How to Strike a breakthrough conversation.

let me ask you

how many of you last seven days have had

a deep soulful conversation with

somebody who you love

15 years back

in the silicon valley

a top executive of microsoft

he was bragging how they are going to

dominate the market

you remember those days we had

smartphones like these the small screen

and that was not the first conversation

the listener

was strong he felt challenged next day

he went back to his work

called all the associates had a

conversation

that changed the course of the world

in 2007

a new device was introduced

this device changed the course of

humanity the kind of progress we made in

the last 1500 years

that was equated in last 15 years

and what has that led to

does this remind you of your living room

conversations

let me share some startling facts with

you

cigna is a health services company in

the us

they did a study and found out

46 american they feel

lonely sometimes or always

two out of five americans

to be precise 43 approximately

they don’t find their relationship

meaningfully

let’s move to the east in 2018

in the uk government had to appoint a

minister

of loneliness to take care of

nine million people who were not cured

enough

let’s come back home

neymar’s published a study in 2015-16

and that study says 13.5

of young adults in india in the age

group of

13 to 17 years

they need serious interventions

and those who are in the age group of

40 to 49 i got something for you as well

18.4 of them have serious disorders

by the time you wake up in the morning

tomorrow

381 people would have committed suicide

somewhere in the country

is where we stand why

because we have forgotten the art of

having soulful

deep conversations

i as a coach i have the privilege of

getting deep into the lives of people

and privy to the information few others

have

if your child your sibling or your

spouse

gets on a call with me in all likelihood

they are going to share the secrets

if you get to know you will be shattered

people who will love to be careful

they don’t share the information with us

they don’t confide with us so i did a

study

of my clients who i work with

and i’ve got to know there are three

reasons

people don’t share information with you

the first one

they’re afraid of judgment punishment or

being

second they fail you don’t offer them

space you can’t understand them

and you will not be accepting them

they are not sure if they confide with

you

you are going to keep that to yourself

so i started thinking how to solve this

problem

because conversation is the key to

breakthroughs

and i found out

the tower of breakthrough rests on three

pillars

number one love and care

number two space for

vulnerability

and number three confidentiality

how can we create that into our life

whenever i have conversation with people

most of them they come to me and say

that

nobody can understand me i’m not talking

about

ordinary people i’m talking about the

cxos of love multi-billion dollar

corporations

they have this complaint

imagine the state of the people who are

not accountable

so how can we get that let’s talk about

love and care university of

utah did a study

and found out

when the listener doesn’t pay attention

the speaker struggles

our important conversations happen when

we are watching netflix

or texture one more while

what can you do

how can you show your love and care

by giving the gift of your absolute

friend

how to do that

francis frey she is a professor at

harvard university

she has an advice for you

she says

you should take time to reflect

when where

and who you’re likely to offer

the agony of the distractions

when you do that

that will give you some level of

awareness

and when you are aware that will create

you

create an opportunity for you to work on

every week i have a few life altering

conversations

and when i do that i not just turn off

my mobile phone i

show it inside the drawer

if the conversation is over the

telephone or mobile phone

and the computer screen is on before me

i turn off the screen

sometimes i even turn off the ac and

fan in the room

because i don’t want to miss

those small nuances

of emotion i don’t want to miss

the incomplete sentences i don’t want to

miss

the process

because the secret of conversation deep

conversation

lies in what’s unsaid

recently a book came you are not

listening

interesting book written by kate murphy

she suggests

when people feel

known and appreciated they’re more

likely to share with

when i have sensitive conversations

with the people right in the beginning i

tell them that

the intent of this conversation is to

serve you

i am not going to judge you from what me

you are free to share whatever you like

the more access you give me to your

world

the better i shall be able to help

you

that lets them

and when they share

my tone my face

my pitch

gives them give them assurance

that how deeply i mean

so now you know what to do

let me tell you what you should stop

doing

i have a question for married men here

you see that your wife is upset

you want to inquire

you go out and ask

when you ask this how many of you are

likely to get this response

okay okay

when we ask direct questions when we

interrogate

that hardly helps so if you want to

have a deep conversation stop asking

questions starting with these words

barry who was the chief interrogator of

cia in the u.s

he says interrogation was the least

effective way to get the truth

so instead

you should warp up that mod here

start with a common graph

then deepen the engagement

and then advance the conversation to the

level you want

some of the most insightful

conversations i had with my son was

when we were on cycling trips to go

at least once a week on a cycling trail

on a walk or a long drive with the

people who you allow

these acts create the perfect atmosphere

for

sensitive sharing

when you are performing these acts you

don’t maintain eye contact

that makes it comfortable

for the speaker to share you

when people are assured that what you

share with them

that’s not going to be leaked

then that gives them confidence

to confide

all of us know this

but how many times somebody can find us

something really serious with you

while talking with your spouse or a

close relative or the casual

conversation with your friend

you end up revealing and

how can you avoid those clips

act like apple

what does apple do

business insider published an article

that says

apple is notoriously known as one of the

most secretive

tight-lipped

apple accomplishes this by closely

monitoring workspaces and even

requiring employees to cover up their

devices

with a black globe

if you are suspected of leaking

information there are serious

consequences

it’s heard that they have even hired

fbi and nsa officers to investigate you

so whenever

you feel sleepy

you feel like giving away the

information what somebody confided with

you

think as if steve jobs is watching you

imagine what would be the consequences

imagine a world when a child

was stuck in a drug racket and he comes

to his father and confines to that

he could be protected

imagine a world

when your spouse slips in a relationship

and she confines that with you so that

you could

help us save the marriage

imagine the world

when your client shares all the

quotations with you so that you could

give him the

best deal and he continues working with

you

when that happens

you will create breakthroughs

every day and together

we can make this place make this planet

a delightful place

you