Being an Angry Black Woman is a Bold Thing not a Bad Thing

[Music]

it was june 17

2009 at 5 42 in the morning

i can vividly remember the day and the

time because that morning i was

especially frazzled and a little

irritated

that i was already 12 minutes behind my

morning schedule

which meant i was going to be late again

so i raced out of my front door

i rushed to strap in my two-year-old

three-year-old

and my five-year-old into their car

seats jumped in the car

started the ignition put the gear into

reverse and stepped on the gas pedal

only to hear a loud boom

in all of my chaotic and frantic rushing

i had forgotten just that quickly

that my husband had just pulled his

brand new car

directly behind mine i

could not believe i had just done that

i held my head down low i let out this

sigh of disgust

and i put my gear back into park and

just sat there behind the steering wheel

and as i sat there i could feel these

emotions starting to stir

inside of me emotions of discouragement

disappointment frustration and even some

sadness

and then i could feel the tears starting

to well up in my eyes

and eventually those tears started to

stream down my face

uncontrollably now the tears

and the emotions that i felt in that

moment they weren’t just a reflection of

what had just happened

it was much deeper than that those tears

and those emotions were a reflection

of the fact that i knew i was no longer

living life

i was just existing in it i was on

autopilot i had a great sense of

frustration that i wasn’t

living to my fullest potential wasn’t

walking in purpose

instead every day my life felt chaotic

and rushed i was always

rushing to drop the kids off or rushing

to pick the kids up

or racing off to the full-time job that

i worked that paid the bills but didn’t

make me feel

nurtured inside didn’t make me feel like

i was doing the thing i was supposed to

be doing

i was sick and tired of being sick and

tired i wanted something different

i wanted to be that woman who wakes up

in the morning and you’re excited and

energized about what you get to do

i wanted time freedom and financial

freedom

i wanted to be able to tap into my

god-given gifts

and use that to impact the lives of

other girls and women all around the

world

i wanted to create legacy that thing

that you passed down to someone else the

thing that long outlives your physical

body

and most importantly i wanted to be a

model for my three children

of what it looked like to find the thing

you

know you are born to do and to do it

without regrets

and without apologies

as i sat there eventually those tears

that were once streaming down my face

dried up

and the emotions that i initially felt

now became a new emotion

anger and for the first time in my life

i gave myself permission

to feel that anger to be fully in it to

sit in it and embrace it

now i had never done that before because

all of my life i was taught

to run from anger to shun it at all

costs especially

as a black woman growing up i watched my

mother

my grandmother my aunts all go out of

their way to abandon

being labeled as angry at all costs

but for me in that moment the anger that

i felt

made me feel empowered no other emotion

had ever made me feel that way

i felt this internal drive a push and a

motivation

like cheryl now’s the time for you to do

something different so that you can

experience something different

that anger in that moment made me want

to disrupt my

norm so that i could create a life that

i was in love with

so yes in that moment in 2009 i was an

angry black woman

and i did not apologize for it i was

unashamed about being angry

now i understand that all of us have our

own perspective and viewpoint of what

that phrase really represents

most times people hear that phrase and

they automatically associate it with a

black woman who’s

hostile aggressive rageful even

confrontational

i’ve even heard people say statements

like i can’t wait for the day

when a woman like senator kamala harris

can show up as her full

self without the fear of being labeled

as an angry

black woman so the reality is it has a

negative connotation

most times people associate it with

something that’s toxic and destructive

even harmful but for purposes of our

time together today

oh i want us to be intentional about

reframing the narrative

around what that phrase really

represents i want us to go on a journey

together of realizing

that being angry as a woman doesn’t have

to be a bad thing

it can be a bold beautiful badass thing

just imagine the possibility that anger

can actually be the catalyst for women

stepping out boldly and courageously to

pursue the things that they love to do

consider the possibility that anger can

actually be productive and constructive

con constructive and productive instead

of destructive

and instead of harmful or toxic imagine

the possibility

of anger being the very emotion that we

shun but should be the motion that we

embrace

because it allows us to get out into the

world and demand what we want

instead of hoping the world gives us

what we deserve

after all in my own experience what i’ve

witnessed is that when a woman gets

angry enough

she typically steps into action to

create change

that’s exactly what happened to me in

that day on 2009

i literally took all the anger i had

been experiencing in that moment and i

channeled it into

passionate movement i allowed my anger

to become

fuel for who i was going to become

i started thinking bigger i started

visualizing a different reality in that

moment

i started thinking about goals that

could become possibilities that

ultimately could manifest into realities

zig ziglar says to reach a goal you have

to see the reaching in your own mind

before you ever arrive at the goal

so anger for me was very productive

it was something that became one of my

greatest assets from that day forward

i started thinking bigger i started

dreaming bigger i started visualizing

and seeing a reaching in my own mind

of a new reality a reality that i would

be in love

with and the start

all began with me dismantling everything

i had ever been taught about how anger

shows up

how it looks how it behaves and instead

creating a new reality about anger and

how it shows up

and looks and behaves that propelled me

to do something i had never done before

anger gave me

me this momentum to succeed and to

thrive

so i started a business i started my own

speaking and coaching business

which was completely outside of my norm

but that was the beautiful thing about

anger it became my loudest voice of

reason to say

cheryl go for it take the risk do what

scares you get outside of your comfort

zone

and i decided that from that moment

forward i was going to leverage

anger as one of my greatest assets

so when i launched that speaking and

coaching business i allowed anger to

come along with me for the ride

i remember about a year and a half or so

into my business i got angry

that i wasn’t generating the level of

profits that i knew i had the potential

to generate

i was serving the world at a high level

but my bank account was not reflective

of my level of service

that made me angry well that anger

allowed me to align myself with the

actions

that would create change and

transformation

so i took action i hired a coach who

could teach me how to sell

a coach who could teach me the power of

persuasive languaging so that i could

magnetize clients in

who would be willing to invest at a

higher level

that resulted in me increasing my rates

and charging what i was worth without

guilt

a few years later after i become

profitable in my business and i started

traveling the world speaking into the

lives of women

i got angry that i still wasn’t being

invited to certain tables you know those

right tables that we really want to be

invited to

and honestly that made me angry but once

again

anger became my voice of reason to say

cheryl why are you waiting

on someone to extend an invitation for

you to come to their table

when you have everything it takes to

create the table

anger was giving me this drive and this

motivation to do things i had never done

before

and that’s what i did that moment i

started creating my own tables and

inviting other amazing women and boss

leaders in

to connect to collaborate and to grow

together

so in every situation for me especially

in my business

anger was the thing that became

productive

and constructive that catapulted me into

my next level

elevation and as i consistently started

to experience these results

i wanted to duplicate it so i created a

three-part solution so that i could

rinse and repeat it and keep getting

these amazing results based on anger

and that three-part solution is to

analyze acknowledge

and act on your anger and as i

implemented that eventually i got to

walk away from that corporate job that

paid the bills but i didn’t love

and walked into my full-time passion as

a speaker

and as a coach impacting the lives of

women all around the world

as i kept getting these results and

literally watched the trajectory of my

life start to shift

i wondered could this work for other

women after all maya angelou says

each time a woman stands up for herself

without knowing it and possibly without

claiming it she stands up for all women

and i wanted to stand up for all women

so i started taking this message about

adopting anger and leveraging and

maximizing it i started taking it to

women’s groups and conferences and

organizations and companies all over the

world to introduce them to this concept

of not abandoning anger not running from

it but leveraging it

maximizing it using it not only to

propel them into setting new goals

but also to crossing the finish line of

achieving those goals

what was the result hundreds of the

women that i partnered with

they started launching these powerful

messages missions and movements

many of them started writing

best-selling international books they

started taking international stages and

sharing

their stories they started creating

global brands that allowed them to touch

other people with their unique

fingerprints that

is what i was born to do that’s what i

wanted to continue to do

so today i offer to you the three-part

solution

that has catapulted me into a new level

of elevation and many of the women i’ve

had the opportunity to serve

first analyze to analyze to carefully

examine or even dissect something

give yourself permission to carefully

analyze your anger

and do it without bias give yourself

permission to get to the root of your

anger what are the underlying emotions

that’s causing that anger to rise to the

top

and then examine your options for

maximizing the anger instead of just

harboring it or suppressing it

as a bad or harmful emotion and give

yourself permission even

to launch a powerful message mission or

movement that’s going to transform your

life and the lives of others

as a result of your anger second

acknowledge

to acknowledge something is simply to

exist the existence of a matter

so acknowledge that anger is a normal

human emotion

that every race and every gender

experiences and that you are

not some awful person just because you

get angry

in fact maybe now is the time for you to

get angry angry that perhaps you’re

playing smaller than your potential

angry that perhaps you’re still sitting

on the book that you know is inside of

you that you should have written already

maybe now is the time for you to get

angry that you are playing smaller

and you’re dimming your light to make

somebody else comfortable or that you

haven’t launched

the business whatever the thing is give

yourself

permission to embrace to validate

and then to act based on your anger and

third

act create a constructive plan of action

for your anger

decide how you want to laser focus and

channel that anger and something into

something greater

into something profound that impacts

other people’s lives and then take steps

every single day to move towards

whatever the desired result is

that you have created in your mind

because remember you have to visualize

it before you can achieve it

i believe every woman regardless of race

has at least a small dose of angry black

woman inside of her

that can serve as fuel and momentum for

who she’s becoming

for her being able to become the

greatest version of herself

so if you’re a black woman i challenge

you from this moment forward not to ever

allow anybody else to demean you or

diminish you or make you feel less than

simply because they use that phrase

angry black woman instead claim your

power over it

wear it as a badge of honor own it

and hold your head up high and give

yourself permission to validate

every emotion that you experience as a

woman yes anger

included if you’re a woman of any other

race other than a black woman

i challenge you to examine your

perspective

of what that phrase really means and

represent and then link arms with us to

help us to reframe the narrative around

it

so that all of us as women are proud

that we are boldly courageously using

our anger

to impact lives to create new

initiatives and to create change in the

world

i challenge every woman to be very

intentional about

maximizing your anger so that you can

become the greatest version of yourself

and the next time you see a black woman

or any woman who you think is angry

applaud her celebrate her support her

maybe even join her and realize

that she’s probably up to something

positively explosive

that is about to change the world and

transform lives

thank you

you