Going through loneliness

how many

people feel lonely

now have you

ever experienced a sense of

isolation

i’m now a medical student and i spend

every day with my friends

however i have the pros that

i’ve yet to tell my friends

to tell the truth

i used to be bullied in the past

yes i am

a survivor

when i was 12 i entered a private junior

on the senior high school

when i was in eighth grade i met a girl

in my class

let’s call her mary mary was a central

figure for girls in my class

i somehow had the feeling that she

disliked me

a few years later in 11th grade

mary and mary’s close friend were in my

class again

the other member of the class but also

close to each other

i had a bad feeling

unfortunately my gut feeling was correct

early in the new academic year of 11th

grade

i was ignored by the girl in my class

and talked badly behind my back

if this happened only once it is not a

big deal

but this kept happening

i was mentally driving into a corner

nevertheless i could sometimes

talk with a girl in the central group

but

only superficially neighbor deeply

i felt an awkward vibe at that time

because i was at the bottom of school

hierarchy

i gradually stopped speaking

expressionless

and i rarely smile in my classroom

japanese girls tend to act in groups

and when influenced in the long way

it may cause good bullying

even though i was going through such a

difficult time

i still have some reasons to continue to

go to school

first i was a captain of realism

gymnastics team

i felt that i needed to be responsible

as a captain

and it made me work hard and i was able

to forget the hard time

i faced in the class

second i did have friends outside the

class

so i aimed those friends

because they looked they were having fun

the last reason was i didn’t want to

admit

i was isolated and feeling lonely

i didn’t feel like i was losing a bottle

i

never signed up for

in addition i didn’t want to

worry my family

it was difficult but

i somehow was able to still hold on

but when it comes to my physical health

that was not the case

i suffered from chronic abdominal pain

and i was mostly alone by myself

i cried every day for no good reason due

to stress

even though i studied harder

i was academically foreign

and couldn’t keep my concentration

i remember feeling sad fluctuated

and hurt

in autumn or dark year i came to

question

whether i should really stay in that

situation

then i must start up my college to talk

to the girl

in the central group let’s call her

linda

she looked like she was the most kind

person

when i did that she told me

she wanted to talk with me more

i felt relieved and glad that

i talked with her

but at that time

little did i know i will be betrayed by

her

later on

i survived the daytree junior year

filled with tears

i succeeded in moving up the senior year

of high school

i felt little anxious being with linda

and her crew in the same senior class

but it was okay because mary was no

longer my classmate

i started my final year of high school

feeling more optimistic

about 10 days later

i was called by linda

she turned a lot and said to me

i didn’t force any relationship trouble

this year

because we have college insurance exam

frankly speaking you don’t belong with

us

i was so shocked

this thing led to my poor health

just before graduating from high school

i was struck down with unimaginable

abdominal pain

and hemorrhagic easier

after evaluation of the hospital and

clinic

it will determine that these physical

changes

were all due to suffering prolonged

and extreme stress from being bullied

my body was screaming

after graduation i decided to enroll in

a club school

even if i was feeling anxious

but i could fit in a new environment

things were better i could make many new

friends

still i wore a mask

to bite my face or put an earphone

to shut out the outside noise because

i was scared of a set of eyes around

people i have the surgery cry

when i had a flashback of the harsh

memories

during changed me in so

many negative ways

on the other hand i did gain something

from bullying

i came to truly understand what

suffering

is i can empathize

when other people are in pain

i also know the utmost importance of the

flame

i think the real pain and suffering of

the brain

can only be understood by the people

who have had the same experience

however i strongly believe that

no one should go through such pain like

i had to endure

i sometimes wonder what kind of

alternative high school life

i might have had had it not been

horribly

and now i have many friends here

at our university

we have a lot of international students

people of many age groups and background

this makes our student body truly

diverse

it may be impossible to get along with

everyone

in that situation because

we all tend to graduate towards someone

who have similar barriers and interests

as ourselves

however

this diverse environment encourage all

of

us to accept different barriers

and interest which allows us to accept

each other as is

at first i hesitated to talk about my

past

i worried that i would be avoided by my

peers again

by telling you my story

however i decided to challenge

and change myself for those people

who are currently suffering

and above all

i thought i must burst down my story

for those people who are in distress now

i hope my voice beats your heart

if there’s any wrong listening to me in

pain

here are few things i want you to know

first you are not at work

a person who is rejected by others tend

to think

he or she is useless

i hated myself too

because i thought i was a bad person

who didn’t know how to associate with

others

however

i came to understand that was not

the case also

you are not a bad person

it is growing that is outward

surgery during may start from tiny

things

however there is nothing i

can do about my burst

we all have to proceed with life

our lives

second lesson i learned from my life

is there are always people

who will agree and support you and

disagree and ignore you

this is given

however please

please please value joe to value you

it makes life so much happier

it may be difficult to find someone who

supports you

but find something

that you truly love such as hobby

rajim in my case

i had a dream to be a doctor when i was

a junior high school student

also i was going through loneliness

and had to let go of many things

i’m now a medical student

i am confident that being here

smiling truly enjoying my time

is the best way to move on our lives

third

wherever you are now is not your final

destination

and not where you will always be

you might not understand now when you

are in deep solar

but the world is

very wide

there’s something out there that is just

light for you

if you feel that you have fallen in the

dark game

look up the sky

whatever happens the bright sun

is always there

life does not consist of only difficult

experiences

i can assure you that

now

i feel grateful because

i am close to realizing my dream

now i feel blessed

because

i can spend time with my friend and

i can smile

now i feel happy

because

i’m not alone anymore

yes i am a survivor

and

you will be too