How Can We Heal from the Shades of Colorism

[Music]

hello everyone

so my mom tells a story of when i was

about five years old

we were visiting some extended relatives

and i sat on the floor

playing my own little make-believe world

something i still do today actually

but during that visit some older

relatives great aunts i believe

started complimenting my older sister

singing her praises

saying how pretty she was telling my mom

to watch out for her because she is

going to break some hearts one day

so i hear this i hear what they’re

saying about my older sister

but i also hear loud and clear

what they’re not saying about me

so then that’s when my mom overhears me

whisper to myself

that’s because she’s light-skinned

what i know now is that i was witnessing

and observing

something called colorism

see if this gets on there we go

so colorism is less often talked about

but it is a global issue that

rivals things like racism sexism

classism

and the other isms it’s a system of

oppression that privileges lighter skin

tones over darker skin tones

one thing to remember about colorism

versus racism is that color

is not a synonym for race people can be

the same race and have different skin

tones

and people can be different races and

have very similar

skin tones what i experienced at five

was an example of colorism because my

sister and i

have the same mother we have the same

father

we are the same race so these women were

distinguishing between us based on the

particular shade

of our complexions growing up in a

household with a

as a dark-skinned girl with the

light-skinned mother and the

light-skinned sister

the differences in how people treated us

was very apparent to me

and the notion that i could not be a

heartbreaker because i was darker

skinned

showed up many more times throughout my

life and while heartbreaker status was

supposedly inaccessible to me

heartbreak seemed readily available

so then we might ask how does a person

heal from something like the

heartbreaking reality of

colorism people say

it starts at home if that’s the case

then where does it end

today i’d like to share with you just

one lesson that i’ve learned

along my own healing journey

throughout my life throughout my

childhood teenagers and even as a young

adult

i suffered from colorism but alone

and in silence i didn’t think anyone

would listen

or understand or care and i was afraid

to speak about it

i was afraid that people would judge me

that they would label me jealous

or insecure or accuse me of being too

sensitive or

causing greater division

and yet despite those years of fear and

silence

here i am today talking about colorism

yes and here’s why

here’s what changed for me i was in my

early to mid 20s teaching high school

english back in my hometown

and i adored my students

but it surprised me to hear them say

things like

i wish i was light-skinned like my mom

or i don’t like this picture of myself

because i look

too black on here or

i’m less proud of myself because i got

darker over the summer

and even i don’t like dark-skinned

people when i first meet them

hearing multiple students express these

negative feelings and negative

attitudes about dark skin about their

own dark skin

as well as well as the dark skin of

others that was yet

another form of heartbreak for me

but that’s when i knew i had to say

something

i chose to break the silence because i

wanted to break

the cycle for the generations coming

after me

now i’m a writer so when i thought about

how i could personally address this

issue i turned to my writing skills

and in the wee hours of a july morning

in 2013

i started a new blog i knew a couple of

things

one i wanted the blog to be a source of

information to raise awareness about

colorism

and two i wanted it to be an opportunity

to discuss

what we can do about colorism what are

some possible solutions

so i thought long and hard about a title

and i settled on

colorism healing now the colorism part

might be obvious it’s literally the

subject of the blog

but that healing word has three key

components

the first component is individual

healing and that’s primarily what the

focus of my talk is today

individual healing includes personal

mental health

but also reprogramming our unconscious

biases

about certain skin tones now the second

key component

is healing relationships between

individuals

and amongst groups of people and the

third

key component that we cannot forget is

systemic

change across the larger society

so i started that blog and i ended up

stepping into

a new era of my life and over the years

i’ve had the chance to meet

thousands of beautiful souls from around

the world

and in particular it is my international

colorism healing writing contest

that perfectly illustrated for me how gl

colorism is truly a global issue

and that we are not alone in our

experiences of colorism

one of the contestants said i thought it

was just

me i thought it was just in my culture

and so many people come to this work and

have their eyes opened

to the vast diversity of people who all

have something to say

about colorism having the honor to

collect these stories and

facilitate this chorus of diverse voices

from different countries

different ages different races different

ethnicities

different languages that continues to

reaffirm my faith

in the healing process so i’ve learned

more about colorism i’ve learned more

about healing

but i’ve also learned more about myself

no surprises there

but in particular i’ve learned more

about my relationship

to my younger self to this little girl

i call her little sarah and i can still

feel her with me

i still recognize her expressions of

sadness

of hurt of anger

and disappointment i can still feel her

broken heart i think of our relationship

like a set of nesting dolls where

there’s adult

me big sarah and inside are all the

smaller

younger versions of me so i still carry

little sarah within me

which means the healing work i do in the

present also extends

back to her as well and it was only a

few years ago so relatively recently

when i found the words to really express

the healing work i had been doing

there’s a song because with me there is

always

a song but this particular song is

called breathe by sanibu c

great song i suggest you listen right

after this event

but within the song lyrics there’s a

vivid contrast between

home where they love my broken heart

as opposed to here where my beauty

and my worth are simply a given

so i was listening to this song on

repeat when i saw

an analogy to colorism colorism

is that home where they love my broken

heart

it is growing up a dark-skinned black

girl in a society

founded on white supremacy and

anti-blackness

it is a birthplace where your darker

complexion

will have a negative impact on how

you’re treated by

school teachers by police officers

judges jurors lawyers doctors nurses

grocery store clerks your managers at

work and yes

far too often your own family

so colorism may indeed start at home but

here’s

where i believe it ends on the personal

level

healing is when here

that place where my value is never

questioned and never denied

becomes me i am that place

and then i become home

i am home

to be able to say i am home not as a

matter of

geographic location or physical space

but as a state of being

that’s healing to me

and so after all the heartbreak

and after all the joys after meeting

each and every individual

that i’ve met on this journey hey y’all

i think about my five-year-old self a

lot and here’s what i’d like to say to

her

and to all of you here now

who wants to be a heartbreaker anyway

just wait you’ll see

healing hearts now that’s really where

it’s at

thank you

you