How ReEvaluating Attractiveness Can Change How You Think

welcome

to the future

[Music]

my name is taylor cassidy paulie i’m a

creator

innovator and beauty activist

almost every one of us have asked how do

i look

or it could be does my hair look weird

do my eyebrows are are they

unsymmetrical

do my pores look huge or is there

something in my teeth

wait no seriously is there something in

my teeth no

i’m good great these questions are so

prominent in our daily routine that we

don’t even remember when it all started

this reminds me of a time of when i was

a camp counselor at a summer camp

a camper who was around 10 at the time

came up to my colleague and i and said

i like you better taylor cassidy because

you don’t have that stuff

on your face in disgust

they pointed at my colleague’s hormonal

acne

i know what you’re thinking wow that kid

is such a little

but all jokes aside keep in mind

that camper was young we can say

it was bad parenting or maybe that they

were a bad egg

but we can’t research shows at the age

of 12 months old

these biases show because

we gravitate towards attractive people

what do i mean by attractive attractive

people have consistent features

like clear skin and facial symmetry the

basis

behind the golden ratio we seek

attractive people

because they make us feel better their

aesthetically pleasing face

leaves us no discomfort when we’re with

them

so we associate with what makes us feel

good

with what is good attractive people tend

to get labeled as

kind patient trustworthy and more

for something they didn’t earn just

something they were born with

numerous works and evolutionary

psychology

pins attractive people as those who have

physical characteristics

of a good mate back then

clear skin and facial symmetry met great

health

that we would want in our mate so our

kids could have it too

fast forward to today where we have many

more qualities to base our decisions on

in a person but even though we evolved

why didn’t our decision-making processes

on looks change with us

why do we love quotes from coco chanel

that say

beauty begins the moment you decide to

be yourself

yet belittle ourselves by taking dozens

and dozens of pictures

for one new profile photo instead of

being confident

in taking the one why does this bias for

attractive people still exist

and why can’t we get rid of it

it’s because we’re scared

and also it’s subconscious so we have

very little control over it so don’t

worry you’re not all bad people that i

know of

i absolve you from your guilt

as humans we were born with an

exceptional mind

but sometimes our mind gets tired so it

uses

mental shortcuts when we see someone for

the first time

which leads us to think categorically

so we give people labels so it could

save our mental energy

so when we see clear skin we see healthy

asymmetrical eyebrows as questionable

or hormonal acne as just bad

things were conditioned to do since the

beginning

and when i say we’re scared it’s because

we are

every time we cover a zit what in our

smile

or align our eyebrows we make a decision

a decision to conceal ourselves so that

the judgmental shortcut doesn’t catch us

red-handed we just don’t want people to

label us

the wrong way so

in the past few decades we’ve been

innovating better ways to conceal

ourselves

but never did we ask how can we fix this

how can we make our minds work for us

not against us

because of our looks how can we better

analyze the surface so we can see what’s

beneath it

some of you may think that’s just how

life is

but actually it can be something more

we can train to use our mental shortcut

in a much more meaningful way

it’s like i’m morpheus and all of you

are the one

today i’m here with my version of the

blue pill

or the red pill the blue pill

is for us to remain in ignorance of the

power our mental shortcut has

the same shortcut that could decide if

your friends

are good employees if your kids

have potential or if your partner

deserves that job promotion all because

of their looks

or there’s the red pill for us to remain

in uncertainty of who a person is

when we meet them for the first time and

for us to try to understand them

although we have

it might have no rhyme or reason

this is not a commitment you know to ask

them 100

questions you know binge watch shows

together introduce them to your parents

and your friends

no it’s not like that but

rather it’s a responsibility to at least

try

so what do you choose the red pill

or the blue pill

if you chose the red pill that’s great

but if you chose the blue pill

well this is awkward i guess i’ll check

in with you all later

as for the red pill group hello i’d like

you to try an exercise

close your eyes and try to remember a

moment where you met someone for the

first time

you saw them and you didn’t know what it

was

but their vibe was kind of off so you

ghost them

but thanks to fate you meet again and

after some time together

they were just the best person you’ve

ever met

and you wonder why you thought otherwise

or it could be worse you can see a guy

you think they’re great but then you

realize you’re kind of just

fixated towards maybe their nice skin or

their really nice jawline

and then after that realization you kind

of see that they have a bad personality

or maybe they’re a little bit racist or

maybe

they don’t like long walks on the beach

okay

for me that’s like a no-brainer but

maybe that guy was a fraud who knows

either way that’s the work of the judgey

mental shortcut at play

otherwise known as heuristics it causes

us to see people

in labels which can be great sometimes

but can also kind of suck it can suck

because most of us don’t have the time

or the opportunity

to fix our faulty first impressions

or some of us are so strongly

manipulated by it

that we can’t even correct ourselves and

it’s hard and it’s a lot of work to

manipulate a process we consciously have

no control over

but growing research in cognitive

psychology brought me here

so i can help you hack this type of

thinking

so we can promote more complex thinking

otherwise known as authentic genuine

understanding this hack is the three r’s

so when you’re evaluating someone for

the first time there are two things at

play

there’s mel the mediator and mo the

moderator

in the background we have our library of

memories

associations and emotions

those get organized by mel the mediator

mel does the categories and then ends up

creating these labels

those labels get sent to mo the

moderator

our recall mo determines what first

comes into our head when we see someone

for the first time

so if we want to hack the negative

outcomes of these mental processes we

have to mess

with mel and mo this leads up to our

first star

renew so we have our library

of memories associations and emotions

that are organized by mao

so our first option is to add

feelings of good and moments of great

associated with people with different

looks because if we feel and believe

this to be true

it’ll end up in our library so mel can

create

new labels which will form new

impressions

shown in red or

there’s a second r replace

we can consciously create something that

is the direct opposite of the labels we

know for example

chubby cheeks for innocence or gap teeth

as clumsiness or problematic skin

as unhygienic by creating these

conscious

new labels when mel and mo deliver

their labels the mind gets confused

which label does it listen to so

that forces our mind to actually use

more mental energy

to actually create more authentic

impressions

pretty cool right the last r

is remind sometimes we can’t catch up

to mel and mo in their label delivery

system

so let’s get busy let’s create

noah the nudge a personalized reminder

that translates a symbol on someone’s

face as the work we should try to do

for example if we see someone for the

first time we can make their nose a

symbol

to renew or to replace not only so this

system can work

but also so it can stay

another thing that i forgot to mention

about the three r’s

is that they’re powerful and versatile

the power of the three r’s can extend

outside the confines of attractiveness

and hack any negative outcome of a

mental shortcut you wish to

hack so any negative stereotypes

that target someone or a group because

of their age

their gender their sexual orientation

or their race can be hacked using this

method

this is primarily because we promote

more complex

thinking so authentic genuine

understanding

so by using this system we not only

change how we think and how we decide

but also we can inspire others to do it

as well

so my camper from a few years ago she’s

probably 14 right now

and can be taught this method because

one day

they might end up being our leader

teacher or manager and i’m sure

i wouldn’t want them to judge me just on

my looks

and my labels so for the blue pill group

i didn’t forget about you if you haven’t

converted to team red

that’s all right but remember

without taking this leap forward to try

we will remain

frozen instead of asking ourselves

did i learn today did i grow today

or did i inspire today will be frozen

on fixating on how do i look

we will be frozen on evaluating people

based on their looks and their labels

and not so many important qualities

and most importantly we will continue to

be judged on our

looks and our labels and not whether we

have the skills

to be a manager the patience to be a

teacher

or the compassion to be a leader

so now you have the three r’s renew

replace and remind to help you

to shape yourself to become more

thoughtful and understanding when you

meet someone for the first time

it’s simple but it’s a big decision

it’s a decision to conceal to survive

or to change to thrive

thank you

you