Reclaiming SelfCare

hello

audrey lord once said to care for myself

is not self-indulgence it is

self-preservation

and that is an act of political warfare

what lord understood was that even

though we all have to figure out how to

exist and survive within the society

it never has the right to take away our

full humanity

or our voice and that to care for

oneself

is not something that should be done

solely in service of a system

but may occasionally need to be done in

defiance of it

while self-care is still all the rage i

can’t help but feel sometimes that it’s

been flattened

from the deeper meaning that lord speaks

about

too often self-care reminders seem so

simple drink some water get plenty of

sleep

see a friend and almost always with the

so you can do x so you can keep going so

you can achieve

it flattened self-care to something like

a power up

in a video game this is why i feel like

we deserve to reclaim self-care and to

do that we should recognize

that it has radical roots roots that can

be found

in the lgbtq and civil rights movements

movements which were all about

honoring the worth of a person as

important no matter what society deemed

that to be at the time

roots that connect to the indigenous

cultures of our country who understand

the importance of rejuvenation

and replenishment outside of production

but how do we do that sometimes people

focus on the acts

and while some acts can be more radical

than others

the reality is that there’s no

definition that makes one self-care

behavior better than the other

in fact many times the things that we do

to care for ourselves

whether they be spiritual or creative

indulgent or social

even meditative they’re politically

neutral

to truly reclaim self-care i think we

need to focus more on why we should be

doing it

and not what we’re doing i propose three

steps to take us through that path

first i’m a therapist so we got to ask

ourselves some questions

second hopefully we can find places to

make adjustments in our behavior

and our thinking and finally what i

think the most important piece is

we could recognize that advocacy is one

of the most important

most important components in a self-care

toolkit so sometimes starting is the

hardest part

so here are a couple prompts for you ask

yourself

what do i enjoy doing what are things

that fulfill me

big and small on a deeper level and how

often do i consider those an important

part of my self-care routine

versus a guilty pleasure or something i

have to earn

by accomplishing some other external

thing

think about how often you find yourself

saying your self-care routine

is something that i and maslow would

argue are your basic necessities

some water full eight hours of sleep

seeing a friend and why we may be

frustrated when those things

aren’t enough to fulfill us aren’t

enough to keep us going

maybe we need to ask ourselves how do i

approach self-care

am i approaching it from a place where i

truly believe that i am worthy of it

that i have a right to this whether or

not i get an a on my test

or put in the hours at work that i think

i need to

or have i bought into a mentality that

says that self-care’s entire purpose is

to serve the system

and that if i don’t achieve it’s not

working

hopefully as we ask ourselves these

questions we can see where adjustments

may need to be made

maybe we change our behavior so that

we’re including acts that actually

fulfill us

and stop accepting the bare minimum as

the best we can do

maybe we can adjust our thinking to

truly honor ourselves

to be skeptical when someone tells us

this is the way it has to be

or this is the most important thing that

you need to do

to challenge that part of us that may

think that in order to be happy

we have to be better and in order to be

better we have to do more

and that at some point soon we could

take care of our mental health

but not right now and then finally

advocacy the most important point to me

and i think

lord would agree she often spoke about

self-care

in terms of her journey with her cancer

diagnosis and how

important it was for her to speak up in

the doctor’s offices to make sure she

was getting the best treatment possible

because she knew at that time she was

within a system

that did not respect respect black

women’s voices and cared even less about

black women’s pain

so how do we advocate it could be scary

i suggest we start with just one little

word

why the next time you find yourself in a

situation

ask why why do we do it this way

why are 70 hour work weeks normal why

are we adding more expectations

why is this the rubric that we have

decided equals success

when we ask why we create friction

within our brains

and within society and within that

friction we can create something new we

can create the space

where we can reclaim self-care and make

it something more than

than acts that help us tread water but

make it be something that we fully

believe we deserve

because we know everyone has the right

to comfort and safety

and pleasure and we can work to create a

better world for ourselves and others

even if it’s just by being the voice in

the room that pipes up to ask

why

you