Not Like Other Girls the Culture of Internalised Misogyny

humans

generally speaking have a desire for

significance

we like attention because attention

makes us feel special

and feeling special gives us a

confidence boost

so we try we try to get attention

by having an unconventional hobby or an

unconventional hairstyle

but in a society where beauty standards

and toxic stereotypes

are so present and we feel it’s pressure

it’s hard to still see the distinction

between good ways to make yourself feel

special

and bad ways to make yourself feel

special and i think that one of the most

toxic ways

you can go about feeling special is

calling yourself

not like other girls so

what would we describe as the not like

other girls phenomenon

definitions differ and a right one does

not exist as there are many

types categories and subcategories to

this phenomenon

but we would describe and not like other

girls girl

as a woman who considers herself unique

because she does not fit into the narrow

stereotypical view of womanhood

i think the best description of this

phenomenon

would be the one proposed by julian

flynn in her book

gone girl this is how the protagonist

describes her

herself and her past as the cool girl

men always use that as their defining

compliment don’t they

she’s a cool girl being a cool girl

means that i am a hot funny brilliant

woman

who adores football poker and dirty

jokes who plays video games chugs beer

and jumps chili dogs into my mouth all

that while remaining a size two

because cool girls are above all hot

hot and understanding cool girls never

get angry at their men

they only smile in a chagrined loving

manner go ahead

do whatever you want i don’t mind i’m

the cool girl

of course this is just one of many ways

and not like other girls girl can look

like

but it always comes down to the same

thing putting yourself on a pedestal in

comparison to the

others simply because of differences in

interest and personality

despite the social and political

progress we’ve made over the years

society consistently reinforces the idea

that femininity

is lesser than masculinity saying

you’re not like other girls to a woman

is supposed to be a compliment but

have you ever heard you’re not like

other guys said to a man

and have them receive it as a compliment

men are encouraged to be men because

that means being tough

opinionated intelligent and a leader

and typically feminine traits such as

sensitivity beauty

and emotion are looked down on

because of those associations we look at

women’s and men’s interests

differently computer games football

and cars there’s are valid passions

but makeup and fashion are vain

and easy

i think pop culture has a tremendous

impact on how we see

femininity one of the most popular

examples of vilifying femininity

would be mean girls our main character

is thrown into a new world after living

her whole life away from western society

standards

and the girls who introduce her to

femininity

girls she meets at her high school

represent

vanity hatred stupidity

this becomes a theme in media femininity

is associated with

vanity stupidity shallow ambitions of

high school popularity and cruelty

legally blonde which is actually one of

my favorite movies of all time

depicts the problem of demonstrating

femininity as inferior

perfectly our main character

has a perfect academic record she’s

determined hardworking

and very kind but all of that is brushed

aside

because she’s feminine because she likes

pink

and she’s passionate about fashion

when she wants to apply to harvard she

hears that she isn’t serious enough

and is treated with contempt by everyone

including the woman

just because of her stereotypical

femininity and

stereotypes and so well displayed in

this movie are still very present in our

society

the stereotypical pretty dumb blonde

continues to affect women

all around the world taking care of

yourself is seen as

vain you can’t be pretty and smart

women’s accomplishments are undermined

women’s opinions

are invalidated and skills undermined

just because

they present themselves in a feminine

manner

on the contrary female protagonists who

exhibit disdain

for stereotypical femininity are

considered unique

they are valued for their skills and

they get a happy ending

they are often presented as one of the

guys are really good at fighting or

sports or

whatever else those guys around her do

or like

some may think that this is empowerment

that showing a woman

as one of the guys is showing that she

can be equal to them

but it’s actually sending a really

negative message

it tells girls that if they don’t act

like men

they’re not a school they don’t deserve

respect

they’re not equals

not to mention that when we bash

femininity in order for

protagonists to be accepted by men what

we’re really doing

is we’re telling our female audience

that attracting men

is their ultimate goal and that men’s

approval and acceptance is the happy

ending

and the equality they wished for

this is very important to me as i myself

was once and not like other girls girl

i put down other women and it made me

feel better about myself

the behaviors and habits and the

stereotypes that cause me to identify

that way

i’m still trying to unlearn

and thousands of girls and women are

still battling their own internalized

misogyny

some not even knowing how much it

affects them their

relationships and their everyday life

but one thing i know for sure is that

with the right attitude

we can overcome this challenge

the first and i think the most important

thing we can do

is educate

the more women see the problem the

higher the chance they will realize

how harmful their way of thinking is how

destructive this mindset actually

is

the other thing we need to do is hold

ourselves accountable

we need to monitor how we perceive other

women

why we dislike them what we assume about

them

what we say behind their back

is it really constructive criticism

about their bad behavior

or is it their stereotypical femininity

that bothers us so much

lastly helping and uplifting one another

in the fight for equality we stand a

better chance united

than divided sexism doesn’t always come

in a form of a government

we can protest sometimes it doesn’t even

come from the outside

it comes from within

internalized misogyny is not something

easy to accept

getting rid of it is hard work

but once we see the problem in ourselves

we come one big step closer to equality

thank you

you