Embracing Authenticity in the Face of Colorism

the summer before my third grade

my family and i took a trip to india

which is where my family is originally

from

excited and eager to learn more about my

culture

eat a lot of incredible food and most

importantly to me

meet some of my family members i still

remember

jumping up and down on my way to meet an

uncle

and a few cousins who i never met before

being the amiable eight-year-old i was i

immediately ran up to greet my new found

uncle

and so i was a little bit confused when

didn’t meet me with the same level of

enthusiasm

rather his eyes widened at the side of

as he turned to my mom and asked wow

was she rolling around in the mud or

something

i was confused everyone laughed

and i felt my smile drop for just a

second

what did he mean by that of course

in time i would come to realize that my

uncle was referring to my skin

or more specifically the darkness of my

skin

in india and many other asian countries

being fair-skinned is a sign of beauty

and in comparison to my lighter-skinned

sisters and cousins

i was simply ugly

as an eight-year-old i could not

understand why i was treated differently

because of the color of my skin but i

could understand the shame that i felt

because of it and this shame stayed with

me for the rest of my life

making me feel reluctant to embrace

myself authentically

for years to come i don’t blame my uncle

or my aunt or the countless other people

i heard comments and snickers about

because of my skin the fact of the

matter is

their perspectives were shaped by their

culture and societal upbringing

but that does not change the fact that

these beliefs were detrimental to the

productivity

and development of people both young and

old

the eight-year-old girl who loved to

spend all her time out in the sun

soon became one who refused to go

outside without lathering herself in

sunscreen

and wearing an ungodly large hat

growing up i always assumed that my skin

was the first thing that anyone noticed

about me

that they were judging me and

determining my value and my worth

based on this one arbitrary feature over

which i had absolutely no control

even today when i’m giving presentations

at school

when i’m offering contributions around

the heartless table

even when i’m engaging in something as

simple as peer-to-peer conversation

i’m overly concerned with how i’m being

perceived

based on my hyper awareness of how

darker skin is treated

both historically and systemically

now to be fair my hyper awareness of how

darker skin is treated

is not totally unwarranted referred to

as colorism

this is a practice of discrimination

where people with lighter skin

are treated more favorably than people

with darker skin

although this is a global practice in

the united states specifically

as a product of racism and slavery

a prime example of this practice is the

paperback test

a popular hiring practice employed in

the 19th and 20th centuries

essentially if a candidate applying for

a job was the same skin tone or lighter

than a brown paper bag they were

eligible to be considered for the

position

while if they were any darker than a

brown paper bag they would automatically

be taken

out of consideration even today

according to a study conducted by the

university of georgia

darker skinned african-americans face a

distinct disadvantage

when applying for job positions in

comparison to lighter skin applicants

even with less education and job

experience the lighter skinned candidate

was statistically proven

to be hired more frequently but the

darker candidate thought to be

menacing i remember once for a birthday

a great aunt of mine very excitedly came

up to me

and handed me this moisturizer and on

first glance i was very excited about it

too

up until i saw the name fair and lovely

as its name suggests it’s a skin

lightening cream

one that over 27 million people in india

alone use on a daily basis

as she handed it to me she said tessia i

should be your favorite aunt

you’re going to be so beautiful now

hurt and it still hurts as i share it

with you

all today there is a multi-billion

dollar industry

profiting off of the beauty standards

and prejudiced ideals of

people like my great aunt who believe

that the only way to be beautiful

and by proxy successful is by ascribing

to a euro-centric standard of beauty

how could i ever appreciate myself for

myself

and stay true to my authenticity when i

was taught to feel uncomfortable in my

own skin

i’m not sure exactly when i decided to

stop feeling pity on myself

for this supposed genetic curse

i think it may have been as recently as

a couple summers ago

when i had the chance to travel to

tanzania as part of a school travel trip

there the girls that i was living with

called my dark skin

beautiful and were in contrast alarmed

by some of my peers with lighter

complexions

i don’t bring up this experience to

validate my beauty

but rather to show how subjective the

standard is

if we quantify our value and our worth

as humans

based on what others perceive and what

others say

we are doomed to fail from the start

so yes people will judge and make

assumptions

about our value and our worth for the

very things that we are insecure about

because these norms are so ingrained in

our society

but if we let that insecurity hold us

back

then we really have no chance of

attaining success

now it would be naive of me to pretend

that self-love

and embracing myself authentically would

wipe away

the racism colorism and discrimination

that my predecessors

and i have faced and will likely

continue to face

but as soon as we do start embracing

ourselves authentically

we release the hold that others have on

so to my uncle and to my great aunt

both of whom i love and to everyone else

who seeks to define me

and all of us based on superficial

socially constructed standards

i say i am beautiful

i am intelligent and like everyone else

i am human and because i am human

we are all more alike than we are

different

i hope that we can all learn to embrace

ourselves authentically

and grow comfortable in our own skin in

a world that makes it so hard

to do so thank you so much for your time