Gender inequality starts in the home

it is saturday the 13th of september

1975. fraternal twins named tepo

le matebo are born to two loving parents

in pretoria the capital city of south

africa

zeppo is the boy and his name means hope

whilst matsepo is the girl and her name

means

she who brings hope equality established

at birth right

when the twins are seven years old

seppo the boy is taken to karate lessons

not only because he needs to learn how

to fight and to defend himself

but also so that he can be able to

defend his twin sister

and his future wife at the same time

matepo the girl is taught how to wash

dishes

and how to clean the house

studies that have been conducted by

historic japanese

senseis indicate that being a karadeka

doesn’t only teach you self-defense

but that it teaches you other salient

skills

like discipline hard work mental

strength

resilience and respect

so when the twins were 10 years old

their parents decided to buy them

a bmx bicycle so this bicycle belonged

to both of them

equally however in the home it was

called

tebow’s bike this created an impression

in both the twins mind that it belonged

more to temple than it belongs to matapo

so temple then monopolized on the

bicycle he wrote it all the time

matepo got onto the bike once

fell off the bike and he never got onto

any bike until he she was 35 years old

and she was married to a cyclist

studies that have been conducted around

bicycles as an intermediate form of

transport

especially in sub-saharan african

villages indicate that

81 of boys have access to

and use bicycles on on a daily basis

to get to school and to get to work

while only 48 of girls have access to to

bikes and they use them

on a daily basis why you ask partly

because there’s still societal fear

around the vulnerability of

women or females reproductive organs

there is a a fear that if you’re a girl

and you start

riding a bike at an early age you run

the risk of being better than being

unable to have children when you’re

older

so what this means though is that boys

who learn how to ride bikes at an early

age and have access to bicycles

therefore have an opportunity to go to

school and get educated

and they also have an opportunity

to find work and to go in and and look

for work

when the twins were 16 years old

teppo the boy was taught how to drive a

car

so driving a car means that you get to

do chores

that i call strategic some people call

them functional

where you learn skills like decision

making

communication networking and just

overall

people relation skills while matsepo

the girl in the home she was taught how

to

keep the family and how to look after

her younger siblings

in preparation for her being an amazing

mother

and an excellent wife in future

incidentally when the twins were 21

years old

temple the boy is the one that taught

her

his twin sister matebo how to drive a

car

my name is mate boom sibi and what i’ve

just shared with you

is my story why am i telling you my

personal business

i’m telling you this story not because

i’m seeking or asking for

for sympathy or i’m asking you to feel

sorry for me on the contrary

i have been able to achieve a lot

i have been able to succeed irrespective

of how i was raised and irrespective of

for society

says girls can or cannot do

i am telling you my business my story

because i would like us to give

gender inequality a human face

i would like us to discover and be aware

that gender inequality is socialized

in the home and that if we are very

intentional about dismantling it and

chipping away at it

we need to start in the home because if

we don’t start dismantling it in the

home

we can forget about being able to

dismantle it or destroy it

in the work environment

my story is not unique especially on the

african continent

in africa there’s 9 million girls

between the ages of 6

and 11 who will never get an opportunity

to go to school

why because they were born girls

that’s it as compared to 4 million boys

so there’s been a lot of studies

and dialogues and conversations and even

research conducted in the last decade

around gender equality so much so

that people are starting to get gender

equality fatigue people are tired of the

conversations and

and the dialogues so how do we

move from conversation to

action we move from conversation to

action

by getting awareness around how it shows

up

in the home we move by

once we are away making decisions to

stop or to change those behaviors we

move

by changing behavior

so in order for me to help you in this

movement

from dialogues to

to action i would like to introduce to

you

what i call the inequality triangle the

gender

inequality triangle it is a lens

that i am offering you to wear on a

daily basis

it is a lens that i believe if we were

on a daily

basis that we should be able to start

chipping away

at gender inequality so we all know that

a triangle has got three angles

so the first angle of our triangle is

scanning the room so what does scanning

the room mean

scanning the room means when you walk

into a room

any room every room you look around

and you ask yourself are we all

here you ask yourself are we all

represented in this room

creating self-awareness because if

you’re not away

if asi pelenga we are not all here

you you will never solve for it

the room could be a literal room

it could be a meeting room it could be a

leadership

a political a religious especially

it could be a community meeting where

you look around the room and you ask

are we all here the room can be a panel

discussion

where you look at the panel and you ask

is everybody represented on the panel

are there enough women on the panel

um as much as men the room can be

on the panel discussion you check

that the questions that are being posed

at women are they the same questions

that are being posed at men

the room could be your home it could

literally be your kitchen

where you ask and you check when you’re

coming into your kitchen are you only

asking your daughter

what’s for dinner and you’re not asking

your son the same question

so once you’ve created awareness and you

know that asi pele langer we are not

all here you move to the second angle

so i’ve broken down my second angle into

two parts

but my second angle is called

solutioning the first part of

solutioning

is creating corporate awareness

so the fact that i am aware

that asipelanga we are not all here

doesn’t mean that my neighbor

is away so how do i do that by asking my

neighbor

are we all here part of the reason why

my neighbor

might not be away is because we all walk

through

life wearing different lenses and these

lenses are informed by

our background our history even our

privilege

informs our different lenses so it is

possible for you to walk

into a room into a meeting room into a

boardroom and see that asi pela langa we

are not all here

but your neighbor doesn’t see it so it

becomes our responsibility

to identify it but also to bring

everybody along

the second part of my um of of

solutioning is actually coming up with

the solution

so now that you’re away that asi

perellanga what are you going to do

in order to change the gender and equal

environment

what actions are you going to put in

place what decisions are you going to

make

what are you going to stop doing and

start doing

once you have decided on what that

decision is once you’ve answered all

those

big amazing questions you then move to

the third

and last angle of our triangle

that angle is action as sage once said

[Music]

finding a hundred solutions and

implementing

none is an exercise in futility

therefore we need to stop being a

generation

of futile exercises

i want to offer you an example of a

south african

who implemented in my id in my knowledge

in my idea

in my assumption who implemented

the inequality triangle i think he did

it exceptionally well

his name is rems maborte

he is a south african he is a social

commentator he

is a journalist an entrepreneur a

pr coach and his most prized

title is the chief volunteer officer

of future kings so rem scanned his

environment his environment is the

community

he scanned the environment and he

realized as pele lange

we are not all here he realized that as

a nation we are raising a nation

a generation of um fatherless

boys he realized that we are raising

a generation of boys that do not have

role modeling in their lives

and therefore the consequences of that

is the social ills

and the social challenges that we are

facing that are man-made

and men based he then went into

solutioning

and he then asked some of his friends

some of his colleagues

to say are you guys aware that we are

all not here

are you aware that we have a number of

households

that do not have father figures of or

male

role models for their boy children

second portion of my of the second angle

he then went into solutioning and he

said what do i need to do

in order to create or develop male role

modeling

for boys especially boys who come from

single parent households

that do not have a male role model in

their lives

he went into action he then decided

to establish a program for boys

a program that provides mentorship

for boys a program that teaches and

empowers boys

around manhood and chips away

at toxic masculinity traits that we see

manifesting itself into social ills

in in our communities and our and our

locations

he became that guy he became part of the

solution

so let me come back to my story with my

parents

i personally think that my parents

were able in their mature life to

implement the inequality gender

inequality triangle very well

so they scan their environment the

environment is the home

and they then realize that you cannot

raise

generation x’s the same way

the the you cannot raise millennials the

same way that you raise

generation x’s because you know you need

to prepare them differently

they need a different skill set and they

need to be multifaceted

they went into solutioning and they said

okay so what are some of the things as

parents that we need to do that we need

to change

what are some of the decisions that we

need to put in place in order for us to

create an environment in our home

that allows our children to be able to

be

global citizens that contribute towards

and participate in in society

they went into action and

they created what i call an equitable

shay or an equitable allocation of

chores in the home so

my siblings that come after me were

raised completely different from how i

was raised

therefore in a in the makhato household

it doesn’t matter whether you’re a boy

or a girl so

irrespective of whether you’re a boy or

a girl you would find yourself in the

kitchen

you’d find yourself in the car you’d

find yourself under the car

you’d find yourself in the garden you’d

find yourself painting the walls

you’d even find yourself riding the bike

so if my parents who are of pensionable

age

were able to become part of the solution

you

don’t have an excuse not to become part

of the solution

why do you need to be part of the

solution why does this matter so much

this matters because if you don’t become

part of the solution

and start dismantling gender inequality

in the home

number one you will never dismantle it

in the workplace but number two

and most importantly if you don’t become

part of the solution

nine million girls between the ages of

six and eleven

on the african continent will continue

being excluded

from education if you don’t become part

of the solution

your mother because everybody has a

mother your mother

your sister your daughter your wife will

continue getting paid

less for work of equal value in closing

i want to tell you that it is not the

responsibility of government

it’s not the responsibility of feminists

it’s not even the responsibility of

women

alone it is all our responsibility

therefore i want to stand on the words

of

one of our greatest presidents in south

africa

president nelson holisata mandela

who once said in one of his speeches it

is in your hands

therefore i charge you today that it is

in your hands

to make the right decision for the girls

on the continent it is in your hands to

make the right decision for humanity

i thank you

[Applause]

you