Fostering Dialogue in Our Divided Nation

[Music]

i believe

in a limited government i believe the

government has a responsibility to

protect consumers

i believe in a flat tax rate i believe

in progressive taxation

i believe that there are two genders i

believe that there are many genders

and that we should all be allowed to

define ourselves

i remember being asked to give a ted

talk i was excited

like really excited everyone so i was

asked if i would give the talk with

another girl who had a similar topic to

mine

i was immediately gay keep in mind at

this point

we had never met before on that first

introductory zoom call my first

impression of ella was that she was kind

and well spoken

though i knew it was going to be likely

that we disagreed on politics

i was a little bit more judgmental i

remember on that first zoom call

i was trying to size zena up before she

even opened her mouth i looked at her

hair

her clothes what she had on her and the

american flag in her background

and honestly i was just a little bit

doubtful because she didn’t look like

someone with whom i could agree

but that was the intention they informed

us that they wanted to make this talk

not only advice on how to solve this

issue

but an example of it now i won’t pretend

that dina and i have totally come

together on every issue

and honestly i won’t even pretend that i

would vote for her in an election

but i like and respect dina as a person

we’ve been able to come together with a

common goal of urging you to do the same

there’s no doubt in the united states

there are different opinions and beliefs

oftentimes these are held really really

closely alas when they are challenged

this can lead to hostility arguments and

just blatant disrespect

we have all experienced this at some

point or another tina and i have been in

similar environments for most of high

school

leslie in schools where the student body

is made up mostly of upper middle to

upper class students

and we’ve had very different experiences

in this environment

for example i attend an academically

rigorous public school

which is pretty much the exact

stereotype of a rich school

in terms of cultural racial or economic

diversity

well suffice it to say it’s not exactly

our strong point

despite that however we do have a good

mix of political beliefs

and that’s greatly benefited me because

it’s taught me that i don’t have to

agree with everyone

in order to get along with them and to

work together and i believe that i’m in

the vast majority of students in saying

that my political beliefs have

generally been respected at school since

8th grade i have attended an

academically rigorous private school

very similar in culture and student body

to that of ella’s

upon entering high school i began

exploring different political thoughts

and ideas

and while i don’t really like political

labels i would consider my views to fall

generally under the umbrella of

libertarian conservative

when i made this ideological shift

something strange happened

people more or less stopped talking to

me i was socially ostracized

now this could just be because people

thought of me as being one of the weird

kids

and in all honestly honesty that’s

probably very true

but the sad reality of the situation is

that i’ve talked to other current

students and alumni who have beliefs

that are just kind of different than the

norm

and they tell me that while at this

school they were or are scared to share

their views because of the heavy social

ramifications

but political hatred is not just on an

individual basis

in 2017 a pew research poll found that

81 percent of americans

view the other political party quote

very unfavorably

and that same poll found that one half

of republicans

in two-thirds of democrats have quote

few or no friends than the other

political party

and that’s a big part of the problem

there’s absolutely hate and hostility

towards people on the other side of the

aisle

the right hates the left left hates the

right libertarians are often

who knows what but either way we see

this hate

manifest everywhere in our current

climate on social media the news or just

in casual conversation

there’s an acute with us or against this

attitude

and in the case that you’re against us

then you’re portrayed more or less as

the devil reincarnate

we have all heard before why this is

important the country is dividing along

ideological lines

and things like civility decency or just

a respect

of a common humanity is being lost so if

this issue is so perverse that it

endangers the very existence of our

country

why are we so incapable of considering a

compromise if it’s so huge

that it is wearing away at the soul of

our democracy why are we so incapable of

stopping

taking a breath and addressing the

problem there are a lot of reasons for

this

and the two of us don’t even agree on

that for example

many commenters such as ezra klein

blamed simple human nature

in the youth of our species humans were

hunted and thus our instincts told us

that exclusion from the group

meant death the problem is we don’t know

how to turn off that instinct

so no matter what a member of our

political party does we’re inclined to

exclude it because not doing so puts us

in direct conflict

with members of our group in this case

our friends family and co-workers

or maybe it’s because many of us are

likely to exclude those who would have

agreed with on the basis of presumed

political party alone

history has shown time and time again

that not being familiar with a group

makes it far easier to villainize the

other or maybe it’s because

of the geographic distances between

liberals and conservatives

which starts a cycle where one person

says a belief and they’re vilified for

their whole community

and it just goes round and round with

everyone hating each other

my theory on this topic looks slightly

different examining the american social

landscape over the past 100 years i see

religious institutions as being the

backbone of our social fabric

whether this be a church mosque

synagogue or temple these organizations

have been home to strong communities

with a common belief

oftentimes within these institutions

there are differing political ideas

yet the common ideology holds the group

together

over the past 20 years we have seen the

rate of religiosity in church or just

other religious institution attendance

plummet at this same time as ella

mentioned

people still crave to be part of a group

what i suspect is that we have turned to

political parties as a replacement

so how do we fix the societal tension we

propose having conversations

a buddy of mine and i teach a class at

our synagogues religious school

dedicated to teaching kids about chikun

alum which is a concept in judaism that

means repairing the world

around the time the election we taught a

lesson on how to have conversations with

people you disagree with

the framework we created while targeted

towards kids is applicable for

all ages our theory breaks down into

five things to practice to have a good

and meaningful conversation the first is

being

respectful now this seems super simple

to most people

yet in reality it is the reason why so

many seemingly innocent conversations

turn to yelling matches being respectful

means just

acknowledging that the other person has

their own thoughts and feelings

and while you may disagree with them on

something or

everything it is important to treat them

as another human being

not an enemy after that comes empathy

practicing empathy in conversation means

just acknowledging that the other person

has maybe had different life experiences

that have led them to their conclusions

then

there is reason now reason is something

that is trampled over these

days yet it is one of the most important

things in having an actually

quality discourse using reason means

trying to be

logical avoiding logical fallacies

character jobs and instead

trying to make a well-formed argument

and at the same time

trying to understand theirs to

understand another’s argument

it is vital to use the next tool

listening

listening is something that is

absolutely preached to us when we are

younger

yet it seems that once we get older we

forget just how important it is

through listening you can truly

understand another’s point of view

and you avoid just jumping to conclusion

based on preconceived notions about

their perspective

lastly is grace grace manifests itself

in a couple ways in a conversation

the first is realizing that you may not

always be right

and that it’s okay to change your

perspective the other facet of this

is being okay with disagreement

now this can be really challenging

especially on those topics which you

know you’re right about but it is

absolutely essential

but it’s not just having conversations

with others that is important

where to combat political hatred in our

everyday lives we have to hear the

source

to our own subconscious thoughts we have

to have conversations with ourselves

now i know that sounds a little insane

but stick with me here

most of us don’t look at someone we

perceive to be part of the other

political party

and think well they look like a

republican

i’m not going to talk to them more

accurately we look at someone

look at their clothes their hair what

they have on them make subconscious

calculations

pink hair plus nyc t-shirt

plus our portfolio equals democrat

equals communist equals crazy

so we choose not to interact with that

person and

long-sleeve shirt plus cross necklace

plus long jean skirt equals republican

equals homophobic

crazy so we choose not to interact with

that person

but really we don’t know anything about

them maybe they are a member of the

other political party

maybe that just really doesn’t mean that

much to them maybe it does

but maybe it just wouldn’t have been an

issue between the two of you and maybe

you’ll find that you’re able to work on

important projects together

like writing a ten talk for example so

it asks you to take a moment when you

automatically count someone out

and consider your own thought process

here’s a method i’ve learned through the

trials of anxiety

firstly pause and allow yourself to

think through your own thought process

unhindered by outside influences

secondly

really think through that process ask

yourself

questions like why did i think this

about them was it something in their

appearance

or do i really need to feel

uncomfortable around them

and asking yourself these questions it’s

important to be completely honest with

yourself

it’s just for you and no one else will

hear it so it’s okay if you’re

disappointed in the answers

and finally let yourself be imperfect

more than likely you’ve had a time where

you’ve been

guilty of political hatred and that’s

okay what’s important is checking

yourself

learning from it and trying to move past

it and if you’re doing that

then you’re on the right path like we

mentioned before ella and i

did not know each other before doing

this talk and we were more or less

forced to work together

but throughout the process of writing

this talk we realized that we are

very very similar people even if we

disagree on essentially every single

political issue imaginable

it is possible and it is important to be

able to look

past your political disagreements and

see the other person as just that

another person and

through the process of writing this talk

we learned that there are way more

important things to disagree and argue

on

for example ella for some reason doesn’t

like carrots

and you guys are not going to believe

this but dina somehow thinks that star

trek

is better than star wars ella’s opinions

on this issue make me a little

uncomfortable to stand

and regardless of our friendship gina’s

views on gender

on gender identity are something that i

strongly disagree with

and i disagree with ella on government

involvement but

we both have a common love of sam gmg

the hobbit

lord of the rings ultimately you don’t

have to agree on the big things you

don’t even have to agree on the little

things

and he won’t be friends with everyone

but we can’t continue to hate each other

like this

because if we don’t communicate then we

can’t solve the issues that we all want

to

see resolved we hope that you’ll walk

away from this talk

willing to evaluate your thoughts and

actions towards others and we hope

that that will lead you to understand

others a little bit more

all right are we doing a social distance

high five