Who was the Asshole in the ER

people are [ __ ]

trust me i’m a doctor i know i’ve seen

over 50 000 patients in my career so i

can say it with confidence

it’s really easy to be an [ __ ] let me

explain

every friday night in the emergency room

it feels like there’s a full moon out

the results of bad decisions come

pouring in all

night this one friday night in the

summer of 2017

i’m the only doctor on duty the

ambulance report for the patient in room

13 is pretty typical

chad has been drinking chad got in a bar

fight

chad fell down hit his head now has a

big laceration

and he’s been fighting us the entire way

in

great so i have to babysit this guy who

can’t handle his alcohol

all the way till the morning but not

only that i have to suture up his wound

now

don’t get me wrong i love suturing it’s

one of my favorite things to do at work

it gives me time in an otherwise busy

day to slow down get to know my patients

maybe tell a joke or two when they’re

sober

i start suturing he pulls away i say

stop moving

his response i’m sorry i’m trying

but he’s bobbing and weaving the whole

time it’s like asking my cat to behave

i can beg and plead all i want but i

know at the end of the day my cat is

going to do whatever he wants

while mocking me the entire time

in the middle of everything another

patient comes rolling by

like i need any more of this

i walk out of the room fling off my

gloves and expect another drunk

but i don’t see a drunk i meet frank

frank’s 80

and he’s coming with shortness of breath

and frank

is the nicest guy i’ve ever met and i

spend a lot of time with frank and at

the end

i tell him everything’s gonna be okay

and i’m leaving his room and he goes hey

doc

thank you for taking care of me

and in that moment i’m feeling better

but i walk out in the hallway

and look at room 13

at chad and i think

why can’t you be more like frank why do

you have to be such an [ __ ]

i storm back into his room you’ve wasted

enough of my time

i have other patients sicker and nicer

patients and you don’t deserve any more

of my time

that’s exactly what i’m thinking as i’m

stitching up his wound as fast as

possible

and that’s when his fiancee walks in

what’s happening

drunk bar fight fell down he’ll be yours

soon enough

drunk but he he told me he wouldn’t be

drinking tonight

i don’t know what to tell you you can

see for yourself he’s wasted

and she walks over to him and lets him

have it

she starts screaming i can’t believe

you’d be so irresponsible

i gotta say it felt pretty good to hear

him get eviscerated

justice served it’s just a shame he was

wasted though

he wouldn’t learn his lesson from this

some people will never change

i’m walking back to my computer and my

phone rings

the radiologist he says you’re patient

in room 13

he’s got a lot of blood on his head ct

he’s not drunk internal bleeding in his

brain has caused him to act this way

chad hadn’t been in a bar fight he’d

actually tripped and fallen

he hadn’t been mocking me i’ve been

mocking him

he’d been listening to me as well as he

could i hadn’t been listening to him

or his fiancee he hadn’t shown bad

judgment

i had he wasn’t the [ __ ]

i was

unfortunately chad would be okay

he’d leave the hospital after a few days

but i wouldn’t be

i spent the next few weeks hating myself

for celebrating someone else’s suffering

but i couldn’t help it i spent my entire

career seeing people’s stupid decisions

and thoughtless actions ruin

their lives i was forced to feel this

way

at the same time i was rereading one of

my favorite books how to win friends and

influence people

by dale carnegie in it he quotes abraham

lincoln

don’t criticize them they are just what

we would be under similar circumstances

life is difficult and when it gets

really uncomfortable our default is

tacked in a way that is not our best

that goes for you and for me

it’s the default it’s easy and it’s

natural and it’s okay

but i didn’t like the person i’d become

and i knew i had to find a better way

through reading reflecting and

practicing i developed a seven-step

process to help me

when life got really uncomfortable the

first hurdle though is recognizing those

moments

luckily my body is smarter than my brain

so i rely on it a quick twitch on the

right side of my mouth

tightening in the muscles of my neck

clenching of my jaw

they all tell me the same thing that the

outside world isn’t aligning with my

inner expectations

and in those moments when i want to yell

when i want to criticize when i want to

worst yet

physically act that’s when it’s time to

pause

and breathe now sometimes

pausing and breathing isn’t enough but

that’s why i’ve developed those seven

steps

they’re not easy they take practice and

i’m still getting better at them

but they’re helping me become the type

of person i want to be for my patients

my friends my family and my colleagues

i started this talk with the words

people are [ __ ]

i now start every day with the words

we’re all the same because we all have

that default

to not be our best when life gets

uncomfortable

but we all have that ability to use and

recognize those moments

to try to become better

i’ll leave you with this to do the hard

work

to be our best we must first realize how

easy it is

to be the worst that we see in others

are you willing to do the work thank you

you