Being Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

[Music]

i just want to start off with a song

that i wrote it’s

called hero complex and it’s about my

experiences noticing different women

around us and

how we just need to take a promise to

just

be there for each other and as many

women as we can

so

that girl on the street begging for arms

no shoes on her feet

i should have been there for her

that girl on the train sitting all alone

the night was getting late

i should have been there for her

that man on the scene he’s screaming out

i can’t breathe i should have been there

i should have been there for my sister

should have been there for my brother i

should have been there for

her i should have been there for her

i should have been there for my mother

we should have been there for each other

i should have been there for her i

should have been

there for her

that girl in the magazine trying to get

smaller for the bigger screen

i should have been there for her

[Music]

that girl at the club left drunk looking

for love

did she get home i should have been

there

i should have been there for my sister

should have been there for my brother i

should have been there for her

i should have been there for her i

should have been there for my mother

we should have been there for each other

should have been there for her i should

have been

there for her that girl in the mirror

that girl in the mirror i should have

been there for her

i should have been there for her

that girl in the mirror that girl in the

mirror

i should have been there for her

[Music]

okay so that was a song i wrote called

hero complex and uh

yes i am a singer songwriter actor

voiceover artist

just as many things as i can do as an

artist i try to be all of those things

and

i actually grew up on a stage because i

was very blessed to be born into a

family

my grandparents jalabala gopal sharman

they built literally with their own

hands a beautiful theater in delhi

called the akshara

which is where i have grown up i have

learned singing dancing kathak i have

watched my grandparents perform i have

performed with them

whether it’s just accompanying my

grandfather for poetry readings or

singing the beatles with him or

singing kale seagull or just doing

little bits here and there

two full-blown plays as i got older

and the thing is uh for me

the idea of gender it was broken very

long ago by my own grandmother

jalavalavedya because she did this play

the ramayana

uh written in english by my grandfather

toured all over the world

and she performed all characters of the

play on her own

it was a solo performance so she

performs dashirath she does kaikei she

does hanuman

ram sita and i am watching her as a

child

seamlessly transition between all these

different characters i won’t even call

them different genders just different

characters

and so as a child who grew up in this

environment on this safe space i called

home which was the stage this idea of

gender didn’t really

bother anyone at home because it’s not

what we were about and

i think the place where it really

started to exist

these idea of genders and like tagging

people etc was

when i started going to school in delhi

and i went to a

you know a very delhi school where

everybody was like from a business

delhi family and i was the only girl i

think in my class

who first of all who was south indian

second of all it was from an artist

sort of background and uh you know it

was a sort of place where

if you’re somebody who’s not sure about

your gender if you’re a boy who’s

slightly

how do you say feminine if you’re a girl

who’s a little boyish blah blah blah

you get teased you know and you are from

a very early age

made to sort of feel uncomfortable and

sort of lost

about where you sort of belong and

that was my sort of experience in a

school you know i had these parallel

lives going on

as this theater girl was a little rock

star in my head

and then in school as this mute child

who barely spoke to anyone

never participated in a school play or

choir or anything

and so it became very difficult for me i

i you know i was teased for many things

including like

my skin color and whatnot and

uh this went on for a long time till i

shifted to a boarding school in masuri

beautiful school where

i had a very uh filmy kabhi khushi gavin

moment my first week in school in

boarding school i’m sitting in assembly

and

we had to practice jana ganamana because

uh

independence day was coming so i sat

down in assembly and there are kids from

all over the world in the school there’s

a australian student sitting here south

korean student sitting here canadian

behind me

you know and then jenna ganawana starts

playing on the speakers the lyrics come

up

and everybody got up you know the

chinese student got up the korean

student got up

i got up and everybody in their

different accents and their different

backgrounds

they started singing just you know it

and that was a beautiful moment for me i

remember crying

at that very moment i think i was about

14 and a half years old

because i suddenly saw myself in the

midst of so many people

from so many different backgrounds

coming together

appreciating each other’s you know where

they come from

who they are it becoming a part of you

and i suddenly felt more like i belong

in this place

where there were 100 nationalities

rather than belonging to my delhi school

where there were kids from just

one section of delhi you know and uh one

one turning point for me was um when

this irish

physics teacher of mine heard me singing

one day and i was just practicing

with my roommate and she was korean and

he heard me singing this kelly clarkson

song he said you guys

must perform this you’re going to

perform this after lunch tomorrow in the

lunch area

and i was just like oh my god no i you

know i’ve never performed outside of my

family’s

like theater my home safe space my stage

and he said no nothing doing you’re

doing it i’m setting up a mic i’m

setting up a speaker

keyboard you better show up at 4pm so

when the bell rang

i’m running to the lunch area there are

kids everywhere shouting chatting and

i’m shouting i’m like i’m performing

guys please you know come watch me this

is my first time performing

and you know in the middle of lunch i

suddenly started singing and my roommate

starts playing and

everybody who’s playing and eating

talking they just

became quiet they heard my voice they

walked towards me

and you know that was the first time i

had really broken away from this

safe sort of space i called home and i

realized that hey

maybe i can do this on my own and i was

shaking you know

i still shake sometimes when i perform

like right now i was still shaking you

can probably hear it in my voice

but um and i thought about this quote

because i love

will smith very much and he says you

know if you can’t

face your fear just do it scared and

that’s

exactly i think what being an artist

also has a lot to do with you know we

sometimes i think we’re mad to think

that we’ll write a song and hundreds of

people will actually

connect to it and hear it we really have

to just put ourselves out there

and that’s why the topic i was sort of

wanting to touch upon was just

the journey of you know going from

uncomfortable to being uncomfortable

from going from comfortable to being

uncomfortable and just

transitioning between these two

throughout your life

as an artist and the ironical part about

being in this

industry where you know either you’re a

writer

actor singer comedian whatever you are

you put yourself out there you know no

matter what religion background that

doesn’t matter

you put your art out there and the more

comfortable you seem to the public the

more uncomfortable sometimes it makes

them like

you know when i see a friend of mine who

might be an influence or something

post a picture where she’s feeling

really comfortable in her skin or with

her body hair or something

that person is immediately of course

appreciated but she’s also immediately

trolled

and so it’s so it’s so ironical that

when one decides to sort of really come

out

and try to be comfortable with

themselves they are made to feel so

uncomfortable by people around

them and why is it such a threat to the

public

and to people to see this person sort of

growing and why don’t they support this

growth

and i think that’s a huge part of this

sort of industry

the media industry or whatever the

artist industry that we are a part of

and um of course as a singer i’ve done

so many things i’ve

done musicals i’ve done jingles shows

blah blah blah

and i was you know kind of tired of the

scene i wanted a change of scene and one

of the things i did

last year was i sort of ran off to new

york city

i said you know maybe i want to live

here or maybe i want to be a musician

here

and i tried to you know i set up gigs

for myself

i did independent shows i met musicians

there and it was the first time i had

actually received

feedback from a foreign audience and

they even

enjoyed like this hindi song i did and i

was just like i want to stay in the city

i

began working as a waitress to support

myself over there because i was just

like mom i don’t think i want to come

back right now

you know and that was a whole new

experience for me just like

first of all being in the service

industry you know not everybody was very

excited that nisa has

gone to become a waitress you know in

new york city

but it was just me saying yes to

experiences me not taking people’s

judgments like oh my god you know you’re

working as a waitress

because those words were said to me by

people close to me you know and

it’s not about that it’s about you as an

artist every experience

you feel you put it into your work

it just happens and it may come from a

place of discomfort comfort wherever it

comes from

it will and it should go into your work

and again you know one of the the reason

i

left new york at all was because i got

this huge opportunity to

record a song with er hemansha which i

got to really i mean which released this

year

it’s called you got me it’s on youtube

but uh yeah and it was such

an amazing experience interacting with

er himan

and he’s just such a wonderful person

he’s all about the music and he doesn’t

care who you are where you’re from

he wants to hear your voice and that’s

what it’s about

and so for me if i go into a studio

mostly i’m feeling very nervous but here

i’m answering

made me feel comfortable why because all

he expected from me

was my voice and the scale of my voice

so the message i kind of just wanted to

leave with

was that um issues these days especially

for

women especially for women who put

themselves out there or anybody who puts

themselves out there

people who are watching and consuming it

goes beyond our petty

problems and competition and jealousy

you know there needs to be a movement

towards

supporting people who are transitioning

into becoming

comfortable as people who you know put

their thoughts there put their opinions

out there

and i think you know people like bhikaji

karma rani lakshmi by even rosa parks

they didn’t just do one thing to change

the world

they did something every day so as an

artist what is it that i’m going to do

in my next song in my next film in my

next ad

whatever i do what is it that when a

person watches me

what is that one thing that they’re

going to really

you know grab from that experience that

will make them want to do something good

something for the betterment of society

all in all

and um yeah that’s basically the message

i wanted to sort of work on and

leave with is to have this sort of

feeling of being together

and really letting people be the best

version of themselves

and i’m going to end by singing this

song

by alicia keys it’s based on the poem

i know why the cage bird sings and i’m

dedicating it to my mom

because she just finished fighting kovit

oh my god

anyway but she really likes the song um

so yeah it’s based on the maya angelou

poem

i know why the cage bird sings okay

[Music]

um

right now i feel like

a bird

cage without a key

everyone comes to stare

at me

with so much joy and revelry

they don’t know how i feel

inside

through my smile i cry

[Music]

they don’t know what they’re doing to me

keeping me from flying

that’s why i say that i know why

the cage bird sings

[Music]

only joy comes from

she’s so rare and beautiful

to others

when i just said her free

so she can fly fly

fly

spreading her wings and her song

[Music]

let her fly fly

fly

for the world to

see

[Music]

let her fly fly

fly

fly fly

for the world to see

for the world to

[Music]

see

all right thank you very much