you

better be rushing towards her women must

champion each other yes

this can be difficult for us women have

been pitted against each other since the

beginning of time

for that one seat at the table scarcity

has been planted inside of us and among

us this scarcity is not our fault but it

is our problem and it is within our

power to create abundance for women

where scarcity used to live as you go

out into the world amplify each other’s

voices demand seats for women people of

color and all marginalized people at

every table where decisions are made

call out each other’s wins and just like

we do on the field claim the success of

one woman as the collective success for

all women joy success power these are

not pies where a bigger slice means of

smaller a bigger slice for her means a

smaller slice for you

these are infinite in any revolution the

way to make something true starts with

believing it is let’s claim infinite joy

success and power together Wolfpack her

victory is your victory celebrate it

fourth rule demand the ball when I was a

teenager I was lucky enough to play with

one of my heroes Michelle Akers that’s

right she needed a place to Train since

there was not yet a woman’s professional

league

Michelle was tall like I am built like

I’d be built and the most courageous

soccer player I’d ever seen play she

personified every one of my dreams we

were playing a small sighted scrimmage

five against five we were 18 years old

and she was well Michelle Akers

chiselled 30 pound 30 year old

powerhouse for the first three quarters

of the game she was taking it easy on us

coaching us teaching us about spacing

timing and the tactics of the game but

by the fourth quarter she realized that

because of all this coaching her team

was losing by three goals in that moment

a light switched on inside of her she

ran back to the goalkeeper stood one

yard away from her and screamed

give me the effing ball and the gold

keeper gave her the effing ball and she

took the ball and she dribbled through

our entire effing team and she scored

now this game was winners Keepers so if

you scored you got the ball back so as

soon as Michelle scored she ran back to

her goalie stood a yard away from her

and screamed give me the ball

the keeper did and again she dribbled

through us and scored and then she did

it again

she took her team to victory Michelle

Akers knew what her team needed from her

at every moment of the game don’t forget

until the fourth quarter leadership had

required Michelle to help support and

teach but eventually leadership called

her to demand the ball

Wolfpac at this moment in history

leadership is calling us to say give me

the effing ball give me the effing job

give me the same pay the guy next to me

gets give me the promotion give me the

microphone

[Applause]

give me the respect I’ve earned and give

it to my Wolfpack - in closing I want to

leave you with the most important thing

I’ve learned since leaving soccer when I

retired my sponsor Gatorade surprised me

at a meeting with the plan for my

send-off commercial the message was this

forget me they nailed it they knew I

wanted my legacy to be ensuring the

future success of the support of the

sport I dedicated my life to if my name

were forgotten that would mean that the

women who came behind me were breaking

records winning championships and

pushing the game to new heights when I

shot that commercial I cried

a year later I found myself coaching my

ten year old daughter’s soccer team I’d

coached them all the way to the

championship hashtag Homa brag

one day I was warming up the team doing

a little shooting drill I was telling

them a story about when I retired and

one of those little girls looked up to

me and said so what did you retire from

and I looked down at her and said soccer

and she said oh who did you play for I

said the United States of America and

she said oh does that mean that you know

Alex Morgan be careful what you wish for

a Barnard they forgot me but that’s okay

being forgotten in my retirement didn’t

scare me what scared me was losing the

identity the game gave me I defined

myself as Abby Wambach soccer player the

one who showed up and gave a hundred

percent to my team and fought along my

Wolfpack to make a better future for the

next generation without soccer who would

I be a few months after retirement I

began creating my new life I met Glennon

and our three children and I became a

wife a mother a business owner and an

activist and you know who I am now I’m

still the same Abby I still show up and

give a hundred percent now to my new

pack and I still fight every day to make

a better future for the next generation

you see soccer didn’t make me who I was

I brought who I was to soccer

and I get to bring who I am wherever I

go and guess what so do you as you leave

here today and every day going forward

don’t just ask yourself what do I want

to do ask yourself who do I want to be

because the most important thing I’ve

learned is that what you do will never

define you who you are always will and

who you are

Barnard women are the wolves surrounding

you today is your Wolf Pack look around

go ahead you can do it

don’t lose each other leave these sacred

grounds United storm the valleys

together and be our salvation

[Applause]

you