How to make peace with food your body and exercise

i have a secret

it’s a secret that’s my biggest

insecurity and something i’ve been

terribly ashamed of for many years

so what’s my secret

before i tell you you should know it’s

not something i’ve talked openly about

my husband parents siblings and one or

two friends know

that that’s it and here i am today

sharing my secret in one of the most

public ways

possible so what’s my secret

my secret is that i battled an eating

disorder for years

now why after all this time am i sharing

this

my biggest insecurity is something i’ve

gone through great efforts to keep

private

i’m sharing this with you today because

through

years of struggle and multiple failed

attempts at recovery

i discovered why the relationships with

our bodies

food and exercise are broken for so many

of us today

and how we can sustainably heal our

relationships

with our bodies food and exercise

my eating disorder started when i was

what started as a way to manage anxiety

through eating healthy

and exercising developed into a disorder

slowly my disorder started impacting the

quality of my life

it isolated me from my family and

friends by stealing away opportunities

to see them that required me to break my

rigid schedule

it prevented my body from functioning

properly and menstruating

the price i paid to maintain my

underweight self

was inner turmoil unhappiness fear of

gaining weight

dread of holidays and special occasions

insecurity obsession with food and

exercise

and the burden of carrying a tremendous

pressure to maintain my weight

and conceal my disorder

i was privileged enough to grow up in a

home where my parents recognized

something was wrong

and they took me to an eating disorder

therapist

over the years i worked with several

different eating disorder therapists

i took therapy seriously and did

everything i was told

i would go through periods of remission

but i ultimately kept relapsing

and every time i relapsed i felt like a

complete

failure i felt like i was untreatable

a hopeless case who would never be able

to recover

i felt as though i lack self-discipline

and motivation

what i know now looking back is that i

did not lack self-discipline or

motivation

in fact i’ve actually had two eating

disorder specialists tell me they’ve

never seen somebody

with so much sheer willpower

but if this was true if i really did

have more sheer willpower than anyone

they’ve seen before

then why couldn’t i recover

the reason was that i like so many other

people with eating disorders

was failed by the system

why current treatment for eating

disorders is weight focused

while a bmi of less than 18.5

is considered underweight a bmi of 19 is

considered healthy

i was congratulated for my bmi of 19

told that i wasn’t sick and all i needed

to do was

maintain my weight but for me

maintaining a bmi of 19 meant becoming

obsessive about food intake and exercise

these behaviors ultimately ended up

controlling my life to some degree

taking over my day-to-day schedule

making holidays and special events

times of distress rather than a time of

happiness

and taking the joy and appeal out of

traveling

my body is not meant to be at a bmi of

despite the fact that it’s considered a

healthy weight

you see here’s where the science and

genetics comes into play

we all have what’s called a set point

weight

which means each of us have a preset

weight

that’s hardwired into our dna

what happens when you drop below your

setpoint weight

the body goes into survival mode

when food is restricted whether

individuals have an eating disorder or

not

our brains obsess about food

we crave the very foods that we restrict

or forbid ourselves from eating

now for some people inadequate intake or

energy deficit

results in lethargy but for others

especially those with certain genetic

predispositions like myself

energy deficit causes the body to have

an entirely different response

it causes a strong reward response in

the brain when

individuals move a lot and exercise a

lot

and eat very little and a strong fear

response when individuals do not

exercise and eat unrestricted amounts or

types of food

now this is exactly what happened to me

as well as many others with eating

disorders

i felt positive emotions when i was over

exercising and under eating

and negative emotions when i didn’t

exercise or ate unrestricted amounts or

types of food

why let’s think back to our ancestors

when food ran out there was no other

choice but to go out in search of food

those who were able to move and not

consume a lot in times of food shortage

were the most likely to survive

now of course in this day and age where

food is more easily accessible

and widely available the ability to move

a lot and eat very little

are no longer needed for survival but

evolution hasn’t caught up and these

genes and biological processes

still become activated when individuals

with genetic predispositions go into

energy deficit

but broken relationships with our bodies

food and exercise

are not just biological and are

certainly not unique to those with

eating disorders

75 of american women between the ages of

25 and 45

have disordered eating and half

of nine to 10 year old girls in america

are dieting

and while 49.3 of americans are trying

to lose weight

95 of diets fail

and most regain the weight they lost and

more

within one to five years

but the problem isn’t that people fail

diets

lack motivation or are lazy

the problem is that diets fail

people and the way to heal our broken

relationships with our bodies

and food is as follows

we have to respect our bodies

what does that mean

we have to let go of the notions of

being a certain weight

having a particular body shape and food

and exercise rules

that means no forbidden foods no diets

no forcing ourselves to do a certain

exercise for a certain amount of time

if this sounds completely crazy to you

that’s okay

just hear me out when we have no

forbidden foods

or food rules these foods lose their

power over us

a piece of chocolate becomes emotionally

equivalent to a piece of fruit

allowing ourselves to eat whatever we

want whenever we want

while respecting our hunger and fullness

and that part is key

is the secret to making peace with food

the secret to healing our relationship

with exercise

we have to stop viewing it as a means to

control our weight and change our body

shape or size

instead moving our bodies in a way that

feels good and brings us

joy should be the goal try walking in

the sunshine

dancing or whatever brings you joy

now for those of you who might be

thinking

is she suggesting that we all become

unhealthy and gain excess weight

no not at all

by respecting our hunger and fullness

and letting go of food and exercise

rules

we allow our bodies to return to their

own unique

pre-programmed set point weight which is

the healthiest weight for each one of us

some of us are meant to be in a larger

body while others in a smaller body

and that uniqueness and diversity is

beautiful

if letting go of food rules diets and

exercise regimen scares you

it’s okay society has taught us that if

we are not

actively doing something to change our

bodies through food or exercise

we are lazy unhealthy and not doing

enough

society tells us that to be loved and

accepted by others

our bodies have to look a certain way

and that is

the only way to be happy with ourselves

do you know what’s even crazier society

tells us that in order to

love ourselves and be happy our bodies

have to look a certain way

the truth is these are all

lies

it wasn’t until i completely let go of

weight

started eating whatever i wanted

whenever i wanted and started moving my

body for joy

that i was able to heal my relationship

with my body food

and exercise don’t get me wrong

when i first started this process i

craved baked goods

candy and other foods i had previously

restricted

but i didn’t really crave fruits or

vegetables

at first i ate a lot of foods that i had

previously restricted

but then something crazy happened as

soon as my brain learned

that certain foods were no longer

limited or forbidden

they lost their appeal yeah

sometimes i still want dessert candy

or other energy dense foods but most of

the time i don’t

instead i crave fruits vegetables

and other nutrient dense foods

why because our bodies

are amazingly smart survival machines

our bodies know what nutrients we need

and we naturally crave foods with these

nutrients

that allow us to survive optimally

did i gain weight during the process

yeah but let me tell you something

i am happier healthier and more free

than i have

ever been in my entire life

and you can feel this way too

what i’ve gained in healing and making

peace with my body

food and exercise is the opportunity to

meet and fall in love with my husband

launch a company i’ve always dreamed of

become a children’s book author and

pursue

other dreams in my career as a

geneticist and bioethicist

i’m so proud to say that i sincerely

love my body today and i’m at

peace with food and exercise i’ve been

fortunate enough to make a full recovery

and my body is healthy

so healthy in fact that my husband are

now pregnant with our first child

which we are expecting in a few weeks

i would like to leave you with this

please think about the food and exercise

rules that you might

subconsciously be following think about

the lies society tells you

the lies about how your body size and

shape is correlated with your self-worth

the lies about how your ability to be

loved and accepted by yourself and

others

is dependent on your body size and shape

now let go of all those rules

and challenge these lies that society

has led you to believe

from here onwards eat what you want

when you want while honoring your hunger

and fullness move your body for joy

let go of your obsessions with weight

shape bmi

and most importantly trust your body

can you imagine how much more free our

minds will become

when our thoughts are no longer consumed

by controlling our weight

and obsessing over food in the latest

diet

we need to treat ourselves with more

kindness and empathy

conquering our critics within and

challenge the beliefs society has

burdens us with

in order to heal our relationships with

our bodies

and really ourselves

after all hatred and a lack of empathy

towards others

stems from a hatred and lack of empathy

towards ourselves

let me say that again hatred

and lack of empathy towards others stems

from hatred and lack of empathy towards

ourselves

being kinder and more empathetic towards

ourselves

will allow us to be kinder and more

empathetic towards those around us

healing our relationships with our own

bodies

will allow us to be more accepting of

the bodies of others

eventually ending stigmas bullying

and societal pressures that even our

youngest generations are acutely attuned

to

so in the process of trusting your body

letting go of food and exercise rules

and challenging societal messages

not only will you be personally

liberated and happier with yourself and

your body

if we embark on this journey together

we can change the world