My Trauma is Not a Trend

[Music]

my trauma

is not a trend when i look to my left

and i look to my right

i see a lot of new faces have joined

this fight and it feels so good to see

you

welcome thank you so tell me what do you

see

is it the same energy or was it just a

trend

because when i scroll down my timeline i

see a lot of people

fighting to get back to normal and trust

me i get it

i want to enjoy life too but on june 2nd

2020

when we all posted those black squares

and people were pledging their

solidarity

i thought the point was that we all

recognized that there was a need for

change and we can’t go back to that

normal

that normal wasn’t respecting me regis

didn’t matter in that normal

that normal is killing us

and as you fight to get back to what was

i’m fighting to elevate your thoughts on

what could be

see we’re on the verge of something big

massive

huge we have the opportunity to be a

part of one of the most transformative

times in history

a moment in time that could be

remembered in history books as people

who truly fought for change

this is an opportunity and i’m going to

say that a few times

and if we take this opportunity we can

make some significant steps towards

equality

but it’ll take extraordinary effort to

achieve

such extraordinary results now

i truly believe that this unrest and

discomfort

represents our growing pains as a

society

and that if we all do our part there can

be great discovery in this discomfort

now i never thought

i’d see this chance for change in my

lifetime and as a matter of fact i spent

many years building up a wall around me

to protect me

developing a threshold of tolerance to

mistreatment

harassment just to get me through so as

much as this

excites me it also terrifies me

because my trauma just cannot

be a trend from a young age

i was well aware of what being black

meant and that we’re not treated equal

now the law says we’re equal but in

practice

nothing could be further from the truth

before i ever

opened my mouth teachers classmates

even friends parents automatically made

sweeping judgments about me

and you see if you’re not a person of

color it’s hard to truly understand how

diminishing this is

i know that until i open my mouth and

articulate myself

there is an imposed feeling of being

lesser than

which doesn’t get any easier even when

you’re 35 years old

in north america our society is built on

white supremacy

think about that for a minute now i’m

not saying that everyone subscribes to

the extreme end of the spectrum

but everyone has biases that are

ingrained in us from a very young age

now you may not think you use your white

privilege

but are you willing to lose your white

privilege

as a kid i learned very quickly to tone

down everything i said and did

i didn’t want to feed into the

stereotypes i didn’t want to be labeled

as a troublemaker

or give anyone a reason to write me off

see even my hair i didn’t lock my hair

for years because i didn’t want to lose

out on getting hired

somewhere and i tried once i tried twice

i tried three times to get on tv and i

never got hired and i said you know what

forget it whatever

no tv for me i’m just gonna be me i’m

gonna lock my hair

so i decided to lock my hair in this uh

november of 2010

and i’ll tell you what god is good

because i got hired to be the host of

rap city in december of the same year

luckily for me i had a strong black

woman i called mother

and i grew up in the house with four

women

who constantly gave me the pep talks

that i had to work twice as hard be

twice as talented

have manners pray and dress well

see i was taught to survive survive in a

system that doubts me first

i’ve been conditioned to mute myself and

maybe if i’m really polite

and present myself as harmless and speak

with less boy

base in my voice i’ll grow up to survive

a traffic stop

now but for real my mom did what she had

to do my mom gave me the tools to

survive and i’m so

grateful but to me i’m fighting for

equality now

and equality means that i will not be

teaching my daughter to work twice as

hard

for any other reason than that that’s

what she has to offer the world

even in high school i had to pick my

battles if someone said something racist

ugh something i would think about

jay-z’s line where he said

a wise man told me don’t argue with

fools because people from a distance

can’t tell who is who

and i’m a big boy so i stood up for

myself but there were certain times that

i was guilty of just not

wanting to bother you see i guess i’ve

always just had this choice

stand up for myself and be damned for

being that big angry black guy

or sacrifice my voice and ride out the

discomfort

be complicit to my own demise

and if you think about it is that even

really a choice you’re damned if you do

damned if you don’t

and my life has been a constant battle

of choosing between the lesser of those

two evils

but every time i bit my tongue

i was unknowingly killing my own truth

so as a grown man when i was asked

a simple question on national television

tyrone how are you

for once

i told my truth

with 10 years of experience in front of

the camera

i could have responded with countless

replies

that would have been safe and expected

but in that moment i decided to unmute

myself

i decided to speak up for all the times

that i didn’t

for all of those who couldn’t and what

seemed like an emotional breakdown on

national television

was actually my greatest personal

breakthrough

the endless microaggressions the extreme

trauma of observing the murder of

innocent black people all around me

and then somehow most of my white

counterparts not all

that are usually up on everything just

didn’t notice

or at least they weren’t as upset as i

was about it

and it had finally taken its toll

see i didn’t plan to go on national

television and cry my eyes out that day

but it felt like a lifetime of

suppressing my true feelings

was pouring out and this time i wasn’t

concerned about how i looked

i went with how i felt

all the things i had worked so hard not

to do

not to ruffle any feathers not to get

too

angry not to cry

ironically i was finally

liberated as the angry black man

hashtag angry black man until this day

every week a complete stranger

a man will walk up to me and say i saw

your segment tyrone

thank you i cried with you

only three years ago there were three

words that could silence a room

people looked at you crazy if you said

it like why are you saying that

you guys know what those three words

were

black lives matter and on june 2nd of

2020 there was an obvious shift

an awareness and awakening it’s not

political

it’s not selfish it’s not aggressive

it’s just true people hear systemic

racism

and they have the same initial reaction

today

what do you mean is it is it really

racist t is is

it’s not systemic see these systems

aren’t against you and i respond

and i say look the systems aren’t for us

they don’t include us

so therefore they are when i heard

anthony anderson make a joke at the 2020

emmys

saying that this would have been the

blackest emmys ever because it had been

the most

black people nominated ever because

and everybody was excited but it’s a

pandemic

so everybody had to stay home and he

said

but it’s all good because you guys

couldn’t light us anyways

you guys couldn’t light us anyways it

made me think wow

this is the black experience across the

board for example

i’ve held up a number of shoots over the

years because of lighting issues

you can be a licensed hair stylist and

not be required to know how to work with

my texture

you can be a makeup artist for the stars

and never have to learn how to do my

makeup without making me look

gray or orange i just

i just want to be brown y’all i just

want to be brown i want to walk into the

makeup room

and leave brown the fact that we’re not

included is why we say systemic racism

if a system excludes you based on your

race it is

now as a result that adds an extra layer

to our days just making things that much

heavier and less enjoyable

and it’s a reminder that not only is

there not too many

people around that look like you but

really you’re lucky to even be there

because not really meant to be

another thing we’ve all heard recently

is amplifying black voices

i just want to say that respecting my

voice is the first step before wanting

to amplify it

so understanding me is far more

important than pitying me

we aren’t looking for handouts or

hand-me-downs just hire the qualified

people

and there’s a commitment now to hire

bi-pac which is needed

and welcomed but it also hurts because

it’s a reminder that

tanya may very well have been a good

candidate

but wasn’t white for the job i mean

sorry right for the job

i need you to understand that black

people we aren’t where we are

in society because we’re lazy no

we’ve been strategically limited to

resources looked over for promotions in

the workplace

denied loans and crippled by our postal

codes

so before you amplify my voice i just

want you to be aware of what

we’ve been going through what our

mothers and fathers were up against my

mother has worked

three jobs at times my uncle worked for

nasa as an award-winning engineer

i had friends that were in and out of

jail my auntie was a nurse

for 30 years my neighbor was one of the

most highly recruited basketball players

in high school

but i want to tell you this they were

all racially profiled followed in a

store

denied loans and even the basic decency

at the emergency room or even common

courtesy while doing groceries

i say all that because you can only be

as compassionate as you are

understanding so i need you to

understand how difficult it is for me

to even be here today there’s no clear

path for me

but somehow they’re roadblocks so what

can you do

on june 2nd we’ve seen a lot of these

black squares

and i appreciate it i hope it was a

catalyst for you to learn

listen share because sharing is key

but this is a perfect segue for me to

quickly discuss

theory versus the practical see the

theory

only required you to make statements the

practical

is requiring you to take action the

theory is acknowledging systemic racism

and police brutality as an ongoing

problem

the practical is being willing to do

something about it

theory i am not racist practical

i am anti-racist the theory is

comforting

but the practical is when we apply it to

our own lives and only then does it

become

liberating and impactful

starting with yourself what do you

believe what do you stand for

teach your children to love themselves

and others and if you share the desire

for

change let that be reflected in the

spaces you occupy

the roles you play and the decisions you

have a hand in making

we are all cautious of the unknown but

let’s agree to acknowledge what is known

blacks are not in a position to win we

are structurally not intended to contend

we are resilient yes but the goal is to

level the playing field

in all aspects of life the thought that

after

all this that we just tire and go back

to normal that scares me

because that’s the history of this

struggle

that’s also the privilege afforded to

everyone

but black people

we have no excuse

we have science and technology we should

have the humanity

we are able to make some significant

changes in the world before

our official restart another shot at

this

more conscious of humanity and our

environment

because trust me we have failed at both

pre-covet

i am fueled by love driven by hope

and i know change is hard it can be

uncomfortable it can be

unfamiliar but as i go through my own

evolution

i see it mirrored in the world around me

and i’m sensing that we’re on the verge

of a whole

new standard

i pray that you will not pass

on this opportunity the world needs

change

our children are watching life

depends on it my trauma is not a trend

thank you one love