The Body Language Of SelfConfidence

[Music]

so

self-confidence now when i would

ask most of you how do you want to be

seen by

other people most of you would say

likable

they should see me as a nice person

i only have to change the setting a

little bit let’s say

in a job interview or during a

representation

or in an ordinary business meeting

and suddenly almost every one of you

would say no i want to

be seen as competent as self-confident

as sovereign you want to be taken

serious

now why does that change so quickly

why is it that in many situations we

leave

out the likability and pay

a lot for the self-confidence now to

find out that reason we have to get

a step back in evolution not too far

back

300 000 years ago is enough

the neanderthal life was really tough

gathering food

wow that was a tough job a lot of hands

were needed

a lot of brain power was needed

enemies you needed all the power

available

and all the know-how available the same

with building houses

you needed everyone in the group in the

village

even the elderly although they didn’t

have any more the power

they had the know-how only one group was

excluded

and that was the children they didn’t

have the power by now

and they also didn’t have collected

enough

experience but the older the children

get the more they

realize we are excluded when they go

out for a hunt we have to stay in the

village

when they build new houses no one asks

us

how to build the houses so the older the

children get the more the drive

awakes in them i want to be a full

member of the group of the society so

what they want to prove

the older they get at least when they at

latest when they are teenagers

is i am clever i’m strong

enough i have seen all the problems so

they want to appear self-confident

they want to appear absolutely sure

of themselves and what they always want

to avoid

is embarrassment now fast forward

to our time and when you are in the

presentation most of you will think oh

when i do the presentation afterwards

everyone should say

wow what a self-confident person and if

there’s an embarrassment oh my god

please no embarrassment it is the same

now the body language of self-confidence

we read that in tabloids in bulva

magazines

and also not so scientific publications

is always

straight up symmetrical body language

straight view straight eye contact

and also not too much smiles and

no signs of submissiveness in the german

speaking world we have a word that says

chin up chest out belly in

now if i would start a presentation like

that i’m not self

confident i’m arrogant and the

difference is

only within the time frames because our

brain

takes decisions in a different way

let’s take a a normal business let’s

take a job interview

hr manager sits in his or her office

the door opens and the applicant for the

job

enters the room now two areas in the

brain

of this hr manager take very quick

decisions

within milliseconds that is the brain

stem

and the midbrain both are very important

the brain stand

takes the decision about 50 years ago

scientists thought it’s only fight or

flight

nowadays we know there’s more to that

note and not only fight to

fight or flight that is one the other is

is that new situation is that new person

is that a moment for relaxation for me

is that a resource for me or do

i want to get rid of that person that is

mainly the brain stem

and that is the first decision now

the first decision is a little bit

different from the second because the

second decision is the mid brain and the

midbrain is one of the best

inventions in evolution because only

with a midbrain

we were able to form groups and to form

hierarchies so the second decision is

only possible for animals for creatures

who have a midbrain

for instance dogs dogs are

popular pets because they obey

sometimes it’s also the dog own base but

someone is always obeying if you want to

do that with a salamander

with a snake you don’t even get the

leash around the neck of the snake

so it is a a completely different

circumstance with

mid-brain animals and we as human beings

are

mid-brainers we form groups and from the

first

moment on we decide whether this person

is above or below me not only in status

but

also in know-how that is why sometimes

i hope more often than sometimes people

from a higher status

listen to people who are lower but are

cleverer in some

areas that will be important a little

bit later on

so that is the second decision but the

first decision is

do does this hr manager want to spend

more time with that person or does he or

she want to get rid of that person

now we have the misconception when you

think i walk through life

with my self-confident body language

believe me each and every hr manager

will think please

leave the room so what you should do

to be to be seen as a competent person

from the first

moment on you want to give them the

feeling that they

want to continue communicating with you

that they want to listen to you that

they want to spend

more time with you and that is with a

likable body language number one show

more emotions

show more emotions why is that relaxed

motions show i am not prepared for a

fight

i’m not prepared for defending myself

imagine you would start a presentation

like that everyone would think oh this

is going to be

argument counter argument the more

relaxed

body language you show the more you

invite

people to listen to you show more

emotions

i mean you should not start every

presentation with motions like that

if you do that you should change the

types of drugs you’re using but

if you are if you’re starting a

presentation with a relaxed body

language you

give them a feeling oh we want to listen

to him

or her i give you a picture maybe you

just just

imagine you stand at the bar with

good friends of yours and tell them

about your last weekend or your last

holidays

you don’t stand there and talk like that

if you stand like that people will think

you are the waitress or the waiter

you talk like that depending on your

temperament some will talk like that

and some will talk like that but

everyone shows more emotions

number two show asymmetry asymmetry

means the halves of the body are not

equal asymmetry also means i

am not prepared to fight if the

saber-tooth tiger

approaches me and i’m standing like that

i am dead because i’m not quick enough

to fight

that is what you want not being dead but

appearing not to want to fight

number three is smile more smiling is

important primatologists teach us that

smiling is

not in the first hand a signal of

likability

it is a signal of i have accepted

your higher status that is why

when you see a person from a higher

status but you don’t like you still

smile at that person when the police

stops you over

and the police officer looks at the side

window of your car

you show that facial expression

if you don’t believe me try the next

time when the policeman stops you over

and you look at him like

that’s gonna be expensive because the

police officer thinks ah

you have difficulties accepting that i’m

the stronger person

that is why smiling is so important but

now you come to the point in your

presentation

when it is important to bring across the

most important facts your usps

the things you want to cover convince

the other people

it is always a short portion of your

whole presentation

now you have the whole potential to

change your body language

from a body language that moves a lot to

a stable body language

from asymmetry to symmetry and now

you can stop smiling the change

in the body language is what makes you

self-confident i give an example number

one

is very important number two is also

important

but the most important fact is number

three

and that is what gives them the feeling

of you

know what you are talking about that

gives them the feeling ah

that was important i should remember

that but if you do the mistake and think

your presentation has to be stable all

throughout the presentation it looks

like

number one is important number two is

important and the most important fact is

number three

that is what most presentations are all

about but that is not what

what gives the people the signal i

should remember the facts so always make

a difference between

your everyday body language that should

be approachable that should be likable

and reduce the stable and self-confident

body language

to the points that are really important

if you do it too long

you are always a little bit stand offish

maybe it’s easier if you think of a of

an everyday situation

let’s say monday morning and you were at

home

and as always the children don’t obey

they don’t do what you want them to do

you know you’re in a hurry because you

want to go you have to go to the office

the children have to go to school you’re

cleaning

the kitchen table from breakfast and you

shout to them hey

write granny uh a birthday sms and don’t

forget to close the window in your room

and

don’t you dare to leave the house

without

cleaning your your room now you run to

the bathroom and again you ask what’s

with the sms for granny

is the window already closed and is your

room tidy

and then you brush your teeth for the

third time you ask what’s with the

message

and the window is it still open and is

your room already clean

latest by now the children know only one

person in that household is annoying

and that is not granny

because of course they got the message

already

at the first time of course but from

your body language they read

the message is not to be taking serious

you should do exactly what i said before

the less important facts you say with an

asymmetrical body language

only the important fact there you change

the body language

write an sms to granny and close the

window and

don’t you dare to leave the house

without cleaning the room

believe me they won’t only clean the

room they will clean the whole house

and that is what we want to see in our

life

when you are doing presentations when

you talk to people when you talk to

patients

it is all about adherence when people

don’t realize what is important and what

is not so important

it is the problem that you have made

so your body language doesn’t change the

content but the body language gives them

the feeling

that is important and that is not so

important

and if you this is just a hint for your

personality

if you constantly think oh well now i

have to

be always in every situation the strong

woman

the strong man then with one food

you are still a little bit in your youth

oh as friedrich nietzsche put it

he said we have to overcome our youth

to be children again thank you

[Applause]

you