A fatherdaughter dance ... in prison Angela Patton

I was sitting with my girls and joy said

hey I wish you’d get off my back

my daddy he calls me all the time lucky

for you he calls it all sad jasmine I

haven’t heard from my dad in years at

this moment I knew that girls needed a

way to connect with their fathers and

camp Diva my nonprofit organization we

have these types of conversations all

the time as a way to help girls of

African descent prepare for their

passage into womanhood these girls just

need it a way to invite their fathers

into their lives on their own terms so I

asked the girls how can we help other

girls develop healthy relationships with

their fathers let’s have a dance one

girl shouted and all the girls quickly

backed her up

they started dreaming about the

decorations invitations the dresses they

were going to wear and what their

fathers could and could not wear it was

off and running before I could even

blink my eyes but even if I could have

slowed down those girls I wouldn’t have

because one thing that I have learned

from over a decade of working with girls

is that they already know what they need

the wisdom lives inside of them as long

as they have infrastructure mentorship

and resources they could build what they

need not only to survive but to thrive

so we had a dance

and girls and their fathers came in

multitude they were dressed to the nine

they acted sweet they acted silly they

really enjoyed each other’s company it

was a huge success and the girls decided

to make it an annual event so as the

seasons changed and it was time to plan

the dance again one girl named Brianna

spoke up and she said my dad can come to

the dance and this whole thing is making

me sad why not the girls acts because

he’s in jail she bravely emitted well

can he just get out for a day one of the

girls acts

and come in shackles that’s worse than

not having him here at all at this

moment I saw an opportunity for the

girls to rise to the occasion and to

become their own heroes so I asked what

do you think we should do about this we

want every girl to experience the dance

right so the girls thought for a moment

and one girl suggested why don’t we just

take the dance in the jail most of the

girls doubted the possibility of that

and said are you crazy

who is going to allow a bunch of little

girls dressed up

to come inside of jail and dance what

their daddies in spongebob suits because

that’s what they called them I said

girls well well you never know unless

you acts so a letter was written to the

Richmond City Sheriff sign collectively

by each girl and I would have to say he

is a very special Sheriff

he contacted me immediately and said

whenever there is an opportunity to

bring families inside his doors are

always open because one thing he did

know that when fathers are connected to

their children it is less likely that

they will return

so 16 inmates and 18 girls were invited

the girls were dressed in their Sunday

best and the fathers traded in their

yellow and blue jumpsuits for shirt and

ties they hugged they shared a full

catered meal of chicken and fish they

laughed together it was beautiful

the fathers and daughters even

experienced that opportunity to have a

physical connection something that a lot

of them didn’t even have for a while

fathers were in a space where they were

able to make their daughters plate and

pull out her chair and extend his hand

for a dance even the guards cried but

after the dance we all realized that dad

still will be in jail so we needed to

create something that they could take

with them so we brought in flip cams and

we had them look at the flip cams and

just interview each other’s their

messages their thoughts this was going

to be used as a touchstone so when they

started to miss each other and feel

disconnected they could reconnect

through this image I never forget that

one girl looked in her father’s eyes

with that camera and said daddy when you

look at me what do you see because our

daddies are our mirrors that we reflect

back on when we decide about what type

of man we deserve and how they see us

for the rest of our lives I know that

very well

because I was one of the lucky girls I

have had

my father in my life always he’s even

here today

and that is why it is extremely special

for me to make sure that these girls are

connected to their fathers especially

those who are separated because of

barbed wires and metal doors we have

just created a forum for girls who have

heavy questions on their heart to be in

a position to ask their fathers those

questions and given the fathers the

freedom to answer because we know that

the fathers are even leaving with this

one thought what type of woman and I

preparing to put in the world because a

father is locked in does not mean he

should be locked out of his daughter’s

life

you