The C.H.O.I.C.E.S Connection

[Music]

[Applause]

22 years ago

i walked inside a police prison and i

volunteered to stand in a lineup

don’t you know that’s the last choice i

made as a free man

that choice led to an incarcerated

journey of interesting discoveries such

as viktor frankl

a person who survived the holocaust and

said when we are no longer

able to change a situation we are

challenged to change ourselves

now isn’t that right how many of us have

contemplated change in our lives i know

i have

that’s right well change starts with

choices

and choices can change our lives for

better or for worse

because choices are the building blocks

of humanity

now journeys provide us with insight so

let’s journey into the lives of two

brothers born three years apart

let’s make a point john and jacob

they were raised in the same environment

they attended the same schools

they were growing up with the same

advantages and the same disadvantages

when john was three one month after

jacob was born

their father left they were too young to

understand why

now their mother was only she was

contending with life challenges as a

single parent

food stamps lack of resources

constant strife his family had it rough

so mama brings home a new man things get

better right

no situation got worse

frustration and anxiety consumed these

children’s lives

in fact at the age of 15

john assaults a child at a pool he was

arrested

he wound up in juvenile custody

meanwhile

his younger brother jacob he managed to

stay out of trouble

and he graduated from high school now

both brothers were plagued by the same

problems

they were tormented by the same trauma

yet they led very different lives why

you see this story is not about right or

wrong children make poor decisions all

the time

this story is about growing up with

similar circumstances

and our power to generate different

outcomes

the differences in john and jacob’s

lives were not determined

by what happened to them their

differences were determined

by how they responded to what happened

to them

and i know this personally because these

brothers

they’re my sons

you see i believe children are the

lifeblood of humanity

because what happens to children can

directly impact what happens to our

future

particularly if we allow them to however

if we embed the significance of making

healthy choices in children’s minds

at earlier stages of their lives perhaps

we can prevent them from becoming

victims of violence

victims of addiction and victims of

incarceration

my name is john adrian velasquez friends

and family tend to call me jj feel free

to do the same

i want to redefine what matters by

talking about the powerful connection

between better choices and better lives

my incarceration it tore the fabric of

my family apart

fortunately for us my mother’s thread

was strong enough to bind our ends

and keep us connected even after my son

was arrested

i’d like to invite you to watch a scene

from an important part of my life

to understand how a visit with my oldest

son

became an impetus for change and a

catalyst

for an extraordinary program at sensing

that is currently changing lives

this is the first time that you and i

actually sit together

as father’s son with nobody else here

heart to heart talk

it’s about being you right now you know

i get mad over the stupidest things

i don’t even know what to be about

sometimes just be sometimes the way

people

talk to me i just get mad don’t talk to

me like that

i’ve seen it i’ve seen you do that

before and that’s happened a lot living

there

it’s just it’s basically like my

attitude and then when that happened

i’ll be mad the rest of the day i’m like

the rest of the day

and it can happen in the morning and

that night i was and i think about it

the whole day

i just had a ugly look on my face the

whole day

i don’t even know that it’s difficult i

don’t even understand myself sometimes

jay i mean i know that what’s happened

to you

is a product of what happened to me and

you have a right to be angry about that

you have a right to be upset but we’re

gonna have to find a way to deal with it

together now i don’t want to put a big

burden on you

but it’s something that i know that you

can do

but you have to make that choice it all

comes down to choice

you have choices that you can make your

choices

will predict when you rest your head

[Applause]

that clip was captured and provided by

dan slepian

a supervising producer at nbc news who

was

filming a dateline documentary about my

wrongful conviction

my son was still in custody of the

system

yet he was provided with an opportunity

to be released of course with provisions

but just to participate in this

documentary

and i shared this with you so that you

can see for yourselves

the impact that incarceration has on our

children

you saw the frustration on my son’s face

you heard the anger in his voice what he

was conveying was a troubling sense of

confusion

a confusion that converted to chaos a

chaos

that is currently harming millions of

innocent children

think about how the pain that my son had

to endure

led to the assault of another innocent

child and then think about

the cycle of victimization that

perpetuates as a result

you see that visit was a redefining

moment for me

it caused me to step back and to look at

life

differently it broke my heart

to witness my children suffering without

me knowing that they needed me home

to protect them to guide them to help

them make better

choices as a father i felt like a

failure i was so absorbed in my personal

fight for freedom

that i failed to recognize my son

strained to maintain his

that caused me to walk around in the

halls of sing sing with a heavy heart

and my head down in shame but my peers

they picked me up we were incarcerated

students

in college at the prison studying

behavioral science

looking for ways to put our degrees into

practice

we wanted to pay it forward we wanted to

redefine what matters

by redefining what it means to pay a

debt to society

and we knew that in order to do that

we would have to redefine how we spent

our time in prison

some of my peers they had similar

stories

others they had worse

two of them had children who lost their

lives

christopher o’neal knows what trauma is

because while he was incarcerated his

son

lost his life we share

pain together and in a collective effort

to treat the symptoms of this trauma

we lifted our voices and we created a

platform for choices essentially we’ve

created a choices paradigm

in a maximum security prison and we’ve

changed the culture from the inside out

choices is an annual event that we host

here at sing-sing

for fractured families impacted by crime

and incarceration

it’s also an acronym that we use to

reinforce the significance

of choosing healthy options and

confronting

every situation

since our inception we’ve managed to

force the hundreds of unique bonding

experiences

in one of the most unlikely places

last april at a choices event

i remember this young girl hugging my

friend

and claiming that it was the best day of

her life

she was speaking to her father that was

a cathartic moment

just imagine witnessing a young child

suggesting

that the best day of her life was a day

spent in prison with her father

and to think that the best day of her

life

would not be possible had we not

experienced the worst days of ours

that was heavy yet that is the power of

our choices events

you need to see these young children for

yourselves

we have young ones ages five through

nine running around with the biggest

smiles after getting their faces painted

their joy just lingers in the air it

creates a positive

atmosphere for everyone it’s so

contagious

we also have activities for young

participants up to the age of 17

to reinforce our theme of choosing

healthy options

and confronting every situation it’s

remarkable

to witness these young children taking

the stage owning their stories and

sharing them so that others can learn

from their mistakes

activities like playback theater they

pull back

the curtains on situations of regret

while facilitators reenact scenes from

these children’s lives

to explore alternative choices together

with the audience

children really rationalize in real time

playback theater gives these children an

opportunity to step back from the drama

to analyze their options

studies suggest that a decisive pause

between a stimulus and a response

provides greater opportunities

to make better choices and this is what

our activities do

they demonstrate the power of

contemplating choices

carefully my personal favorite are our

group breakaways

where young participants gather together

to become the champions of their

communities

by unpacking social issues that exist in

their neighborhoods and their schools

i recall a group of twelve-year-olds

tackling racism like seasoned vets

while three other age groups

participated in other groups talking

about

bullying and addressing it so

strategically it was amazing

it’s remarkable what these children and

what our youth can accomplish when

provided

with the right opportunities these are

the leaders of tomorrow

i once read disruptive behavior

is the symptom of a deeper harm perhaps

some of these children are misunderstood

perhaps if my son john had the proper

opportunities

and resources available to him the

assault of an innocent child

and his incarceration could have been

prevented

adverse living experiences require

protective factors

to cultivate resilience what happened to

my family doesn’t have to keep happening

for us to recognize the need for change

c.s lewis once said hardships

often prepare ordinary people for

extraordinary destinies imagine if we

can come together collectively

and expand these curriculums beyond the

boundaries of prison walls

imagine if we can come together

collectively to place a heavier emphasis

on healthy decision making in our

schools and communities across the

nation

if we can do this here in a maximum

security prison

we can do this anywhere as a global

community

don’t we have a responsibility to

breathe life into humanity through

meaningful work

and not just for children that are

impacted by crime and incarceration

but for all children why because

children are the lifeblood of humanity

you see children don’t deserve to be

neglected

they deserve to be protected it’s time

for us

to switch our focus from a paradigm that

embraces youth incarceration

to a paradigm that embraces youth

intervention

after all isn’t crime prevention more

conducive to public protection

and isn’t public potential protection

the aim

and focus of society

let me explain something let’s make

something clear let’s bring this down

because we’re about to end this event

this

talk is not about me my case

or my children this talk is about us

this talk is about how we can come

together collectively

to overcome our trauma and turn it into

triumph

this talk is about us and how we can

invest in our future

by raising the caliber of our

communities

this talk is about us taking control of

our lives

and making choices matter

my name is john adrian velazquez you can

call me jj now that you heard me talk

and i want to redefine what matters by

asking you

to redefine what it means to make

healthy choices

every time you confront a situation

right so we’re going to redefine what

matters by choosing healthy options and

confronting every situation

thank you

you