You Should Be More Emotional... Especially At Work

hey

i’m angie and this is not an

exaggeration

i do not know how to do a tedx talk

you’re going to listen to this

and realize that i don’t know what i’m

talking about you’re going to think i’m

a fraud you’re going to think

why did she even get the speaking slot

and worst of all

you are going to hate me at least that’s

what i think you’re going to do

you see i experience imposter syndrome

something you’re probably

really familiar with it’s that seething

feeling that you don’t quite belong

and yet you have to put up a front to

fit in i feel this especially

as i enter new territories in life like

a new job a new culture

or a new job culture and in this case

it’s me becoming a tedx uc davis speaker

along with well-renowned influencers

activists and

scary people like cyrus aram it wasn’t

until i started vocalizing these

feelings that i realized it impacts more

people than i initially thought

and everyone experiences imposter

syndrome to varying degrees

you could be starting a romantic

relationship with someone and you’re

desperately attempting to live up to the

person that they think they’re dating

or maybe you join a new team at work and

everyone on this team is so skilled and

experienced

unlike you and so they must have made

the wrong choice

i could go on and on but the reality is

that

imposter syndrome is not so much a

syndrome

as it is an imposter culture that

deceives everyone into believing that

they are the only ones experiencing it

in this talk i’m encouraging you to

delve deeper into

why we feel this way and i want to

propose a solution that

isn’t just be more confident in yourself

because i’m asking you to do something

harder to not be confident

to be vulnerable and to be confident

and comfortable in your vulnerability

and not just anywhere

but i want you to be vulnerable where

you’re not expected to be vulnerable

[Music]

for the majority of people it is taboo

to get emotional

when emotions aren’t necessary like the

workplace or

any professional or productive setting

oh

were you hurt by your colleagues harsh

words well

you’re just overthinking and letting

your emotions

cloud the fact that they were offering a

constructive criticism

everyone else seemed so calm and

rational at work

why are you so insecure

well those are things i’ve told myself

before and many of you

have probably said those things to

yourselves as well there

is a culture that antagonizes emotional

vulnerability

especially in professional settings and

though the aim of this is to create

a productive environment we need to

shift this environment

into one that welcomes the expression of

negative emotions like

sadness anxiety and even frustration

there are understandable reasons why

people may feel so strongly against

bringing

negative emotions into the workplace who

would want to work somewhere where

people are yelling or crying at the

slightest inconvenience

that sounds like the opposite of a

healthy work environment

and yet there are just as many reasons

to avoid

a work environment that fosters only

positive

and no negative emotions how this came

to be

cultural ideals of professionalism

we consider the workplace an environment

for productivity

and we set these ideals in order to

optimize that productivity

the first ideal is outward positivity

inward negativity

this ideal is built from pressure to

maintain a positive attitude to be able

to spin anything into a positive

and what’s not to like about that some

of the most influential leaders

use their charismatic optimism to

inspire the people they work with

however this ideal of outward positivity

inward negativity is dangerous when

positivity is forced and negativity is

suppressed

studies have shown that public sector

workers have a higher risk of alcoholism

and other forms of drug abuse

these are people like hospitality

workers food service workers and

teachers

they’re in jobs that demand a lot of

energy and positivity in the workplace

thus on top of the natural strain that

comes with their jobs

there’s this added pressure of

maintaining that positive attitude

this additional strain culminates into

higher levels of stress at work

poor work performance and reduced

productivity

now positivity can be a powerful tool

but forced positivity is

counterproductive

and unhealthy enforced positivity

eventually fosters impostor syndrome

take social media for example people use

it to highlight the best parts of their

lives sharing

photos where they look attractive

sharing their latest accomplishments

they however don’t typically share their

pain their insecurities what makes them

anxious we tend to selectively display

the positives and hide the negatives in

our lives

so when someone scrolling through an

endless spiral of positivity of good

things happening to other people

it becomes unsurprisingly easy to

think that well you’re not as good as

everyone else

that you’re the only unhappy one

similarly

workplaces that have a culture of forced

positivity

make workers feel that they must direct

negativity

inward and when everyone’s hiding their

insecurities

their anxieties their negative emotions

it can feel like

you’re the only one feeling this way i’m

well aware of another glaring problem

with

introducing emotions into the workplace

boundaries now it is simply

unprofessional to bring your personal

problems into the professional sphere

some things should just stay private

that brings me to the second ideal

rational logic

irrational emotion the cool

level-headed person who rarely brings up

their personal life is considered

more professional than the person who

always has something worrying them

on first sight of emotion we label

individuals

as irrational and this is a problem for

numerous reasons

first to label emotions as irrational

or unprofessional restricts how people

can feel at work

emotions are suppressed to minimize

conflict and protect one’s own

professional branding

and out of fear of being perceived as

unprofessional

people may suppress valid concerns about

a project

or stow away what’s been bothering them

for a while

this hesitation to reach out for help or

openly discuss

important topics stems from a fear of

being perceived

as emotional and therefore

unprofessional

on top of that there’s an added pressure

to always keep a cool head no matter

what emotions you’re keeping at bay

because if you show any sign of

faltering to your emotions

they’re gonna know that you’ve been

deceiving them that you were never

professional to begin with

that you were weak all along

on the contrary expressing your emotions

even the negative ones is neither

professional

nor unprofessional it’s normal it’s

healthy and it shouldn’t be discouraged

from the workplace

when one person expresses their emotions

it allows other people

to recognize that maybe they’re not the

only ones feeling a certain way

so while i agree there are some things

that should stay between

you and your therapist that doesn’t mean

you should hide away

all negative emotions at work by

entirely separating your personal and

professional life

and suppressing negative emotions at

work these two worlds

will inevitably collide

work problems will become topics you

dwell about in personal life

and a cycle of unhappiness will exist

between work and home

as is the boundary between personal and

professional life

looks a bit like this but it could

look more like this so while

the two worlds have collided it’s done

healthily

and in a way that allows you to progress

through problems in whichever

environment you’re in

now i know a lot of people who care

about efficiency

their lives revolve around committing

just the right amount of time

effort and money into the right people

things and actions

now productivity is achieved through

efficient means

talking through emotions whether it be

your own or someone else’s

can be a very time consuming activity

you go in circles and sometimes

you don’t make any progress whatsoever

but here’s why

efficiency is still not a good enough

reason to keep emotions

out of the workplace the introduction of

emotions

into the workplace allows workers to

practice and develop their emotional

intelligence

numerous studies cite the work of the

department of psychology at qingdao

university

in which employees of different ages

genders and educational backgrounds were

evaluated

to find a correlation between emotional

intelligence

job performance and job burnout this

study

is crucial for how to foster a better

work environment because it found

with significant correlations that

emotionally

intelligent workers have higher job

performance

and lower job burnout improving job

performance and reducing job burnout

are fundamental pillars to efficiency in

the workplace

efficiency and productivity aren’t

necessarily measured in short-term gains

but often you’ll discover that they

exist in long-term

investments in this case the investment

is

welcoming emotions into the workplace

and allowing employees to develop their

emotional intelligence

improve performance reduce burnout and

become healthier

efficient workers wow i feel like such a

dirty capitalist for allowing you

to exercise your right to be vulnerable

so i’ve done a lot of talking about why

we need to change this culture of no

emotions in the workplace

but how do we change it as with all

cultural changes there’s only so much

that you can do as an

individual to make an impact but we can

always start somewhere

first allow yourself to be vulnerable

and show your emotions

in personal and professional settings

go ahead give yourself permission second

practice processing negative emotions

just as we work out our physical muscles

to enhance our physical strength

we must also work out our emotional

muscles to enhance our emotional

strength

doing so gives us the experience and

understanding needed to limit the harm

that our emotions pose to others and

ourselves

next use social media both personal

and professional platforms like

instagram and linkedin

to reach out for help and reach out to

help

pain does not have to be exclusive to

you

pain can be shared it can be used to

help you find

communities who are struggling with you

last but not least

take my favorite piece of advice from

philosopher alan de baton

be a better friend to yourself too

often we think of self-care as something

you serve yourself

externally a cupcake a shopping spree a

bubble bath

and we forget that self-care can be

performed internally as well

it can be as simple as telling yourself

the words you need to hear the most

by taking these steps we are dismantling

a system that antagonizes emotions as

something you should be ashamed of

we are collectively admitting that we

are

imperfect people and yet we’re not

compromising because being

emotionally vulnerable is our way of

learning about ourselves and growing

so maybe you don’t hate me maybe

you didn’t sit through this entire talk

just to judge me

maybe you even related to some of the

things that i was feeling at the start

of this video

maybe those are things that i told

myself

because i was scared and i was doing

something new for the first time

i’m glad i shared those anxieties with

you about you hating me

and not liking what i was saying if not

for myself

maybe vocalizing those feelings helped

you

recognize that you’re not so alone

that you are not the only imposter

[Music]