3 ways to be more inclusive

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so when i was younger

i had a terrible fear of dogs i mean not

a little bit scared but i was really

really scared of dogs but we had a dog

so it wasn’t like i wasn’t used to dogs

and i remember vividly my mom would

always say to me whenever i saw the dog

charging at me

the dog is just really happy to see you

but i could never really see that all i

saw was this

really angry dog and my brain would go

straight into panic without even any

extensive sort of cognitive

activity and i would just really be

scared but my mom could

not really understand that right a lot

of the world today feels like that

where we’ve got completely different

perspectives even though

we’re looking at different things so

you’ve got the people over there who see

the hungry dog the people who see the

happy dog

the people who don’t see any type of dog

and over time what happens is we start

to find the people who think like us so

we go searching for

the people who see the angry dog the

people who see the happy dog depending

on

what our perspectives are see this

in-group

affinity itself is not the problem it’s

that when we stay

too long in those groups they become the

basis of our social categorizations our

tolerances

and ultimately the way that we see the

world and

sometimes the conversation starts from

can you see a happy dog or do you see an

angry dog to

okay it deserves more rights the people

who see the angry dog or the people who

see the happy dog or the people who

don’t see a dog

at all and so we go on and on stuck in

this

endless cycle of debate that we’re

actually

unable to really get to a common ground

the world is more diverse

than it’s ever been all at once we’re

living across generations baby boomers

millennials

generation x y at the same time

people who come from different

backgrounds ethnicities

racial groups sexual orientations and so

on

but diversity becomes problematic

without inclusion

so the challenge for leadership right

now is not just

after strong visions and to be able to

communicate them

it’s also to be able to carry

everybody along in that journey

but how do you do that when you as a

leader of your own

feelings your thoughts your beliefs your

perspectives

how do you practice inclusive leadership

when you’ve got your own point of view

well

here are three things that might help

one listen

a lot of people ask me in my role as a

diversity and inclusion coach

what is the one thing i can do i don’t

know what to do

the one thing anybody can do is listen

because part of that equality piece is

also being able to say hey

i’m in pain i’m not comfortable

so when people express injustice

or they express their experiences

what we need to do is listen to them

because sometimes the only evidence of

exclusion

is the pain of the excluded

we’re still mentally used to categorize

an exclusion with violence

probably because of you know the history

around slave trade the holocaust

but sometimes exclusion is

so subtle because it takes a microsecond

for our brain to determine whether

someone is

an other or whether they are one of us

it doesn’t always happen with an

elaborate you know set of activities

but what we can do is to really listen

to the voices

of the people around us who are saying

just don’t feel comfortable

it’s okay to listen and not just to

listen from a point of response

or a place of judgment but to listen to

generally understand

their perspective to understand

their point of views and their

experiences

inclusive leadership begins with

listening

you cannot include people you can’t hear

also think about what you think

to be ideal this is really important

because a lot of our idealism

is centered around our frames of

reference what we

think and how we see the world

a murphy is a term that was coined in

the 1950s by sociologists

or we’re trying to really put a frame

around our affinity for the things that

remind us

most of ourselves and how as human

beings we have the tendency to seek the

things that reinforce our belief systems

rather than challenge them

and a lot of us are quite homophilic in

the way we think so we like the things

that remind us of ourselves

add that with our frames of reference

that are so strictly

framed and designed by our experiences

what our parents said

what our friends think the communities

we live in

we see the world not necessarily as it

is but through the lens

of what we think it is and so we take

all of these homophobic tendencies

into the decisions we make day in and

day out

who’s beautiful we deserve affection who

deserves love

what’s desirable what’s acceptable

what is disgusting what is uncomfortable

and though your frame of reference may

be relevant to you

sometimes it’s not the only truth i

don’t know if you’ve been you know

to do a high test but i’ve suddenly done

a number of them over my

over the years and you know when

opticians

keep changing the lenses and

you kind of go no that one doesn’t work

oh no that doesn’t work oh yeah that one

works

and then you find the perfect lens for

you and it’s like yes things are really

clear

those lenses that weren’t perfect for

you

are absolutely perfect for other people

so sometimes if you’re finding that

you’re getting really polarized in the

way you’re seeing the world

it’s probably time for you to step out

and try a different lens

and this is really important because

there is a darker side to polarization

so we know the social exclusion and all

of that

but also researchers have found that

actually the extreme

effect of racism is that it affects how

our brain empathizes

so our empathy levels are broadly

determined sometimes by the social

categorizations of the people that we

are

watching being victimized so actually

the more polarized to become the less

able to see humans

in their truest forms you become

isn’t it interesting you know the people

that you argue with on social media

they have children too they like their

dogs

they have relatives they hit sunday

roast with their grandparents every day

when you really think about it what

connects us

as human beings is so much bigger than

the difference in opinion than the

difference in perspectives

we all love our families we all want the

same thing

broadly out of life just because we look

different

or we love different or we think

different

does not take away the very essence of

our humanity

but when we polarize ourselves so

clearly

we start to see the individual through

the lens

of the collective and finally

i would say create your own inclusion

serendipity

find those amazing life-changing

experiences

by developing different cultural lenses

and one of the easiest ways you can do

this is through social media i

love social media right but it’s also a

self-reinforcing bubble if you follow

the same people

you see the same things you know

algorithms are always watching what you

did yesterday so they can do more of it

today

so you run the risk of seeing the same

news

hearing the same voices getting the same

perspectives

but you can flip that around you can

follow people from different parts of

the world

with different experiences so i was

doing a little research around

political affinity and cultural cultural

groups a couple of months ago

and to kind of really understand

different political perspectives i found

myself following some rather

interesting social media accounts and i

did not agree with most of the things

that were being said

but at least i understood

and sometimes the first step to

inclusion is to

understand so you’ll be willing to

listen

and understand that sometimes your

perspectives are not the only truth

and then be curious and go out

and create these new experiences find

people from different cultures connect

with them

on a really human level and that

inclusive leadership will start to come

to you

a little bit more naturally now i’ll say

this as i close

vernon myers once said diversity is

being invited to the party

inclusion is being asked to dance and a

lot of people have actually said

belonging

is being able to dance however you want

do whatever you want without anyone

judging you

the world is becoming increasingly

polarized

every day we’re being forced to choose a

side

but sometimes just sometimes just

sometimes

it’s okay to simply be human

thank you

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