My Extra Marital Affair

i’m having an extra martial affair

it’s nourishing exciting compromising

sacrificial it’s addictive and my

husband knows about it

people dream of meeting the love of

their life their soul mate

that connection and ideal uncompromising

unconditional love for the whole of

their life

and that’s what i found it’s not

traditional

but my husband doesn’t mind in fact he’s

really happy for me

so who is this lover and this affair

it was my first term at university

studying philosophy and psychology

it was late in the evening and it was

raining torrential rain

and as i walked the streets with no coat

and no umbrella

darting from one shelter to another i

spotted a light

in one of the university buildings so i

ran

hard pounding i entered the doorway i

pushed the door and it was open

and it was bright shaking myself dry

i was now surrounded by people and there

were drawings on the walls

my heart still pointing and my head now

spinning

in an instant almost at first sight

i fell head over heels and loved that

night

and this love affair like a line through

my life

has continued even after i became a

farmer’s wife

so who is this lover with a hole so

strong

that i’m willing to risk it all

what if i told you that my extramarital

affair

was architecture could you

would you believe that a vocation

could nourish excite and make me willing

to sacrifice

i am an architect since that night in

the rein

it is who i am to the core of my being

it is my heart and my soul and it fuels

me and it drives me

as children we have this limitless

imagination

as architecture again lets me see the

world

through a child’s eyes believing that

anything

is possible and achievable

i take my pencil and i draw a line and

as if

by magic it develops into a building a

home

or a village architecture future proofs

my soul

like my three beautiful children it is

my legacy

leaving a physical indelible mark on the

world

like stains in your heart

people search a lifetime to find that

passion

and love so how lucky am i

because without passion there cannot be

success

without belief there cannot be success

but without love there is nothing

they say that you can’t have at all are

you having it all

what if i told you that you could make

your dreams real

what would you compromise or sacrifice

would you sacrifice seven years lovers

tears nights away from your family

because that’s what it will take

and it won’t always be easy but it will

nourish

and it will excite and like any love

affair

it will make your heart beat that little

bit faster

when i was studying to become an

architect my then boyfriend

was a little concerned that we weren’t

spending enough time together

it was my last term at university i had

one chance

and one opportunity to see how good i

could be

one chance to really test my ability

so i packed and i left

but within a few months i made history

and i was awarded the glasgow and

scottish medals for architecture

moments and life are fleeting and you

must choose well

but how do you know what choices to make

which ones are the right ones

and how do you overcome the fear of

getting it wrong

architecture is my love affair and it

helps me decide

and it grounds my fear but how do you

decide

what grounds your fear because we’re all

searching for those answers

for control sometimes to rationalize our

emotions

to overcome our own fear or trauma

or our own personal problems

a defining moment came for me when my

mother was diagnosed with cancer at 42

as she braved the trip to break the news

she sat

on my bed on my blue and pink quilt

she was real traumatized and scared

and my heart was silently breaking

i was consumed by the fear of losing her

i felt helpless

but i had a pencil and as i crumbled

and crashed there was architecture

the place where i could determine my

feet

so i took my pencil and i drew all night

long

and as the sun started to rise i opened

the window in my basement flat

and i could smell the jew coming off the

grass

the world that morning seemed so full of

hope and newness

that my fear was pushed back

a few weeks later i would make history

again and my

my works were exhibited in glasgow

edinburgh and

in london 13 years later

my mother died unexpectedly aged 55.

i was consumed overwhelmed with the

grief

in an instant my world smashed and my

heart

imploded i was lost

but i had a pencil i took my pencil and

i wrote my plan

because i would determine my destiny and

my fiat

within six months i was awarded business

person of the year for the first time

her loss had propelled me my spirit was

galvanized rather than torn three years

later

i would win business person of the year

again after the birth of my second child

architecture has scaffolded my emotions

it has grounded my fears

it’s founded on intimacy we share dreams

making them into tangible touchable soul

lifting spirit raising things

people often say why not give up

architecture

and be a full-time mother instead but

you see

my children are an extension of me

they’re an extension of my dreams and my

legacy

and i owe it to their future and to all

the women who have come before

that they see me strong determined and

uncompromising in the pursuit of my

dreams

because without passion there cannot be

success

without belief there cannot be success

but without love there is nothing

architecture is the most optimistic

vocation in the world

it’s about building the future it’s

about constant change

looking forward with vision and not

fearing it

with this pencil i can change my world

what tools do you have that you could

change

yours so often

we doubt ourselves our ability and our

skill

that little voice inside our heads

telling us that we can’t

win when i was 12

my mother said to me someone has to come

first

and it may as well be you someone must

come first

and why wouldn’t it be you

someone has to come first and it will be

you

so i take my pencil and i write my plan

my spirit is galvanized rather than torn

my love affair and my passion is where i

determine my fate

because the answers are all within me

and guess what the answers are all

within you

because without passion there cannot be

success

without belief there cannot be success

but without love there is nothing

what if a vocation and a calling was

your soul mate

what if it was your greatest strength it

gave you confidence

and that power what if by taking

a pencil you could determine your fate

and your world how much would that bring

and how much happier might you be

architecture has future proof my soul

it is my legacy like my three children

and my husband

it is my love affair and it will always

be there have you found your love affair

or is it patiently silently waiting out

there

for you to decide because

without passion there cannot be success

without belief there cannot be success

but without love there is nothing

thank you so much for your time

you