The Power of Communication and Body Language

as a child growing up

i used to enjoy watching cartoons and

tv shows that had a number of

superheroes

from icons like superman

and spiderman and a host of others

i was always fascinated by the different

powers

and abilities that each one of them

possessed

but one thing that i found very

interesting was their backstory

of how they acquired their superpowers

because initially many of them did not

know how to use them to help others

but with time patience

and practice they were able to master

those newfound skills and abilities and

began saving lives

all over the world

and as i look around i can only imagine

that many of you

also had childhood superheroes and wish

that you had

superpowers and abilities as well

but as adults today i’d like for you to

imagine

what if you had the ability to read

human emotions

with great accuracy while reducing or

minimizing the risk

of misjudging others based off our own

opinions

[Music]

and wouldn’t it be great to be able to

read someone’s body language

to be able to help them get through

tough times or personal crisis

and get to a better state in life well

i’m here to let you know

that each one of these things are

possible and i’d like to share with you

some

how to recognize tips

that have helped me as a police officer

and a polygraph examiner

now early in my career i was a pretty

decent communicator

but i wasn’t a great communicator

but just like other superheroes i knew

that i wanted to help other people

so in order to do this i had to get out

of my comfort zone and start learning

more about myself while also learning

about others

and once i started investigating

criminal cases

i realized that i had to step up my game

you see i discovered that i had been

missing small subtleties

such as microexpressions and body

language gestures and cues

that were right in front of my face but

unfortunately

i wasn’t picking up what others were

laying down

but with time patience and practice

i was able to master these newfound

skills and abilities

and because of this i’ve been able to

help a number of people

get through some tough times and crisis

in their life

on personal and professional levels

and so i’d like to share with you some

of the

abcs of effective communication

these are active listening

body language and congruency

[Music]

now when we talk about communication one

of the first things we need to

understand

is communication is the act of imparting

or exchanging ideas

or information now this can be verbal or

non-verbal

typically we start with a messenger and

a receiver the messenger will send

information to the receiver and the

receiver provides feedback to the

messenger

and this will continue and go on and on

and on throughout the conversation

this is very important to establish

effective communication when meeting

someone because it helps

build trust and rapport

active listening active listening is the

verbal component of communication

and this helps us with the channels of

how people

think learn and communicate with each

other with each other

and they are auditory

visual and kinesthetic or tactile

now our auditory learners typically

think

learn and communicate in terms that

involve

hearing and they’ll often speak in terms

like

i hear you hey listen to this

or that sounds good to me

our visual learners will think learn and

communicate

in ways that involve seeing and they’ll

often speak in terms like

i see what you’re saying picture this

or that looks good to me

and our last kinesthetic or tactile

these learners will

typically think learn and communicate in

ways that

that involve touching or feeling

they like to get hands on and write into

the thick of things

and often they will speak in terms like

something doesn’t feel right or let me

hold it

or you need to get a grip

so for example a package comes in the

mail that requires assembly

now the auditory learner will take that

item out of the box and they would

prefer to have some type of audible

instructions to accompany them if that’s

not available then they will maybe ask

someone to help

read those instructions out loud and if

that’s not available that they may read

the instructions themselves

and say it out loud so they can process

what they hear

our visual learner they’re going to look

for pictures

illustrations or diagrams to help them

piece the items together

and if that’s not available then they’ll

read the instructions step by step

so that they can process what they see

now

on the other hand the kinesthetic and

tactile learner they’re going to take

that

item right out of the box they’re going

to discard the instructions all together

and they’re going to go straight

hands-on

and they’re going to start to assemble

that item unless they run into a snag

and if they run into a snag then they’ll

go to one of the other learning channels

so you may be saying well i do each one

of these

and while that may be true we’re

typically stronger in one area

and not as strong in some of the others

now you may be asking yourself well how

is this going to help me help

anyone well you see when we understand

how individuals think

learn and communicate

we’re better able to assign tasks in

our homes in schools in the workplace

or even in everyday general society

because we learned to speak the same

language

because if it feels good to you it feels

good to me

if it sounds good to you it sounds good

to me

and if it looks good to you then it

looks good to me

so we continually continue to build

rapport

with others to show that we’re

understanding

body language body language is the

non-verbal component of communication

now contrary to popular belief

there is no one definitive body language

gesture or cue that indicates deception

some of you may have heard the classic

saying

well i’ve heard if a person crosses

their arms they’re being deceptive well

that in itself is not absolutely true

as some of you may be viewing this

presentation right now

you may be seated with your arms crossed

simply because

you’re cold or chilly or maybe that’s

just how you relax so we have to look at

everything in its overall context

for example if i cross my arms

and tilt my head as though i’m lending

an

ear and i give an eyebrow flash

and nod my head it may show that i’m

engaged or interested

but on the other hand if i cross my arms

and keep them in an uptight position and

show a sign of anger

and inhale deeply and keep my shoulders

upright

it may show that i’m frustrated

irritated

uninterested or being guarded so we have

to look at everything in its overall

context

and when we talk about body language

micro expressions are a great

tool to help us establish emotion

now for those of you who do do not know

micro expressions are a brief

involuntary facial movement that usually

lasts about a half a second or less

and they’re based off the emotion felt

at the time of their display

now for the past 50 plus years

scientists and researchers have studied

these micro expressions

and they’ve determined that we all have

seven universal traits in common

happiness sadness

anger disgust

fear surprise and contempt

and because of time purposes i’m only

going to be able to share a handful of

those with you

so as we look in the first diagram here

in the photo you see we’re focusing on

the area here

in between the eyebrows as we look at

the muscles

we see a furrowing in the eyebrows which

show a

downward and an inward movement

which is indicative of anger

now this should not be confused with

concentration as concentration number

one would last

longer than a micro expression

and other than that it would show

sometimes a squinting of the eyes as the

lower eyelids increase

and it would show more of an intense

focus

now in the second photo we see the exact

opposite whereas in anger

we saw a down and inward movement we see

an

up and an inward movement here

in the muscles just in between the

eyebrows

and these are indicative of sadness

and often associated with sadness as we

see in the eyes

there’s a softening of the eyes

and in our last photo

we’re used to seeing the lips outside

the mouth in a relaxed state however in

this photo we see

that the lips are pulled inward

which we call lip tucking and this lip

tucking shows that some type of emotion

is being

repressed that emotion is being held in

inside as some type of tension and

oftentimes we’ll see this when someone

is

biting their tongue or holding their

words back so that they don’t say

something that they’ll regret

later and so i like to say when the lips

begin to hide

there’s tension building inside

and in our last group of photos here we

see different sets of hands

and these hands appear to be

self-soothing

as they’re massaging each other or you

see people pull on their fingers

or play with jewelry on their fingers as

well

these are very strong signs of stress

nervousness or anxiety

and often affiliated with this the hands

may begin to sweat

and this is why we’ll see athletes such

as

baseball players they’ll pick up dirt

off the ground and dry their hands

or gymnasts they’ll use chalk to dry

their hands before they perform

or just everyday people in society when

they get nervous

we dry their hands on their pants

congruency congruency is the ability

to analyze the verbal and the non-verbal

components of communication

and what we’re looking for are matches

and mismatches

because these help indicate truth and

deception

so for example as we typically affiliate

the word yes as something being positive

and in the affirmative

the head normally moves up and down

[Music]

and opposite of this we affiliate the

word no

with something being negative or on the

contrary

so if i say hey

that shirt you’re wearing

i i really love it it it looks great on

you

you have to ask yourself are my verbal

and non-verbal components matching or

mismatching

or when you ask someone how they’re

doing

[Music]

and they display a sign of sadness

briefly and say

i i’m okay

[Music]

you have to ask yourself are they really

okay or are they just saying they’re

okay

because sometimes we have to dig a

little bit deeper

and so i would charge you to take

your active listening skills and your

body language skills

and look for those matches and

mismatches because

when you ask the right questions

you will get the right answers

and remember when someone has something

to say and they’re willing to talk to

you

they just want to be heard it’s just our

job

to listen to them

and so as i close i’d like for you for

you to imagine once again

being able to help that person that’s

angry or nervous

by helping them calm down and relax

or maybe that person is going through

sadness and depression

by helping them get to a better state in

life before it’s potentially too late

and so i’d like to end with a quote from

jonathan swift

vision is the art of seeing

what is invisible to others

in other words start using your new

found skills and abilities

and if you’re willing to take the time

to learn and practice

then maybe we can all be superheroes

to help build and improve relationships

between others one person

one step at a time

thank you

you