How to Become a True Agent of Change

[Music]

what will it take

to finally get out of the nightmare of

white supremacy

and patriarchy we keep having movements

and conversations and

winds to varying degrees but every time

we fix

one of the symptoms of the problem the

problem

transforms and reasserts itself and the

system

never changes and the cycle continues

so as two women who have each spent over

a decade trying to break up the good old

white boys club

in our case in media and entertainment

we keep asking ourselves

what will it take as a society to get

out of the nightmare of white supremacy

and patriarchy

in late 2017 in the wake of me too

when women finally had the world’s

attention i thought i had part of the

answer

i set out to create an organization of

leaders working towards parity in

hollywood

the plan was that we could come together

train our laser beams at the white men

in power

and change the system forever i had

charts and diagrams

illustrating how we could avoid

hierarchy when naomi called me to join i

had learned by then that predominantly

white lit organizations would be hard to

navigate as a black woman

i didn’t want the responsibility of

educating

but i said yes anyway because i was

curious in learning what a community

without a hierarchy could actually look

like

at the first meeting of this new

organization i invited the assembled

leaders to talk about

what our dreams really were for the

future of hollywood

but we were so entrenched in the

obstacles we were facing that we

couldn’t our minds couldn’t actually

imagine anything else

and the problems didn’t stop there in

our organization

formed to dismantle the existing system

we quickly adopted behaviors of our

oppressors and used them against each

other

many of us began fighting for power when

what we had said we wanted no hierarchy

some women were oppressing other women

other women were invested in

protecting the white dudes in power

every conversation seemed to be a battle

over how to achieve intersectionality

and it became clear that we were just

creating yet another

power driven system that was not

equitable for all

so after about a year of this

i call naomi and i say this isn’t

working

and i said i know then we started

talking

and we kept talking for weeks which

turned into months

and eventually nearly two years of

digging discussing

researching we we created more google

docs than i care to talk about in polite

company

asking ourselves what went wrong

why aren’t our outcomes aligning with

our intentions

so what we definitely know is that the

system has institutionalized inequities

and will will continue to unless we

change it

but also what is happening inside of

ourselves that is preventing those of us

who consciously want change

from just coming together rising up and

making that change occur

is it possible that even when we think

what we want is

change that our conditioning is leading

us to participate in upholding the

existing power structures

i’m going to repeat that for you is it

possible

then that even when what we think we

want is change

that our conditioning is leading us to

participate in upholding the existing

power structures

that’s deep after all that digging the

devastating conclusion we arrived at

was yes because we are

all shaped by this society a society

that in millions of subtle

and not so subtle ways trains our brains

from childhood to understand

that the white straight cis able-bodied

man

is the standard and the modes in which

he operates are the norm

which leaves many of us believing that

the closer we twist

ourselves to be just like him and near

him

and the more we separate ourselves from

those who look least like him

the more power safety

money resources visibility

validation that we will have

and so the next question is how does

that

change how do those of us who

consciously want a different world

actually liberate our minds enough to

build it

that’s a big question that’s a huge

question

that we don’t have the answers to i’m

sorry but

after all of this digging and

researching and questioning

we do have some ideas these ideas formed

as sarah and i listen to each other’s

stories

unpacking and understanding everything

that had been programmed into each one

of us

and what we realized was pretty

surprising

that as different as our backgrounds and

experiences have been

for me growing up in bakersfield

california where i was called the n word

at five

and kkk rallies were common growing up

in a liberal

supportive very white community in

colorado where i was

eight years old before i saw a black

person in real life

our journeys through wanting to become

agents of change and trying to break

free of the white supremacist

patriarchal teachings of the culture

actually shared a lot of the same

markers

five markers in fact five stages of

growth that

on our very very different journeys we

have nevertheless

each wrestled through over and over as

we each try to heal ourselves

and decolonize our minds so

if anything we’re saying resonates with

you we’d like to offer those stages

and not because they’re definitive or

contain all of the answers

we are on this journey too but because

maybe as you travel your own journey

trying to unravel and heal all of this

in yourself

that maybe when you arrive at these

stages you’ll be able to say

oh yeah sarah naomi told me this would

happen

and that hopefully we take some of the

terror that has been placed on anything

related to dismantling race and gender

out of it and replace it with a shared

human journey

toward a better future

so let’s get into it growth stage one

accept the full scope of the problem we

assume that if you’re still listening to

this talk you’re probably not one of

those people on twitter that we have to

convince that white supremacy and

patriarchy

exist but just to make sure we’re all on

the same page here

white men are roughly 30 percent of the

us

population now if you get it down to

white straight cis

able-bodied and take into account

non-binary folk who aren’t even

accounted for here it’s it’s less than

that but just for argument’s sake let’s

say 30

that means that the rest of us are 70

of the population and yet when you look

at who controls the resources the

institutions

the most powerful industries indeed so

total has the dominance of the white man

ben

that he has reshaped almost everything

in his own image

just as a starter list we are talking

language

history anthropology religion medicine

science how we see ourselves how we

treat each other

and certainly the narratives we share

and consume

we could go on but in the spirit of

trying to understand and accept the full

scope of the problem

let’s think about it this way imagine

that the white

supremacist patriarchy has wrapped your

head

in hundreds and hundreds of layers of

gauze

okay so that you cannot see anything

else

no light just that white gauze

and every time something happens that

forces you to see the system for what it

is

you’re peeling away a layer whether it’s

an event something that happens to you

a book you read a conversation you’re

peeling away yet another layer of that

gauze

but you can’t stop when you see your

first glimmer of light right that’s not

the full scope of the problem that’s

just like oh my god there’s a problem

if you are interested in truly breaking

free you

have to keep going always peeling

digging

educating yourself deepening your

understanding

keeping in mind that the closer you are

personally to that white male standard

the more proactive you will need to be

in peeling away those layers

because the less likely it is that

experience alone will do it for you

yes the only way out is to keep peeling

away

more and more layers of that gauze

because believe us you don’t want to

spend the rest of your life with gauze

over your eyes

growth stage two face your place

in the system so as we are continually

understanding the scope of the problem

peeling away those layers we must also

look

inward we can’t separate ourselves from

the larger hole

because we are the stuff of which that

system is made

if my goal is to transform the system i

have to ask myself in what ways

am i to participating in upholding the

existing system

i am white and a woman i have been hurt

held back and discriminated against

because of my gender

and also i have benefited from my

whiteness

and i have participated in maintaining

that standard

and i am black and a woman a member of

two of the most marginalized groups in

the world but that doesn’t mean that i

haven’t benefited from the opportunities

not always awarded

to the most marginalized among us

especially black queer and transgendered

women who are

far too often neglected and overlooked

and if we’ve participated in upholding

this system

it’s kind of likely you have to in

microaggressions

and or overt racist and sexist behavior

in believing the myths about scarcity

the fear that somehow there isn’t enough

for all of us

in reacting out of that fear to fight

with each other for position

and power in justifying inhumane

behavior

because hey after all it’s just business

right

in valuing the accumulation of wealth

and status over well-being

in internalized sexism and racism

and colorism giving in to the training

that our voices don’t matter

making ourselves smaller to validate the

lie

that their vision matters more and

turning that self-hatred on each other

because the genius thing of white

supremacy and patriarchy is that it can

exist with or without

the primary beneficiaries being present

now as you look at this you may feel

fears or tensions flare up in your body

the abyss opening up defensiveness

rejection

shame guilt all of those bad feelings

that we work so hard to avoid

but like with any feelings the more you

avoid them the more they grow up inside

you

the more power they gain so turn around

and face them with the same ongoing

rigor with which you tear that gauze

away from your eyes you must also

continually interrogate your own beliefs

values and ideas always

questioning the source where does this

come from

if you truly want something new you have

to be willing to risk

and let go of every facet of the old

values around

money and history culture the stories we

tell ourselves about ourselves

if you truly want something new

you have to be willing to do the work of

becoming your own

human being what we’re asking is hard

and it’s going to bring grief growth

stage 3

grieve and release i grieve

a torturous feeling of having to break

apart and destroy the toxicity that

remained in my mind

about the times i failed to show up for

myself and for my community

about how i bought into lies and

narratives designed to limit and hurt me

i’ve been angry angry at the system yes

but even

angrier at myself the years of my life

that i fell into this trap

growing up wanting straight hair or fair

skin so that i could be accepted or more

desirable to survive

while trying to live up to a standard

that was never my own

there is a grief i spent decades

avoiding

the grief of looking directly at the

fact that every moment of my entire life

has been easier because i am white

i and people who look like me have gone

to unspeakable

lengths to avoid that simple truth

i have wept for that too tears that are

infinitesimal in scale in comparison to

the suffering caused by

our avoidance i have grieved to stop

avoiding

grieve to my own oppression anger and

indignation at the lies i was told as a

child on repeat

that women can do anything reach for the

stars girl power

without ever having anyone explain to me

why those things were necessary to say

in the first place we’re not just

healing our own pain

we are also healing the trauma of

generations

centuries of trauma inflicted by white

supremacy and patriarchy

as octavia butler said in order to rise

from its own ashes

a phoenix first must burn

so burn release let it go

growth stage four heal don’t worry

we’re not going to leave you there on

your knees alongside the grief in order

to heal

our society we must find a way to heal

ourselves how you go about finding that

healing will be deeply personal

i have found healing and meditation i in

kundalini yoga

and reiki in the ugly cries in therapy

in spirituality and creativity in

community

and ritual you’re gonna have to discover

where that healing can happen for you

based on who you are and where you what

you have access to

ensuring access to healing practices for

all is going to be required for our

collective recovery

like with all of this there are no one

and done quick fixes

but the good news is we know human

transformation is possible

if you’ve ever broken a habit or healed

from a trauma of any kind this work is

really not so different from that

work and the exciting part is as you

heal you get to put yourself

back together accepting and integrating

a new

probably messier understanding of

yourself

but this time with the integrity of

truth

and love growth stage five

build a different dream now what we are

definitely not saying is that you must

cease all external action for change

until you go into a cave

fix yourself and come out pure and ready

to do the work

the external systems that

institutionalize oppression are real

and we must be impatient in our demands

for them to change

what we are saying is that you cannot

neglect the internal work and

only focus on the external work yes

because they are connected which means

that as you continue your journey

of accepting the scope of the problem

facing your place in that problem

grieving and healing you’re going to

have to simultaneously continue taking

actions to dismantle the system that

exists

a system that will inevitably push back

it’s going to be messy this is an

ongoing practice and we

are going to oscillate you can’t take it

on all at once

like healing any deep wound you’re going

to have to tend to it

every day and you’re going to get it

wrong sometimes

remember to extend forgiveness to

yourself and hey

have some forgiveness and compassion for

others on their journeys too

we are attempting a mass transformation

of human consciousness

we are never all going to be in the same

stage of that transformation at the same

time

but the other good news is this current

reality

these current systems started somewhere

humans began

them we were taught them which means we

can unlearn them

and we can change our reality in fact

we don’t even need everyone to get there

according to erika chenoweth’s research

you only need about

3.5 percent of a population to activate

and dismantle a system so come view part

of that 3.5 percent

we’re not saying it’s going to be easy

we feel overwhelmed a lot

but from our own process we can honestly

say that it can be joyful

also i’ve had a really good time doing

this work with you

same i’ve learned so much we’ve learned

a lot

and we’ve laughed a lot and looking back

we’ve realized that that organization we

formed back in 2017

may have actually been a success it

forced us into conflict

which forced us into growth and growth

is actually the whole point

in fact it is only through growth that

we will finally wake up from this

nightmare that has always been someone

else’s dream yes

and finally begin to build our own