How to win the game of life

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

what did you do

on april 25th 2000

i was driving from valencia the north of

france to brussels

they had put me in a studio and to my

surprise

i was drafted as the number one of the

wnba

i was chosen as a european to go and

play basketball in the best competition

of the world

in the united states it’s like a soccer

playing

player being transferred to real madrid

i remember my agent telling me very

seriously and your life is gonna change

dramatically from now on little

did i know first pick of the 2000 w

nba draft the cleveland rockers select

and waters from belgium

congratulations on being the first

choice the

obvious question is how do you feel

being the number one choice for the wnba

draft

it feels very great i mean i’m very

excited to come to uh

to america and uh

now on the first stick i mean i’m so

glad i’m very happy

i’m excited well

i wish he had prepared my first life

american interview a little bit better

but i dared i jumped into the unknown

and my agent was right

it has been an amazing adventure

and 16 years after signing i became the

first belgian

who won a wnba championship with the los

angeles parks

so was it a fast lane to success was it

an easy walk in the park a piece of cake

no it was a road with a lot of bumps

some curves

and even sometimes a roadblock

there i was starting my journey with my

sports bag

filled with my jersey a towel

and something else something else that

is far more important than the other

things

something that is needed to win the game

a big chunk of resilience

more than education more than experience

more than training

a person’s level of resilience will

determine who succeeds

and who fails this is true in the cancer

wards

it is true in the boardroom and it’s

definitely true in sports

in the olympics it’s like our boxer

rocky would say in his famous movie

it’s not about how hard you hit it’s

about how hard you can get hit

and keep moving forward it’s about how

much you can take and still move

forward

but what does resilience mean resilience

is about making meaning of hardship

instead of crying out in despair

with a box of paper tissues it’s about

improvising solutions from thin air to a

better

fuller constructed future with a lot of

creativity

resilience is the skill and the capacity

to be robust

under conditions of enormous stress and

change

so how can we practice resilience how

can we teach it to our kids

because we’re not born resilient we can

definitely learn

how to become resilient i started to

play basketball when i was about 12

years old

and it felt really nice to finally meet

other tall people

and i was that kid i was way too tall

shy

i wanted to be like everybody else i

didn’t want to stand out

and playing basketball felt great from

the beginning

i loved being on a team i felt accepted

and finally being that tall was a huge

advantage

very quickly i asked for a hoop at home

which was installed against our garage

and there i started to play games

and to practice on my own i started to

play games in my head

i imagined myself playing in a huge

arena

with a big crowd and of course it was a

close game the tension was rising

i have to make a move a couple seconds

to play i find some room and i’ll take

the shot

and yes i make it we win we’re

celebrating the crowd is going crazy

but what can we really learn from this

particular practice

it’s like kids and athletes they talk to

themselves a lot

and usually in a very positive way

we visualize as achieving amazing things

it’s like that sucker playing who sees

himself

hitting that penalty to become the world

champion

it’s a tennis playing who sees himself

hitting the the winner to be roland

garros

champion it’s that ski jumper who sees

himself making the perfect

landing we dare to dream

we’re there also to fail we learn how to

think

in solutions instead of obstacles

and that requires a lot of persistence

perseverance

and endlessly repeating but

with that determination and courage

you start to believe in your dream and

there’s

always a cognitive interaction with

yourself

with an optimistic attitude

it’s that inner voice that will lead you

to achieve amazing things

because if you fail in your head you

will definitely fail in real life

positive self-talk is crucial in

building resilience

so winning in your head is important but

it’s not enough

i learned something else along the way

with our national team we were playing

at our first world championship

and we knew that our second game against

japan would be crucial in advancing to

the next round

we had won our first game against puerto

rico and our whole

preparation we had focused on beating

japan

we start terrible we play a terrible

first half

but slowly we get our g we get ourselves

back into the game

we even get a last offense to try to win

the game but we take

a rush shot we get blocked the game goes

in overtime

we end up losing we were so disappointed

this was our biggest shot in advancing

to the next round

i remember the icing silence in the

players bus

going back to the hotel but we had to

change

our mindset very quickly and look at the

new opportunity

by beating the host spain the next day

we probably played one of our best games

and

we beat the vice olympic champions spain

for the first time ever we bounced back

very quickly after that game we took

some lessons from our loss against japan

and

we refocused on beating spain

and that’s the irony of winning

you cannot control the result or the

outcome you can only put your focus in

the present moment

and then win gets a totally different

meaning

an acronym for what is important

now it’s a form of mindfulness we

constantly use in sports

a lot of times without knowing it we put

our focus

on a task that is right in front of us

to unlock

our full potential and to let go of the

things we cannot control

because the only moment you can perform

is in the present

moment we focus on the things we can

control

for example having a great attitude

giving you maximum effort

and locking in in that present moment

this is true from one game to another

from our game against spain

against japan to spain in a tournament

but this is also true

within a game from one action to another

action

whether that action was unbelievably

great or just a terrible shot you have

to move on to the next one

you cannot get stuck in your thoughts

the power of the present moment is

crucial

in building resilience

positive self-talk the power of the

present moment

they’re very important but there’s

something else that is equally important

and something that is sometimes hard to

accept

it’s feedback i remember i was playing

in valencia

going into my third season my third

professional season

and we finally had beaten our rivals

bourge

we were just ecstatic it was a winter

night but i

always i will always remember the warmth

of our

of our gym we were celebrating with our

fans with a glass of champagne in our

hands

as that was the habit in france when we

finally go back into the locker room for

a debriefing with our coaching staff

it literally felt like a cold shower

our head coach was not at all in a

celebrating mood

he was pointing out all the things we

could have done better

and i was getting upset i didn’t

understand why isn’t he happy

we just beaten our rivals for the first

time

i only understood later on that he was

preparing us not just to beat them once

but to dominate them and to become the

champions

in basketball we get different kinds of

feedback

in our games it’s almost immediate

feedback during our timeouts we get

instructions on what is going well

and what we can do better but also after

our games

we can look at our video we can analyze

it and we can learn

from our mistakes and point out what

went really well

but we also can analyze before a game

our opponents and scout them to be well

prepared

it is a big part of our practice to get

to know our strong points better

and how we can improve

feedback improves performance

it aligns expectations it solves

problems it

develops talent and athletes seek for it

all the time we expect it we demand it

we want to push our limits

and we know that we can improve if we

get constructed

feedback but i also had coaches

who were not good at giving feedback who

were not even good at communicating

and then it gets very easy to become

indifferent and thinking you know better

but if you are determined to learn from

whatever feedback you get

nobody can stop you

feedback is crucial in building

resilience

i was always that player that was a

sponge to any feedback i got

i was stealing with my eyes the moves of

my teammates

and even of my opponents

i was there and i wanted to improve

even now i’m 40 years old i’m still

seeking for feedback

and i know it’s difficult physically

which

coping with knees that have jumped

around for on thousands of courts

but i’m thankful that i still have

people who give me the right feedback

to chase my olympic dream feedback

is crucial and feedback will help you to

improve

and feed seeking for feedback is also

showing respect humility passion for

excellence and confidence all in one

feedback is crucial in building

resilience positive self-talk

being in the present moment and feedback

are all key elements

that will help you to build resilience

but does that mean

that you can go on and on every day

every week

every month every year no resilience is

not

how you endure but it’s how you recharge

maybe life isn’t a marathon but a serial

sprints

and we have to take time for a

recuperation in between those sprints

that’s how we will recharge

finding value and feedback having a

positive mindset

being compassionate with yourself will

help you to be more resilient

everyone has choices in life even in

defeat

we can lose our jobs we can lose our

health our loved ones but

much can be saved because no one

truly can define what is success or

failure for you

only you can do that for yourself and if

you are determined to keep on rebounding

and to bounce back and forward nobody

can stop you only if you give up

so that young woman who got drafted in

2000

well she’s still chasing her olympic

dream

nearly 21 years later still carrying

a bag with her with her jersey her towel

and more than ever a big chunk of

resilience