What we lose when we stop telling our stories Harpreet Parhar

what we need instead of definitions

are stories stories

have the power to connect us through

feeling

by sharing what we have experienced what

the word trauma means to us and what a

microaggression looks like

we feel for one another through stories

we can share the moments that broke us

down

but also the moments in which we show

resilience

and demonstrate the strength of the

human spirit

so let me share a story with you today

growing up i loved volleyball i’ve never

again

experienced a feeling quite like the one

i felt when i was immersed in the game

and everything else in my world simply

disappeared

for the hour hour and a half i was on

the court with my team

all that mattered was keeping that ball

from touching the ground

on our side of the net i played the

position of setter

and for those of you that are unfamiliar

with the sport

sutter is the one who should always be

hitting the ball second and sending it

off to the hitter to make the final

spike

over the net so i was setter

and i was good i remember being on my

high school team

a team of predominantly white girls even

though our school was incredibly diverse

and on game days i would see the faces

of all my teammates parents

all who seemed to already know each

other cheering us on

one day our team had just loaded the bus

and we were off to an important away

game

a game against our rival school there

was excitement in the air

i took a seat in the front with a friend

and our coach was in the seat adjacent

after some conversation he asked me

so are your parents excited to watch you

play tonight

he asked like he already knew the answer

to the question

of course my parents were coming to

watch and of course they were excited

i saw a perplexed look across his face

when i responded and said no

they actually aren’t coming they’re

really busy

he shared a confused chuckle and said

what what could be more important than

their little girl’s volleyball game

i remember just letting out a bit of

controlled laughter

and then silently looking out the window

the rest of my way there

because the truth was there was a lot

that was more important to them than my

game

my parents took priority in getting

enough rest before their next laborious

work day

and figuring out how they were going to

make ends meet

they didn’t have the privilege of taking

pride in their daughter’s athletic

capabilities

in fact they didn’t have the privilege

to attend my band recitals

my elementary musicals or even my high

school graduation

it’s the reality for a lot of immigrant

kids and their families

support comes in the form of providing

food

shelter and clothing expecting more than

that for my parents

would be ungrateful and selfish it would

be insulting to highlight what they

couldn’t give

us by negating everything that they did

i looked out the window of that bus and

i remember silently crying

because in that moment i knew i wasn’t

like everyone else on the bus

with me it is these moments however

that have been seared into my memory

they are what have made me push harder

to achieve all that i can

they are what have taught me that i am

strong i am resilient

and even without the things that

everyone else has

i can be great now

i know i didn’t just end racism or

reveal secret formula that educators can

tap into that will magically make social

justice oriented education

easy but i hope that in the few minutes

i was sharing my story

that you were able to connect to me

that in these few minutes i wasn’t a

stranger in front of you

but a girl whose pain you could

sympathize with

i hope that for just these few minutes

you can understand the pain i felt that

day

because you have felt that kind of pain

too

you see we constantly start

conversations about racial equity

with recognizing positionality

we start with highlighting our

differences and more often than not

we get stuck there the minority remains

the victim

while the white person remains the one

with the power

and rather than identifying this

positionality productively reflecting on

it

and then actively working towards change

we dig our heels in where we are

live in the pain that those

conversations have induced

and fail to make the small mental

changes we need to make as a community

in order to shift the culture of our

society

by sharing stories we can create a

connection

between those in power and those who

lack it

and allow for a common ground

additionally we can break down barriers

between students and

academia and give them the tools to be

able to tell their own stories

to give them the voice that doesn’t just

make them victims

but allows them to be active agents of

change

not just so that we can feel their pain

but so that we can participate

in their triumphs we can teach

our kids that just like them we

struggled

but just like us they will overcome