The Distant Reality of Feminism and Gender Equality

[Music]

hi

thank you for having me in these crazy

times my name is nelly kalu i’m a

broadcast journalist

when i heard that i was going to talk to

you about gender

and feminism and how far nigeria has

come with it

i was a little unsure because i do not

consider myself an authority

on feminism or sexual politics i am what

i consider

a student of the movement one who

imagined someday having a conversation

with gloria steinem and chimamanda

adichie

now having said this i am here as a

woman

and a broadcaster and i’ll be speaking

to you in that capacity

as a child i was a dreamer and if i’m

honest

i still am i have lived a thousand lives

in my head and i’ve seen various

versions of myself in

every scenario of my dreams all

in my head every scenario i choose in my

dreams my life

is full i was no different from any

other young girl in any part of the

world

we began to daydream early creating this

fantasy world

where we you know reign and become

more dominant in i realize that it is

because

our limitations and our possibilities

are impressed upon us

from the moment we’re able to string

together the first few

words and the first few coherent

sentences even then

we knew that we can become anything

and whatever we want to be will only

happen with the help of everyone around

us but becoming what they want

us to be means that we get to be

accepted by them

some girls dreamed of prince charming as

the english storybooks teachers while

others

dreamed of a wonderful wedding i on the

other hand

dreamed of owning my world

this is a gated society in my dream

scenario

where i lived by my own rules in this

dream scenario i ran

an independent corporation employing my

friends who of course

lived in this world which i created

i was seven i of course i did not know

what an independent corporation was

i wasn’t a genius i even called it

nelly’s world

even till today i still do not know how

to name a thing

and this feels like a lifetime ago there

is no cooperation

not yet anyway but i do try to leave by

my own rules

this choice to leave by my own terms and

to leave on my own terms

is considered a major feat for a woman

in nigeria

every woman looks at me with this

conflicted admiration the kind that says

i wish i could be brave as you

but you’ll probably die alone

however to achieve these dreams i need

basic security

the kind that only my country can

provide i need

education i need financial independence

without which my choices are marriage

and marrying up i need health care

maternal mortality would likely be the

end of my dreams without it

in 2014 the supreme court made a

landmark ruling that allows

an evil woman to inherit from the

paternal line this ruling established

precedence

for another in orcas that allows a woman

the right to her father’s inheritance

some traditional leaders call this an

intrusion in the evil way of life

however this is pivotal for me

because i am an evil woman two years ago

my brother suggested that we invest in

agriculture

starting a large farm in our village and

employ

the local women i was all for it it

ticked all the boxes

women empowerment agriculture

diversification

why not then i found out that in my

village

i am unable to own land unless the males

in my family

gifted me one even then poverty

the even then the property remains in

their name

well look at that so much for my

corporate dreams

now my friend for la for lion says she

would like to become the director

general of the nbc someday

the national broadcasting commission

which recently now looks like the gag

man of free press in nigeria

all i do is laugh whenever she says this

it isn’t impossible and she might be the

only woman in that position

at the national level since it’s 28

years since

i laugh because i see what it would mean

and how hard it will be for her

how hard it already is to be a female

broadcaster

in this our beloved country now let me

tell you

about being a female broadcaster in

nigeria

my radio career began in 2010

2010 on a music station there were a few

presenters

many of whom were sidekicks to famous

male hosts

those who weren’t just seem to disappear

after a few years

but that was not the part for me so i

researched and studied myself and air

i had several sleepless nights i would

call on my friends and talk unendingly

about my prospects and sound off on

my possible decisions who was i

what was my value on a mic

the moment i was able to answer these

two questions

i quit i decided that it was time for

talk radio

so i moved to nigeria in 4fm where i

like to think that i grew up

you see being a sidekick and echoing the

words of the

and actions of what the male host says

was the numb

you were the sweet little voice in the

room but i was never

a sidekick and entertainment is

non-threatening really

try talk radio try having a voice

and a brain on radio in 2013.

nigeria info fm was the first time in a

long time the nigerian audience

heard female anchors with opinions on

air saying them boldly

and unapologetically questioning

everything that passes

everything and they weren’t sidekicks

they were running the show and it was

maddening

in 2013 there were seven females and

just three male hosts

and we had male callers who were

unfamiliar with being told that their

loud opinions

were wrong and that they couldn’t go on

talking forever on radio

oh goodness it created monsters in the

audience

at first they would try complaining to

our male colleagues on air

expecting that they will reign us in

when they did that didn’t work they

decided to handle it themselves

they called us antichrist devils whose

feminism would bring about the end of

the world

some of this they reserved for me witch

antichrist prostitute and lesbian

these are not insulting when you think

about it a person can be antichrist

but pro-buddha for instance intelligent

women have been called witches as far as

the

salem witch trials so we turned it

around

and owned it we started a radio show

called the coven

it was simply a show with unapologetic

opinionated women who owned their voices

and really i think we should legalize

sex work

people ask me how i got them to stop and

how the nigerian info that you

experienced today came to be

it was because we established ownership

i was in charge here i decided what we

discussed

what was allowed and where we go from

here

but it was also a teachable moment not

just for me

but for our male listeners for every

punch we took we it hit

really harder every time i was called a

prostitute

i talked about consent and safe sex for

every time they said lesbian

i talked about lgbtq rights and freedom

i demanded respect they want they also

learned to learn constructive words and

how to apologize

they learned a compliment could be

patronizing

they would even caution a new bee

misogynist who dared to misbehave

all the while acknowledging that i did

not need their help

what this experience taught me is that

true equity and equality is a war

fought on resilience authority

perseverance and elimination

the more resilient the message is the

more universal

its acceptance even when progress

is slow but it should never be this hard

it is in fact wrong for it to be this

difficult

many of these men changed and more

progressive male callers became normal

it simply became that those who couldn’t

change

disappeared i believe these changed men

are those we call allies today however i

do not believe in allies for feminism

and equality especially when it seems

the modern thing to be

is formed when people need to join

forces towards a common goal

don’t get me wrong the path to equality

is a long drawn-out battle but it’s also

a choice

of right and wrong it is a stand for

good

and evil i refuse to give a badge to a

father

who treats his daughter equal as his son

or a boss who

gives his staff equal pay it’s either

right

or wrong and every man’s choice should

be clear to him should be clear to him

i’ve never believed in allyship towards

equality or feminism or to push global

equity

i think it allows for performative

feminism or performative support

of unpopular ideas which really should

be normal

and popular because it’s fair let me

give you some context

only see oj adaba was my boss in nigeria

info

and oh i gave him headaches but he has

proven to be irreplaceable

i am here today because he let me shine

he let the strength of my voice

be heard when he even when he had to

bear the consequences

for my authenticity he ignored every

request to control me

why why is she so bold they’ll ask

why is she so blunt that’s so

unprofessional

yet will i call oj an ally no he doesn’t

need to be called one

he knew that his male and female anchors

were equal no question

he did what he believed to be right

equality equity and fairness

for me it is not something you’re either

for or against

it is not a debate it is either wrong or

right

good or bad the concept of the good

versus the bad

should be quite familiar to a highly

religious society such as ours

yet it is something that we struggle to

understand

it is in the way a father raises his

daughters it is in the way that my

father

let me contribute to conversations and

allow my voice

be heard it is in the way that his

friends let me debate them on varying

issues so that i grew up with a voice

you can either choose to hear a woman or

silence her

it is not a debate

and this defines what it means to be a

nigerian woman

nigeria has one of the lowest rates of

female representation

in parliament across africa and globally

it ranks 181st out of the 193 countries

according to the international

parliamentary union

in the current nigerian 9th assembly

women occupy 7 out of 109 senate seats

and only 11 out of 360 seats in the

house of representatives

nigeria is far behind ethiopia

rwanda and south africa now here’s

another record for you

nigeria recorded the child rights act in

2003

now this act among other things protects

our young girls from underage marriage

another area where we rank so high we

just put every other country to shame

17 years on 12 states are yet to adopt

this act

during the lockdown weeks nigeria

recorded astronomical rise

in domestic violence just between march

and april

according to the un it was 56 percent in

the first two weeks alone

this is what it means to be a woman in

nigeria

it means making up moving up more than

50

of the informal labor force without any

support or government policies to

advance my development

all the while suffering double taxation

it means dominating the agricultural

sector

but relegated to subsistence farming

with crude tools

it means poor maternal health and it

means making up 38

of nigeria’s out of school children

another area

where we dare the world to catch upon us

but it also means that we turn things

around

by resilience and amplifying our voices

it falls on the journalists to seek and

demand

female representation in all of nigeria

and we cannot be effective at this if we

do not stand for the same in our

industry to get better representation at

national level we need to be intentional

in covering female politicians amplify

their voices and eliminate

these trophy seats in 2015

remission ayah was the only woman on the

ballot for the nigerian election

that in itself was unprecedented yet i

remember saying on radio

that i will not be voting for a woman

just because she’s a woman

even though today i still stand by that

i should have done

the work i should have educated myself

and my listeners

on why she’s just she’s more than just a

woman

on a ballot what made her different from

her female from her other female

politicians

i will never be making such a mistake

again

the media knew that she couldn’t stand a

chance in this country

but we should have amplified her voice

more than we did that

is only fair fairness and equity

are right and that is our role in the

media that is how women

in the media will find equality

we must be intentional in gender parity

telling the stories that no one else

will

and tell it until people begin to listen

as a broadcast trainer with broadcast

radio masterclass

i vet scholarship applications and the

thing that stands out for me is a lack

of effort and commitment

in the female applicants we must

encourage our young women

to apply themselves to put in the work

as men do

let us earn our place let us not depend

on a quarter system

that offers us a seat we need to grab

those seats

learn read train give no one an excuse

to shut the door on you

there’s so many women breaking ceilings

and the cards are already stacked

against us but we need to keep the

windows of our minds

ready and alert for the slightest crack

in our individual and collective

ceilings

i have been called many things but my

favorite are stubborn

and rude i stubbornly hold on to my

values and believes that fairness knows

no gender

and race no orientation

i am impolite in living on my terms i

hold on to my dreams and values

i am inspired by my mother’s resilience

as she holds on to hers

at 60 despite sacrificing them to

marriage and children

as i once said don’t be afraid

to be different don’t get sucked in the

prevailing

corrupt system which needs to be changed

i remember fondly the seven-year-old

who wanted a world of her own to be free

i built that world every way in every

given day

now i promised that i was going to say

this so thank you

for coming to my ted talk