Leaning Into a Layoff

[Music]

ending a relationship

is never easy and it’s even harder when

it’s not your choice

and add to that it’s with your job

in april 2020 that was exactly where i

found myself

i received nine days notice that i was

being placed

on an unpaid indefinite furlough

and a mere two weeks after that began i

learned my position was being completely

eliminated

it’s not that i haven’t been through

transformational change before in my

life

i’m divorced i built a house

i’m relocated from houston to new

orleans

but every single one of those changes

was a planned major life transformation

and i was the planner

i was the architect for each of those

transitions in my life

this unplanned transformation affected

me significantly

i immediately experienced the stages of

grief

after all this was a loss in my life

my initial reaction was shock that

denial

i was a professional fundraiser with

years of experience

and we were experiencing a global

pandemic in which new orleans was an

early epicenter

didn’t my organization need professional

staff

to interface with our donors now more

than ever

as i began to wrap up my work and

prepare for the furlough to begin

volunteers also expressed some of the

same denial

i then experienced anger i was losing

my source of income with such short

notice

and i didn’t have a spouse or a partner

to help fill that gap

another wave of anger hit as i learned

several of my colleagues

and their families were going through

this same challenge as well

and then bargaining was there something

i could have done that would have

prevented this

maybe something i did or didn’t do

especially in that month working from

home

how could i have avoided this as the

news of my permanent layoff

came i realized it was a business

decision

that my organization would continue to

move on

and do the philanthropic work just with

less of a staff

and that brought me to depression after

all

my career is a huge part of my adult

identity

i love the chance to make a difference

in this world

to be a part of something bigger than

myself

to help others through the gift of

philanthropy

what would i do now i knew i needed to

answer this question

and i took the time about three weeks

between

the announcement of my positions

elimination and the official end date

to truly reflect on where i wanted to be

in my life

for me that was the stay here in new

orleans

and to remain in the philanthropic

sector in some way

once i had come to this realization i

could move into acceptance of this

transformation in my life

and start to forge the path ahead this

time to reflect

was really important especially for a

type a personality like myself

i’m that person who’s constantly on the

go checking items off of to do list

i finally took time to stop and listen

to my inner voice

and in fact it was that inner voice that

gut

feeling which spoke so strongly to me

my last day of paid employment

when you’re placed on an indefinite

furlough you’re not sure if you will be

gone for two weeks

or six months or if you’ll even be

brought back at all

in realizing this when i return to the

office to drop off

my equipment i took a box with me to

pack my personal effects

i vividly recall thinking worst case

scenario

i am bringing this box back here with me

in a few months and i’ll be unpacking it

i am so glad i packed that box

once i received the news of my position

being eliminated

that path became so much easier all that

was left to do was attend to human

resources matters

drop off my keys and i was done

i couldn’t see it in the moment but

following that gut feeling

helped make an easier transition for me

in the end

and therein lies the challenge making a

decision

without completely knowing the outcome

and a piece of advice that has served me

well over the years i received from a

therapist

and i was encouraged to make the best

decisions i could

with the information i had available to

me at the time

not to focus on the past what had

already been done and couldn’t be

changed

and not to be anxious for the future and

what may or may not happen

and the more i stayed mindful and in the

present

the more i realized those best decisions

to be made

were the best decisions to be made for

me well actually for me and my dog

by this point we have been new

orleanians for three years

and if you’ve ever been to our wonderful

city you know that life moves a little

differently here

we celebrate creativity a joy of living

and the entrepreneurial spirit it was

what drew me to move here

and it’s what’s taken me down paths that

i had always dreamed of deep down my

whole life

but was afraid to follow because instead

i was doing what i thought i should be

doing with my adult life

in her book finding your north star

claiming the life you were meant to live

life coach martha beck talks about this

difference

between our essential selves and our

social selves

the essential self is who we are truly

meant to be in life

our authentic being while the social

self

is who we think we need to be in life

maybe even who we’ve been conditioned to

be

in our lives and i know that i’ve

certainly made decisions before

based on what i thought i should be

doing

we should be married by a certain age in

our life we should own our own home

we should ask for forgiveness not

permission especially in

work situations and through her work

with clients

ms beck discovered that the closer

someone moved

to living their essential self and

putting aside that mask of the social

self

they began to alleviate emotional and

even physical pain in cases

and i know i have definitely experienced

that myself

as i’ve moved closer and closer to my

authentic life

back to last summer i began searching

for a new job

because that’s what you should do when

you’re laid off

many unknowns were ahead and i chose to

focus on what was in my control

and that was starting with letting my

network of

colleagues friends and family know what

i was looking for in a role

and i learned that when you’re going

through such a transformational life

change

if you are looking for help from others

you will find it

but you have to get over the fear of

asking for that help

and being clear in what it is you’re

seeking

and that means keeping an open mind

because you may be offered

help that you weren’t seeking but it

could take you down an interesting path

but to that point you also need to be

comfortable in

politely declining those offers of help

that just

aren’t going to get you where you go as

i moved through several job searches

it was progressing along as it should

something didn’t feel quite right

something felt a bit off

it actually reminded me of that meme

that was popular earlier in the pandemic

that one where the dog is holding a cup

of coffee in a burning room

and thinking to himself this is fine

that was how i felt this was fine

it wasn’t sparking my joy and i’ve been

through enough job searches

and the jobs where i ultimately accepted

a position

were those in which i felt that spark of

excitement

of joy of a chance to contribute to that

organization’s mission

and make a difference in the lives of

the people that they helped serve

and it just wasn’t happening it’s

similar to a study that was conducted

by dr laura wang of harvard business

school

she followed investors who made

decisions based on gut feelings

and along the way she learned that there

were keys to this process

the first was that they were making

these decisions based on available

information to them

both subjective and objective the

decisions were not being made

impulsively or emotionally

but rather they were following what they

had learned from their past experience

and the more that they tapped into that

gut feeling

and listened to those past experiences

and followed those patterns

the more positive results they

experience from their future

decisions dr wang goes on to share

that this type of decision-making method

is best for those decisions that are

outside the day-to-day norm for us those

decisions where

it’s practically infeasible to know what

the outcome will be

and that reminded me of my job search

there were hopes for how i wanted it to

turn out but did i truly know what the

result would be no

i didn’t so the best i could do was to

continue to trust my gut

i continued to explore all the options

available to me

the summer progressed along that federal

unemployment bonus was about to expire

and my path presented itself i received

the opportunity

and an offer to do contract work in my

area of specialty

planned giving and if you’re not

familiar with this type of philanthropy

we work with donors to help them

consider

their legacy to non-profits to make a

meaningful impact

through estate giving it’s the ultimate

exercise

in making a decision with the best

information available to you

trusting the process and hoping for the

best outcome available

especially because you’ll likely never

see the true outcome of that decision

and what’s fitting about this offer is

it came from colleagues that i had been

networking with for several years

we talked before about opportunities to

collaborate and the right position had

not come along

until this moment i made the best

decision i could at that time

this was a solid offer and it was going

to be more than i would receive from the

state on unemployment

if i continued that route i decided it

was time to launch the business i had

dreamed of for later in my career

but the one i also happened to reserve a

name and website for

five years earlier it was time for it to

come to life

it was definitely a risk i’m a little

more than seven months in

and i feel so far this has been the best

decision

that i could make at this point there’s

still road to travel in this journey

and this is where i draw on another

piece of advice from therapy

that just because we have more path to

go

we shouldn’t discount how far we’ve come

and i also do want to say

that going through a layoff like this or

leaning into another transformational

life experience

i strongly encourage that you look into

some

mental health resources be that therapy

or life coaching

or anything else that can help make sure

that you’re taking care of you

because it’s not just our physical

health that’s a priority

in fact our mental health if not as

important is maybe even more important

to focus on as you’re going through an

experience like this

what i couldn’t see in the moment that i

made the decision

to become self-employed was that

i would see many rewards on a personal

level

it gave me the opportunity to be a

better dog parent

as my aging pup was going through health

concerns over the past few months

and professionally i started seeing my

own value

all the important decisions were now up

to me

who did i want to work with what kind of

work did i want to do

and what impact would i continue to make

in my industry

as i answered these questions and began

launching the phablanthropy brand

i gained confidence in my value and my

worth

see i had always been that kid in school

who had great report cards good conduct

the employee who received high marks

because she followed the rules and the

processes and procedures

i’d done a great job of that social self

in in my life

i did a great job of checking off the

boxes for acceptance for others

and it was time to do that for myself

it was time to stand confidently

and believe that i knew what i was doing

and i can create value in this world

and what that has done is that has given

me

a renewed sense of purpose a chance to

help others

as i have been doing for nearly 20 years

in my career

a chance to work with multiple

organizations and fundraising colleagues

at the same time

exponentially expanding my impact and

helping to be a part of something bigger

than

myself so whether you believe in

guardian angels

or the forces of the universe nudging

you along

listen if you feel that tap on your

shoulder

or that sense in your gut

it just might be sending you along your

authentic path

to your fulfillment where do you

want to go