How to Become a True Agent of Change
[Music]
what will it take
to finally get out of the nightmare of
white supremacy
and patriarchy we keep having movements
and conversations and
winds to varying degrees but every time
we fix
one of the symptoms of the problem the
problem
transforms and reasserts itself and the
system
never changes and the cycle continues
so as two women who have each spent over
a decade trying to break up the good old
white boys club
in our case in media and entertainment
we keep asking ourselves
what will it take as a society to get
out of the nightmare of white supremacy
and patriarchy
in late 2017 in the wake of me too
when women finally had the world’s
attention i thought i had part of the
answer
i set out to create an organization of
leaders working towards parity in
hollywood
the plan was that we could come together
train our laser beams at the white men
in power
and change the system forever i had
charts and diagrams
illustrating how we could avoid
hierarchy when naomi called me to join i
had learned by then that predominantly
white lit organizations would be hard to
navigate as a black woman
i didn’t want the responsibility of
educating
but i said yes anyway because i was
curious in learning what a community
without a hierarchy could actually look
like
at the first meeting of this new
organization i invited the assembled
leaders to talk about
what our dreams really were for the
future of hollywood
but we were so entrenched in the
obstacles we were facing that we
couldn’t our minds couldn’t actually
imagine anything else
and the problems didn’t stop there in
our organization
formed to dismantle the existing system
we quickly adopted behaviors of our
oppressors and used them against each
other
many of us began fighting for power when
what we had said we wanted no hierarchy
some women were oppressing other women
other women were invested in
protecting the white dudes in power
every conversation seemed to be a battle
over how to achieve intersectionality
and it became clear that we were just
creating yet another
power driven system that was not
equitable for all
so after about a year of this
i call naomi and i say this isn’t
working
and i said i know then we started
talking
and we kept talking for weeks which
turned into months
and eventually nearly two years of
digging discussing
researching we we created more google
docs than i care to talk about in polite
company
asking ourselves what went wrong
why aren’t our outcomes aligning with
our intentions
so what we definitely know is that the
system has institutionalized inequities
and will will continue to unless we
change it
but also what is happening inside of
ourselves that is preventing those of us
who consciously want change
from just coming together rising up and
making that change occur
is it possible that even when we think
what we want is
change that our conditioning is leading
us to participate in upholding the
existing power structures
i’m going to repeat that for you is it
possible
then that even when what we think we
want is change
that our conditioning is leading us to
participate in upholding the existing
power structures
that’s deep after all that digging the
devastating conclusion we arrived at
was yes because we are
all shaped by this society a society
that in millions of subtle
and not so subtle ways trains our brains
from childhood to understand
that the white straight cis able-bodied
man
is the standard and the modes in which
he operates are the norm
which leaves many of us believing that
the closer we twist
ourselves to be just like him and near
him
and the more we separate ourselves from
those who look least like him
the more power safety
money resources visibility
validation that we will have
and so the next question is how does
that
change how do those of us who
consciously want a different world
actually liberate our minds enough to
build it
that’s a big question that’s a huge
question
that we don’t have the answers to i’m
sorry but
after all of this digging and
researching and questioning
we do have some ideas these ideas formed
as sarah and i listen to each other’s
stories
unpacking and understanding everything
that had been programmed into each one
of us
and what we realized was pretty
surprising
that as different as our backgrounds and
experiences have been
for me growing up in bakersfield
california where i was called the n word
at five
and kkk rallies were common growing up
in a liberal
supportive very white community in
colorado where i was
eight years old before i saw a black
person in real life
our journeys through wanting to become
agents of change and trying to break
free of the white supremacist
patriarchal teachings of the culture
actually shared a lot of the same
markers
five markers in fact five stages of
growth that
on our very very different journeys we
have nevertheless
each wrestled through over and over as
we each try to heal ourselves
and decolonize our minds so
if anything we’re saying resonates with
you we’d like to offer those stages
and not because they’re definitive or
contain all of the answers
we are on this journey too but because
maybe as you travel your own journey
trying to unravel and heal all of this
in yourself
that maybe when you arrive at these
stages you’ll be able to say
oh yeah sarah naomi told me this would
happen
and that hopefully we take some of the
terror that has been placed on anything
related to dismantling race and gender
out of it and replace it with a shared
human journey
toward a better future
so let’s get into it growth stage one
accept the full scope of the problem we
assume that if you’re still listening to
this talk you’re probably not one of
those people on twitter that we have to
convince that white supremacy and
patriarchy
exist but just to make sure we’re all on
the same page here
white men are roughly 30 percent of the
us
population now if you get it down to
white straight cis
able-bodied and take into account
non-binary folk who aren’t even
accounted for here it’s it’s less than
that but just for argument’s sake let’s
say 30
that means that the rest of us are 70
of the population and yet when you look
at who controls the resources the
institutions
the most powerful industries indeed so
total has the dominance of the white man
ben
that he has reshaped almost everything
in his own image
just as a starter list we are talking
language
history anthropology religion medicine
science how we see ourselves how we
treat each other
and certainly the narratives we share
and consume
we could go on but in the spirit of
trying to understand and accept the full
scope of the problem
let’s think about it this way imagine
that the white
supremacist patriarchy has wrapped your
head
in hundreds and hundreds of layers of
gauze
okay so that you cannot see anything
else
no light just that white gauze
and every time something happens that
forces you to see the system for what it
is
you’re peeling away a layer whether it’s
an event something that happens to you
a book you read a conversation you’re
peeling away yet another layer of that
gauze
but you can’t stop when you see your
first glimmer of light right that’s not
the full scope of the problem that’s
just like oh my god there’s a problem
if you are interested in truly breaking
free you
have to keep going always peeling
digging
educating yourself deepening your
understanding
keeping in mind that the closer you are
personally to that white male standard
the more proactive you will need to be
in peeling away those layers
because the less likely it is that
experience alone will do it for you
yes the only way out is to keep peeling
away
more and more layers of that gauze
because believe us you don’t want to
spend the rest of your life with gauze
over your eyes
growth stage two face your place
in the system so as we are continually
understanding the scope of the problem
peeling away those layers we must also
look
inward we can’t separate ourselves from
the larger hole
because we are the stuff of which that
system is made
if my goal is to transform the system i
have to ask myself in what ways
am i to participating in upholding the
existing system
i am white and a woman i have been hurt
held back and discriminated against
because of my gender
and also i have benefited from my
whiteness
and i have participated in maintaining
that standard
and i am black and a woman a member of
two of the most marginalized groups in
the world but that doesn’t mean that i
haven’t benefited from the opportunities
not always awarded
to the most marginalized among us
especially black queer and transgendered
women who are
far too often neglected and overlooked
and if we’ve participated in upholding
this system
it’s kind of likely you have to in
microaggressions
and or overt racist and sexist behavior
in believing the myths about scarcity
the fear that somehow there isn’t enough
for all of us
in reacting out of that fear to fight
with each other for position
and power in justifying inhumane
behavior
because hey after all it’s just business
right
in valuing the accumulation of wealth
and status over well-being
in internalized sexism and racism
and colorism giving in to the training
that our voices don’t matter
making ourselves smaller to validate the
lie
that their vision matters more and
turning that self-hatred on each other
because the genius thing of white
supremacy and patriarchy is that it can
exist with or without
the primary beneficiaries being present
now as you look at this you may feel
fears or tensions flare up in your body
the abyss opening up defensiveness
rejection
shame guilt all of those bad feelings
that we work so hard to avoid
but like with any feelings the more you
avoid them the more they grow up inside
you
the more power they gain so turn around
and face them with the same ongoing
rigor with which you tear that gauze
away from your eyes you must also
continually interrogate your own beliefs
values and ideas always
questioning the source where does this
come from
if you truly want something new you have
to be willing to risk
and let go of every facet of the old
values around
money and history culture the stories we
tell ourselves about ourselves
if you truly want something new
you have to be willing to do the work of
becoming your own
human being what we’re asking is hard
and it’s going to bring grief growth
stage 3
grieve and release i grieve
a torturous feeling of having to break
apart and destroy the toxicity that
remained in my mind
about the times i failed to show up for
myself and for my community
about how i bought into lies and
narratives designed to limit and hurt me
i’ve been angry angry at the system yes
but even
angrier at myself the years of my life
that i fell into this trap
growing up wanting straight hair or fair
skin so that i could be accepted or more
desirable to survive
while trying to live up to a standard
that was never my own
there is a grief i spent decades
avoiding
the grief of looking directly at the
fact that every moment of my entire life
has been easier because i am white
i and people who look like me have gone
to unspeakable
lengths to avoid that simple truth
i have wept for that too tears that are
infinitesimal in scale in comparison to
the suffering caused by
our avoidance i have grieved to stop
avoiding
grieve to my own oppression anger and
indignation at the lies i was told as a
child on repeat
that women can do anything reach for the
stars girl power
without ever having anyone explain to me
why those things were necessary to say
in the first place we’re not just
healing our own pain
we are also healing the trauma of
generations
centuries of trauma inflicted by white
supremacy and patriarchy
as octavia butler said in order to rise
from its own ashes
a phoenix first must burn
so burn release let it go
growth stage four heal don’t worry
we’re not going to leave you there on
your knees alongside the grief in order
to heal
our society we must find a way to heal
ourselves how you go about finding that
healing will be deeply personal
i have found healing and meditation i in
kundalini yoga
and reiki in the ugly cries in therapy
in spirituality and creativity in
community
and ritual you’re gonna have to discover
where that healing can happen for you
based on who you are and where you what
you have access to
ensuring access to healing practices for
all is going to be required for our
collective recovery
like with all of this there are no one
and done quick fixes
but the good news is we know human
transformation is possible
if you’ve ever broken a habit or healed
from a trauma of any kind this work is
really not so different from that
work and the exciting part is as you
heal you get to put yourself
back together accepting and integrating
a new
probably messier understanding of
yourself
but this time with the integrity of
truth
and love growth stage five
build a different dream now what we are
definitely not saying is that you must
cease all external action for change
until you go into a cave
fix yourself and come out pure and ready
to do the work
the external systems that
institutionalize oppression are real
and we must be impatient in our demands
for them to change
what we are saying is that you cannot
neglect the internal work and
only focus on the external work yes
because they are connected which means
that as you continue your journey
of accepting the scope of the problem
facing your place in that problem
grieving and healing you’re going to
have to simultaneously continue taking
actions to dismantle the system that
exists
a system that will inevitably push back
it’s going to be messy this is an
ongoing practice and we
are going to oscillate you can’t take it
on all at once
like healing any deep wound you’re going
to have to tend to it
every day and you’re going to get it
wrong sometimes
remember to extend forgiveness to
yourself and hey
have some forgiveness and compassion for
others on their journeys too
we are attempting a mass transformation
of human consciousness
we are never all going to be in the same
stage of that transformation at the same
time
but the other good news is this current
reality
these current systems started somewhere
humans began
them we were taught them which means we
can unlearn them
and we can change our reality in fact
we don’t even need everyone to get there
according to erika chenoweth’s research
you only need about
3.5 percent of a population to activate
and dismantle a system so come view part
of that 3.5 percent
we’re not saying it’s going to be easy
we feel overwhelmed a lot
but from our own process we can honestly
say that it can be joyful
also i’ve had a really good time doing
this work with you
same i’ve learned so much we’ve learned
a lot
and we’ve laughed a lot and looking back
we’ve realized that that organization we
formed back in 2017
may have actually been a success it
forced us into conflict
which forced us into growth and growth
is actually the whole point
in fact it is only through growth that
we will finally wake up from this
nightmare that has always been someone
else’s dream yes
and finally begin to build our own