One thing no one told you about the imposter syndrome

[Music]

i

remember it like it was yesterday early

before sunrise one saturday morning

my family and i piled out of our dc home

into our sedan and we were off to the

most magical place

in the world walt disney world

i was so excited and i frantically

looked at all the sites around

me trying to take in everything as we

journeyed down to orlando florida

i remember shortly after we took off i

read a sign that said florida avenue

so i thought to my six-year-old self

well how convenient

we can take this one road all the way

down to florida

now clearly i was mistaken however the

first day there was incredible

and made up for the long drive

we rode every ride until our hearts were

content

and as the sun began to set on that

remarkable day

the most amazing thing happened the

darkened streets

almost in an instant became emblazoned

with the brightest colors

singers and dancers almost appearing out

of thin air

music palpitated through the wind and

shortly

a huge crowd started forming everyone

tried to frantically wave and get the

attention of the characters as if they

were in a competition

and so i said well game on

my mind was set on meeting a fairy

and although i was six and short

i just knew i could make that hope a

reality

and so what i did was i contorted my

body in

every possible way in order to try to

capture their attention

i had a lot of failed attempts but

finally

finally i had success

it seemed as if the beautiful bedazzled

blue and green

fairy ascended off of a cloud came down

directly to me

and gave me the warmest welcome

it was the best day ever

and that’s when i really started

believing in the power of hope

fast forward 20 years and i’ve reached

another milestone

as a graduate student at the university

of southern california

i received a full-time offer to work at

the walt disney company

the same walt disney company where i saw

the blue and green fairy

best day ever all over again

now while i was not so overcome by

excitement as i was as a six-year-old

about to meet a fairy

i was incredibly excited that finally

i got to work for such a recognizable

brand

however within just three months all of

the excitement

and magic from that moment began to give

way

to anxiety and frustration

i found myself in one of the deepest

depressions of my life

continually spiraling down

my mind was always racing and it felt

like the walls were just closing in all

around me and i couldn’t think straight

i mustered up just enough strength to

get to work

however when i got home the cycle began

again

now before you jump to any wrong

conclusions the walt disney company was

not responsible for my sudden change in

temperament

in fact they were a welcome reprieve i

was supported by my team

and i worked with some of the smartest

people i had ever met in my life

so what was my problem

you see up until that point i had a

mixed bag of professional experiences

as i grew up i found myself to be

a confident overachiever however it was

my journey through corporate america

as a woman a black woman at that

where my view of myself began to shift

and deteriorate

for some reason i found it increasingly

more difficult to engage in my work

and with my peers i felt as if no matter

what i did

regardless of the accomplishments i was

never quite enough

and like i was falling behind and

couldn’t compete

i just knew at any moment they would

discover that i was there by mistake

when i finally had the strength to open

up to a friend about what i was

experiencing

she gave words and validation to what

had tormented me for so long

the imposter syndrome now up until that

point i had

never heard of the term but like any

good millennial

i hopped right over to google to figure

out what it was all about

here’s what i found to put it simply

the imposter syndrome is the experience

of feeling as if you are a fake

at any moment you believe that you’re

going to be found out

in the workplace or even in your

personal life and exposed as a fraud

it can impact anyone at any level of

success

or status and actually between

70 to 75 percent of the population

suffers from the imposter syndrome

and that estimate is even greater for

women and professionals of color

at that time the solution to the

imposter syndrome was just the

identification that it existed

you are encouraged to challenge those

self-defeating thoughts head on

and to change your perspective to

instead of putting your peers on a

pedestal

understanding that you are just as

qualified and just as capable as them

well armed with this knowledge and this

solution i felt like i could turn a new

leaf

i finished strong where i was i moved

back to the east coast and i landed

another dream job where i was making

great money

i finally felt as if i had the life that

i always dreamed about

in fact i distinctly remember

standing at the top of a new york city

boardroom

the view was absolutely beautiful it had

360 degree

panoramic windows and as i stood there

just gazing across the city line

it started to happen again

that spiral and that anxiety i thought i

had left behind

began to rear its ugly head and i

couldn’t understand

why i sat there in the moment

and i began to think

and then it finally hit me

i didn’t just feel like a fraud

i really believed that i was actually in

the wrong

room and you know what

this time i was right

it takes courage to admit that you’re in

the wrong room

at this juncture i had actually believed

that my voice belonged in any room

decisions were being made

however what i did find was i kept

finding myself in cycles of positions

where

i was stifled and i could not make the

impact

that i really knew i had the capability

of making

beneath the facade of success i felt as

if i was becoming imprisoned like me

you may actually take a survey of your

life and career

and realize that you don’t even

recognize the world you’ve built anymore

you begin to ask yourself is this it

is this what i’ve been working for

it seems as if everyone else around you

is completely content and happy with

what they are doing

and they don’t feel that same angst that

you do but you know it’s getting harder

and harder

to ignore that yearning that notion that

calling

that is telling you that you are being

insufficiently used in your position

and calling you to some greater purpose

that you can’t quite put your hand on

you can’t quite figure out

it’s frustrating and you feel alone

and as a result you turn inward and you

try to fight that battle

in bitter silence but secretly

you desperately want someone to realize

that you are

drowning that you feel like you’re in

the wrong room

i just described two experiences

that are impacting women and life

business and career

the first as you know goes by the name

of the imposter syndrome

the second is a variant that has yet to

be named

i call it an imposter syndrome 2.0 if

you will

or the murky middle as a leadership

development coach and diversity

consultant

i’ve spoken to hundreds of women who are

dealing

intimately with the murky middle day

after day

here’s what i found

the murky middle presents itself very

similarly to the imposter syndrome

because there is a shared sense of

fraudulence

however the difference is that that

fraudulence is not based in any lack

or doubt of capability or capacity

but instead it’s based in a very

real feeling that what you are doing is

misaligned with your life’s deeper

purpose

the imposter syndrome would state

i don’t belong in this room because i’m

not smart enough and i can’t compete

in contrast the murky middle states i

don’t belong in this room

because i believe my skills are supposed

to be used at a greater capacity

elsewhere both can be viewed as a crisis

of identity

however the feelings should not be

suppressed but instead they should be

put through an actual process

there are three factors that are so

critical

in forming our success as we process

through both the murky middle and the

imposter syndrome

those three factors are your thoughts

opportunity and your growth

all three must be aligned to a standard

purpose

and if you’re dealing with the imposter

syndrome that end goal or that success

for you

would be confidence if you’re dealing

with the murky middle

success for you for you would be defined

as authenticity

or clarity of purpose now would be

unfair to introduce you to these new

concepts and not give you the actual

tools

and knowledge of how to address them

typically for instances like this we’re

encouraged to develop leadership models

that allow us to take

ownership and apply a model that gives

some structure to the chaos that we’re

feeling internally

you may have heard concepts about

leaning in or leading your life

with courage boldness through the lens

of understanding or even faith

i believe all of these have a place and

they work in their own way

however i also believe they

ignore and don’t give proper credence to

the single catalyst

that both precedes and allows them to

even be established that catalyst

is hope

i know i’m a recovering pessimist myself

but hope is the major driver

of human potential it’s oftentimes

misunderstood

and misused but it’s actually the

binding ingredient

that’s needed to coordinate these three

elements

that allow us to successfully

walk through the murky middle and the

imposter syndrome

when we lead with hope we must first

transform our thoughts

that allows us to then free up and seek

greater opportunity that’s an alignment

with our purpose

and then as a result we experience

growth

but let’s hone in on how we lead with

hope

to transform our thoughts

women especially women of color and

corporate america are often engaged in a

battle

to be seen to be heard and to be

respected

and that battle leaves you fatigued and

feeling detached

you are most vulnerable to adopt these

toxic thoughts

that lead you to devalue

your capability

what it will tell you is that yes you

are capable you do have something of

value

however you struggle to see how its

usefulness

extends either beyond the room that

you’re in or beyond the sheets of a job

description

it also works to devalue our experience

we tend to believe one of the extremes

that either our experience is too common

or too unique thus nullifying the worth

of both

this thinking is what keeps you stuck

let me be clear what you think

and believe is what you will attract

hope is not something we can do in a

momentary

method hope is a process we must

undertake

it’s the daily practice and the daily

belief that we are setting our mind

to expect that we are going to get good

in this world and that we deserve to get

good

it resolves to go where we plan on going

as opposed to dwelling in our past

hope is actually the key that unlocks

the gateway for us to

continue to seek greater opportunity

that’s in alignment with that purpose

that we so crave

that leads us to our second point

we lead with hope to seek greater

opportunity

for so long i believe that once you set

down a path

let’s take a career path for example

that you have to stay the course

like me you may have thought the same

thing

and therefore you dismiss opportunities

that come

that threaten to derail you from that

path

even if there’s something of interest or

something that’s in alignment with deep

desires

what happens is that we are in freight

we are afraid

to entertain the uncertainty that comes

when we decide to change our mind

the right to change your mind is allowed

in youth

tolerated in adolescence but scoffed

upon in adulthood

what leading with hope does is breaks

that barrier

and it actually pushes you to celebrate

and embrace curiosity

it places you and your deepest goals

back at the center of your narrative

and equips you with the tools needed in

order to create strategic pathways

to making your vision a reality is that

true pursuit

of opportunity that opens the gateway

to true growth that leads us to our

third point

we lead with hope to experience growth

you and i both share a secret that

secret is

we fantasize about what it would be like

to become the best version of ourselves

we question and we think what would it

be like had i gone for that job had i

launched that business had i reignited

my

faith had i stepped down and took a risk

and we revel in these thoughts but

rarely do we actually give voice to

these visions or realize that they’re

actually attainable in reality

true growth never allows you to stay in

a place of comfort

instead it actually embraces disruption

and

elevates the beauty of your process and

journey

as an equal partner to your actual goal

achievement

the beauty is truly in the process

hope is the major driver for human

potential

there’s an awakening happening

and if you’re not careful you’re going

to miss it

there’s been a rise of women who have

begun to revisit

and take those dreams and visions off

the shelves that have been forgotten

they’re looking at them over again to

establish to see

and to investigate their possibility are

you among them

leading with hope literally shifted the

trajectory of my life

i know that struggling with the imposter

syndrome in the murky middle

can have a stronghold in your life

however

leading with hope allows you to

transform your thoughts

that opens you up to be able to seek the

opportunities that you crave and

experience the growth needed to break

those cycles

so if you do nothing else please listen

to my voice

if you’re in those trenches feeling as

if you’re treading water

feeling as if you’re forgotten and alone

in the wrong room

don’t give up i challenge you

to consider leading with hope

thank you

[Music]

you