How to turn a tragedy of a terrorist attack into happiness

[Music]

surviving a terrorist attack

and transforming from a negative and

angry person

into the best version of yourself is

this possible

yes it took some time but it happened to

and it’s all because of this angel in

disguise

when my parents got divorced when i was

just a teenager

i went on this downward spiral of losing

myself into substance abuse

anger negativity and a lot of self-pity

my days had been made dark by reasons

beyond my control

but it was me with my own behavior my

response

who made them even darker because why

did my parents had to divorce why did

they do this to me

because poor me

i victimized myself for years pushing

everybody away who tried to come even

close to me

and this went on for most of my adult

life

but five years ago this woman veronique

came into my life and changed everything

because friday the 13th november 2015

my days were dark again at that time and

it was at this

day this friday the 13th my life would

change forever

i went to a rock show with three of my

best friends in paris

at the bataclan theater at that night

a trash attack took place and 89 people

were shot

right beside us me and my buddies

miraculously survived the attack we had

to crawl over dead and injured bodies

that were scattered all over the floor

making our way to the exit we made it

out alive

it was nothing short of a miracle after

bataclan

after the attack i suffered from ptsd

post-traumatic stress disorder i had

major panic attacks

chronic insomnia and a lot of nightmares

and you would think

all the ingredients are there all the

ingredients are there

for this negative person to go down this

downward spout of

self-pity again it was almost expected

that such a tragic and senseless violent

act would make me feel so dark

angry and negative again but this time

it didn’t happen

and it’s all because of her when i

escaped

the attack the bataclan theater i had no

idea where to go

i ran into the first place i could find

a bar

and of course i didn’t know anyone there

and i was in in a total state of panic

but then there was this stranger

veronique a woman who was having a drink

with her best friend

she saw me running in covered in blood

and she

treated me like one of her own like a

mother she nurtured me

and she took me into her home where i

met her family

she let me take a shower to wash the

blood of my body

she gave me some clean clothes and gave

me something to eat she even spoke to my

family on the phone

to let them know that i was kinda all

right

when i was at veronique’s house i

learned that my three buddies i went to

the concert with were all alive

and when i found out she saw that i was

holding back my tears because i’m not

the kind of person who

cries publicly but she said to me ferry

it’s okay to cry and i did

for a very long time it was almost as

feronique gave me permission

to express my true feelings

i felt safe after feeling so unsafe

and so here i was in the house of until

an hour ago

total strangers and i was crying my eyes

out and it felt so natural

it felt so natural because veronique

treated me like family

she gave me what i needed most a

shoulder to cry on

and when i left her house the next

morning to go back to the netherlands

on the street i never forget this she

gave me this enormously motherly hug

enormous motherly hark on the street of

paris where we shared a lot of tears

together and

when i got home that evening she had

sent me the most loving text message

where she told me that she and her

family

they missed me they told me what i meant

to them that she loved me

and that she hoped that i would come

back home soon

to her home of course

nurturing a total stranger telling

someone what they mean to you

veronique responded in a way that came

that was far from natural to me

but seeing and to my core feeling what

it could do to someone

responding in the way that she did it

made me feel hurt it made me feel safe

made me feel loved and this encounter

with a total stranger it finally woke me

and what so many people had tried over

the years connecting with me on a deep

emotional level

and most of them had all felt veronique

succeeded in one night

she succeeded in one night because we

were one and the same

we were human beings traumatized by

terrorism

of course i was the one who saw it

happen but she was the one

who saw her beloved city and people

under attack and

she needed me as much as i needed her

and her way of responding to this was to

do what was in her dna

to reach out and help

i think veronique and i we try to turn

our grief into

some form of relief i guess and i found

out that it’s heals as well

sharing your um your grief and after my

soul was woken up by feronik

i responded to this ordeal in a way that

old me

never would have instead of being angry

and victimizing myself

i started to help others i connect with

connected with the world

i created a movement for people who like

me had survived terror attacks

because i’ve experienced firsthand with

veronique that night

that sharing your grief helps it’s

healing

it’s almost like medicine and it didn’t

stop there

i even told people who are close to me

people who should have heard it years

before what they meant to me

and this might sound a bit cheesy but

looking dead in the eye

seeing people getting shot right beside

me and meeting veronique

wanted me to emotionally connect with my

loved ones and it didn’t stop there

because i even became friends with azdin

amimur

as dean lost his son the night of the

attack his son was there in the bataclan

with me his son sammy was shot by a cop

because sammy was one of the terrorists

yes i became friends with the father of

a terrorist

and people always ask me why did you

want to meet the father of an individual

who was pointing his kalashnikov at you

well i wanted to meet with azdin amimur

the father of sammy

because again i’ve experienced that

sharing your grief

heals it’s healing and i knew he must

have been grieving too

he lost his son and it helps to connect

with people like that to share your

grief and

especially people who are in the same

storm as you but just

on a different boat my life has been a

roller coaster the past five years it

sometimes feels like i’m living a dream

yes really um i have never been this

happy and of course if i could erase the

attack out of my mind

i would be happy to do so but i had to

deal with this major

setback a setback that gave me so many

life lessons in the end in the form of

so many gifts in the end in the form of

life lessons friendship

and meeting with incredibly inspiring

people

that mean the world to me my question to

you the audience is

do you have people around you that mean

the world to you but don’t know it

i want you to tell them i want everyone

who is listening to my talk today

to pick a person in their life and tell

them what they mean

that mean the world to them and to tell

them i want you to tell the specific

person why you are so happy

and thankful that he or she is in your

life don’t be like me

life can be over in a split second give

yourself this gift

realize that in this picture that’s

taken at the bataclan a few minutes for

the concert are 89 people

that did not make it out alive they were

shot to death

fathers brothers mothers sisters

friends loved ones and sons

the son of azdin amimur for example

realized that this man lost his child

his blood i mean

is there anything worse for a parent

losing your their kid

i wouldn’t know unfortunately what i do

know

is what it’s like losing your father

because i’ve lost mine way too early

and only two weeks ago

and of course this is unh this is a

horrible thing to go through but

i nurture myself with the thought that

five years ago in paris that friday the

13th

i gained the mother and although my

father

isn’t here anymore to see his first

granddaughter grow up because

in a few days from now out my life will

dramatically change again

i will be your father and it’s a girl

i know someone in france is going to be

an awesome awesome

grandmother or auntie and if my little

girl resembles veronique

just the tiniest bit i can tell you all

that i will be a very very happy

and proud father