Leading Change is an Inside Job
[Music]
wow
earlier this year i had the opportunity
to do an interview
on the future of work and throughout the
course of this discussion
i realized very quickly that this talk
wasn’t about work
it was about the future of humanity
now i’ll save you the details but what i
ultimately walked away with was the fact
that
humans are funny creatures we say we
want one thing but yet we do the
opposite
as an example we look for community
yet we find ourselves secluding away
from others
we seek love but we’re afraid to take
the risk required to get it
and ultimately we’re hungry for change
but we’re not willing to change inside
leading change is an inside job
and for me i’ve gone on a journey
recently
as many of you have thanks to our friend
kovid
about two months after that interview i
found myself in melbourne australia
where i had been for a couple of weeks
the country at large was beginning to
change
policy was being put in place to start
to contain the virus
in bars and restaurants gyms and other
facilities were beginning to close
and as this was happening around me i
started to wonder what was going back
on in the u.s and when i turned on the
tv to learn
that virus numbers had
begun to skyrocket in major cities
around the country
i focused on my home of new york and i
saw that this is the place that had
become a hotbed for the virus in the u.s
shortly thereafter i received a message
from the state department that said
expats and those traveling abroad get
home now or run the risk
of being left out indefinitely well i
didn’t take that very lightly
and i booked the next flight out of
there but i had a bit of a problem as i
mentioned
new york city was on fire and i didn’t
dare
take the risk of going to an island of
two million people
as this thing continued to spread and
then the other issue that i had
was my dog carter i left him with my mom
in our rural hometown in western
pennsylvania and i needed to go retrieve
him
so i came to the quick conclusion
head back to the u.s get to pittsburgh
make the trek up to my hometown and
shelter in place there with my mom
and my dog not the most comfortable
decision i’ve ever had to make
so as i began making the journey back to
the u.s
i noticed a number of
thoughts show up that
drove feelings that i didn’t really want
to have
see i’m not a big fan of my hometown in
fact
i go back as little as possible
when i was growing up there i felt like
it was stifling
i felt like it was too small for me and
i needed to break out i felt like
i couldn’t possibly be me in this
rural setting in the middle of nowhere
and as an adult how could i possibly
thrive there especially for some unknown
period of time
sheltering in place and as the plane
landed in pittsburgh i could feel the
anxiety growing
a feeling i was familiar with one that i
had had many times before as i had
returned to this place
and it was at that point that i made a
choice
i needed to start suspending
those beliefs what i needed to do was
begin to block out those negative
thoughts about my hometown and instead
go back
with fresh eyes and as my mom picked me
up from the airport
and drove me that hour and a half north
to my hometown
i was quickly reminded of why i had
those opinions
driving through the rust belt of western
pennsylvania doesn’t provide
the most scenic things to see in fact
it’s downright depressing in some parts
going the country roads winding around
the empty
field seeing some of the despair that
has hit that part of the country
makes you absolutely fearful
in some ways and i was not immune to
this
those feelings of that former belief
of how negative this place was continued
to grow in me
and that night when i went to bed i
realized i don’t know how long i’ll be
here
and i certainly don’t want to feel this
way
so i had to make another choice i
realized that suspending that belief
about my hometown wasn’t working
so i needed to create a new belief and i
began to literally talk myself into the
fact that this place was my home
that this place could provide me
everything that i’ve ever needed that it
was
welcoming that in times of disaster it
was the place that i went to
that ultimately the people could be like
me and in fact
it’s where i could grow and prosper
during this unknown time
and when i woke the next morning what
happened surprised me
i didn’t wake with fear and trepidation
hesitation or concern i woke with
a little bit of hope i woke with
actually a little excitement perhaps i
could go out and
see this town again with new eyes that i
hadn’t explored for 20 years
find adventure in places i hadn’t been
before uncover stones that had never
previously been uncovered and i left
that morning doing just that
with a little bit of pep in my step
i took carter for a walk around the town
and i started to realize i could see
things i had never seen before
i started to see the beautifully
manicured lawns and the landscaping of
my neighbors
where they kept their homes pristine and
they had pride in the community
i started to see literal signs
of bake sales and country fairs that due
to covet weren’t going to happen this
year
but were reminders that this was a
community of people that loved to come
together
for experiences and events where they
could be with one another
now granted not all the signs i saw
were that positive and fed into this new
belief for me in fact
some signs both figuratively and
literally
fit into that negative opinion i had and
i had to fight it off
i had to keep persisting forward with
this
new belief and not let the old one rear
its ugly head
so i did and as i did
i started to have a greater feeling of
hope
about how long i could be there and in
fact i started to relax
into the experience but i knew
that wasn’t going to be enough and i
realized
i can’t just be a passive observer of my
community
what i needed to be was an active
participant
in having the community that i wanted
the community that made me feel the way
i was feeling in that moment
and so with that i made a choice to act
to take one small step and a couple of
days before easter
i walked into my mom’s house with ten
dozen
cookies bunny rabbits with smiles on
their faces
and my mom said what are you doing i
knew you were crazy but
what is this all about and i enrolled
her in the possibility
a possibility that we could be the
change we were looking for
that we could be the change the
neighborhood needed see we were all
sheltered in place we were tired of it
and we wanted something more we were
hoping for somebody to come along and
save us something to change that made us
feel better happier why couldn’t that be
us
so we packaged 12 dozen cookies with
care
and we included a little note well
show you here okay about to head out
around the neighborhood
to spread the message
hey neighbor during these trying times
we figured everyone could use an extra
smile
a little love from your neighbors as
we’re reminded now more than ever to
love thy neighbor
together this too shall pass love your
neighbor
and a little extra smile on easter
let’s hope everybody can enjoy them
something so small something
seemingly so innocent made such a
profound difference
as we walked around the neighborhood
that day most people
were hesitant to answer their door some
weren’t even home
but those that did bearing masks as we
were in gloves handing out ziploc bags
we’re grateful some were downright
appreciative and some hadn’t seen a soul
since shelter and place began
and they let us know how grateful they
were
and i realized at that point in time
that we could make a difference
and you know what it made a difference
to me too because it reinforced this new
belief that this community could be
there for me but what happened next
was the part i never expected
a couple days later i was in the front
yard and i was
compelled to do a little landscaping to
keep up with the neighbors
and one of the neighbors drove by rolled
down their window
as they stopped their vehicle and they
said hey you’re the one that
left those cookies aren’t you and i said
yeah as a matter of fact i am
hi my name is bill i’ve lived in the
neighborhood for 25 years and we’ve
never had something like that around
here
i just wanted to introduce myself and
welcome you is that your mom in there
can we do anything for her suddenly
people
started to come out and create the
community i was looking for
not an hour later another guy drove by
and this time bearing gifts he brought a
platter of baklava
and said hey cookies deserve a treat of
their own
and here he gave us a gift to say thank
you for what we had done
another woman stopped by with an elderly
woman she was watching after in the
community
and said do you understand that she has
not stopped talking about this since she
received those cookies you made her day
she has no family in the neighborhood
she has no community around here she’s
been living in that home for 60 years
and you made a difference that one
action
made me realize that we have the ability
to create
what we’re looking for but as i thought
about it more
as i thought about what was unfolding in
front of me what i realized is that it
wasn’t the action
it was actually the fact that it took me
changing
my belief to ultimately change the
result i was looking for
the community i thought i could never
have was right there in front of me
if i would just get out of my own way
changing your belief can ultimately
change your results
in life let me share another story with
you
about quarantine in that community
just down the street from my mom there
was a house that was adorned with harley
davidson everything
harley-davidson motorcycle in the
driveway a flag hanging from the house
the mailbox was orange and black like
harley davidson
and there was a stone embossed with the
harley-davidson logo with the last name
of the residence
written through it and for me that was a
red flag
stay away from that house because
despite the fact i knew harley riders my
entire life and a lot of them were
amazing people
i had subconsciously had this belief i
wasn’t even aware of
that harley riders those that you don’t
know
are probably trouble and good chance
you’re going to get in trouble too so
stay clear well
once i took inventory of that belief i
went into action in the same way
i chose to suspend it i chose to put a
new belief in place
that harley riders were fun and
adventurous they were looking for
open roads and the journey they were
like me and that we loved america but we
loved our freedom
and we just wanted to explore and with
that newfound belief
and those new feelings i started to get
really curious
who was this guy down there and not
a day later i found myself walking again
and this time beelining for his house
instead of avoiding like i typically
would my belief had me say
actually go that way see if he’s there
and sure enough
the bottom of the driveway washing his
motorcycle there he was
and i started to walk down the driveway
and as i approached i could see
his bandana with his sleeveless shirt
and tattoos which again would have
triggered that previous belief
stay clear instead i stepped into it
and reminded myself of that new belief
that i wanted to persist and take hold
and before long reaching him i said hey
i don’t mean to scare you my name is
vincent i live just up the road
temporarily and i wanted to introduce
myself
i said hey i’m butch you’re the guy that
dropped off the cookies aren’t you
yeah yeah that’s me my mom and i decided
we would do that
well i wanted to say thank you my wife
baked up some cookies i’ve been meaning
to drop them off to you
whoa not what i expected
so i engaged in small talk to say hey
your my motorcycle is beautiful man
i really like it he’s like do you ride
of course i ride i ride
i ride bmws and triumphs though again
expecting to be ridiculed for my choice
not being a harley
whoa i rode those my early days i love
those bikes those are great rides you
should come join us
sometime for an adventure well as the
story would go
butch and i started to form a
relationship a friendship
and butch would choose when he came home
in the evening to go the long way
through our community so he could go
past my house
and if i was outside or my mom was
outside butch would stop
roll down his window and say hey is
there anything i can do for you
is there anything i can do for your mom
how is she and by the way when you go
back to new york make sure you give her
my number and if she needs anything have
her call me
in that moment i was so embarrassed
i take an inventory of my beliefs and
came to recognize
that those beliefs weren’t serving me so
i changed them and when i ultimately did
the result i got was an
ally for me for my community
an ally for my mother who i care so much
about and i’m so grateful that he’s
there when i’m not
but had i kept that judgment and that
stereotype up if i hadn’t been willing
to do the work and challenge the belief
that wouldn’t have emerged
so it’s simple and i’ve realized i can
do it over and over again
if i take inventory of my beliefs in the
moment
and if i suspend those that don’t serve
me
and in their place choose to create a
new belief
even if it’s a lie a belief that i can
lean into
and allow my feelings to guide the way i
feel good about it i keep going
and follow it up with some form of
action i can make
a difference i can change my outcome
the outside world begins to mirror
the inside world
as a nation we’re clearly in difficult
times
we’re divided on so many matters
and we’re seeking change
we’re so desperate for it
but like i said at the beginning so many
of us want it but we’re so afraid
to change ourselves
my ask of all of you
is to check yourself take notice of your
belief take that inventory
and suspend those beliefs that aren’t
serving you that aren’t serving
our divided nation that aren’t serving
humanity
and choose something different
maybe you’ll end up with an ally the way
that i did
maybe you’ll end up coming together as a
nation
my hope is that we can all find a way
to get through our trying times
i personally believe that
everyone is deserving
of love of inclusion
of support and the feeling that that
brings me
is joy and hopefulness and the action
i’m willing to take
is right there for anybody watching
who needs an ear who wants a friend
who simply wants to engage with another
human being to better humanity
email me or find me on social media
i’m here for you thank you very much
you