Real Discomfort Real Change

[Music]

i want you to imagine

just for a moment that you are a

middle-aged

male high school principal now some of

you might be middle-aged men already and

if you are congratulations but for those

of us who are not

let’s just take a second to get in that

headspace

so now i’d like you to imagine

middle-aged male high school principal

that you are

that you are sitting at your desk you’re

getting a lot done

and you see a high school girl walk into

your office

and she sits down and she starts talking

about her period and not only is she

talking about

her period no she is talking about her

friend’s periods

and her classmates periods just a whole

lot of period

talk now i want you to ask yourself

middle age male high school principal

that you are

do you think you’re uncomfortable right

now

the answer is probably yes and it makes

sense

right because period poverty and

menstrual hygiene are what i like to

call you

issues isolating issues issues that we

expect those affected by them to deal

with

privately it is definitely not an issue

that we feel any sense of community

ownership

or urgency over now period poverty and

menstrual hygiene are like a lot of the

most relevant and important issues in

our world today

everything from systemic oppression to

food insecurity these are you

issues isolating issues

but how do we as leaders as people who

want to make change

push past this discomfort and move an

issue out of the realm of you and into

the realm of an

everyone issue something that we as a

community are all

working to change now as you might have

imagined that high school principal who

i had you picture is in fact my

high school principal and though he is a

wonderful man and does a lot for his

students

he like a lot of people and men in

particular

is made very uncomfortable by the idea

of periods

and i first ran up against this in my

sophomore year when i alongside my

fellow student government officers began

advocating

for the installation of free menstrual

hygiene product dispensers in

all female restrooms in our school

we would come into our principal’s

office week after week

and we would sit down and we would tell

him about the discomfort that we had

experienced

and the anxiety that came with getting

your period as a young person

in school now finally we got these

dispensers

installed and we were so excited

but then i remember thinking what if you

couldn’t access these dispensers what if

because of your gender identity or

presentation you were unable to use the

female restroom

or what if you could use the female

restroom but after school hours

because of an unsafe home environment or

financial instability

you were unable to access the products

you needed

or what if you weren’t at the high

school at all what if you were a middle

school student or an elementary school

student who got their period

what did you do then this is where my

organization go with the flow comes in

i began go with the flow in the fall of

my junior year and we use community

support

and community donations to package and

distribute

free bags of menstrual hygiene products

to k-12 schools and community centers

throughout

our area now behind me on screen is a

picture of our very first event

and as you can see we had over 30

volunteers including school board

members parents students teachers and

community members

all coming together to help us package

thousands of go with the flow bags

now this is a pretty big jump right in a

matter of months

we went from trying to convince our

principal that this issue mattered at

all to a community recognized and

celebrated effort

to gain equal access to much needed

products for any

student in need so how did we get from

point a

to point b i went ahead and broke it

down into five

steps first we want to share stories

second find inclusive solutions third

celebrate action fourth continue

and fifth make it your own now let’s

talk a little bit about what each one of

these really looks like

first we want to share our stories

now facts and data are incredibly

important especially as we are first

trying to convince people of the

necessity of a widespread solution

but if all we are doing is providing

facts and data without any human

connection or story

we will get nowhere my fellow student

government officers and i

could have sat down in our principal’s

office and told him

day after day that half of his students

were getting periods

but until we were able to really explain

to him

what it felt like as a young person

getting your period in school

it wasn’t until we could do that that we

could build the empathy

and the urgency we needed from him to

make real change

moreover when we share our stories we

are able to bring more people

into our solutions by sharing our

experiences as young menstruators

we were able to connect with

menstruators of all generations

who saw themselves reflected in our

organization and related to our

experiences

joining our team and becoming dedicated

to making change

for generations to come next we want to

find

inclusive solutions and this might seem

a little bit obvious i mean of course

we want to find solutions especially in

the early stages of our action

we want to prove to people that we have

a plan that we can be trusted

but more than just finding solutions we

want to find

inclusive solutions because unless we

are trying to help as many

people as possible we are in a lot of

ways still exclusionary

in our so-called solutions this was one

of the things i was most

proud of through go with the flow we

were able to expand

the lens of who is typically affected by

period poverty and menstrual hygiene

needs

because more often than not when we

imagine a young menstruator we picture

someone in older high school maybe a

cisgendered girl

but the truth is menstruators come in

all shapes and sizes

through go with the flow we were able to

recognize that students needed access to

these products

regardless of their age of their gender

identity or presentation or of their

socioeconomic status

we were able to meet the needs of a

broader community by getting our

products available in single-stall

gender-neutral restrooms

in after-school centers and in middle

schools and elementary schools

when we widen the lens of who is

affected by any given issue

we can bring more people into our

community and have a significantly

broader reach

of the change we are trying to make

next we want to celebrate action

as with the most important and relevant

issues in our world today

they can sometimes feel insurmountable

everything from period poverty to

systemic oppression

these are dark issues and while it’s

important to recognize the magnitude

of the issues we are trying to tackle if

we stay too mired in this knowledge

we will lose energy and optimism like

that

so we need to find ways as leaders to

embed joy and embed celebration into the

very structure of our organizations

recognizing that even the smallest step

forward is still

progress and worthy of celebrating

at our first go with the flow event yes

we had thousands of bags that we

packaged as a group

but we also had some great snacks and we

got to know one another and we listened

to music by embedding this celebration

into our very first step

we found the joy and the energy needed

to continue our work

for months to come next we want to

continue and this might seem a little

bit obvious

but as we’re getting into our

celebration and our action steps

it can feel like we are on top of the

world we are making real

change and it’s easy to forget that just

a few steps ago

we were trying to convince people that

these issues even mattered at

all we have to remember that if we wait

too long

before reminding people that our

organizations still exist

and that change is still needed the

urgency and the energy we have fought so

hard for

will start to fade away and we have to

give ourselves grace

right recognizing that we as leaders

have other jobs we cannot

expect ourselves to devote 100 percent

of the our time to the change we’re

making

but we have to find something small we

can do every few weeks

or every month just enough to remind

people that our organizations still

matter

and that these issues are still relevant

this was something we had to learn at go

with the flow through kovid

because we were not able to provide

millions of go with the flow bags to

everyone

in need in our community but as often as

we could we would bring a bin

or two of our bags to our school

district’s distanced lunch pickup

additionally on screen behind me are two

fantastic young women who will be taking

over the reigns of go with the flow when

i graduate at the end of this year

in this way we have ensured that go with

the flow will continue

not only through these months of coveted

wackiness but also

in the years to come becoming not just a

band-aid solution

but an instrument of broader more

systemic

change now finally we want to make it

our own

and while the last four steps have all

been very outward facing this is

something that we as

leaders need to do internally now as we

are working to get our change off the

ground it can sometimes feel like

all we are doing is talking we are

trying to convince people why these

issues matter we’re trying to build

energy

and urgency we’re trying to bring people

together

and that is exhausting but if we are

also spending our energy trying to fit

into these boxes of what a leader is

supposed to look like

or sound like or act like what society

our families or ourselves have told us

we should be

we are not going to have the energy to

make the change we seek

so we need to find ways to recognize

that we are enough

every part of our identities is there

for a reason and is equipped for the

change we are trying to make

so what does this look like in our

actual solutions

for me it looked like little notes i

have loved notes

since i was little i’ve saved them from

my mom and from my grandma

so finding ways that we as often as

possible could include notes

in our go with the flow bags ensured

that i remembered who i was

that this change felt like me and that i

could remember that i just as i

am am enough now as we approach

real community change we want to

remember to share

stories building that human connection

we want to find inclusive

solutions bringing more people into our

communities

we want to celebrate action knowing that

even the smallest step forward

is still progress and worthy of

celebrating

we want to continue knowing that without

continuity our organizations will too

quickly fade

into the background and we want to make

it our own

trusting that we just as we are are

enough

for the change we seek now period

poverty was my issue

but it might not be your issue and

that’s okay

but i would ask you to think about your

schools or about your communities and

think about what’s missing

i know for me as i sometimes try to

identify where i need to lead

i think about what makes me the happiest

or what makes me the saddest when i see

it

in the world because more often than not

the things we care about most

are connected to our strongest emotions

so i would ask you to think about what

breaks your heart

or what makes you joyful to the point of

tears

and stand there plant yourself there

lead

there and when you do you might

experience real discomfort

but you will make real change

thank you