The Reality of Foster Care
[Applause]
it’s the hard knock life for us
it’s the hard knock life for us
no one cares for you a bit
when you’re a foster kid it’s the hard
knock life
now i remember sitting in my tv growing
up and hearing those lyrics blare from
my screen
as i sat back and watched the hit
hollywood film
annie the story of a feisty curly haired
young girl
who is navigating her world through the
foster care system
now annie is not just a fictional screen
on our movies you see annie is the
portrayal of a real life problem that is
drastically increasing in our world
today
foster care and according to
heartgalleryofamerica.org there are over
435 000 children
in the foster care system today and that
is just in the united states alone
over 110 000 of those children are in
need of adoptive families right now
and each year approximately 20
000 children age out of the system at 18
to live on their own unprepared and
unsupported
so no by no means is annie just a
fictional movie on our screens
for entertainment purposes
but the story of annie is the reality
for thousands of children in the world
today
so i want us to analyze the world of
foster care by first
looking at what it means to live the
hard knock life
second examine some of the reasons that
people are failing to get involved
and third looking towards some practical
solutions to show us how we can be that
son
that comes out tomorrow in the lives of
foster children
so let’s dive in what exactly does it
mean to live the hard knock life
to begin to answer this question i want
us to dissect some more lyrics from the
song
annie states don’t it feel like the wind
is always howling
don’t it feel like there’s never any
light once a day don’t you want to throw
the towel in
because it’s easier than putting up a
fight
no one’s there when your dreams at night
get creepy and no one cares
if you grow or if you shrink
now this is the part i want us to hone
in on
empty belly life rotten smelly life full
of sorrow life
no tomorrow life
you see to live the hard knock life is
to live a life of loneliness
hopelessness exhaustion
and fear feelings that are way too
common in the foster care system
you see we must remember that every
single foster child has a story whether
it be facing physical
sexual emotional abuse or neglect
they have all been in the position of
feeling worthless abandoned and unloved
when these children enter the foster
care system the best case scenario is
that they will be placed with a relative
however in most cases these children are
sent to live with strangers
and foster homes and group facilities
where they have to live with other
foster children and staff members
and according to annie e casey
foundation
living long-term in a group facility has
a negative effect on foster children
they aren’t able to develop those
practical skills
develop that healthy relationship with
an adult
or simply experience a healthy home life
and caseworkers are failing to see the
trauma that is being put on these
children
from maltreatment and multiple moves
from homes and schools
in the foster care system
all those transitions lead to a lack of
familiarity
that lack of familiarity turns into a
lack of comfort
and that lack of comfort turns into a
lack of security
you see the trauma of these foster
children
just continues to build and in time
foster children begin to place feelings
of regret
guilt and shame on themselves and
believe that their trauma is resulted
from something that they did
however on the outside looking in we
understand that
nothing that they’re going through is
their fault
but when a child’s mind becomes so
engrossed in guilt and shame
it is so hard to comprehend and accept
the truth of the matter so then how do
you sit down with a
year old and tell her you did nothing
to deserve being abused
how do you sit down with a little boy
and tell them that although his father
loves him deeply he doesn’t have the
right to lash out at him
as a sign of frustration
in some cases you simply can’t
you see these children do not just need
a regular old foster parent they need
someone who will sit with them in the
family courtroom as they sit across from
their family and often be told
they can’t go home they need someone who
will be there on the days they have to
go to school
fake it till they make it and act as if
their world were not falling apart
you see what these foster children deal
with is very real
and it’s not easy nor should we treat it
like it’s easy
because being pulled from your home
having to live with strangers push
through the judicial system as if you’re
just a number
and just simply trying to hold
yourselves together
that is the hard knock life
so now that we have a better
understanding of what it means to live
the hard enough life
let us examine some reasons that people
are failing to get involved
so in the movie annie the audience is
introduced to a plethora of characters
the first character is miss hannigan
the foster mother now miss hannigan is a
drunken
lazy selfish hateful woman who despite
her role hates
children on the flip side we have
daddy warbucks who is a billionaire who
takes in annie
but has no intentions of developing a
real relationship with her
but instead wants to use her to promote
his public image
now while these specific characters are
fictional
the situation is far from it
so let us rid the foster care system of
the ms hannigans
who’ve taken children from money and
greed let us do away with the daddy
warbucks who have no intentions of
developing a real relationship with a
child
but instead use that child’s trauma
for their personal gain
let us do away with the people that
simply can do good and replace them with
those
that want to do good because you see the
world just doesn’t need foster parents
to stand up
the world needs good foster parents
to stand up because these children
deserve it now you see 33 percent of
people consider
getting involved in the foster care
system
approximately only two percent ever do
so why is that
the big but i want to get involved
but while i was thinking about it but
the excuses you see so many of us go
through the millions of reasons why we
can’t do anything
rather than the one reason that we could
the first excuse focus on materialism
you see i want to help but i don’t think
i can provide them with
now besides the essentials of food water
clothing and shelter
foster children do not need special
treatment so no they don’t need some big
house to live in name-brand clothes or
the newest iphone
now while i’m sure many of them wouldn’t
fight you for it
a lack to provide should not be the
reason that you don’t get involved
because let us be real materials don’t
last forever
but the true love of someone
can last a lifetime so let’s shift our
focus
from providing those temporary materials
to providing these children with someone
that will be there for them
and support them mentally and
emotionally
not just physically the second excuse is
but i don’t want to deal with the foster
care system
now don’t get me wrong this is a very
very very valid point
the foster care system can be messy
there may be days of miscommunication
there may be days of no communication
there may be judges and caseworkers that
simply do not
care but again
we should not let that stop us from
helping these children out
because the fact that the system is
messy does not disregard the fact that
there are so many children being
affected by it
now i love the words of adoptive mother
marley brantley
where she states you may not necessarily
be able to fix the brokenness of the
system
but your only job is to hold the hand of
the one that is being wounded
by its brokenness
foster children don’t need excuses
foster children need advocates
and lastly and probably the most common
excuse that i hear is
but i don’t want to get too attached
now as someone who loves really really
hard
i know how it feels to have the fear of
attachment
but let us remember that these foster
children need to feel that healthy
attachment
they need someone to show them what a
healthy happy home looks like
so if you have the opportunity of having
a foster child in your home
try not to think of the hurt that will
come if they lose
instead be present and nurture them with
so much love
care and support that they can take with
them
and lastly just be there for them
because these children have come from
homes where they felt like no one has
cared about them
let’s change that
so with all of this being said what are
some practical solutions
how can we be the sun that comes out
tomorrow in the lives of foster children
first we need to stop looking at the
foster care system as if it is this
distant problem
that doesn’t affect us instead we who
are able to help
should help those who aren’t able to
help themselves
first support if time is concerned
simply support those who are foster
parents
take over a meal offer to babysit or
simply be a listening ear for those hard
days
if you know someone whose child has just
been put in the foster care system
support them as well offer to take them
to meetings
job interviews and simply be an
accountability partner for them
so that we make sure that these children
are getting placed back in a healthy
stable and secure home
number two donate
help gather clothes toys games and
suitcases for children
that literally come into the foster care
system with a trash bag
full of their belongings
now let me repeat that they come in with
a trash bag
full of their belongings
in no way should we ever be making a
child feel like they
are garbage number three
mentor hang out with the foster child
take them for ice cream simply just jam
out in your car
the emotional investment that you are
pouring in them is something that will
change their lives
forever be that sense of hope that they
have
number four patience sympathy
empathy everyone’s story is different
so never assume that you know a foster
child’s story
and never try to tell them how to feel
because of their story
your only job is to be present be kind
listen and actively engage
and lastly advocate
if you don’t feel like you can do
anything else on this list advocate
there are so many people in the world
who simply do not know the reality
of the foster care system pass
on your knowledge and raise awareness
now i am not just standing up here as
someone speaking about things that i
don’t know about
i speak from experience
you see i was that little girl
who had to sit across from her mother in
a family courtroom
just to be told i couldn’t go home
i was that girl who had to be convinced
that she was doing the right thing by
reporting years of abuse
i was that foster child who thought that
i would always live
the hard knock life
but now i stand up here as a 20 year old
telling you by actively engaging in the
foster care system and helping these
children out
you can change their lives you see i
went from a girl
struggling in some of my classes to
getting 4.0
a girl who thought that i had no future
ahead of me to a girl getting a
full ride scholarship
a girl who thought i was nothing to a
girl who was literally living out one of
her dreams and giving a ted talk
today and this story isn’t just special
to me think of simone biles
michael ower john lennon so many
successful people who have been
positively impacted by the foster care
system
because someone took a chance on them
someone
chose them
and with your help i would love to make
that the reality for
so many other children in the world
today
so i think what i want to do is rewrite
those lyrics from the beginning
let’s change them to they went through a
hard knock life
yeah they went through a hard knock life
but let’s show them that we’re always
there and show them that we will
always care through those hard knocks in
life
so take my words and put them to action
because you never know whose life you
could change
no you never know whose life
you could save
thank you