Challenge yourself to step out of the norm

hi

good morning hello

thank you for having me so let’s get

started with my ted talks

my very first time so

i am the last born in my family that

follows and honors traditional values

my oldest sister is a lecturer

and my second sister is working for the

public sector

and their paths are exactly the same as

my parents expected

finishing college getting married

at the age of 24 having a job

and then having kids and my parents

expected me

to have the same path in my sophomore

year of high school

when both of my sisters both got married

my family got a big debt

i still remember my parents

they had to get up every day work very

hard

to make sure that i still got a decent

life and a good education regardless

i still remember my mom she had to

borrow money

so that she could have enough 23 million

vietnam dome for me

to pay my tuition fee when it was the

candidate

in the national excellent student

contest

the subject of english which was pretty

expensive back then

and then i passed the contest which

meant that i got direct offers

from several universities within the

country

and when we got the news my mom was the

happiest

and she was like hooray now you are able

to get into

security academy

[Music]

so for your information to get into that

university

you had to get a score of around 29 out

of 30

in the entrance university exam which

was

obviously impossible for me because i

was super bad at maths

and plus you were very likely to get a

job

offer after graduation and that is the

reason why my parents wanted me to study

to that university because

they want to feel reassured that i

got a stable job i got a foreseeable

future the so-called foreseeable future

as much as i didn’t want to disappoint

my parents

i knew that this path was not for me

i knew that i was not cut out for this

job

as a police officer because all i wanted

to do

was television and communication and

that was my very first

step outside the norm which i think

doesn’t necessarily mean that you are

the first person to do something

in the world it just simply means that

what you are doing is not

normal is not familiar in your closed

network of your friends

of your family and you have no idea how

things would turn out

so i got into college and on a very

beautiful day

i posted a video of me covering a very

cute song

named foo so

you know after one night that video went

viral

all over the internet and wow

after a few weeks later i got an

invitation to film the music video

and write some parts to the song with

the songwriter

and wow the song became a hit

and the envy got millions of views

and wow a ceo of an entertainment agency

contacted me

everything happened so quickly that i

didn’t have time to

process it and the ceo persuaded me

into becoming a singer under his company

and i was like

yeah i was pretty interested but i still

have a college to finish

and then he told me his story of

dropping out of college

in his senior year to become a director

and now he made it

and i was like wow that would be a lot

of fun

i think this would be a very big

opportunity for me

my time to shine on the other side of

the spectrum

the music video got good response in

general but regarding my voice in my

singing

people didn’t like it that much and of

course i was very sad

pretty sad sad sad and discouraged

um i asked my parents for advice

and my mom asked me so despite

all the opinions on of people on your

voice

do you still want to pursue a career as

a singer

and i was hesitating i told mom um mom

i’m not so sure

another story still during that time

i hosted three english shows on vtv7

which is the national education channel

and everything was going pretty well

until

i read comments on the internet and most

of the audience did not like my voice

and they complained about my hosting

skills my english

and you know that shows these shows were

for learning english

so the host is supposed to have good

english

you know if i was trying to sell you a

pen

and you didn’t buy it okay i could blame

the pen is not good

but when the product is me when is me

appearing

on the national tv and serving millions

of audience

all across the nation it is getting

harder and harder to sleep at night

and seeing me getting disappointed being

sad

in myself from time to time then my mom

asked me

have you ever considered quitting this

job

i mean you’re still a student you don’t

have to work

you can fail you can try i just wanted

you to be healthy and happy every day

and an inner voice in me right at that

moment

told my mom that homemade no

mom i still want to keep working because

i know that i can fix it

and then my mom told me then

congratulations i think that you have

already found your passion

and i was like passion i have found my

passion

and yes i found my passion on that day

i soon realized that passion is

something

that pushes you through difficult times

because you don’t care whatever

it takes to become better i like to sing

but i didn’t have enough determination

to push myself

through people’s opinions on my voice

and i quit

that means i don’t have enough passion

for it i like to do the job of a tv host

and i know that i have strong

willingness to face

and overcome adversity for what i love

and as a result i rejected the offer of

the ceo

and a lot of people i know when a lot of

the experts in the industry

told me that i think that was a bad

decision i think if i were you i

wouldn’t do that

but the thing here is that the best

advice

is the advice that people give you for

you

not the advice what would they do if

they were you because everyone is

different

and i the lesson i learned hard way from

this big event in my life is that

people cannot take the right decisions

in your life

only you can by listening more to your

inner voice

and by staying true to your vision and i

know that my vision has always been that

education education has always been my

backbone my family’s backbone

and finishing college and using what i

learned to bring value to people

as a host as a social influencer as an

author has been always my ultimate goal

it can be very difficult to navigate in

at first

but it is sometimes better to take

a conscious decision that might appear

very crazy

very not right for others than just

following the norms

blindly and then

getting back to my story i still

continue with my work

as a tv host at vtv7 i still

be a full-time student at my diplomatic

academy of vietnam

and regarding my voice as a lot of

audience complained about my two

high-pitched voice which was very

irritating to listen to

and they didn’t like my voice i decided

and i was so determined

to change my voice by lowering the tone

of my voice when speaking english

from hello this is a very nice day yes

this was exactly my voice in the past

to hello this is a very nice day

everything was going pretty well once

again and one day

the produce the producer and the

director of the show that i hosted

uploaded

a podcast that had me hosting with that

high pitched voice i guess probably back

in the season one the first season of

the show

and then i asked him if it was okay

to delete the podcast because i thought

the voice was

terrible and the audience might not like

it and i was too afraid to be judged

again

by the audience and then he texted me

back

and i could feel the disappointment and

the anger a little bit in his text

messages and he told me

that voice was a part of you why did you

deny it

okay so no more podcast that had you

will be uploaded ever again

and i was like what did did i do

something wrong what was happening

am i making you angry i didn’t know what

was happening back then i was so stupid

it was not until when i talked to people

i talked more to my audience and

i read more comments and people started

to say

what happened to your voice v you spoke

too

quietly and softly that it’s really hard

to listen to you

and we couldn’t really find the positive

energy

the fun vibes like before and that

moment

left me speechless because i was too

confident

that the positive energy was something

that i could always bring to people

that was my unique selling point but

when the audience couldn’t find that in

me

it felt like a loss of a part in my body

i really lost sight of who i was

i listened to people’s opinions and

i changed who i am because i think

others

might accept me for it but i was strong

what i had been doing so far is not

trying to become

better but trying to become someone else

by rejecting myself by seeking

validation from

every single one and what the producer

and

the director told me just went on a loop

in my brain for weeks

that voice was the part of you why did

you deny it

why did i deny it i didn’t know

i think because we as humans

often make a lot of mistakes and we

often

very often punish ourselves for those

past

mistakes because those mistakes often

come back

with an overwhelming feeling of guilt

of shame if i am not i’m not good enough

and i have never ever been good enough

and i realized that the hardest person

to forgive on this earth

is not someone who betrayed you

another friend who wasn’t there for you

when you need the most

is not your ex-boyfriend who broke your

heart to pieces

the hardest person to forgive on this

earth is myself

and then my best friend told me to stop

doing what i have been doing so far

which is pleasing every single one

and he said just be yourself that three

words

i know we listen to this phrase all the

time just be yourself

i mean when i’m having a shower just be

yourself when i’m eating just be

yourself

when on the stage just be yourself when

i’m talking to you just be yourself

just be yourself just three words but

we’re here all the time and we’re

getting tired of it

but it’s the use of the word just

that really surprises me because when we

use the word just

it means that it is something very easy

to do

then why just being myself

is still the hardest thing for me to do

why i didn’t know

and after talking to my therapist after

learning more about meditation about my

inner peace

listening more to my inner voice

i realized that my true self is

actually being covered up with thinking

and with a perception which is based on

fear

my true self is who i really am when i

let go

of all those stories of all the

judgments

that i myself place on me

do you still remember a challenge on

facebook where people would post

10 year challenge where people would

post their pictures when they were

kids and people and your friends would

comment oh you look so cute you look so

happy you look so nice and then uh

the the the the person would say oh yeah

yeah i look cute i was a cute kid back

then

but you know my challenge i think for

you

today is that take a picture of your

face

today and remember that in 10 years time

you will be amazed at how gorgeous and

beautiful you

are because right now you are already

gorgeous and beautiful because

you just don’t see it yet my stories of

stepping outside the norm

is challenging myself but it is not

about changing myself

because you you see as you can see i

failed when i try

to change myself

at the end of the day we as humans we

are allowed to make mistakes we are

allowed to laugh at ourselves we are

allowed

you know to do something wrong just make

mistakes

it’s not the end of the world who on

earth has not made a mistake

tell me a name who no one so

it’s okay to feel bad it’s okay to feel

down and heavy sometimes

because the cloud rains when it’s heavy

too

so it’s really okay it’s totally normal

you don’t have to try to become anyone

else you don’t have to try to become

this guy

that guy this lady that lady know

you don’t have to try to become anyone

else you just be you

and being you being authentic being an

individual

is enough because individuality

makes diversity and individuality

and diversities are two most precious

things on this earth

i know that some of you here every

single one of you here

might be having some problems and

pressure to deal with every single day

maybe with your friends with your family

with your work with your study

with your love life and i just want to

tell you that

no matter who you are no matter where

you come from

you are the one and only and that’s what

makes you beautiful and special in your

own ways

and no matter what you are facing right

now

and i don’t know no matter what the

future holds for you

please never change

yourself love yourself

accept yourself and then transform

yourself

i really hope you have a great day today

thank you