Leaning Into a Layoff
[Music]
ending a relationship
is never easy and it’s even harder when
it’s not your choice
and add to that it’s with your job
in april 2020 that was exactly where i
found myself
i received nine days notice that i was
being placed
on an unpaid indefinite furlough
and a mere two weeks after that began i
learned my position was being completely
eliminated
it’s not that i haven’t been through
transformational change before in my
life
i’m divorced i built a house
i’m relocated from houston to new
orleans
but every single one of those changes
was a planned major life transformation
and i was the planner
i was the architect for each of those
transitions in my life
this unplanned transformation affected
me significantly
i immediately experienced the stages of
grief
after all this was a loss in my life
my initial reaction was shock that
denial
i was a professional fundraiser with
years of experience
and we were experiencing a global
pandemic in which new orleans was an
early epicenter
didn’t my organization need professional
staff
to interface with our donors now more
than ever
as i began to wrap up my work and
prepare for the furlough to begin
volunteers also expressed some of the
same denial
i then experienced anger i was losing
my source of income with such short
notice
and i didn’t have a spouse or a partner
to help fill that gap
another wave of anger hit as i learned
several of my colleagues
and their families were going through
this same challenge as well
and then bargaining was there something
i could have done that would have
prevented this
maybe something i did or didn’t do
especially in that month working from
home
how could i have avoided this as the
news of my permanent layoff
came i realized it was a business
decision
that my organization would continue to
move on
and do the philanthropic work just with
less of a staff
and that brought me to depression after
all
my career is a huge part of my adult
identity
i love the chance to make a difference
in this world
to be a part of something bigger than
myself
to help others through the gift of
philanthropy
what would i do now i knew i needed to
answer this question
and i took the time about three weeks
between
the announcement of my positions
elimination and the official end date
to truly reflect on where i wanted to be
in my life
for me that was the stay here in new
orleans
and to remain in the philanthropic
sector in some way
once i had come to this realization i
could move into acceptance of this
transformation in my life
and start to forge the path ahead this
time to reflect
was really important especially for a
type a personality like myself
i’m that person who’s constantly on the
go checking items off of to do list
i finally took time to stop and listen
to my inner voice
and in fact it was that inner voice that
gut
feeling which spoke so strongly to me
my last day of paid employment
when you’re placed on an indefinite
furlough you’re not sure if you will be
gone for two weeks
or six months or if you’ll even be
brought back at all
in realizing this when i return to the
office to drop off
my equipment i took a box with me to
pack my personal effects
i vividly recall thinking worst case
scenario
i am bringing this box back here with me
in a few months and i’ll be unpacking it
i am so glad i packed that box
once i received the news of my position
being eliminated
that path became so much easier all that
was left to do was attend to human
resources matters
drop off my keys and i was done
i couldn’t see it in the moment but
following that gut feeling
helped make an easier transition for me
in the end
and therein lies the challenge making a
decision
without completely knowing the outcome
and a piece of advice that has served me
well over the years i received from a
therapist
and i was encouraged to make the best
decisions i could
with the information i had available to
me at the time
not to focus on the past what had
already been done and couldn’t be
changed
and not to be anxious for the future and
what may or may not happen
and the more i stayed mindful and in the
present
the more i realized those best decisions
to be made
were the best decisions to be made for
me well actually for me and my dog
by this point we have been new
orleanians for three years
and if you’ve ever been to our wonderful
city you know that life moves a little
differently here
we celebrate creativity a joy of living
and the entrepreneurial spirit it was
what drew me to move here
and it’s what’s taken me down paths that
i had always dreamed of deep down my
whole life
but was afraid to follow because instead
i was doing what i thought i should be
doing with my adult life
in her book finding your north star
claiming the life you were meant to live
life coach martha beck talks about this
difference
between our essential selves and our
social selves
the essential self is who we are truly
meant to be in life
our authentic being while the social
self
is who we think we need to be in life
maybe even who we’ve been conditioned to
be
in our lives and i know that i’ve
certainly made decisions before
based on what i thought i should be
doing
we should be married by a certain age in
our life we should own our own home
we should ask for forgiveness not
permission especially in
work situations and through her work
with clients
ms beck discovered that the closer
someone moved
to living their essential self and
putting aside that mask of the social
self
they began to alleviate emotional and
even physical pain in cases
and i know i have definitely experienced
that myself
as i’ve moved closer and closer to my
authentic life
back to last summer i began searching
for a new job
because that’s what you should do when
you’re laid off
many unknowns were ahead and i chose to
focus on what was in my control
and that was starting with letting my
network of
colleagues friends and family know what
i was looking for in a role
and i learned that when you’re going
through such a transformational life
change
if you are looking for help from others
you will find it
but you have to get over the fear of
asking for that help
and being clear in what it is you’re
seeking
and that means keeping an open mind
because you may be offered
help that you weren’t seeking but it
could take you down an interesting path
but to that point you also need to be
comfortable in
politely declining those offers of help
that just
aren’t going to get you where you go as
i moved through several job searches
it was progressing along as it should
something didn’t feel quite right
something felt a bit off
it actually reminded me of that meme
that was popular earlier in the pandemic
that one where the dog is holding a cup
of coffee in a burning room
and thinking to himself this is fine
that was how i felt this was fine
it wasn’t sparking my joy and i’ve been
through enough job searches
and the jobs where i ultimately accepted
a position
were those in which i felt that spark of
excitement
of joy of a chance to contribute to that
organization’s mission
and make a difference in the lives of
the people that they helped serve
and it just wasn’t happening it’s
similar to a study that was conducted
by dr laura wang of harvard business
school
she followed investors who made
decisions based on gut feelings
and along the way she learned that there
were keys to this process
the first was that they were making
these decisions based on available
information to them
both subjective and objective the
decisions were not being made
impulsively or emotionally
but rather they were following what they
had learned from their past experience
and the more that they tapped into that
gut feeling
and listened to those past experiences
and followed those patterns
the more positive results they
experience from their future
decisions dr wang goes on to share
that this type of decision-making method
is best for those decisions that are
outside the day-to-day norm for us those
decisions where
it’s practically infeasible to know what
the outcome will be
and that reminded me of my job search
there were hopes for how i wanted it to
turn out but did i truly know what the
result would be no
i didn’t so the best i could do was to
continue to trust my gut
i continued to explore all the options
available to me
the summer progressed along that federal
unemployment bonus was about to expire
and my path presented itself i received
the opportunity
and an offer to do contract work in my
area of specialty
planned giving and if you’re not
familiar with this type of philanthropy
we work with donors to help them
consider
their legacy to non-profits to make a
meaningful impact
through estate giving it’s the ultimate
exercise
in making a decision with the best
information available to you
trusting the process and hoping for the
best outcome available
especially because you’ll likely never
see the true outcome of that decision
and what’s fitting about this offer is
it came from colleagues that i had been
networking with for several years
we talked before about opportunities to
collaborate and the right position had
not come along
until this moment i made the best
decision i could at that time
this was a solid offer and it was going
to be more than i would receive from the
state on unemployment
if i continued that route i decided it
was time to launch the business i had
dreamed of for later in my career
but the one i also happened to reserve a
name and website for
five years earlier it was time for it to
come to life
it was definitely a risk i’m a little
more than seven months in
and i feel so far this has been the best
decision
that i could make at this point there’s
still road to travel in this journey
and this is where i draw on another
piece of advice from therapy
that just because we have more path to
go
we shouldn’t discount how far we’ve come
and i also do want to say
that going through a layoff like this or
leaning into another transformational
life experience
i strongly encourage that you look into
some
mental health resources be that therapy
or life coaching
or anything else that can help make sure
that you’re taking care of you
because it’s not just our physical
health that’s a priority
in fact our mental health if not as
important is maybe even more important
to focus on as you’re going through an
experience like this
what i couldn’t see in the moment that i
made the decision
to become self-employed was that
i would see many rewards on a personal
level
it gave me the opportunity to be a
better dog parent
as my aging pup was going through health
concerns over the past few months
and professionally i started seeing my
own value
all the important decisions were now up
to me
who did i want to work with what kind of
work did i want to do
and what impact would i continue to make
in my industry
as i answered these questions and began
launching the phablanthropy brand
i gained confidence in my value and my
worth
see i had always been that kid in school
who had great report cards good conduct
the employee who received high marks
because she followed the rules and the
processes and procedures
i’d done a great job of that social self
in in my life
i did a great job of checking off the
boxes for acceptance for others
and it was time to do that for myself
it was time to stand confidently
and believe that i knew what i was doing
and i can create value in this world
and what that has done is that has given
me
a renewed sense of purpose a chance to
help others
as i have been doing for nearly 20 years
in my career
a chance to work with multiple
organizations and fundraising colleagues
at the same time
exponentially expanding my impact and
helping to be a part of something bigger
than
myself so whether you believe in
guardian angels
or the forces of the universe nudging
you along
listen if you feel that tap on your
shoulder
or that sense in your gut
it just might be sending you along your
authentic path
to your fulfillment where do you
want to go