Squat for Change

it was september 15

2018

and my family and i woke up for some

much-needed errands you know like

they’re doing a laundry taking trash out

football practice

and my personal favorite cleaning up

smashed eggs off the floor

this particular morning my wife and i

noticed my oldest son isaiah had a

cracked iphone screen

is it is it me or does every 12 year old

have a cracked

iphone screen i mean cracked into the

home button is hanging off by the ground

wire cracked so we got into our family

car and we had to sprint

we’re there for a number of hours so my

wife and i had a conversation about

having dinner

late at a local restaurant here in

jacksonville

when we arrived we

our baby liam who was one of the times

started to cry

and if you’re a parent that always means

one of three things

they’re hungry tired or have a wet

diaper

or my friends in australia will say a

wet nappy

in this particular night liam marked all

three boxes so i immediately pointed at

isaiah our diaper assistant and we

headed to the restroom

when we got there there wasn’t a

changing table what we didn’t realize

was we’re about to start a

global movement two weeks

goes by and i’m sitting home watching tv

going through my phone and i come across

a picture isaiah had sent me

and i said you know what this is an

interesting enough picture to post on

instagram for family and friends

and that’s what i did i posted this

picture showing me being forced

to squat in order to change my youngest

son liam

and in that original message i said this

is a serious post

what’s the deal with not having changing

tables in men’s restrooms as if they

don’t exist

look how comfortable my son is it’s

routine to him

let’s fix this problem overnight

that message went viral i mean

reporters were calling family members

reaching out

to this day i have no idea how

washington post got my phone number

i mean i was confused i changed the

diaper

and now i’m on cnn what

like and within minutes my twin brother

called me and said hey dante you need a

hashtag you need one now i said well i’m

i’m squatting um i’m changing the diaper

squat for changing that’s how

easy it was in the beginning we started

advocating for the lack of changing

tables and men’s restrooms and

um and that was all fine and we shortly

found out after that the moms were going

through the same exact thing

so i’m standing here proud to say that

squat for change is a non-profit

organization

that advocates for the lack of changing

facilities in all

public restrooms um certain non-profit

it sounded cool but

let’s talk about the stress i mean state

and local paperwork

board management tax exemptions i wanted

to pull my hair out but what kept me

going was

how much exposure it got and and how

many people are resonated with

you know when i first started this whole

movement i had about 200 followers on

instagram so not

exactly viral image waiting to happen

but within weeks i mean celebrities

started reaching out and reposting

my favorite jessica alba

oh jessica alba okay okay let me stop

i’m married she

she reached out to me and told me that

she loved me

okay she didn’t say that but what she

did say was

that she wanted to give me free diapers

for life

my first initial thought was what am i

going to do with free diapers for life

but my second thought was all the

resources that celebrities have

and when they take that second third

fourth and even fifth step

it can really make a difference but it

wasn’t just celebrities reaching out

it was ordinary citizens for example

this one teenager from the gambia

west africa told me i don’t even have a

toilet

but i will stand and support your

movement and it’s really amazing

how one issue could bring about a lot of

change regardless of background

and when you bring citizens ordinary

citizens

and celebrities together we can really

change policy

so squad for change of course has a

record of results we have inspired

lawmakers to propose and pass laws

um cities such as new york tampa

oh man this is amazing baltimore have

accepted the challenge to put

public to put changing tables in all

their public restrooms

and being as though i am a resident of

jacksonville i have to say this

imma look right here mayor lenny curry

we have to meet soon and if you are

watching if you are home watching online

what are the officials in your cities

doing early on i found out that

in order to get changed you have to

change the way you see the world

for years we had seen public restrooms

but haven’t seen

the lack of a changing table and that

has to do a lot with how we view fathers

and how fathers view themselves

according to a recent british study that

tracked the attitudes from the 1980s to

the present

43 of fathers admitted

that they never changed the diaper today

that number is down to three percent

and although that’s good there’s still a

lot of work to be done and let me share

a story with you to let you know what i

mean

one time i was talking with a father

from kansas and he told me it wasn’t

manly

to change his son’s diaper but okay to

change his daughter

you know the action of a parent should

not be determined by gender

so we have to change what we see and

what we think

as manly and let me show you this video

to further explain what i’m talking

about a friend of mine

clinton kelly from austin texas

clinton kelly single father

operation manager for a commercial

moving company

and watch this he can squat 315 pounds

so i guess changing diapers can be

pretty damn manly

oftentimes we we create these labels to

keep us from not supporting dads

like when i travel the country people

always ask me do i support

this group or that group don’t support

old dads black dads

young dads gay dads or trans dads you

know one lifelong democrat told me that

i shouldn’t

interview on fox and friends and i said

why does that matter

another time a republican told me that

dante a squad for change

should not be wanting to you know donate

diapers to families kept in cages on our

southern borders because it only

encourages illegal immigration

like these are things that people have

actually said to me and here’s my simple

response

i want to help out any good dad any good

mom

any good parent what defines a good

parent is that they’re changing those

diapers

putting their children first not their

egos we have to learn how to put our

children first

not our labels now let me share with you

another kind of story

one time i was at a comedy club here in

jacksonville speaking with comedian d.l

hughley

and he told me that the media is

treating me like a unicorn

and i don’t think you guys have noticed

yet but look at me i’m black

and although i was getting a lot of

positive affirmation for squad for

change

there was a lot of people offering that

negative

support and what they were saying was

it’s unbelievable

that a black dad is taking care of his

kids you know he’s a drug dealer

hiding drugs in the baby’s diapers feed

the baby to the gators

the mom is selfish i am lazy so now my

wife

and my kids are a target of this hate

not just me

and through this whole experience i feel

as though it highlights a serious

problem that many fathers of color have

to

deal with every single day christopher

robinson

a single father to two beautiful girls

who lives on the north side of

jacksonville

he attended my first annual squat for

change event

that highlighted fathers who typically

wouldn’t like the image of a father

fathers like chris typically aren’t

shown in a positive light

too many times they’re stereotyped for

the the way they dress

their their hair color their hair styles

the way they talk the music they listen

to and believe it or not

even the full body tattoos and which i’m

covering up right now

and be honest i am sick and tired of

fathers like him and fathers

just like me who not being highlighted

like they should so this platform

it’s what fathers like chris and

father’s just like him

father’s like cameron dorsey maurice

calvin mike and robert

fathers who grew up around a lot of

damaging narratives

some of which i never even knew i

internalized until became a father

myself

so you know what i want to do today i

want to challenge the media

start showing fathers who look like me

but may not talk like me

like when i go back to my hometown of

philadelphia people tell me i sound

white

but they cuss a little bit more than i

do they have a few more tattoos it’s

harder to hide

but they are good fathers and what they

need is not just

the installation of changing tables they

need someone to sit down and hear their

stories

but it’s not just the media some of

these damaging narratives comes because

our own fathers weren’t perfect

no being in philadelphia

i was so excited to be one of three

homes out of 40.

they had a dad in the household you know

i love my dad he was a hard worker

he lost his job that

he started selling drugs then he got

addicted to those drugs

and especially as a teenager i hated my

dad i hated him

he made some horrible horrible decisions

but he also made some good decisions

like decided to get free of those drugs

he got a second chance it is too many

times i have seen loving fathers like my

dad

who messed up and never get that second

chance

um and don’t get me wrong the the trauma

they’re not showing up for graduations

and basketball games it affected me a

lot but

through the squad for change journey it

truly gave me the shrimp to forgive my

dad so

i’m gonna stand here and i’m looking at

his camera and i’m gonna tell my dad

cause i know he’s watching dad

i forgive you and that’s why i’m so

honored to show you squatting for change

so start giving dads who mess up

the resources and services they need

and all you out there listening right

now you can help you may ask me how

i want right now i want you to imagine a

father it could be your dad it can be a

grandfather

the guy who sits next to you at work the

father with a different background a

father you know

that would never be able to make it on

the stage

will you speak up for that father and

you know i’m up here talking about the

installation of changing tables and to

put them in the restroom you know it’s

actually an easy fix

i should do it myself but this this

narrative and this story so much deeper

than installation of changing tables

it’s about

changing the narrative of what it truly

means to be a dad

the dad narrative is ours to control we

must create it and shape it

until to what we want it to be we need a

network of support and guess what

we are that network we must step up and

step in for each other because

the value of our presence and the love

that we have for our families matters

most

and remember this one thing if you ever

wanted to change the world

you squat while doing it squat for

change

thank you