How to make peace with food your body and exercise
i have a secret
it’s a secret that’s my biggest
insecurity and something i’ve been
terribly ashamed of for many years
so what’s my secret
before i tell you you should know it’s
not something i’ve talked openly about
my husband parents siblings and one or
two friends know
that that’s it and here i am today
sharing my secret in one of the most
public ways
possible so what’s my secret
my secret is that i battled an eating
disorder for years
now why after all this time am i sharing
this
my biggest insecurity is something i’ve
gone through great efforts to keep
private
i’m sharing this with you today because
through
years of struggle and multiple failed
attempts at recovery
i discovered why the relationships with
our bodies
food and exercise are broken for so many
of us today
and how we can sustainably heal our
relationships
with our bodies food and exercise
my eating disorder started when i was
what started as a way to manage anxiety
through eating healthy
and exercising developed into a disorder
slowly my disorder started impacting the
quality of my life
it isolated me from my family and
friends by stealing away opportunities
to see them that required me to break my
rigid schedule
it prevented my body from functioning
properly and menstruating
the price i paid to maintain my
underweight self
was inner turmoil unhappiness fear of
gaining weight
dread of holidays and special occasions
insecurity obsession with food and
exercise
and the burden of carrying a tremendous
pressure to maintain my weight
and conceal my disorder
i was privileged enough to grow up in a
home where my parents recognized
something was wrong
and they took me to an eating disorder
therapist
over the years i worked with several
different eating disorder therapists
i took therapy seriously and did
everything i was told
i would go through periods of remission
but i ultimately kept relapsing
and every time i relapsed i felt like a
complete
failure i felt like i was untreatable
a hopeless case who would never be able
to recover
i felt as though i lack self-discipline
and motivation
what i know now looking back is that i
did not lack self-discipline or
motivation
in fact i’ve actually had two eating
disorder specialists tell me they’ve
never seen somebody
with so much sheer willpower
but if this was true if i really did
have more sheer willpower than anyone
they’ve seen before
then why couldn’t i recover
the reason was that i like so many other
people with eating disorders
was failed by the system
why current treatment for eating
disorders is weight focused
while a bmi of less than 18.5
is considered underweight a bmi of 19 is
considered healthy
i was congratulated for my bmi of 19
told that i wasn’t sick and all i needed
to do was
maintain my weight but for me
maintaining a bmi of 19 meant becoming
obsessive about food intake and exercise
these behaviors ultimately ended up
controlling my life to some degree
taking over my day-to-day schedule
making holidays and special events
times of distress rather than a time of
happiness
and taking the joy and appeal out of
traveling
my body is not meant to be at a bmi of
despite the fact that it’s considered a
healthy weight
you see here’s where the science and
genetics comes into play
we all have what’s called a set point
weight
which means each of us have a preset
weight
that’s hardwired into our dna
what happens when you drop below your
setpoint weight
the body goes into survival mode
when food is restricted whether
individuals have an eating disorder or
not
our brains obsess about food
we crave the very foods that we restrict
or forbid ourselves from eating
now for some people inadequate intake or
energy deficit
results in lethargy but for others
especially those with certain genetic
predispositions like myself
energy deficit causes the body to have
an entirely different response
it causes a strong reward response in
the brain when
individuals move a lot and exercise a
lot
and eat very little and a strong fear
response when individuals do not
exercise and eat unrestricted amounts or
types of food
now this is exactly what happened to me
as well as many others with eating
disorders
i felt positive emotions when i was over
exercising and under eating
and negative emotions when i didn’t
exercise or ate unrestricted amounts or
types of food
why let’s think back to our ancestors
when food ran out there was no other
choice but to go out in search of food
those who were able to move and not
consume a lot in times of food shortage
were the most likely to survive
now of course in this day and age where
food is more easily accessible
and widely available the ability to move
a lot and eat very little
are no longer needed for survival but
evolution hasn’t caught up and these
genes and biological processes
still become activated when individuals
with genetic predispositions go into
energy deficit
but broken relationships with our bodies
food and exercise
are not just biological and are
certainly not unique to those with
eating disorders
75 of american women between the ages of
25 and 45
have disordered eating and half
of nine to 10 year old girls in america
are dieting
and while 49.3 of americans are trying
to lose weight
95 of diets fail
and most regain the weight they lost and
more
within one to five years
but the problem isn’t that people fail
diets
lack motivation or are lazy
the problem is that diets fail
people and the way to heal our broken
relationships with our bodies
and food is as follows
we have to respect our bodies
what does that mean
we have to let go of the notions of
being a certain weight
having a particular body shape and food
and exercise rules
that means no forbidden foods no diets
no forcing ourselves to do a certain
exercise for a certain amount of time
if this sounds completely crazy to you
that’s okay
just hear me out when we have no
forbidden foods
or food rules these foods lose their
power over us
a piece of chocolate becomes emotionally
equivalent to a piece of fruit
allowing ourselves to eat whatever we
want whenever we want
while respecting our hunger and fullness
and that part is key
is the secret to making peace with food
the secret to healing our relationship
with exercise
we have to stop viewing it as a means to
control our weight and change our body
shape or size
instead moving our bodies in a way that
feels good and brings us
joy should be the goal try walking in
the sunshine
dancing or whatever brings you joy
now for those of you who might be
thinking
is she suggesting that we all become
unhealthy and gain excess weight
no not at all
by respecting our hunger and fullness
and letting go of food and exercise
rules
we allow our bodies to return to their
own unique
pre-programmed set point weight which is
the healthiest weight for each one of us
some of us are meant to be in a larger
body while others in a smaller body
and that uniqueness and diversity is
beautiful
if letting go of food rules diets and
exercise regimen scares you
it’s okay society has taught us that if
we are not
actively doing something to change our
bodies through food or exercise
we are lazy unhealthy and not doing
enough
society tells us that to be loved and
accepted by others
our bodies have to look a certain way
and that is
the only way to be happy with ourselves
do you know what’s even crazier society
tells us that in order to
love ourselves and be happy our bodies
have to look a certain way
the truth is these are all
lies
it wasn’t until i completely let go of
weight
started eating whatever i wanted
whenever i wanted and started moving my
body for joy
that i was able to heal my relationship
with my body food
and exercise don’t get me wrong
when i first started this process i
craved baked goods
candy and other foods i had previously
restricted
but i didn’t really crave fruits or
vegetables
at first i ate a lot of foods that i had
previously restricted
but then something crazy happened as
soon as my brain learned
that certain foods were no longer
limited or forbidden
they lost their appeal yeah
sometimes i still want dessert candy
or other energy dense foods but most of
the time i don’t
instead i crave fruits vegetables
and other nutrient dense foods
why because our bodies
are amazingly smart survival machines
our bodies know what nutrients we need
and we naturally crave foods with these
nutrients
that allow us to survive optimally
did i gain weight during the process
yeah but let me tell you something
i am happier healthier and more free
than i have
ever been in my entire life
and you can feel this way too
what i’ve gained in healing and making
peace with my body
food and exercise is the opportunity to
meet and fall in love with my husband
launch a company i’ve always dreamed of
become a children’s book author and
pursue
other dreams in my career as a
geneticist and bioethicist
i’m so proud to say that i sincerely
love my body today and i’m at
peace with food and exercise i’ve been
fortunate enough to make a full recovery
and my body is healthy
so healthy in fact that my husband are
now pregnant with our first child
which we are expecting in a few weeks
i would like to leave you with this
please think about the food and exercise
rules that you might
subconsciously be following think about
the lies society tells you
the lies about how your body size and
shape is correlated with your self-worth
the lies about how your ability to be
loved and accepted by yourself and
others
is dependent on your body size and shape
now let go of all those rules
and challenge these lies that society
has led you to believe
from here onwards eat what you want
when you want while honoring your hunger
and fullness move your body for joy
let go of your obsessions with weight
shape bmi
and most importantly trust your body
can you imagine how much more free our
minds will become
when our thoughts are no longer consumed
by controlling our weight
and obsessing over food in the latest
diet
we need to treat ourselves with more
kindness and empathy
conquering our critics within and
challenge the beliefs society has
burdens us with
in order to heal our relationships with
our bodies
and really ourselves
after all hatred and a lack of empathy
towards others
stems from a hatred and lack of empathy
towards ourselves
let me say that again hatred
and lack of empathy towards others stems
from hatred and lack of empathy towards
ourselves
being kinder and more empathetic towards
ourselves
will allow us to be kinder and more
empathetic towards those around us
healing our relationships with our own
bodies
will allow us to be more accepting of
the bodies of others
eventually ending stigmas bullying
and societal pressures that even our
youngest generations are acutely attuned
to
so in the process of trusting your body
letting go of food and exercise rules
and challenging societal messages
not only will you be personally
liberated and happier with yourself and
your body
if we embark on this journey together
we can change the world