Building Meaningful Relationships in a World of Strangers

[Music]

i often get asked this question

where are you from the answer is always

tricky

i was born in chandigarh in north india

but never lived there

then i moved to gandhinagar in the west

then boarding school and constantly kept

moving after that

sometimes in jess i would say i’m a

citizen of the world

or simply indian was enough

today i’m 31 years old and i’ve lived

in 15 cities and traveled to over 33

countries across the globe

this makes an average of two years per

city

it’s been a little bit of a nomadic life

as a young girl i developed a sense of

exploration

new places and new friends excited me

though unknowingly every time i moved

there was also a displacement

of identity in retrospect

i realize i grounded my sense of

identity

in what sociologists call the third

space

the third space is a place where you

socialize

outside of the first space which is your

home

the second space which is your work or

an educational institute

these third spaces meet life worth

living

and enhance relationships it could be

any place

such as a cafe bar a place of worship

a bookstore or even a hobby

this space could also be just a feeling

or a state of mind

as my first space and second space we’re

in a constant state of flux

i seek anchor in these third spaces

let me think about a few moments in my

life

when i was truly present

as an 11 year old girl during my time

at mayo a boarding school in the desert

town of rajasthan

i found a home away from home

here i seeked solace at the long term

escort

that moment when your teammate is

serving for match point

your heart stops beating and there is a

real connection formed

it’s not only about the sport itself but

the banter and the comradeship

that surrounds it let’s fast forward

to when i was 23 and i moved to

barcelona to study

at esa business school like many of you

in this virtual room

at esa it was like entering a strange

world

yet it was a comfortable bubble of

strangers

outside of school i discovered one of my

favorite board games

settlers of katan settlers is known to

be destroying friendships

in the katan universe it doesn’t matter

where you come from

so we were a group of students from all

across

germany usa puerto rico jamaica

philippines to name a few but

while playing this game it did not

matter whether

you were rich or poor whether you were

black

or white or any shade in between whether

you graduated

on the top at the top of your class or

what job you secured

post the mba during those four hours

of gameplay there was a real sense of

being

that went beyond the superficial mass

that we were in our interactions

with the world around us

a few years later while i was in

amsterdam

we used to go to this bar called bloker

right below the philips headquarters at

amsterdam

it was a place to meet host work for

drinks on every friday

an india which you’ll hear was not just

a michelle or a lucas from floor 10

but a real person with real stories to

share

i remember having long philosophical

conversations

with the ceo of the company

way higher than me in but at blocker

we were just humans connecting

we ate this dutch dish called

bitterballen

that dish somehow connected us to the

culture

of the place itself where does it may

sound

it were these little experiences that

helped

form my identity today

in yuval harari’s book sapiens he talks

about

how we as humans

are more important than say a chimpanzee

or any other species on the planet

we are not the strongest or the smartest

yet we dominate the world the reason for

this

is our ability to imagine

fictional realities tell stories and

believe them to be true

it is with this philosophy that the idea

of

entrepreneurship and the desire to

create something unique

developed in my mind all entrepreneurial

ideas are essentially just that

it’s you imagining your reality

today i’m the ceo and founder

of unlocked which is my humble endeavor

to create and share bad thought space

that nurtured me

over the years unlocked is the first of

its kind space

with an international cuisine restaurant

an interactive cocktail bar

hundreds of board games and a real life

escape room

our ethos is eat drink and play

as you enter you’re transported to

an uncertain realm or a fourth dimension

it’s like entering a game or a puzzle

everything at unlocked is designed to

celebrate togetherness

be the bold illusionary interiors the

mysterious escape room

or the board games it brings you

closer to the people you’re with be

friends

families colleagues or even strangers

let’s look at a typical day

there is a family spanning three

generations

a few groups of millennials some couples

and some gaming enthusiasts they all

have something in common

no cell phones lots of laughter and true

bonding over food and games

in a good old-fashioned way

let’s again time travel to a hundred

years back

my grandfather spent his entire life in

one community

where everybody knew him the concept of

a stranger

was strange today

we live in a world of strangers

let’s ponder over this for a moment

the only thing i know about my next-door

neighbor

he sees japanese and he smokes

client-based living has been broken down

to very limited

transactional relationships we are

moving towards an individualistic

society

the world we live in today technology

has made relationships more complex than

ever before

we’re subject to a plethora of dating

apps

giving a sense of unlimited options as

you match with people

but no real connections being an

influencer

on instagram is a real career option

where your social media lives may be

completely different

than reality our attention spans have

been reduced to

15 second tick-tock videos i recently

read

in a forbes article it takes only seven

seconds to form the first impression

the thought of this is mind-boggling

we are essentially judging people all

the time

as you enter a party or a networking

event

there is always a yes or a no tick mark

when you meet new people

let’s try to change that

it’s scary thinking of the future

generations

i sometimes wonder if my future daughter

or my grandkids will they be so

immersed in technological relationships

that they’ll almost forget to socialize

with someone

over a drink or a board game

as the covert 19 pandemic hit us we were

all forced into a lockdown

as an explorer of spaces what’s been

most fascinating for me

to witness is during this time the first

space

and the second space they merged

our living rooms became our offices

schools and even virtual meeting places

socializing involved virtual zoom

birthdays

or game nights it is during this time

that the existence of that thought space

is under threat the need to preserve

this

becomes even more important as lockdown

guidelines are opening up across the

globe

i have a request to make of all of you

i urge you to go out there in your

communities

and create offline spaces to form

real relationships it may be dancing in

your balconies

like the italians showed us a picnic in

the neighborhood park

or creating a community around a shared

passion

creative use your imagination remember

we can be socially distant yet together

and next time you visit your favorite

restaurant

or your usual cafe look at it with fresh

eyes and a new perspective be mindful of

that space

and nurture the relationship with

yourself and those

around you i want to leave you

with one thought reflect back

on your lives find your third space

where you let go of that hamster wheel

and were truly present thank you