Why there is no such thing as good or bad food

[Music]

there is a lesson that almost every

single one of us has been taught in life

either explicitly or subtly a lesson

that

it turns out is a total lie

a lie that has gripped us all that is

sneaky and insidious

we have been taught that there are good

foods and bad foods

if we eat the good foods then we’re a

good person if we eat the bad foods then

we’re a bad person

sounds drastic how many times have you

heard someone say

no thanks no cake for me i’m being good

today

or oh i’ve been so bad i’ve eaten so

much chocolate

we’ve absorbed this lie so much we don’t

even notice how drastic a statement

we’re making when we say that we are a

bad

person for eating something sweet

here’s the thing food doesn’t have the

power to make you a

good or bad person in fact there are

no good and bad foods food is context

dependent

always to one person orange juice is

too much sugar to another it’s the only

reliable way to ensure their kids get a

portion of fruit every day

and a source of vitamin c to me sticky

toffee pudding isn’t

a bad food it’s a wonderfully sweet

dessert that reminds me of my father who

passed away

when i tell people all this their

reaction is often but what about bread

what about chocolate what about what

about

there’s an instant defensiveness which

i’m used to by now as a nutrition

professional

just so you know i have an answer to

every single food that someone throws at

me

but i don’t think this kind of back and

forth is useful

instead my response is this does

believing

in good and bad foods help you

do you feel better for it or does it

simply produce feelings of guilt

and shame in my experience it’s usually

the latter

guilt is often seen as a negative

emotion a

bad emotion alongside others like anger

sadness or jealousy

like with food these are emotions that

we may have been taught are bad and

should be avoided

boys don’t cry don’t get angry you know

i hate it

stop crying or i’ll give you something

to cry about

these lessons teach us to push down

these emotions to avoid them

and we have found plenty of ways to do

that very well

when we start to internalize these black

and white ideas our self-worth becomes

dependent on being

good and that’s when things start to go

wrong

okay hold on a second i am a registered

nutritionist

a nutrition counselor so how did we get

here

this is not what i was expecting when i

studied nutrition

but the more time i spend with people

and food

the less time we spend talking about

food

so many conversations in clinic keep

coming back to

emotions i’m an emotional eater

that’s a phrase i hear on a weekly basis

in clinic and

every time i hear it i want to reply of

course you are

you’re human we cannot separate food

from emotions

in an ideal environment our very first

experience of eating as babies born into

this world

is associated with the comfort of being

held in a caregiver’s arms

that is such a beautiful human thing

when i’m unwell i make stock like my

grandma used to bring to me in bed

when i feel lonely i make my mother’s

pasta recipe from my childhood

when i feel overwhelmed with work i

order pizza as both an act of self-care

and as a means to feeling warm cozy and

comforted by the sensation of fullness

in my belly

to be an emotional eater is to be human

but an over-reliance on this one coping

mechanism creates a fragile

system well-meaning advice says to

eliminate these foods from your vicinity

out of sight out of mind but many people

will have tried this and find that it

doesn’t work

they tell me they feel greedy ashamed

and out of control

i see it differently what i see is

someone who has found a coping mechanism

that

works and who struggles when it is taken

away

food is their solution to an underlying

problem

let me put it this way if you injure

your leg

you may need crutches to walk your

crutch being your solution

while your injured leg is the problem

now imagine if we took away your one

reliable crutch you’d have trouble

walking and the healing process would

take

so much longer so i propose something

else

instead of taking away food you’re one

dependable crutch

let’s add another and while we’re at it

let’s throw in a few more in case one

gets lost or broken

different crutches for different

terrains

your trusty reliable crutch your food

it’s still there

but it’s no longer the only thing you

rely on it’s a much more stable

and sustainable system we can develop an

over-reliance on food as a crutch or

coping mechanism because

it works we do not do well with

uncertainty

but food can feel like a certainty in an

uncertain world

i’d like to tell you a few food stories

from my clinic

each of these stories has been modified

and anonymized for the purposes of

confidentiality

and are shared with permission

when rachel was a teenager she would run

out of the house whenever her family

started arguing

she became a successful cross-country

runner and her teachers described her as

dedicated

and disciplined then she went off to

university

she gave up running and found herself

turning to sweet foods on a near daily

basis

after stressful lectures that she didn’t

understand

her family and friends advised her to go

on a diet to just

stop eating the bad foods

when she first stepped into my clinic

room she told me she had been eating in

secret for the past

20 years and felt deeply ashamed for not

simply being able to stop

she told me chocolate is someone holding

me

and telling me it’s gonna be okay

when kate was a child her father would

punish her severely if she expressed

any anger or sadness in front of him he

berated her constantly for any mistakes

while her mother would criticize her

body on a daily basis

foods like bread and cheese were

declared unnecessary

while any strong emotions like sadness

were deemed an

inconvenience when she first came to me

her food choices were limited and she

was underweight

she had been taught from a young age

that depriving herself of food

was an appropriate and necessary form of

self-punishment

in one of our early sessions she told me

i’m scared to find whatever is in my

brain

two very different stories with one

common thread

a suppression or avoidance of emotions a

suppression of the self

with food as the weapon of choice both

feeling empty

and feeling too full can act as

distractions from our emotions

a familiar pattern i see is this you

feel a strong emotion like

anxiety or anger so you eat to push that

emotion down

this distraction provides a temporary

relief but then

along comes guilt or even shame for

being so out of control so greedy

so you resolve to make up for it the

next day maybe you

restrict your food intake maybe you

decide to go to the gym

to burn it off only for that same

emotion

to come back soon after and for the

cycle

to repeat this is not something that is

openly visible for all to see

often it is secretive shameful

invisible something we do when no one is

watching

we use food to avoid our emotions

because it

works if it didn’t at least in the short

term we wouldn’t keep doing it

yet people don’t come to my clinic and

say i’d like help with my emotions

please

they come to me a nutrition counsellor

because of the unintended consequences

of their emotional eating

most commonly they describe the shame of

gaining weight

weight that society tells them is a

moral failing on their part that is

unacceptable that they have to lose in

order to have worth

i don’t help them to lose weight

if i did i’d be colluding with the very

beliefs that led them here in the first

place and

i refuse to do that i believe we cannot

fix

emotional eating by resolving never each

eat again when we are angry or sad or

bored or stressed or lonely

we eat because we are hungry not for

food but for

something that is missing in our lives

our self-critical voice says oh why am i

doing this

a rhetorical question so why not ask him

why am i doing this with curiosity

what are you really hungry for

is it the unconditional love you wish

your parents had shown you

is it a sense of safety

fulfillment purpose self-worth

what are you really hungry for

once we are able to recognize that

hunger

to understand the conditions of worth

that were placed on us

whether it’s i am only loved if i am

thin or

if i feel angry then i am bad and i need

to be punished

we can start the process of unlearning

those lessons

and replacing them with new ones we can

learn to

recognize sit with and express our

emotions in constructive ways

this process is not always an easy one

when we start to release these emotions

that have been stored in our body for

all these years

it can produce painful memories and

emotions so intense they feel

overwhelming

when i asked one of my clients to sit

quietly rather than

frantically eating or cleaning and

eating until she felt sick

she returned the following week with a

story about an ex-partner who she

depended on for validation and who made

her feel

worthless these were emotions and

experiences

she had avoided for years and it was

painful for her and afterwards

she says she felt relief and felt able

to be kinder to herself

now that she understood herself better

all of these people whose stories i’ve

shared today are working towards a place

of food

neutrality and freedom some of them are

already there

some still have a way to go my aim for

them

is to see food as something incredible

delicious and context dependent

not as a problem but as a solution their

brain came up with at a time

when they needed it even if now it’s a

solution that no longer serves them

they are letting go of the lie that

there are good foods and bad foods

good emotions and bad emotions something

that is more important now than ever

as we navigate incredible uncertainty

so the next time you reach for chocolate

or order a pizza or enjoy your comfort

food of choice

please consider this

by eating to soothe and comfort

ourselves we have not

failed we haven’t been greedy

we are not bad people we have given

ourselves a small

gesture of care and support in a time

where we receive little from others

we deserve to understand ourselves

better

to honor our hunger to treat ourselves

with kindness

and not to beat ourselves up for seeking

comfort in food

because we are simply being human

thank you