Moving From Woke To Working For Black Futures

heather

i miss you since you died i have been

fighting to live

fighting racism fighting the survivor’s

guilt

and grief that’s persisted since racism

killed you

my best friend and college roommate

i’ve been fighting in all the ways i

know how heather and i am tired

i am on this stage today because your

death

14 years ago in your second semester of

law school

it motivated me to leave my own

anti-black workplace

i have been so grateful to have you as

my ancestor

so sis guide me now as i share our

truths with this audience

i need them to know how to go from where

i was when you died

quote unquote woke yet unsure how to do

anything meaningful

about the racism i knew was happening to

us both

to where i am now working systemically

so more of our folks can not only

survive academia

but navigate it successfully as their

authentic selves

i’m afraid that if more folks don’t

start fighting

for black survival and wellness that’ll

survive

or ever get well and even though i miss

you

so so much there’s still too much work

left for me to do

here

after heather died i left my miserable

insurance job and moved to southeast d.c

to start working at potomac job corps

center

it’s a residential center that houses

about 450 students

all between the ages of 16 and 25 mostly

black and brown

lots of queer and trans folks i

loved it i was hired as an

administrative assistant but within a

couple months

i became the work based learning

coordinator responsible for career

coaching and helping these students to

secure internships

jobs and other opportunities as they

finish their training in our program

i loved getting to know these students

hearing their stories

dominique caleb

paul these students taught me so much

about race

and power now don’t get me wrong i knew

about race and racism

my parents had taught me black history

and to have pride in my culture

so much so that i just had to go to

howard the historically black university

where i met heather during undergrad

y’all couldn’t tell me i wasn’t wasn’t

denise leaving the huxtable household

for hillman to live my black college

dreams

so even though i didn’t yet know that

charlene carruthers the author of

unapologetic defines anti-black racism

as the system of beliefs and practices

that destroy erode and dictate the

humanity of black people

but i knew anti-blackness too well one

of my

earliest memories i was six years old

and at a friend’s sleepover

the only non-white person there and

her mom is helping us decide who would

go first in a game that we were going to

play

and her grown self says to our room full

of six-year-olds

ketchup n-word by the

toe

and if that word is too violent

for me to say on this ted stage i hope

you will imagine

what it was like for me in my pajamas

at a slumber party as a child

i will never forget that moment so yeah

i was woke to anti-blackness

but i wasn’t able to work to do anything

about it

it wasn’t until i saw these diverse

black and brown young folks on their job

search

students who were hungry for work who

met all the qualifications of the jobs

we were going up for

who were doing every last one of the

tedious tasks asked of them to get hired

yet i watch them be denied job

after job after job in a systematic

fashion

due to their race sexuality gender

the darker their skin or the more

visibly queer or transgender

their presentation the harder it was for

me to place them on the job

that’s what it took for me to wake up

because like a lot of us who

struggle with our own hardships trauma

discrimination

i struggle to see my privilege for

example

that insurance job that i hated but had

the freedom to quit

yeah i secured that at a campus job fair

because that’s where these corporations

come to recruit for jobs pulling from

pools of mostly white

middle to upper class students students

who have the privilege to go to college

and the safety to make it to graduation

the ease of getting the job for me had

made it so i hadn’t really thought about

what it was like

for folks who don’t have access to

university or

who weren’t cisgender or didn’t have the

light skin or class privilege that i had

so yeah della you fat you black you

queer

you got a code switch every time you

enter these white spaces if you want to

be successful there

but you have benefited from privilege

too

like your parents both being the first

in their family to get a college degree

and the access to opportunities that

that has provided you like entry level

jobs

that lead to middle class possibilities

jobs and possibilities that your black

transistors are worthy of

yet are systematically excluded from

see i hadn’t yet read the combini river

collective statement or kimberly

crenshaw’s foundational work on the

concept of intersectionality

so i didn’t understand power not until i

took the time to

really learn about these students

realities and i noticed that

no matter whether they came from new

york new jersey baltimore any of the

areas that fed into our center

the education health care justice

systems there had failed them

the teachers doctors police officers

family members around them could not

keep them safe

or were the harm doers themselves

i had to learn how i had been a harm

doer myself

eventually i decided to go to grad

school to study counseling and how to

conduct research that facilitates safety

and wellness for those who have less

access to it and while i was on that

journey

the black lives matter movement started

i saw people creating black futures with

their words

black lives matter yes they do

say her name it is our duty to fight for

our freedom

it is our duty to win we must love each

other

and support each other we have nothing

to lose

but our chains thank you asada shakur

i saw people using their awareness

talents positionality

to shift conversations cultures

behaviors

so i thought maybe maybe maybe one of

the ways i could contribute

would be by studying how folks moved

from woke

to working for black survival and

wellness

i interviewed incredible black activists

and with a dope

dope team of co-researchers we created

the critical consciousness of anti-black

racism model

spoiler alert y’all we’re currently in

the model

you’ve already learned step one bear

witness

that’s what i did from that haunting

eenie meenie miney mo moment

at the sleepover to my time at job corps

bearing witness is about recognizing

anti-black racism at all the different

levels and ways that it shows up from

internalized anti-black racism to

institutionalized

you got to notice it you have to locate

yourself in relation to it

no matter your race no matter whether

you only ever interact with black folks

and are black

or whether you barely ever interact with

black people in real life

if every one of these impactful black

activists and i

all had to go through this process and

we identify as black

then you can imagine how challenging

though critically important it is

for those of you who identify as white

or as non-black people of color

and like no matter what your race is

there’s a practice that i sometimes

teach in my counseling and trainings

that can be helpful i call it cultural

mindfulness so i want to invite you to

go inward for a moment

you might even close your eyes if that

feels comfortable for you

and i just want you to think about what

has been coming up since you started

listening to this talk

what types of thoughts have been popping

up

what emotional reactions have you been

having

you notice any physical sensations at

all

what are you mindful of pay attention to

how your cultural identities

and experiences might be influencing the

way you can think or feel about these

stories and this research

get real curious being honest

yet gentle as you do and whatever you

notice

just decide how you want to be as a

result of what you notice

that’s the practice now step two of the

model it requires processing the

anti-blackness you witness

it’s the difference between folks who

know racism is real

and those who do something about it for

me

it was a difference between just being

able to sort of provide some emotional

support to heather

when she would call me in tears about

the anti-black racism

happening in her law program to now

being able to combat that in ways that

have the potential to help more than

just

one person or for just one moment in

time

there is no cookie cutter checklist for

the stage of the model though you have

to bear witness

practice cultural mindfulness and then

do your own reflection

but i need you to know that you staying

in the first stage bearing witness

being woke to the anti-blackness around

and inside you

that does nothing nothing for me and my

folks

but you working through this stage to

process it to grow

so that you can dismantle that

anti-blackness around and inside you

though

that is how we all get free

now black people at this stage in the

journey

we have to find ways to heal and

acknowledge the pain and trauma of

racism

but there are so many spaces that are

here for our healing

if we can open ourselves to receive the

offering if

and i know that this can be the hardest

part for some of us

if we can work through the challenges

that come with finding the right healer

with going through healing with being a

part of a liberation focused community

but baby it is so worth it it’s so so

worth it

and for non-black people of color for

white folks you’re also going to have to

practice self-care

and rely on community as you start to

get real about your impact on black

futures

we all have to do the work so we all

have to take care of ourselves

so find you a self-compassion or black

lives matter meditation

join an emotional emancipation circle or

or get a liberation focused coach

or counselor or whatever is right for

you

learn about miriam cabba and adrian

marie brown’s work

on transformative justice so you can be

better equipped to start the lifelong

practice

of taking accountability for your impact

on black futurity

and step 3 it’s so simple y’all get to

work

get to work if you need help identifying

your activism lane your

strengths or points of intervention

please check out the blueprint that

these activists gave us

anti-black racism is so pervasive though

that i am confident that you can find an

entry point

that’s right for where and who you are

right now

so in these last few minutes i want to

talk about how you do the work

move with love as you do this work this

model makes it clear

that you need to center the needs and

voices of black people as you do this

work

you need to move urgently in response to

anti-black racism

you need to follow black leadership

always be attuned to how power is

operating around

you be resourceful creative and look

just know that this work is going to be

hard

long sometimes risky often undervalued

definitely underfunded but black people

are worthy of wellness

and i know that some of you can help

with that i know that some of you have

the

the talent to create art that might help

more people to see the beauty and

blackness

i know that some of you may be able to

have the organizing skills that will

finally help us

to get the police out of our babies

schools

and i know that some of you have the

resources and networks

that can raise funds to support

culturally relevant

emotional and social support initiatives

specifically

by and for black people and that we all

can push in the places where we have

influence

and hold perpetrators of anti-black

violence accountable

no matter who they are we need to make

sure

that our heathers graduate and that our

trans siblings have their needs

met that’s the work

will you work so that i don’t have to

worry about whether my nieces will be

safe at your parties

will you work so i don’t have to worry

about whether black students will be

safe

in classrooms that you are in

will you work so that no one has to

experience the traumatizing realities

that heather faced

i still wonder and dream about what her

life would have looked like

as the entertainment lawyer that she has

set out to become

i don’t know that what i do know

is the pain that she was holding when

she died

the sole murder that had been taking

place

that feeling is familiar to black folks

but organizers like latasha brown

who co-founded black voters matter and

has been fighting against voter

suppression

they give me radical hope in these

revolting times

at an inauguration event this year

latasha said i am a black futurist

i am a visionary and i am a founder of a

new nation

that’s who i am and since hearing that

statement and resonating with it so

deeply

i’ve been asking folks if they’re

willing to be a founder

they may not see themselves as founders

of a new nation you don’t have to and

can’t be latasha brown

but can you be the founder of a new

culture wherever you are

one that works to actively dismantle

anti-black racism in all its forms

and to facilitate thriving black futures

can you be the founder of a new office

culture department

family church classroom culture

change is happening and you can be a

part of it

we are moving past woke we are working

for black survival and wellness

will you get information so you can do

the work with us

i hope they do right by our stories

heather i love you sis

you