Leading Change is an Inside Job

[Music]

wow

earlier this year i had the opportunity

to do an interview

on the future of work and throughout the

course of this discussion

i realized very quickly that this talk

wasn’t about work

it was about the future of humanity

now i’ll save you the details but what i

ultimately walked away with was the fact

that

humans are funny creatures we say we

want one thing but yet we do the

opposite

as an example we look for community

yet we find ourselves secluding away

from others

we seek love but we’re afraid to take

the risk required to get it

and ultimately we’re hungry for change

but we’re not willing to change inside

leading change is an inside job

and for me i’ve gone on a journey

recently

as many of you have thanks to our friend

kovid

about two months after that interview i

found myself in melbourne australia

where i had been for a couple of weeks

the country at large was beginning to

change

policy was being put in place to start

to contain the virus

in bars and restaurants gyms and other

facilities were beginning to close

and as this was happening around me i

started to wonder what was going back

on in the u.s and when i turned on the

tv to learn

that virus numbers had

begun to skyrocket in major cities

around the country

i focused on my home of new york and i

saw that this is the place that had

become a hotbed for the virus in the u.s

shortly thereafter i received a message

from the state department that said

expats and those traveling abroad get

home now or run the risk

of being left out indefinitely well i

didn’t take that very lightly

and i booked the next flight out of

there but i had a bit of a problem as i

mentioned

new york city was on fire and i didn’t

dare

take the risk of going to an island of

two million people

as this thing continued to spread and

then the other issue that i had

was my dog carter i left him with my mom

in our rural hometown in western

pennsylvania and i needed to go retrieve

him

so i came to the quick conclusion

head back to the u.s get to pittsburgh

make the trek up to my hometown and

shelter in place there with my mom

and my dog not the most comfortable

decision i’ve ever had to make

so as i began making the journey back to

the u.s

i noticed a number of

thoughts show up that

drove feelings that i didn’t really want

to have

see i’m not a big fan of my hometown in

fact

i go back as little as possible

when i was growing up there i felt like

it was stifling

i felt like it was too small for me and

i needed to break out i felt like

i couldn’t possibly be me in this

rural setting in the middle of nowhere

and as an adult how could i possibly

thrive there especially for some unknown

period of time

sheltering in place and as the plane

landed in pittsburgh i could feel the

anxiety growing

a feeling i was familiar with one that i

had had many times before as i had

returned to this place

and it was at that point that i made a

choice

i needed to start suspending

those beliefs what i needed to do was

begin to block out those negative

thoughts about my hometown and instead

go back

with fresh eyes and as my mom picked me

up from the airport

and drove me that hour and a half north

to my hometown

i was quickly reminded of why i had

those opinions

driving through the rust belt of western

pennsylvania doesn’t provide

the most scenic things to see in fact

it’s downright depressing in some parts

going the country roads winding around

the empty

field seeing some of the despair that

has hit that part of the country

makes you absolutely fearful

in some ways and i was not immune to

this

those feelings of that former belief

of how negative this place was continued

to grow in me

and that night when i went to bed i

realized i don’t know how long i’ll be

here

and i certainly don’t want to feel this

way

so i had to make another choice i

realized that suspending that belief

about my hometown wasn’t working

so i needed to create a new belief and i

began to literally talk myself into the

fact that this place was my home

that this place could provide me

everything that i’ve ever needed that it

was

welcoming that in times of disaster it

was the place that i went to

that ultimately the people could be like

me and in fact

it’s where i could grow and prosper

during this unknown time

and when i woke the next morning what

happened surprised me

i didn’t wake with fear and trepidation

hesitation or concern i woke with

a little bit of hope i woke with

actually a little excitement perhaps i

could go out and

see this town again with new eyes that i

hadn’t explored for 20 years

find adventure in places i hadn’t been

before uncover stones that had never

previously been uncovered and i left

that morning doing just that

with a little bit of pep in my step

i took carter for a walk around the town

and i started to realize i could see

things i had never seen before

i started to see the beautifully

manicured lawns and the landscaping of

my neighbors

where they kept their homes pristine and

they had pride in the community

i started to see literal signs

of bake sales and country fairs that due

to covet weren’t going to happen this

year

but were reminders that this was a

community of people that loved to come

together

for experiences and events where they

could be with one another

now granted not all the signs i saw

were that positive and fed into this new

belief for me in fact

some signs both figuratively and

literally

fit into that negative opinion i had and

i had to fight it off

i had to keep persisting forward with

this

new belief and not let the old one rear

its ugly head

so i did and as i did

i started to have a greater feeling of

hope

about how long i could be there and in

fact i started to relax

into the experience but i knew

that wasn’t going to be enough and i

realized

i can’t just be a passive observer of my

community

what i needed to be was an active

participant

in having the community that i wanted

the community that made me feel the way

i was feeling in that moment

and so with that i made a choice to act

to take one small step and a couple of

days before easter

i walked into my mom’s house with ten

dozen

cookies bunny rabbits with smiles on

their faces

and my mom said what are you doing i

knew you were crazy but

what is this all about and i enrolled

her in the possibility

a possibility that we could be the

change we were looking for

that we could be the change the

neighborhood needed see we were all

sheltered in place we were tired of it

and we wanted something more we were

hoping for somebody to come along and

save us something to change that made us

feel better happier why couldn’t that be

us

so we packaged 12 dozen cookies with

care

and we included a little note well

show you here okay about to head out

around the neighborhood

to spread the message

hey neighbor during these trying times

we figured everyone could use an extra

smile

a little love from your neighbors as

we’re reminded now more than ever to

love thy neighbor

together this too shall pass love your

neighbor

and a little extra smile on easter

let’s hope everybody can enjoy them

something so small something

seemingly so innocent made such a

profound difference

as we walked around the neighborhood

that day most people

were hesitant to answer their door some

weren’t even home

but those that did bearing masks as we

were in gloves handing out ziploc bags

we’re grateful some were downright

appreciative and some hadn’t seen a soul

since shelter and place began

and they let us know how grateful they

were

and i realized at that point in time

that we could make a difference

and you know what it made a difference

to me too because it reinforced this new

belief that this community could be

there for me but what happened next

was the part i never expected

a couple days later i was in the front

yard and i was

compelled to do a little landscaping to

keep up with the neighbors

and one of the neighbors drove by rolled

down their window

as they stopped their vehicle and they

said hey you’re the one that

left those cookies aren’t you and i said

yeah as a matter of fact i am

hi my name is bill i’ve lived in the

neighborhood for 25 years and we’ve

never had something like that around

here

i just wanted to introduce myself and

welcome you is that your mom in there

can we do anything for her suddenly

people

started to come out and create the

community i was looking for

not an hour later another guy drove by

and this time bearing gifts he brought a

platter of baklava

and said hey cookies deserve a treat of

their own

and here he gave us a gift to say thank

you for what we had done

another woman stopped by with an elderly

woman she was watching after in the

community

and said do you understand that she has

not stopped talking about this since she

received those cookies you made her day

she has no family in the neighborhood

she has no community around here she’s

been living in that home for 60 years

and you made a difference that one

action

made me realize that we have the ability

to create

what we’re looking for but as i thought

about it more

as i thought about what was unfolding in

front of me what i realized is that it

wasn’t the action

it was actually the fact that it took me

changing

my belief to ultimately change the

result i was looking for

the community i thought i could never

have was right there in front of me

if i would just get out of my own way

changing your belief can ultimately

change your results

in life let me share another story with

you

about quarantine in that community

just down the street from my mom there

was a house that was adorned with harley

davidson everything

harley-davidson motorcycle in the

driveway a flag hanging from the house

the mailbox was orange and black like

harley davidson

and there was a stone embossed with the

harley-davidson logo with the last name

of the residence

written through it and for me that was a

red flag

stay away from that house because

despite the fact i knew harley riders my

entire life and a lot of them were

amazing people

i had subconsciously had this belief i

wasn’t even aware of

that harley riders those that you don’t

know

are probably trouble and good chance

you’re going to get in trouble too so

stay clear well

once i took inventory of that belief i

went into action in the same way

i chose to suspend it i chose to put a

new belief in place

that harley riders were fun and

adventurous they were looking for

open roads and the journey they were

like me and that we loved america but we

loved our freedom

and we just wanted to explore and with

that newfound belief

and those new feelings i started to get

really curious

who was this guy down there and not

a day later i found myself walking again

and this time beelining for his house

instead of avoiding like i typically

would my belief had me say

actually go that way see if he’s there

and sure enough

the bottom of the driveway washing his

motorcycle there he was

and i started to walk down the driveway

and as i approached i could see

his bandana with his sleeveless shirt

and tattoos which again would have

triggered that previous belief

stay clear instead i stepped into it

and reminded myself of that new belief

that i wanted to persist and take hold

and before long reaching him i said hey

i don’t mean to scare you my name is

vincent i live just up the road

temporarily and i wanted to introduce

myself

i said hey i’m butch you’re the guy that

dropped off the cookies aren’t you

yeah yeah that’s me my mom and i decided

we would do that

well i wanted to say thank you my wife

baked up some cookies i’ve been meaning

to drop them off to you

whoa not what i expected

so i engaged in small talk to say hey

your my motorcycle is beautiful man

i really like it he’s like do you ride

of course i ride i ride

i ride bmws and triumphs though again

expecting to be ridiculed for my choice

not being a harley

whoa i rode those my early days i love

those bikes those are great rides you

should come join us

sometime for an adventure well as the

story would go

butch and i started to form a

relationship a friendship

and butch would choose when he came home

in the evening to go the long way

through our community so he could go

past my house

and if i was outside or my mom was

outside butch would stop

roll down his window and say hey is

there anything i can do for you

is there anything i can do for your mom

how is she and by the way when you go

back to new york make sure you give her

my number and if she needs anything have

her call me

in that moment i was so embarrassed

i take an inventory of my beliefs and

came to recognize

that those beliefs weren’t serving me so

i changed them and when i ultimately did

the result i got was an

ally for me for my community

an ally for my mother who i care so much

about and i’m so grateful that he’s

there when i’m not

but had i kept that judgment and that

stereotype up if i hadn’t been willing

to do the work and challenge the belief

that wouldn’t have emerged

so it’s simple and i’ve realized i can

do it over and over again

if i take inventory of my beliefs in the

moment

and if i suspend those that don’t serve

me

and in their place choose to create a

new belief

even if it’s a lie a belief that i can

lean into

and allow my feelings to guide the way i

feel good about it i keep going

and follow it up with some form of

action i can make

a difference i can change my outcome

the outside world begins to mirror

the inside world

as a nation we’re clearly in difficult

times

we’re divided on so many matters

and we’re seeking change

we’re so desperate for it

but like i said at the beginning so many

of us want it but we’re so afraid

to change ourselves

my ask of all of you

is to check yourself take notice of your

belief take that inventory

and suspend those beliefs that aren’t

serving you that aren’t serving

our divided nation that aren’t serving

humanity

and choose something different

maybe you’ll end up with an ally the way

that i did

maybe you’ll end up coming together as a

nation

my hope is that we can all find a way

to get through our trying times

i personally believe that

everyone is deserving

of love of inclusion

of support and the feeling that that

brings me

is joy and hopefulness and the action

i’m willing to take

is right there for anybody watching

who needs an ear who wants a friend

who simply wants to engage with another

human being to better humanity

email me or find me on social media

i’m here for you thank you very much

you