Imposter Syndrome

although i’m 29 plus tax and gratuity

i happened to be a product of busing in

the late 1970s

and i remember before getting on the

school bus

i would say to my mom you know they’re

not going to like me

or no one’s going to want to sit by me

and then i’d also question was i

smart enough was i good enough and i

would always talk about the they

and like any great black mother what she

said who was they

and i say well you know they and what’s

they name

they uh where do they live and she would

say you know a lot of that is in your

head

and she said come here let me tell you

something let me tell you something

right now and she said you know what

as long as you like you that’s all that

matters

as long as you love you that’s all that

matters and you

not being good enough could never come

from you so stop all that foolishness

get your butt on that bus and go to

school

and i said okay okay and i did that and

so i listened to my mother

but it took me a little while to learn

the lesson

and now as i fast forward until

adulthood and professionalism remember

that to

29 plus tax and gratuity i want to share

with you one of my favorite quotes

until you make the unconscious

conscious it will direct your life

and you will call it fate by carl young

i’ve been really marinating on that

quote a lot lately

particularly as i see the laser focus

on unconscious bias being the panacea

for discriminatory practices in the

workplace

and i began to also think about how many

deep-seated beliefs have been

unconsciously

controlling my decision-making

more importantly i’ve sat with the fact

the disturbing fact that

what happens and what do i believe about

me when my

unconscious beliefs actually

intersect with conscious constructs

in the workplace and the they of my

nightmares now greet me at the office

door

so conscious bias what actually is it

it’s the overt behaviors particularly

those pieces of exclusion

that exist in the workplace and i know

you’ve been buzzing around about

unconscious biases books

and everyone’s hosting training on that

but what they fail to actually address

is the actual consciousness of the

actions that are taking

where why can’t we all not only get

along but

feel like we belong and so what does

that actually sound like

in the workplace well it sounds like we

love you and we welcome you here but

don’t wear your natural hair

oh um only speak english and you darn

sure better not put that compound

chicken in the microwave

and you know what oh did you know that

you were hired for that diversity and

inclusion initiative

and my favorite of them all i know

there’s a lot of unrest right now

but please know that we are committed to

diversity and inclusion

and belonging because all lives

matter here

and so you think about this conversation

about diversity

and diversity will ask who’s in the room

and here i am wondering do i belong

in this room diversity

will ask how many more black latina

lgbtq

queer trans do we have this year than

last year

and here i am sitting am i the only one

and how long will it actually take for

me to be like them

an inclusion will jump on board

and say have everyone’s ideas been

actually heard

while i sit at the table and wonder do

my ideas

even have value and merit and

inclusion will ask is this

environment is this environment safe for

everyone to feel like they belong

and here i am sitting there still

focused on

how long do i have to fake it to i

actually make it

because where i come from faking it to

you make it

is how we actually survived

and here we now have this term this

description

imposter syndrome how many of you heard

the term imposter syndrome

how many of you really know what it is

that’s what i thought

so my academic research is really around

really reframing that imposter narrative

particularly

as it pertains to black women and other

minority ethnic groups

because when the original study was done

in 1978 they did not consider

racial factors they did not look at

institutionalized racism and the fact

that

what i believe about me is often

triggered by external factors

and that’s part of being black in

america

and so when you think about what does

that look like in the workplace

what is triggering this imposter

syndrome

well i had a opportunity to have what i

thought was going to be one of my dream

jobs last year

and for all my intelligence and all my

brilliance and the fact that

they valued me so they say

my after my very first meeting and i

kind of gave a little report

and then the very first thing at my very

first follow-up meeting with my

supervisor was

oh you know you talk too much i said i

talk too much

i said well i just kind of gave the

report that you asked for yeah but you

should watch the faces of people

and i thought what did i say and i went

through the list however she never told

me what to report so i gave a report on

everything that i worked on

and then the next time i offered some

advice based on again i don’t know my 20

plus years of

you know being a school principal

running schools organizational

development

and seeing some inefficiencies so i

added a couple of pieces that have you

considered this

and i was told that’s not your lane

oh so what do i believe about me

and how is the environment in which i

work impacting

my mindset eight billion dollars is

spent

on average every year on diversity and

inclusion

initiatives however they’re trying to

change a behavior check a box

avert costly legal action but

not actually trying to shift a mindset

it takes

21 days to break a behavior i mean to

break a habit 20 42 to break a behavior

and 63 to shift the mindset so how is

that one day of training

go and change the dynamics and create a

paradigm shift

how’s that going to happen and so when

i’m looking in the mirror

feeling like an imposter what i carry

actually on my back

is the conscious biases the

microaggressions

the trauma the stereotypes the bigotry

that

sits in the room with me and when you

think about the fact that

we’re often questioned and i know i have

about

whether or not what we say has merit and

then

if we actually sound a little bit like

me then i

am actually an anomaly not the norm

you speak well oh okay i didn’t know how

i was supposed to

be that’s how everybody in my family

speaks and so it’s things and behaviors

like that

that actually impact that and when we

think about how inequality

is truly baked deep into our current

capitalist society how can i not

feel like an imposter when all we really

want to do

is actually belong and the research

shows that it would take

95 years on this current trajectory

to actually bring black people up to par

in the workplace across all levels 95

years

and there’s this diversity paradox that

actually exists

and this is the idea that everyone

is different but we all need to be the

same you see we are hired for our

diversity

but we are trained and programmed for a

simulation

and so how can i actually belong how can

i actually

be when the essence of me doesn’t really

fit the mold that you’ve already created

and so it does take a village

but here’s the thing my mentor john

maxwell says great leaders

ask great questions and so

it’s going to take conscious courageous

leaders

to shift the paradigm so that in the

village

that everyone actually belongs and more

importantly i want to leave you with a

particular question

leaders what will you do

when your unconscious bias becomes

conscious thank you