4 life lessons from our old dogs

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some of you have aging dogs in your life

now or in the past some of you have

aging relatives needing care

i’d like you to think about some

interesting parallels between

aging dogs and aging humans

i’d also like to help you explore some

simple but potent

pack tools to better interact with our

elderly adults needing care

now my aging relatives don’t like being

compared to old dogs well

except maybe my uncle dawn and he’s

always been my favorite

first let’s talk about what the

parallels are between old dogs and

elderly humans

here’s four you might recognize both old

dogs and elder humans make conscious

choices to move less

and do less when they do move things

hurt and they’re stiff

and their movements and reactions are

slower

another is their circadian rhythm gets

flipped so they sleep most of the day

and they’re awake all night

how many times have you heard your old

dog or maybe a relative padding around

at night

i caught my mother moving furniture one

night at 2

am which was a bit unnerving

they also become picky eaters and they

eat less as their systems slow down

so we should try to think ahead about

what their favorite foods are

my old dog louie loved chicken and

smelly goat cheese and ate that

up till his last day and last but not

least

change change is a big one changes such

as moving things in your house

in their house or relocations can rock

their worlds and increase stress and

decline dramatically

some of these household changes are

unfortunately unavoidable

but when we can we should try to keep

things as close to their

normal as possible as their organs body

and mind gradually slow down

their world gets smaller the world is

now opening up however to this idea of

learning from our old dogs to help our

geriatric humans

recently a university of washington

professor asked me about my work with

animals

and the book i’m writing on the

parallels of old dog and human aging

called the dow of old dogs he shared

with me a project that university of

washington and texas a

m are collaborating on called the dog

aging project

or dap dapp will study 10 000

dogs across the u.s to identify the

environmental biological

and lifestyle factors that contribute to

healthy aging

and then cross-pollinate that into the

human geriatric world

this study is actually funded by the nih

the national institute of health to

directly benefit geriatric humans

the premise being that dogs in living so

closely with humans for centuries

acquire the same big four age-related

diseases

as us cancer diabetes

heart disease and even dementia it takes

a much shorter time to study dogs’s age

than humans

so dap can gather data and study the

same lifestyle and disease aspects

in 10 years of a dog’s life versus 50

years of a human’s life

i was so excited to see this dog human

aging connection being recognized and

studied on a grander scale

and validating this commonality that

i’ve been observing in my practice for

many years with animals

and their humans what i’ve also seen in

my work is that many people can find

deep compassion and patience for their

aging dogs

but not always for their aging humans

with our mother or father we can be

trapped in this weird time warp of role

reversal

that can be hard to understand and very

hard to navigate

our emotions run amok creating

frustration

fear grief detachment apathy

sadness all common and perfectly normal

i think those of us who have dogs feel

these same emotions for our old dogs but

somehow

we are a whole lot kinder about dealing

with their needs and wants

why is that what if we could

have a choice in how we interact in

these relationships with our aging human

relatives needing care

what if we could cross-pollinate our

feelings we have for our old dogs

to reframe our ways of feeling and being

with our aging senior relatives

for our old dogs we can find patience

acceptance compassion and kindness more

easily

yeah our agendas and emotions trip us up

at first

and we try to push our little old dogs

past their limits

but we eventually settle into a place

where we find

peace in their aging process a place

where every moment we have with them is

precious

no matter if there’s incontinence lack

of energy frustration over food

grumpiness sleepless noisy nights for

both of us

we find that patience acceptance

compassion and kindness

to be the loving caretakers that we all

have inside here

recently i was working on a little six

pound yorkie named lily pad with a sore

back

and in what seems to be a common

conversation with my clients

i asked lily pad’s mom mary lou how she

was doing with her mother who had

dementia

she profoundly and lovingly said we must

meet them where they are at any given

moment

we can’t change who they are we can only

change ourselves in how we think about

the situation

dementia patients are like animals and

children they

feel the world around them they are

honest and

in the moment and also very aware and

present with what we are feeling while

we’re with them

that is a potent mouthful of wisdom for

us all

the most difficult parallel to discuss

is dementia

statistics show that there are 50

million people worldwide that have

dementia

this number will almost double every 20

years

reaching 75 million in 2030.

due to the fact that there are no

official geriatric studies on this

yet for dogs we don’t know any numbers

but we absolutely know it exists for

them

too my mother had dementia

every day i would take her out for a

walk in her wheelchair and i came to

realize

if i went the same way each day she was

emotionally more comfortable

she was not a woman of the outdoors nor

did she appreciate nature

yet if i kept things consistent she had

forgotten

she didn’t like the outdoors and clearly

enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine she

so badly needed

as we’d slowly dawdle along she would

always point to the same bush in the

same yard and say

darling isn’t that lovely what is that

day after day i gave the same answer

next we’d see a sweet blue bird house on

a fence post and she would say look at

that

isn’t that nice each day i would agree

this repetition rattled me at first

at the time i was easily rattled as i

was running a busy practice

nursing a very dear friend that was

dying of cancer visiting my mother daily

and my 15 year old dog cedar

who went everywhere with me every day

was starting down the pack of

of doggy dementia so i made a choice

to rest in the consistency and

familiarity of this daily walk routine

that mom had relaxed into

and in doing so i paid peace with myself

i began to call it

groundhog day i had to find the light

beauty and a sad bit of whimsy in this

change in my mother

and also in the irony that it was this

comfortable repetition that filled her

with contentment

i had to let go and erase my fear of

losing my mother as i knew her

and embraced that peace that came with

groundhog day’s repetition

i thought of how patiently i had walked

the same trails sidewalks and roads with

my dogs each day

seeing the same trees houses and meadows

i suddenly realized i have been

following the groundhog day model since

owning my first dog

dogs need consistency and find comfort

in familiar routines

just as human dementia patients do for

dogs

every day is groundhog day wow what a

revelation i could do this thing

so finally here’s the four

potent pack life lessons my dogs and i

created

based on dog and life training 101 that

we can use in our interactions with our

elderly two leggeds and four leggings

i call these the pack p

is for patience a is for acceptance c is

for compassion

and k is for kindness p is for patient

sit and stay picture the adorable

wiggly puppy running around like crazy

and in one or two sessions and some

yummy cookies

he learns to sit and stay requests that

may save his life someday

he is now transformed into this little

patient being

that is actively communicating with us

and of course the cookies in our pocket

can we transform our own inner puppy

yes even if we fake it at first we can

learn to adopt

patience and kindness even when the

world is buzzing and screaming and

blurring around us

usually patience and calmness is what we

humans learn to teach our dogs when we

go to puppy obedience school

and if we’re really lucky what we

learned too

it’s the first thing your old dog does

when you grab a cookie for him write

sit and stay they never forget

before i revisit with my mom and her

dementia years i sit in my car and i do

a 30 second

self check to increase my patience with

whatever i might encounter that day

release the rushing the cases i saw

today

take a deep breath and let the buzzing

vibrations fly out the window

breathe into my heart even the aching

part

now open my heart and breathe again and

warm up a remembering smile for the love

i have for my mother

feel my feet on the ground to strengthen

that love and here we go

occasionally a tier or two would fall

and for that moment i thank them for

their healing and stride on in

arms and heart wide open

a is for acceptance meet and greet

i don’t know about you but i love

labradors they are

always accepting of other dogs good

people

and change they almost never are bullies

in a group dog interaction

but are accepting and willing to play

with others small

and large they love play they love

life and yet they have this amazing work

ethic

and willingness to please they are

incredible tireless service dogs

fully accepting the consequences of most

situations

and never asking for anything in return

other than a tennis ball

a hug and dinner in my next life i’m

hoping to come back

as a labrador acceptance allows us to

move forward and not be stuck in

emotions that don’t serve us or others

as we become caretakers on any level for

our elderly

even just occasional visits we have to

learn to accept our own emotions about

their situations

and for the benefit of others

temporarily let go of our own emotions

so we can be fully present in any

situation

this is what our first responders do for

us

all the time they accept any situation

they’re called to and during that time

of response or service

they are clear solid and willing to use

their tools to help others through

challenges

just like a lab if our dogs can do this

so can we i had a yellow lab named sage

who has a puppy went to school with my

teacher husband

and by her own choice became a service

dog for children with epileptic seizures

adhd and a reading with rover dog before

there was such a thing

she was amazing at knowing who needed

what when

when she retired at 15 she was bored so

i took her to a nosework class

she had a growing tumor on her nose from

a rattlesnake bite when she was three

and her last service to the world was a

nosework demo we did for the american

cancer society

she did amazing all dressed up in her

pink gear

the crowd roared she was a gentle

teacher for others about finding some

acceptance and joy during life with

cancer

c is for compassion stop and smell your

own roses

everyone knows that dogs have an amazing

sense of smell and they know what we’re

thinking and feeling

even before we do as do our wise old

elder humans

with a whole lot of life behind them

even in a dementia state they are often

aware of our feelings

the question here is what are you

carrying into your interactions with

your beloved elders

is it the sweet rosy essence of

compassion

or the thorny pokey feeling of fear

angst or apathy

we cannot bring compassion forward under

stress

without self-awareness we have the power

to choose to smell like a rose

or poke like a thorn

dogs and dementia patients feel our

emotional vibrations

and can teach us to be more aware of

these by mirroring responses to us

we just have to pay attention have you

ever felt angry with something and your

dog drops its ears

and gets flat and tries to look

invisible

did you ever feel some fear while

walking your dog and have your love

everyone laughs

suddenly start barking at someone

they don’t get caught up in or hang on

to emotions

unless we do human dementia patients are

the same way

they can feel our emotional vibrations

and can respond

by shutting down or lashing out

we need to ask ourselves which emotion

am i wearing

and which emotion do i want to wear

k is for kindness release and reward

we all need and want kindness right

our animals respond better and on a much

deeper level when we utilize kindness

instead of scolding

our children do too our elderly

relatives are the same way

no matter what challenge they give us

kindness will always be the best

medicine for both them

and you kindness echoes out into the

world

the rewards go both ways when we release

kindness into any situation

i know dogs and animals are our teachers

and can help us

navigate difficult challenges with life

and our elderly seniors and in doing so

can help us

heal too they can guide us to be

stronger kinder people

and remind us to make wiser choices

during our interactions with our elderly

and the world around us

so my hope is that you will be the

patient

accepting compassionate and kind pack

leader that can make the world a better

place

one pack at a time

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you