How To Find Happiness By Reengineering Your Life

[Music]

i always feel

most present in the moment when doing

extreme sports

sometimes in my excitement to get this

feeling

i get into a little bit of trouble

a couple years back i was on a surf trip

in nicaragua

a few friends and i had hired a boat and

a guide

to access a remote point break

when we arrived at the wave the

conditions weren’t quite right

the tide was too high and the waves were

big but i’m a little stubborn

so i hopped in and paddled out anyway

sure enough when that first wave

approached i knew i was in over

my head literally

that wave picked me up and threw me

under the water

as i tossed and turned under the

darkness of the wave the pressure from

the water

squeezed all the air out of my body

now i had been in this situation

countless times before

so i went to do what i always do that’s

kick my right leg

engage the leash that’s attached to my

board and float up to the surface

except this time when i went to kick my

leg there was nothing there

it was as though the board was gone and

i

panicked i immediately started to

try and crawl my way up to the surface

desperate for that first breath of air

when i got there i took it before the

second wave came and pulled me back

under

eventually the set of waves passed

and i was able to remain at the surface

as i started my swim back towards the

boat

i pulled in my leash to see what had

happened to my

board when i got to the end of the board

i saw that all that remained was a small

chunk of it

the force of the wave had snapped the

board in two

as i sat in the boat catching my breath

all i could think about was how grateful

i was

that my mother had not just witnessed

what had happened

naturally when i started to study

engineering i wanted to try to find a

sneaky way

to combine my love for surfing with

engineering and that’s when i discovered

artificial

surfing reefs an artificial surfing reef

is just like a regular reef

it’s a structure placed just offshore

can be made out of rocks or giant

sandbags and it has two purposes

just like a natural reef it knocks down

the energy

of the waves before they get to shore

reducing the potential for erosion along

the beach

and the second purpose if you design

this structure

just right you can create this beautiful

perfect surfing wave

and despite the the topic i still found

engineering to be a bit of a struggle

i always remember while my classmates

and i

were so consumed with exams and

assignments

there was our other classmate scotty

scotty was always smiling

i couldn’t figure out how he was so

happy when the rest of us

were so overwhelmed

what did he have that i didn’t

towards the end of my degree i meant

someone else who seemed pretty happy

and she was pretty cute too so i wrapped

my arms around her we moved off to the

city to start our life together

i had all the boxes checked i had the

job

i had the girl we had a great condo to

live in

i was all ready to just settle and coast

through

life it became apparent very quickly

that this

coasting turned into a real grind

so i became the ultimate weekend warrior

i’d pack our weekend so full of trips

and adventures

my brilliant idea was to be so

tired by the end of the weekend that it

didn’t matter

that i had to sit in a cubicle all week

long

sure enough monday morning would come

the alarm would go off and i’d get up

and i put on my engineering outfit my

collared shirt

my khaki pants my brown shoes i’d walk

out the door i’d catch the bus i’d ride

downtown

and i’d sit in my cubicle and weekend

mike

would die

i spent all week trying to bring him

back to life

i’d email my friends back and forth

planning the next adventure

at the same time we joke back and forth

that we were living the dream

when in fact it was a lie

i’d go home each night to complain to my

wife

this went on for more than a decade

i remember it was a wednesday in

november

when i came home from work my wife was

sitting on the couch

and she told me she was no longer in

love with me

in that moment this sound

this noise this groan escaped

deep from the abyss of my shattered soul

and then i had a realization

i had heard this noise before

this same noise had come from my mother

in our childhood home when my parents

were divorcing

i spent the weeks that followed in the

evenings

walking the dark wet streets as the

november rain poured down its pain

i carried a journal to record all these

new thoughts

and realizations that i was having

with each breakthrough i got further

clarity on why the relationship

had ended

each truth would hit me with a painful

wave of emotions

but i had to understand what had go

gone wrong in order to never feel that

amount of pain again

i also knew that if i were to

re-engineer my life

i had to do so from a strong foundation

and that left meant leaving no stone

unturned

no matter how hard the troops were that

lay underneath

eventually the pace of these

realizations slowed and i

settled into my new reality

and i felt sad and for the first time in

my life

very alone

but i was an engineer i solved

problems for a living

i mean if i could make a wave rise out

of the surface of the ocean

i was fairly confident that i could

create a formula

to put my life back together

so that’s what i did the first thing i

did was make a commitment

to myself to

do whatever it took to find happiness

again

i started reading all the books i

started listening to all the podcasts

for the first time in my life i actually

started to take advice

from friends well

some of them

i started to feel better i started to

make progress but i seem to be

oscillating between these this higher

high

and these lower lows i needed more help

everything changed in my world when i

hired a coach

the first thing she helped me with was

to stop being a

victim to what had happened

the second thing she helped me with was

getting clarity

on who i was going to become now

i use meditation as a tool to get this

clarity

i started having visions of sharing my

story

by writing a book and speaking on stage

i started to speak this reality into

existence

i would become a writer i would become a

speaker

these would become my new extreme sports

which you would think would be a great

relief for my mother

that is until i started to share my

vulnerable writing

at each step i felt resistance but

that’s

how i knew i was going in the right

direction

i had to generate courage to push

through the fear

my friends and family didn’t know what

to think

they didn’t recognize me

and to be honest neither did i

i liked how it felt i liked what i saw

you see i got lucky

not only was i able to discover this

happiness that had eluded me for

so long but my transformation had

revealed

these passions that i never even knew i

had

but what if we could re-engineer our

lives without

hitting that rock bottom

i often think about what i would say to

past me

and ask them two things one

can you be open and curious to trying

new things that bring you joy

and two can you be humble enough

to ask for help

back in that boat in nicaragua my

friends

started to catch wave after wave

the guide paddled over to check on me

hey dude pretty heavy wipeout you took

back there

you ready to hop back in the wave is

looking sweet

i looked at him and i held up the

shattered remains of my board and said

brother i’m having a little bit of an

equipment issue here

he graciously offered me his board but

he could see the fear and the resistance

in my eyes so he said to me

brother you’re going to

have to hop back in at some point

let this be your moment

and he was right i grabbed his board

i paddled back out and within moments

i was riding down one of the biggest and

fastest waves i had ever been on

all whilst wearing that same big smile

as my classmate scotty

just like i had survived the breakup and

awakened to

this new world i’d survived the fury of

the ocean and been gifted the ride

of my life i was

fortunate to hit my rock bottom and

discover these new passions

but perhaps you’re still searching for

your magic

and if so i invite you to apply these

three things

commitment clarity

courage number one

can you get committed to change where

you have settled in your life

number two can you find the clarity on

who you are

and what you love to do

number three can you generate that

courage

to push through the fear and live

the life of your dreams

don’t wait to hit your rock bottom

before you change your world

let this be your moment to re-engineer

your life

and awaken to happiness

[Applause]