Emale

[Music]

ever since i was little

i loved serving my community it allowed

me to become closer to the people that

were shaping my life

and really give back to them and so

it was my utmost honor to serve as the

resident

grammar police you know every little

girl’s dream

once i learned the difference between

lay and lie there was

no stopping me i’m basically a walking

talking autocorrect

with no mute button even as i’m

entering the professional world having

only caught glimpses of it as a student

my penchant for punctuation has thrived

you know i’m that pretentious texter who

always punctuates the end of my sentence

with a period

while punctuation marks like the period

the comma

the question mark are so commonplace in

our language today

their origins are actually quite

mysterious

but i’ve always been fascinated by one

in particular

the exclamation mark so the exclamation

mark was first introduced into english

printing in the 15th century

and was known as the sign of admiration

to show emphasis but as language and its

precision has grown

increasingly inescapable in our society

i found that the meaning of the

exclamation mark

has changed one means interested or

displeased two is alerting you to

something

be it good or bad three

either means very excited or very angry

and anything more than that is reserved

for parents when you don’t pick up their

call

but the point is you can’t really tell

what the exclamation mark means

without tone or social cues so in

email letters even text messages

the exclamation mark has transformed

from simply a

punctuation mark to a sort of

punctuation queue

of niceness now i didn’t recognize the

exclamation marks transformation

until last year when the pandemic began

with in-person communication paused we

turned to email

to messages even the archaic letter

writing

now i found myself staring down the

barrel of let’s say

20 30 emails a day now that’s a lot for

me

especially because i choose my words

carefully

so on average i’m spending 15 minutes

crafting an email like it’s to jesus

himself

but my first issue isn’t my choice of

words

but more so my choice of punctuation you

see

i’m in an eternal battle with myself

deciding where to put exclamation marks

you know i’ll rewrite the same email

about 10 times with only that changed

should i put it at the front of the

email to start off enthusiastic

or maybe in the middle so it seems

composed but friendly

but if i put a bunch at the end i’m just

going to come off as the energizer bunny

you see my problem i became so anxious

about selecting

where to put my exclamation mark because

there’s no other way to seem nice

over professional email and trust me i

want to come across as nice

the problem is i feel like i won’t

always be taken

seriously or even responded to

if i don’t come across as eager excited

and enthusiastic

in emails with a male peer my emails

were the one

overflowing with exclamation marks and

phrases like

sorry for taking up your time and thank

you for making this correction

in all honesty i was pressured to use

the exclamation mark

to always come across as eager ready to

help and grateful

like that’s the state a professional

woman should constantly be in

in all true email correspondence was

taking

pieces of me the woman that you

envisioned over email

was no longer reflective of my identity

i struggled to define what i was feeling

you know what was pressuring me to act

this way

but it turns out we’ve already got a

name for it internalized sexism

for me internalized sexism is that i

always have to appear grateful

ready to help and appreciative in all

social situations

not just over email i’ve realized that

as a woman i’ve donned this personality

of constant gratitude because i’m afraid

that i won’t be seen as capable

without it i worry that i won’t be taken

seriously

if i’m not accommodating i worry about

taking up space in somebody’s inbox

although i have as much of a right to be

there as anyone else

i worry about being perceived as cold

and come to think of it i have never

sent an email without the exclamation

mark in it

i have never even written a thank you

that wasn’t followed by the exclamation

mark

but take it from me all of this worry

and accommodation

is quite frankly exhausting i just

cannot soften myself for the comfort of

others

but punctuation to me is just a

representative of all the other language

that hinders my communication

i’ve probably heard about a thousand

times by now

that i’m doing email wrong i need to be

more friendly

in my emails i should write more

confidently

i need to be more professional

professional quite literally the most

elusive word to define

as the old wives tale goes women email

differently than men

we’re more personable and less

persuasive

we apologize more qualifying statements

with i think

and i feel and use permission words like

just i think

this would be a good idea sorry i’m

just checking in on your progress i feel

like this isn’t the best course of

action

but notice how when i take out the

permission words

i have a sentence that reads much

differently than before

this would be a good idea i am checking

in on your progress

this isn’t the best course of action i

end up with a sentence that is

concretely assertive

and for some it might be a turn off

but because you’ve heard me say these

sentences you are

aware of my tone this isn’t the best

course of action

is non-confrontational and said out loud

but unfortunately we lose that benefit

over email

you can’t be aware of my tone because

you can’t hear me talk

and if you could i would be worried and

so

humans do what we’re best at assume

we fall back on cliches and throw out

every hashtag woke post we’ve ever

tweeted

so when we encounter these emails

lacking in punctuation cues

like the exclamation point we jump to

conclusions

and rely on implicit bias to inform tone

i mean

even in your profession you’ve probably

noticed this

you understand how much time and

emotional energy is swept up into

responses

just to save yourself from an untrue

characterization that may become a

lasting impression

at the rate we’re going the exclamation

mark is basically just

corporate self-sabotage for anyone

looking to climb up the ladder

even if it’s only a quick one-line email

multiply that by 50 and

you can kiss your afternoon goodbye

in my struggle with sexist emails i was

searching for

a scapegoat someone to blame for

upholding the patriarchy that walked all

over me

so i automatically jumped to if the

exclamation mark hurts women

then it must benefit men right

yes it’s true that some men do benefit

from patriarchy

but not all of them do sexism hurts men

just as much as it does women if the

exclamation point is an indication of a

woman’s

accommodation and positive professional

capability

then the same punctuation mark is seen

as a sign

of weakness in men for writing like

women when men use emoticons or

exclamation points

they are seen as feminine and therefore

less competent

so email etiquette is a double-edged

sword

just as i’m hyper aware of how i come

across over email

men are just as conscious of how their

language

impacts their professional success so

who should we really be blaming for this

it’s not a who

it’s a what the patriarchy

they’ve dictated that all men are

assertive

competitive and persuasive whereas all

women

are intuitive empathetic and kind

so like any bright-eyed young student

i conformed i conformed to ensure

survival in a system

stacked against me so i peppered in

those exclamation marks

thinked profusely and apologized to the

point where i nearly sold my soul to

some stranger on the internet

the underlying objective of sexism is to

enforce the status quo

so the way that we can dismantle the

patriarchy even in the smallest ways

quite literally is to be conscious of

our punctuation

and our language we have to understand

how by adhering to sexist email

etiquette we

uphold it

i’ve stopped using the exclamation mark

but that’s an oversimplification

i’ve just been more conscious of where i

placed it

i want to be genuine and purposeful with

them

anytime i feel pressure to place it i

ditch it and send the email before my

palms get sweaty with worry

i use my thank yous sparingly and

purposefully

when we leave thank yous and i hope your

wells in all of our emails

we devalue those words we water down

their true meaning to eat

email courtesy so when we truly want to

inquire after someone

we’re left searching for the right words

because all the right words

have become commonplace taking a step

back however

in no way am i calling for the end of

exclamation marks

radical yes but fair not so much

the fact of the matter is the

exclamation mark in

and of itself is not problematic the way

that we as humans have gendered it

is as our world becomes more and more

digitalized

and email becomes more favorable to

in-person communication

our language is subject to heavy

scrutiny

we have to understand the implications

of our language

more importantly our punctuation because

they speak

volumes over mediums that lack a voice

and honestly take it from my experience

it is

liberating not to care about what some

dude on the other side of the screen

thinks of you

sexism in the workplace manifests itself

in so many little ways

the clothes that we wear the words that

we choose in our meetings

and even the punctuation that we close

our emails with

so let’s make email more female friendly

thank you