A Letter To The Wallflowers The Artists Everyone In Between

[Music]

i

am an artist i see beauty

and creativity in the most ordinary

things

i actually like abstract art

i love the philosophical study of

representation

expression interpretation and aesthetics

for those of you wondering yes i know

you can’t see me

i once enjoyed being invisible so nobody

could critique me

i was lost and i struggled to find

acceptance

so i thought invisibility was my only

strength

to carry me through that

was until now

growing up i wanted to be a painter

i was taught to live by an ideal image

of masculinity that fuels aggression

domination hatred for five years

i attended a grade school with only one

class

of 30 students per grade of course

everyone eventually grew tired of each

other and i started to feel suffocated

by the gender stereotypes supported by

society

children as young as 5 are exposed to

this

toxic underground system of beliefs

that thrive on being unacknowledged

throughout my entire life my accepted

reality was that

normal girls were nurturing and

submissive and

normal boys were rowdy and into

competitive sports

as a scrawny shy boy who didn’t fit the

mold

i struggled to fit in i chose to spend

my time in the art room

and like other wall flowers i suffered

from the

painful embarrassment of sticking out

like a sore thumb

i felt scared to show my authenticity

so i subdued any interest in art for

years to come

every single person during their

childhood

experiences figuring out who they want

to be when they grow up

to fit into such a big society

i feared going out into the world and

having

my dreams crushed now

a lot of people struggle to give

themselves permission to be expressive

we desire to be successful and society

has taught us that

success and creative passion are

mutually exclusive

meaning they rarely go hand in hand

if given the opportunity between

practicality in one stream

many people choose a path out of

practicality

which is really a path chosen out of

fear

what we desire to be often seems

impossibly out of reach

especially in the bay area home

to some of the most competitive people

i have met in this life alone

growing up here i felt compelled to

venture into tech

or medicine it took me years

to realize that the world cannot and

will not define who i

am because i am the only judge of myself

now most people don’t spend their lives

thinking about their future they have a

life to live

obligations to fulfill and

they’re not concerned about who they are

in society until

unimaginable fate strikes

you lose your grandparents you lose a

child

you experience grief all of a sudden

the world you once knew is shattered and

you’re left with a missing piece of the

person

you used to be that

is the moment you realize the necessity

of human creativity

you are desperate to fill in that empty

void

creativity guides you in that grief to

pick up the pieces

and keep on moving with your life

with creativity we crawl out of our

shells

and begin to notice the common humanity

that unites us

in the seventh grade i started to grow

closer with my art teacher

it was the year my grandfather passed

away and i was suffering from the impact

of my parents grief and my own grief as

well

my art teacher became my main outlet to

release my own discouragement

discouragement to want to move on with

my life

knowing at the time i was facing larger

than life emotions that

muted me into episodes of hell

one day she offered me a leadership

opportunity

to be the art director of the student

council

she wanted to shed light on a male’s

perspective of art

and that was the moment my

world expanded

she acknowledged the side of me i had

hidden out of fear

for so long instead

of hoping that this part of me would

magically obliterate

and i would finally be accepted by the

people around me

she showed me how connected humans all

are

despite our identities

my art teachers creativity led her to

reach out to a student in need

she offered me a hand to extend her

bridge

to pull me out of that void full of fear

the fear

of not being normal enough to be

accepted by the people around me

the effect we have on others and

ourselves

is the most valuable form of currency

my fear acted as the enemy in my life

by keeping me away from pursuing my

interest in art

everyone has the power to decide

whether or not to allow the fear to

subdue them

you can either choose to spend your

entire life

listening to your inner demons and

constantly living in fear

or you can choose to live life

the way you want by following your

passions

the decisions we make in this moment are

on the basis of either

fear or passion decisions made from

either listening to the head

or following the heart

i regret not following my heart and

allowing

the fear of humiliation to stand taller

than me

anybody can be a survivor from their own

fear i

became a survivor that day because i

made the conscious choice

to allow myself to be expressive of the

artistic side

i had suppressed for so long

before i could survive i had to know

myself

i didn’t love myself enough to want to

know

who i was i was left stabbed

by everyone’s words behind my back an

odyssey

of healing i’m still enduring to this

day

so i learned that you are constantly

changing

that knowing yourself is a lifelong

process

to help you can ask yourself this

question to guide you

what do you love

you can then use your love to combat

fear because

love is the enemy of fear

if you let the fear in you are only

allowing

the world to choose your narrative and

you don’t

get to live the life you want because

you let your inner demons win

fear bleeds into your imagination and

writes this screenplay that

illustrates the potential scenarios

awaiting you

this same screenplay distorts your own

sense of the reality

creating a motion picture drama i like

to call

i can never fulfill my dreams

human creativity is liberation

manifested inside of us human creativity

is an old-fashioned value that remains a

survival need

for humanity it unshackles us

letting us go into this escape from the

problems of our superficial society

and guides our interactions with one

another

human creativity is freedom

in our society depending on our identity

that freedom can be taken away from us

these accepted stereotypes of gender

are harmful many ways but most

importantly

by impairing our abilities to love

others

and ourselves just the way we are

in truth we aren’t always doing what we

love

because we fall in that habit of

preferring practicality

over expression don’t

let your fear and what the world will

have to say about you

prevent you from doing what you love

what you want to fulfill lies beyond the

perception of others

if you allow yourself to follow what you

love

who you are shines through

it’s your life not anybody else’s

dictate

claim it like it’s yours

by yours truly matthew tran

and thank you